by Sherry Lewis
She was furious with Spence, but other feelings were tangled up with the anger as well, and those were the ones that bothered her the most. She didn’t know if she hated him, or if he made her so furious because a part of her still loved him.
She stood to hang up the phone and saw Dean pass by outside the window. His long legs churned up the dirt as he walked toward the stables. His shoulders strained against his worn denim shirt.
Her heart beat a little faster at the sight of him, but she closed her eyes quickly to stop it. She might not know exactly what she felt about Spence, but she was absolutely certain that she had no business thinking about Dean. There were too many issues she needed to resolve first.
TWO LONG, CONFUSING HOURS after hanging up on Spence, Annie followed a slow-moving caravan of trucks and horse trailers to the stables. Excitement pulsed through the air all around her, and though she still didn’t share the others’ enthusiasm, she would have watched grass grow if it would take her mind off Spence’s phone call.
She found Les, a short, stocky man with thinning gray hair, wearing his usual starched white shirt under striped bib overalls and standing to one side of the clearing. He waved his arms and shouted continually as he directed traffic. Through the billowing dust she could see Gary on the other side of the yard, and Nessa standing with Tyler across the paddock.
Dean oversaw the activity only a few feet from where Annie stood. He was perched on the bottom fence rail and leaned into the corral, shouting directions to the men who’d brought the horses. It was hard to believe the story Irma had told her. No matter how hard Annie looked, she couldn’t see any but the faintest signs that he’d ever been hurt.
One shoulder was as broad and strong as the other. He’d taken off the denim shirt and now muscles bunched and flexed beneath the sleeves of his cotton T-shirt, and his thighs strained against the faded fabric of a worn pair of jeans. Annie had always considered Spence physically fit, but if he’d stood beside Dean, there would be no comparison.
Dean turned, saw Annie watching him and motioned for her to join him. Embarrassed at having been caught and still determined to keep her thoughts in check, Annie hesitated—but only until two men began to back a huge horse out of a trailer directly in front of her. The sight of those powerful hooves and haunches spurred Annie to action.
Trying not to choke on the dust, she hurried toward the corral and hopped onto the fence rail beside Dean. When she gripped the top rail with both arms to keep her balance, Dean raked his gaze across her face. “You okay?”
“Fine, thanks. Just a little overwhelmed by the size of those animals.” The slightly off-center smile on his lips and the unexpected twinkle in his eyes made her heart jump—or maybe she was just out of breath. “I hope you don’t mind me being here,” she said, dragging her gaze away. “Gary suggested I might like to watch.”
“Why should I mind?”
“You didn’t hire me to hang around the stables.”
“I didn’t hire you to spend all day in the kitchen, either.” He shifted slightly and his arm grazed hers, leaving a trail of gooseflesh on her skin. “As long as the meals are served on time, you can go anywhere or do anything you want.”
Annie smoothed a hand across her arm, trying to restore normal feeling to it. She really was a piece of work, questioning her feelings for her ex-husband one minute and going gaga over her boss the next.
Dean turned an odd look on her, but his gaze flickered away the second she made eye contact. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Lunch was great, by the way.”
A flush of pleasure made her internal temperature climb about twenty degrees. “Thank you. I wanted to do something special.”
“Well, you did.” His gaze trickled to hers again. “A little different from the poor-boy sandwiches and chips I included on the menu plan, though.”
This time, Annie looked away first. “I know. I’m not trying to be difficult. I just wanted to make something nice today since today seems to be so special to the rest of you.”
Dean nodded slowly and fell silent. He motioned a couple of the men toward the corral, shouted directions to a few others and hopped down to help steer a particularly stubborn horse the right way. Even so, Annie could tell that he was only partially focused on the job and she couldn’t help wondering if she was a distraction for him.
She stood there while men and horses stirred up a thick cloud of dust. For someone who’d only recently become a cowboy, Dean certainly seemed to have the part down pat. He moved with precision and seemed as familiar with the routine and the horses as any of the others. Les had obviously been a good teacher.
When Annie realized that she’d been watching him exclusively for several minutes, she forced herself to focus on something else. But no matter where she turned her attention, it always drifted back to Dean. His voice seemed slightly louder than the rest, his presence more commanding. It had been a long time since Annie’d felt such an intense physical reaction to another person—not since she’d been falling head over heels with Spence. And that worried her.
Spence’s affair had left her feeling insecure and unattractive. She might have reacted the same way to any man who gave her a second glance. That meant she had to be careful. She’d seen friends on the heels of a heartache become involved with men entirely wrong for them, and she wasn’t going to make the same mistake.
When things settled down again, Dean climbed onto the fence beside her and turned another of those lopsided grins in her direction. “Well, what do you think?”
Lunch was obviously forgotten. In a weak moment, that smile could easily undo her resolve, but Annie forced herself to ignore it. “About the horses? They’re magnificent.”
“Do you ride?”
“Afraid not.” Annie watched a lanky cowboy lead a seemingly sedate brown horse past her and suppressed a shudder at the horse’s size. “Before today, I’ve never even come close to a horse—unless you count taking a carriage ride in the park when I was a girl.”
“Would you like to learn?”
