Dying to Live: The Shifter City Complete Series

by Liam Kingsley

  “It’s a single story,” Pan said.

  “Basement rooms,” Killian said with a wince. “They’re moving them up today. Not out, just up. It was a compromise…Mariella wanted to put them under the facility.”

  “I bet. Have you seen Hail’s husband lately?”

  “Oh yeah,” Killian said. “Twin girls. He had them that same night, I think. Carries them everywhere, it’s kind of adorable.”

  Pan absent-mindedly touched his own gently swelling belly, a gesture which had spontaneously developed several weeks before. Killian noticed, and looked sharply at his face.

  “What?” Pan asked.

  “Were you planning to tell me?”

  “Tell you what?”

  Killian looked at him suspiciously, as if to determine whether he was being deliberately stupid, or honestly didn’t know what he was referring to. It was the latter, and Pan was getting annoyed.

  “Did you have any doctor appointments while you were in there?”

  “No, no reason to,” Pan shrugged. “Nobody got hurt or sick or anything, and all the food came straight from Broderick’s house. I think that was Sven’s olive branch. Are you going to tell me what you’re getting weird about, or should I just forget this conversation ever happened?”

  “Oh, no, definitely don’t forget it,” Killian said quickly, his eyes widening. “Will you come with me to the doctor though? I really think you should go.”

  “Why, though?” Pan said, frustration sharpening his tone.

  “Because if you do, we’ll go get that Taco Bell I owe you,” Killian promised.

  “Are they going to poke me with anything? I’m not a fan of needles.”

  Killian looked pointedly at Pan’s earrings with an amused quirk of his mouth.

  “That’s different,” Pan mumbled.

  “No pokes, I promise. Just a quick checkup and then all the fast food you can eat.” His eyes pleaded with Pan with a borderline desperation which made Pan extremely uncomfortable, but also reluctant to say no. Besides, fast food was a treasure he hadn’t had in years.

  “Alright,” he said with a shrug. “But maybe you better tell the doctor why.”

  “Pretty sure the doctor will figure it out,” Killian said with an extra-wide smile. Pan looked at him sideways and shook his head. He was just relieved that Killian was speaking to him, even if only in riddles.

  The crowd had dissipated when they got back, and small parties had broken out around Broderick and Snow. Ignoring them entirely, Killian led Pan by the hand straight to the hospital, where Bernadette was shuffling papers around on the reception desk.

  “Killian! Pan! Is everything alright?” She asked, her brow furrowing. She looked them over with sharp sweeps of her intelligent eyes, then smiled warmly. “Oh, never mind. Come on in here, sugar, I’ll get you all set up.”

  Pan was starting to feel a little bit insane. Everyone seemed to be seeing something that he had missed entirely. It was a dissociating feeling. He followed her into a room, where she showed him a bed with some sort of foot apparatus on the end. He looked at her quizzically, and she grinned.

  “Get undressed and put your feet in the stirrups,” she told him. “Dr. Bailey will be with you in just a moment.” She buzzed out before he could say a word. He turned on Killian fiercely.

  “Before I do a damned thing, will you please tell me what this is all about?”

  “I think you might be pregnant,” Killian said in a rush.

  “Why? Because I put on a couple pounds? They didn’t exactly let me go to the gym in there.”

  “No, no, you’re gorgeous. It’s your face and the way you move and the shape of your body. You’re glorious.”

  “And glorious means pregnant?”

  “That’s what we’re here to find out.”

  Pan looked at the bed dubiously. “Stirrups, though?”

  “Wouldn’t you rather know?”

  Pan hesitated another second, then kicked off his shoes. “Turn around and don’t look or it’ll get really awkward in here,” Pan said.

  Killian did as he was told, grinning from ear to ear. When Pan was situated on the bed with the sheet draped unceremoniously between his legs, he let Killian turn back around. Killian took the chair by his head and looked deep into his eyes.

  “Before we know anything, there’s something I want to tell you,” he said.

  “Okay?”

  “I love you. I think you’re magnificent and infuriating and wonderfully, terribly strong. You are life incarnate. If you want me as much as I want you, then we should be together. Make our own rules, live our own life in full, magnificent color. Do you…want that too?”

