With her focus mostly restored, she could see now the exquisite paintings hanging from the walls, depicting the beautiful landscapes of the Tanispan forests. Lakes filled with blossoming lotus flowers. And there beside the detailed brush strokes of the lotus petals sat a crystal vase, displaying a single dried flower with its deep plum petals splaying out around the center to reveal another rounded layer folding up in a delicate spiral in subtly lightening hues of lavender.
A Tanispan lily. The same shade as the ones planted in the flower bed lining the fence of the house back in Dalonshire.
“Be careful with it. They are significantly more frail when preserved in such a manner I found most effective for that one.”
Leyna retracted her left hand away from the flower, unaware that she had come to stand in front of it. Her head was in a daze, her brain functioning to move her limbs without conscious control of her thoughts. “I am sorry,” she whispered. “I should not have come in here, but in my defense, I was unable to find the door I was looking for.”
The soft click of the door closing sent a nervous shiver down her spine. Silence followed. She was aware of Thade’s presence in the room, lingering at the door, watching her. How had he managed to slip away from the other men? Kael must be pacing the floor impatiently, anxiously awaiting her to return and dine with them. No one would have questioned Thade if he said he was going anywhere within his own house.
It was unnerving, the quiet of the room, neither of them speaking for several long moments. Words didn’t feel enough to explain the thoughts crashing inside her head. She could fall into a tangent of all the reasons why he couldn’t ask her to give up the mission, and how she was sorry for everything – but none of it came out. She didn’t have it in her to beg. Not right now. Something about the silence made it feel unnecessary and out of place for her to plead with him, having received no hint of what was going on in Thade’s mind in regards to their meeting in the street that afternoon.
“You are ill. Perhaps you should have a seat and lessen the strain on your body.” His voice was calm and quiet, soothing to her tortured and exhausted soul. “You can rest here, if you like. I have much to discuss with Kael and it may be less awkward to do so without everyone sitting there together, so you need not feel guilty for bowing out.”
“Separating myself may be a good idea, but I do not think it would be appropriate for me to rest in this room.”
“I rarely utilize it myself, if that does anything to ease your concern on behalf of modesty.”
She wanted to see his face. He was always such a perfect image of calm, the elegantly chiseled lines of his features like that of a regal statue in the Queen’s courtyard, while his voice could soothe the fury of the mightiest storm. He was like a rock there to rescue her from drowning, but she knew she couldn’t allow herself to hold onto him. She had to appear strong. Any sign of weakness might spark the underlying protests she knew he was suppressing under his stoic exterior.
Turning around slowly, she took comfort in the fact that her cloak was still drawn low over her face, shielding the worst of her injuries from his eyes. “It really changes nothing, on mere principle. It is still your private quarters, whether you use them regularly or not. I should not even be in here now – much the same as we certainly should not be in here alone together.”
“Context, Milady,” he chuckled. “You act as though I have come here with some great and ungentlemanly intention in mind. I assure you, that is not the case. Your honor is not tainted in any way by my presence, or the simple fact that there just happens to be an unused bed in this particular room. Though, if I make you uncomfortable, I will respect your wishes and return to the men in the sitting room.”
“No – that is not necessary. I have merely been on edge lately and in the end, a woman can never be too cautious.”
Tentatively she took a step forward, frustrated by the lack of depth perception caused by her injured eye. She could feel Thade’s gaze settle on her. He drew in a shallow breath as if preparing to speak, holding it in quietly before allowing the words to escape his lips. “Your hood may shadow your skin, but it does not dull the fire of the energy in your eyes. Tell me, Leyna – why do I only see one of them staring back at me?”
“Oh, why must you torment me so?” she replied sadly. “Nothing escapes your notice and yet you had me convinced that I…”
“Had fooled me into believing that you were fine?”
“I could never fool you. I would never think I was capable of such a thing, nor would I ever try.”
For the first time since entering the room, she could see Thade step away from the door, motioning for her to come closer. “Please, sit.” He gestured toward the bed. “Allow me to look at you, so that I might determine for myself whether or not you truly are as fine as I know you will attempt to argue.”
There was no point in fighting with him. Not that it would be right for her to. He was her superior officer and could just as easily order her to remove her hood. It was out of respect for her that he gave the opportunity to act of her own free will.
Admitting her defeat, she begrudgingly made her way over to the bed, settling herself on the soft mattress, sinking down under her weight. The candlelight was brighter there, illuminating her with its orange glow. She brought her hands up, intending to pull back her hood, but finding the task daunting, dreading the pain the motion would cause in her right hand. Sensing her apprehension, Thade stood in front of her, gently slipping the fabric away from her face.