“I don’t think so. They’re about three times bigger than I thought they were.”
Dean chuckled. “They have to be big for the work they do. But these horses have been trained to carry novices, and most of them are extremely patient.”
“Most of them?”
Dean reached for a length of rope coiled on a nearby fence post. “Gary and I like our horses to have a little spirit, but the trail horses are as docile as lambs.” He nodded toward a brown horse near the stable door. “If you’re interested, I’ll make sure you get a gentle old lady like Maisie over there.”
While other horses shied this way and that, nothing seemed to faze Maisie. But Annie still wasn’t convinced that climbing on the animal’s back was a good idea. “I don’t know,” she said with an uneasy laugh. “I won’t be much good to you if I end up with a broken arm or leg.”
“Well, think about it.” Dean tossed the rope over his shoulder. His eyes skimmed her face and his gaze locked with hers before she could steel herself. “Old Maisie’s as gentle as a horse can get, and I promise that we’d take it slow and easy. I wouldn’t leave you alone with her unless you were ready.”
Annie held her breath while his eyes lingered on her face. The thought of spending time with Dean was almost enough to make her throw herself on Maisie right then and there, but common sense eventually returned and she nodded slowly. “I promise I’ll think about it.”
One of the hands shouted for Dean and his gaze slipped from hers reluctantly. He said something Annie couldn’t quite understand and strode away, leaving her gulping air as greedily as if she’d been smothered.
She clutched the fence rail and watched him, amazed that such a big man could move so gracefully and still be so completely masculine. She’d never been attracted by athletic men before. Even in high school, when all of her friends had been vying for the attention of the football quarterback or the star forward from the basketball team, Ann
ie had set her sights on the quieter types. But there was something about the way Dean moved that held her attention and wouldn’t let her look away.
She reminded herself again of the countless reasons why being attracted to Dean wasn’t a good idea. He was her boss. She was only here temporarily. She was on the rebound and not officially divorced yet. Even if this attraction had been real and right, there was no future for them. Their lives were on different tracks. And Annie wasn’t interested in a summer fling.
If all those reasons weren’t enough, she had only three months left to spend with Nessa. Annie couldn’t let anything distract her from making this the best summer she and Nessa had ever had together.
She glanced around until she found Nessa and Tyler again. Even from a distance she could see the fascination on her daughter’s face and the sparkle of excitement in her eyes. Nessa said something to Tyler, and Tyler leaned slightly forward, watching closely as two cowboys unloaded another horse and led it into the corral.
As Dean had predicted, most of the horses seemed quite docile, but there were two with more spirit than the others, and those were the horses that had caught Tyler’s eye. Dean must have noticed Tyler’s interest at the same moment Annie did because he made his way to stand beside his nephew.
Tyler’s countenance changed immediately. Nessa turned toward Dean and spoke. Tyler hopped from the fence and started away. When Dean took a step after him, Tyler rounded on him and shouted something. His words were lost in the noise, but his animosity was crystal clear. Even Nessa seemed stunned.
Dean stood frozen in the midst of the activity. Annie felt as if she’d stepped into something private and painful.
She kept her attention on the paddock and tried to put the moment out of her mind. But the noise and dust couldn’t wipe Tyler’s anger from her mind or make her forget the hurt and confusion on Dean’s face.
It seemed that Dean needed a distraction just about as much as she did.
HOPING TO CATCH NESSA before the day got under way, Annie woke early the next morning and hurried down the outside stairs to the ladies’ shower room. The sun was just beginning to peek over the mountains, but the valley still lay in shadow and the chill made Annie shiver.
She closed the door behind her, grateful for the slight warmth of being indoors. She and Nessa might be the only two using this shower room, but it still felt like being back in a high-school physical-education class to Annie.
Three shower stalls lined the far end of the room. Three plain mirrors hung on the wall above three sinks with tiny counters. Beneath a row of high windows, a long shelf and several electrical outlets provided places to plug in curling irons and blow dryers.
Annie slipped into the corner stall, showered quickly and was cinching herself into her robe when Nessa came in. Nessa’s hair was tousled gently around her face, and her eyes were still puffy. She wore one of Spence’s old shirts over her pajamas and yawned loudly as she scuffed toward an empty shower stall.
“Morning, sweetheart.” Annie pulled the towel from her head and began patting her hair dry.
Nessa’s step faltered. She blinked as if the sound of a human voice had surprised her, squinted in confusion, then finally nodded. “Morning.”
“You seem tired.”
“I am.” Nessa scratched one arm lazily. “Getting up this early in the summer is whacked.”
Annie laughed at her choice of words. “You’ll get used to it, I promise.” She draped the towel over her shoulder and pulled her hairbrush from her cosmetic case. “What are your plans for today?”
Nessa shrugged, caught a glimpse of her reflection in a mirror and leaned in close to inspect her face. “Nothing special. Why?”
“Dean said I could do whatever I want in my spare time, so I was thinking maybe you and I could hike one of the trails after I’m through with breakfast.”
“Oh.” Nessa glanced toward the door and frowned slightly. “I guess that would be okay.”