  Pan touched Killian’s strong face and gazed into his sparkling brown eyes. He was the rock, the island, and Pan was the waves. They were whole apart, and glorious together. Pan wanted to see where this impulse would take him.

  “Yes,” he said. “I love you, too. Have for a while now. The fifteenth of the month has been my reason for living more often than I’d like to admit. I am…totally down to be your partner.”

  Killian grinned brightly and kissed him hard. They were still entwined in this embrace when the doctor knocked on the door and opened it. He was younger than Snow, but he had dark, intelligent eyes and an easy demeanor which was instantly comforting.

  “Pan, right? I’m Cable Bailey, good to meet you. Have you ever had a sonogram before?”

  “No,” Pan said.

  Bailey explained the procedure while he booted up the machine. Pan eyed the wand warily as Bailey lubed it up, and gripped Killian’s hand hard enough to hurt when the doctor slid the wand inside of him. A fuzzy grey image appeared on the screen; a big, dark balloon with a rippling light spot on one side.

  “There we go,” Bailey said happily. “Looks like eight or nine weeks. I’m only seeing one baby, but we get surprise multiples more often than not, so we’ll do another sonogram in a month or so. Strong heartbeat, very strong. Excellent. Yeah, everything looks perfect so far. Have you had any labs done?”

  “N…no,” Pan said, staring at the screen in shock, trying to absorb what the doctor was telling him.

  “No worries, I can get those through right now. I’ll have Jamie come in to get some blood samples, then we’ll get some urine from you.”

  “No!” Pan said quickly, snapping back to reality. “Killian promised there would be no poking today.”

  Bailey chuckled and exchanged a look with Killian.

  “Fair enough,” he said. “Wouldn’t want the new daddy to break his promise. Come in tomorrow, I’ll leave an order slip with Bernadette.”

  “Alright,” Pan said reluctantly.

  The doctor left and Pan got dressed. When he was finished, Killian wrapped him in the biggest and warmest of hugs.

  “We’re having a baby,” Killian whispered.

  “Yeah,” Pan said, still numb from shock. “Yeah, I guess we are.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

  Killian was sailing a ship through the stars with Pan by his side. Pan pointed out constellations, naming them each as they passed by. He turned to Killian and kissed him deeply, then pulled away with a furious glare. “Ow! Son of a bitch!”

  “What, what?” Killian woke with a start.

  “Your stupid cat hates me,” Pan grumbled, tucking his feet underneath him.

  “Aw, that’s just how he shows love,” Killian said soothingly, rolling over to tuck his arms around Pan.

  “Yeah, well, he’s about to get some love in return. Aw, it’s okay buddy! Come here.”

  Pan’s shout had woken the baby, and he pulled him to his chest. Tiny coos signaled the fuzzy little boy’s satisfaction as he nuzzled for his breakfast. Dawn was fast approaching, and Killian shut off his alarm before it had a chance to scream.

  “Gonna hit the shower and make some coffee,” Killian said, kissing Pan and his son in turn. Pan had been utterly accommodating with his morning routine, and had actually grown to enjoy the stability of it a
s his pregnancy had progressed. He was waiting at the table with coffee for two when Killian came out, dressed for work in a checkered, button-down shirt and a pair of slacks.

  “Boy, you look good,” Pan said appreciatively.

  “Not too boring?” Killian grinned.

  “Just boring enough.”

  “I’ll take it.”

  Since moving Pan in (on January fifteenth, of course; some traditions deserved to be kept.), Killian’s house had become a lot less boring. Pan had been given free reign, and he took it. The pale yellow tiles of the kitchen wall had been replaced by cream-colored tiles with a line of tiles around the center which were decorated with apples. His sturdy wood table had been transformed into a distressed powder blue-over-red and sealed with resin. His matching kitchen chairs no longer matched, but they reflected the colors of the kitchen in various layers and swirls. Walls had been painted and hung with art, furniture had been reupholstered or replaced entirely, and bedclothes had been changed from uniform grey to bold patterns. The spare room was, of course, transformed into a nursery, with an ocean mural painted on one wall and a jungle-printed rug on the floor. The whole house was a crazy, mismatched, eclectic disaster, and Killian had never loved it more.