She couldn’t bear to look at him. To see the pain in his eyes at the sight of her. He said nothing, staring at her in quiet disbelief, his body lowering absently on the bed beside her. “Do not tell me you are fine. Please.”
“Would you rather I tell you that I am miserable? That my head has ached unbearably for the past two days and the thought of touching anything with my hands right now makes me want to scream in agony? What would you have me do? Weep on your shoulder and beg you to end my suffering?”
“If that would be the truth, then yes. Whatever that may be, I prefer honesty over the lies, even if those lies are spoken with the best of intentions in humoring my guilty conscience.”
“Then it is so – though I have no intentions of weeping and begging. I feared it might come to that when I came here tonight. That you would insist on removing me from the mission and thus forcing me to plead with you to let me stay there.”
“In shackles?” he sighed, clasping her left hand gently to look over the bruises along her wrist. “I did not need to see your face to know you were in pain when I touched your hand today.”
Leyna laughed miserably to herself, the pain in her head increasing under the tension. “The shackles are harmless. It is what was done with them that caused these injuries. And it is my own fault. Had I been strong enough with my magic to fight against that sorcery, it may not have been so severe.”
“No sorcery left those marks upon your face. I could trace the outline of the hand which struck you by the imprint.”
“My face is the least of my concerns!” She inhaled deeply, glancing toward the door uncomfortably. She hadn’t intended to speak quite so loud. Hopefully they were deep enough into the house that her exclamation would go unnoticed by the others. “I cannot move my right hand. I fear the wrist is broken, and I cannot even begin to think of what damage has been caused to the rest of it.”
Gingerly, Thade lifted Leyna’s right hand, grimacing at the pained intake of breath he could hear from her at his touch. Through the dim light, he examined it carefully, the fingers of his free hand brushing softly over the skin. “If it is broken, then it is at least set properly and will heal in time. Your index finger, however, is dislocated. I could realign it for you, but I will not falsely assure you that it will not hurt.”
Dislocated? How could she have missed that? It was not an uncommon injury during the war, and on many occasions she’d been the one playing the doctor to reset the bones. Never had she tried
to do such a technique on herself.
“Are you certain it is out of place? I know it is swollen, but I did not think –”
“It is,” Thade nodded. “The swelling is bad, but I have seen enough of this kind of thing to know.”
Oh, she didn’t want him to do it. While at the same time, she did. She couldn’t leave it like that, and they would never grant her a physician in Dalonshire. “Fine. Do it, but do not tell me when… I do not think I could bear it.”
“A finger is not quite so bad as a shoulder. If you recall, I experienced that during one of our battles at the Carpaen border.”
She did remember. Though it did nothing to comfort her. All she could think of was the sound of grinding bones while Feolan had set it back in place. But this was nothing more than a finger. It couldn’t possibly be the same. Still, she had no desire to endure it. “If you think that will be enough to distract me from what you are about to do, then, with all due respect, sir, you are wrong.”
It came out as a laugh, feeling the pressure of Thade’s hand, securing her index finger in order to prevent any extra strain on her injured wrist. Laughter somehow felt more appropriate than tears. It was odd to her, but even with such a justifiable reason to cry in front of him, she refused to do it. He could never see her in a state of weakness like all the other girls who would weep at the drop of a hat.
“Well, there was another matter that I had hoped to bring up to you. Perhaps that would be more sufficient.” Why was he looking at her like that? He scooted in closer, getting a better grip on her hand. “Prince Enaes came by about a week ago to speak with me. It seems he has been desperately seeking information on you and thought I might be able to shed some light on a few things. Unfortunately, his questions only added more to those which I already have been desiring to know the answers to.”
Prince Enaes, of all people. Here in Siscal? And for her, no less. Two months, and he had not moved on from her yet. How very uncharacteristic of him. “Information about me? What exactly did he want to know?”
He was so close to her. The flickering light of the candle danced across his pale skin, almost eerily, reflecting off the bright silver glow of his eyes. They were the only color which remained constant in the orange light. Her heart raced. But was it his closeness, or the fear of what Enaes had asked of him?
“You might recall our discussion when you first met the Prince, and he spoke of a man at the Tanispan court by the name of Iden,” Thade said. She nodded to him, remaining silent in wait of what else he would say. “Iden is the current head of the Evantine family, and therefore is the most informed as far as records of descendants. Iden claimed to have no knowledge of anyone by the name of Leyna. He said the only child of his was a woman by the name of Sarayi and that she had no children while she lived in Tanispa. He said she moved to Mialan with a man there, but if she had any children, they would not have been full blood Vor’shai.”