“It’s just a suggestion,” Annie said. “If there’s something else you’d rather do, I’m game.”
Nessa turned on the faucet, wet her finger and scrubbed at something on the side of her cheek. “It doesn’t matter.”
“It wouldn’t hurt for you to pretend to be a little more enthusiastic.”
“Sorry. It’s just that I was sorta planning to hang out around the stables with Tyler.”
“Then you do have plans.”
“Not really plans. It’s just something I wanted to do, that’s all.”
Annie nodded slowly and tried to decide how much Nessa would resist if she asked her to change her mind. “I won’t be able to spend more than an hour or two,” she said. “Maybe you could hang out at the stables afterward.”
Nessa turned away from the mirror and lifted one shoulder. “Maybe. Except that Gary promised to start teaching us how to ride this morning so we can help exercise the horses.”
Annie lowered her brush to the counter. “Those sound like firm plans to me.”
“I guess maybe they are.” Nessa grinned sheepishly. “I just don’t want you to feel bad.”
“Watching out for my feelings is nice, but I’d rather you be honest with me. Go ahead and do what you want this morning. We can hike the trails another day.”
Nessa pulled her bottom lip between her teeth. “Are you sure?”
“I’m positive.”
“Cool.” Nessa leaned into the shower and turned on the spray. “Now that the horses are here, it’s a lot less boring.”
Annie knew the horses weren’t the only factor contributing to Nessa’s change of heart. She put toothpaste on her toothbrush and ran it under the tap. “Speaking of being bored, I forgot to mention that your dad called yesterday. He said you’d left a message for him a few days ago.”
Nessa rolled up one sleeve and held her hand under the spray to check the temperature. “Yeah, I did. Are you mad?”
“No. Did you think I would be?”
“Maybe.” Nessa turned the hot water a little higher and tested again. “I mean, I know you don’t want me staying with him when you move….”
Annie turned to face her. “It’s not that I don’t want you staying with your dad,” she said for what felt like the hundredth time in two months. “It’s that I don’t want to live without you. That’s very different.”
Nessa nodded as if she understood, but Annie knew she didn’t. She wouldn’t really be able to understand until she had a child of her own. “I know, Mom. I’m going to miss you, too.”
Annie smiled at the concession even though it felt a little lacking. “I told your dad that I’d have you call if you still need to talk to him.”
Nessa shook her head and stepped into the dressing cubicle outside her shower. “I’m okay now. What else did he say?”
Annie thought back over their conversation. “Nothing, really.”
“Did he say whether or not he’s decided to let me paint my room?”
Annie tried not to let the question bother her. She couldn’t dissolve into a puddle of hurt feelings every time Nessa mentioned living with Spence. “No, he didn’t.”
“What about the new comforter for the bed? Did he say if Catherine got it yet?”
Hearing Nessa drop that name into conversation so casually was a little harder to take. Annie clutched her toothbrush so tightly, her fingernails dug into her palm. “He didn’t mention it.” The sound of water changed, and Annie knew Nessa had stepped under the spray.
“She probably won’t get it. She promised she would, but she’ll forget.”
Annie refrained from commenting. There was something not quite right about standing in a public shower, discussing her husband’s mistress with her daughter.
The shower curtain opened a few inches and Nessa’s face appeared in the opening. “If Dad got smart and broke up with Catherine, would you take him back?”
The question caught Annie by surprise and she nearly dropped her toothbrush. “I’m afraid it’s not that
simple, honey.”
“Well, what would he have to do?”
Annie lowered her toothbrush to the counter. “There’s nothing he can do, Nessa. He made a decision that destroyed my trust in him. That’s something that just can’t be repaired.”
Nessa’s eyes shadowed. “What if he tried?”
Annie turned to face her and leaned against the counter. There were times when Nessa’s bulldog nature seemed like an asset. This wasn’t one of those times. “The point is, he’s not interested in trying,” Annie said, “so that’s not an issue. But even if he did try to repair the trust I once felt for him, it’s too late.”
“It’s never too late.”
“In this case it is. A marriage is like a house. You can break a window or put a hole in the wall, and when you fix those things the house is good as new. But if you knock down one of the support beams, the house will eventually collapse. Your dad’s lack of remorse over this has done almost as much damage as the affair itself.”
“Yeah, but—”
They’d had this discussion so many times, Annie was losing patience with it. “You can’t have a good marriage without trust, Nessa. After what your dad has done with Catherine, I could never trust him again. Every time he worked late or went somewhere alone, I’d wonder what he was really doing. I’d be suspicious of every move he made, and that would eventually destroy us.”
Water dripped from Nessa’s hair onto her cheek. She wiped it away. “But other people stay together. Jodie’s parents did. Why can’t you?”
“Because I know myself, honey. I know what I feel now, and I know how I’d react if I were with your dad. And since he’s still totally besotted with Catherine—and living with her—this really isn’t an issue you and I need to worry about.”
“But I don’t want to end up like Tracee, bouncing from house to house and parent to parent, split down the middle on holidays. It’s not right.”
“No, it isn’t. But it’s what we’ve been dealt and we have to live with it. So why don’t we drop the subject and you tell me more about those riding lessons you were talking about?”