  They had settled into a comfortable routine in the eleven months they had been living together, but it had never been in danger of being boring. When he wasn’t working on the house, Pan was throwing himself whole-heartedly into his new career. He had borrowed a 3-D printer from the lab along with a design computer, and opened a shop right across the street from the school. He spent his days creating beautiful things, and it hadn’t taken long before he was getting custom orders. Breaking through the uniform had taken some effort, but he led by example. Killian was still his favorite client though, like his hair, he never allowed Pan to go too crazy with his appearance.

  They watched the news together, and there was nothing exciting to report. Mariella had done a hell of a job bringing the newest shifter crisis under control over the last year. Gemma Stone and Maureen O’Conner were still untouchable, but Killian was confident that Mariella would deal with them eventually. So far, their walls had held up to the occasional curious hunter, and a surprising number of shifters had answered Gemma Stone’s call. Mariella rarely left with her teams without finding another pack skulking in the ghost towns and wilderness surrounding Regis Thyme. The city had grown significantly, and Broderick had already begun mapping out a secondary service building cluster. Pan and Killian dropped hints as often as they could that he should avoid the industrial cube look, but they didn’t seem to be getting through.

  After breakfast, Pan bundled little Riker up and strapped him to his chest. He and Killian walked hand-in-hand over the same path that Killian had taken thousands of times before alone. Eulyssa was out with Toby, as usual, and met them to chat for a moment.

  “Hey, kiddo!” Pan said, booping the toddler’s nose. “How are those teeth?”

  Toby grinned wide to show him, and Pan nodded appreciatively.

  “Most impressive. One of these days I’ll tell you the story of how your teeth sent me on a grand adventure. How have you been, Eulyssa?”

  “Good,” she said with a bright smile. “I’m actually doing really good. I forgot how much I enjoyed dressing, you know? Not even dressing up, just…having things like favorite jeans, happy clothes for the baby, that kind of thing. Bob hasn’t really jumped on that train yet, but I think he’ll come around eventually. How are you? Getting any sleep?”

  “Oh yeah,” Pan said, pushing her insinuation away dramatically. “Kid sleeps like a dream. Solid eight, nine minutes, like clockwork.”

  Eulyssa laughed sympathetically and rubbed the little beanie on Riker’s head.

  “No, we switch off, though,” Pan said, nudging Killian. “Team effort. We average six hours a day each. Mostly naps. Figure we got a good six months in us before we go stark-raving mad.”

  “You’ll get used to it,” she smiled. “It’s good that you’re doing it together. It’s a lot easier that way. I think it would be, anyway. Better get Toby back, he’ll be wanting breakfast. See you tomorrow!”

  “Did she seem upset to you?” Killian asked as they walked on.

  “A little,” Pan agreed with a thoughtful frown. “Maybe I should keep the happy couple talk to a minimum.”

  “You don’t think she and Bob are having problems, do you?”

  “Well, I mean…if he won’t play dress-up with her or wake up with the baby, it’s entirely possible. If he was Snow I could understand completely, but Bob’s a plumber in a city full of brand-new buildings and pipes.”

  “Fourteen years is hardly brand new,” Killian said with a grin.

  “It is when they were built with Thyme money,” Pan said seriously. “Broderick didn’t skimp on the necessities.”

  “True. Maybe invite her over if you see her today? Toby could play with Riker.”

  “You mean Toby could watch Riker drool?” Pan laughed. “A month-old baby is the most boring thing in the world to a toddler.”

  “Actually I meant we could play with Toby for a while and let her sip wine and gossip like a grown up. I really think she needs it.”

  “Alright, I’ll ask her,” Pan promised. “This is your stop, babe. See you after school.”

  They kissed right in between their respective places of work. It still gave Killian a little jolt of anxiety, even after all this time, but he’d learned to deal with it. Pan walked away with Riker, carrying him into his own little brightly-colored shop, and Killian stepped through the double doors into the school. He was right on time, and Jane rewarded him with a smile.

  “Morning Jane! How are things?”

  “Brewed an extra pot for you,” she said, handing him a thermos of coffee. “How’s the baby?”

  “Oh you’re an angel,” Killian said, bringing the thermos to his face and inhaling deeply. “The baby’s an adorable little insomniac who I love and cherish, who is right on track to drive me into an early grave by the time he’s two.”

  “Aw, it’ll get easier. You could still take some time off if you want to, you know.”

  “No can do, Jane! I have minds to cultivate!” He marched through the second set of doors and crossed the courtyard. He could have gone through the building, but he was counting on the cold winter air to keep him awake until the coffee kicked in. He had barely taken off his coat and hat when he heard Floyd’s voice coming down the hall.

  “That’s why we’re going to talk to him together, Jacob.”

  “But I don’t want to. I’m getting good grades!”

  “Good grades are just chicken scratches if you don’t understand what you’re doing. Morning, Killian!”

  “Morning Floyd, Jacob. What’s up?”

  “This one, all night long, trying to figure out division.”

  Killian frowned thoughtfully. Jacob had been getting the right answers as often as anyone else had.

  “Have a seat, Jacob. Tell me what’s going on.”

  “Okay,” Jacob sighed, flopping into his seat. “So, when I look at a problem, I get an answer in my head, right away. Like a puzzle piece. And sometimes it doesn’t fit quite right, so I shuffle through some other pictures for a minute until I find the one that looks right. And I’ve been getting the right answer almost always, but I don’t understand what I’m doing and it’s irritating me because other kids are asking for help and I don’t know how to help them.”

  “I tried,” Floyd said helplessly. “Was hoping you’d have some insight.”

  “Photographic memory is my hypothesis,” Killian grinned. “It’s not a bad thing. It’ll come in handy, I’m sure. It is important to understand the concept, though. We’ve got about twenty minutes before class starts, let’s figure it out together.”

  “Thanks, Killian,” Floyd said, relieved. “I’ll go get the other kids moving. See you later, Jacob!”

  “Bye, Floyd. Okay, so this one, the forty-five divided by three. I kno
w the answer is fifteen, so why is it fifteen?”

  Killian tapped a finger to his lips for a moment, then crossed the room to the younger kids’ area. He grabbed a barrel full of plastic rings, and a barrel full of brightly-colored plastic bears.

  “Photographic memory, right? Let’s take some pictures.”

  By the time the other kids arrived, Jacob was beginning to understand. He was having fun and the other kids wanted in on it, so Killian let it roll. The bears and the rings performed all kinds of demonstrations that day, from addition and subtraction to algebra (the bear behind Killian’s back was “X”, and they had to figure out what color it was.), and they didn’t get anything else done. Killian was completely fine with that, because by the end of the day, Jacob understood division along with most of the rest of the class, even the youngest ones; Alice had a tenuous grasp of algebra, and could repeat her process correctly twice in a row; Bender understood the concept of “X”; Ru started making up his own equations, which may have been calculus but even Killian wasn’t sure; and Damian had willingly shared the yellow bears. To his mind, it was a resounding success.

  Pan’s day was equally successful, in a different sort of way. He and Boris hadn’t spoken since he’d been sent to the disciplinary facility, though Pan had apologized to him directly the day he was released. Boris had simply ignored his every attempt at communication, and Pan had been forced to either do his own hair at home, or talk Ru through the process and deal with the icy silence from Boris. Toward the end of his pregnancy he had been in no mood to deal with either, and had resigned himself to growing out his white-blonde hair. It suited his new position anyway, he told himself. It matched the denim vests and bell-bottom pants and stretchy, neon-colored tops. He was unabashedly fabulous, and it had already had an effect on the city.

  But that day, while he was in back working on the computer, Boris came to him. He stood as the bell jangled over the door, tucking Riker close to his body, and called out a greeting before he saw who had come.

  “Boris,” he said in surprise, instinctively covering Riker with his hands. “Good to see you. Looking for clothes?”