His words struck her more painfully than anything he could have done to her physically at that moment. Denied by her own grandfather. Surely there had to be papers somewhere. Records which would prove her birth. “Did the Prince tell him why he was inquiring? I am certain if he had, this man would have changed his story.”
Confusion filled Thade’s eyes. Of course he wouldn’t understand. She shouldn’t have said what she did, at risk of incriminating her age. But what did it matter at this point? Why did she still feel the need to hide any of her trivial secrets from him? She was an adult now, and well within the appropriate age to be in public, and in service to the Queen. And yet she couldn’t bring herself to speak of it. There were too many unanswered questions of her own in regards to her past that she wasn’t prepared to face.
Thade looked her over curiously, searchingly, trying to find the answer in her eyes. “What do you mean? Are you saying he should have known you?”
“Nothing. I meant nothing by it,” she sighed. Why didn’t he just set the bone and be done with it? The anticipation of the pain was driving her mad. “I imagine the Queen has documentation of births among her people. The Evantine family is of noble heritage. Certainly they would have kept some kind of record for the sake of positions at court.”
“The Prince found nothing. The last born child in the royal records linked to the Evantine family was the daughter Sarayi, and she is shown to have died at least twenty years ago.”
A sudden pull on her hand sent a jolt of pain shooting up her arm, breath catching in her throat, choking her with surprise and agony. She stiffened at the initial sensation, her body then slumping forward against Thade’s shoulder, her mouth open in a silent scream buried in the soft fabric of his shirt, fighting back the tears already moistening her lashes.
He sat there, staring down at her with his usual expression of calm, arms held out as if to hug her, but unsure of how to react. She hadn’t meant to throw herself on him in such a way. But it was comforting to her. And when his arms finally came to rest gently around her, it only added to the security she longed for.
She didn’t exist. There was no record of her birth – but that was impossible. She had lived within the borders of Tanispa for almost five years before her mother took her away. Two men laid claims to being her father in that time. And with her mother being the direct descendant and heir to the family title and property, it made no sense for her own child to have not been documented. Unless Iden found a means to dispose of the records out of fear that the scandal would ruin them.
“Leyna,” he whispered. “I must ask you again if you are willing to tell me the truth about you, after all this time.”
“I no longer know the truth. Therefore there is nothing to tell you.”
“Your age no longer matters. You are not a member of the military anymore, nor am I, and will have no one to answer to for any deception you felt forced into those years ago.”
“It is much more than simply fearing any repercussions of my age. Do you not see? I do not exist. For all anyone knows now, I am not Leyna, but Eleni, a slave in the house of a Ven’shal sorcerer. I need to find answers for myself before I can start to explain to anyone else.”
Pulling away, Thade held her out in front of him, gently grasping her just below the shoulders. “And I suppose it would be a waste of my breath to try and convince you to remain here in Siscal when Kael leaves?”
Your breath is never a waste… “I cannot give up what I have worked so hard to achieve.”
At that moment, she felt an overwhelming desire to kiss him. They were face to face. And that mouth. The elegant curves of his perfect lips. It was nothing like the lustful experience which had taken her over that day in the courtyard with Kael. She wanted to hold him. To brush her lips against his and forget everything and everyone else who would try to hurt them. She tried to push the thought away.
“Just be careful,” he urged quietly. “Enaes uncovered documentation which Queen Vorsila was able to verify. Sarayi Evantine was married to a man by the name of Damir Rohld. She exposed him as a traitor and conspirator with the Ven’shal, leading to his banishment from Tanispa, and his fall from the Queen’s good graces. It is rumored that he had a hand in the death of Iden’s daughter, and that he still holds a deeply rooted hatred for the Evantine family. If you are what you say you are, and a descendent of Evantine blood, be wary if you hear that name spoken amongst those in Mikel’s company. The association, be it true or false, if discovered by him, could be dangerous for you.”
“I will be vigilant. I promise.” When his hands slipped away from hers, she was overcome with a wash of relief and disappointment.
He looked troubled. No doubt caused by her lack of cooperation in divulging information. It pained her to think he was questioning so much about her, hesitant to believe she was who she claimed to be. He doubted even her name, which he had known to be hers for over a decade. He knew the name which she told him, and had believed it, but she’d been surrounded in mystery from the day they met. She could only imagine the struggle he was f
eeling internally over this new information from Enaes.
Rising to his feet, he made his way toward the door, his hand lingering on the knob before twisting it. “I owe you too much to question your loyalty, by whatever name, but I ask that you will never forget your promise to share your secrets with me in time. Do I still have your word on this?”
“A thousand times, yes, sir. I beg you to believe me when I say that I would never deceive you.”
“Only keep things from me.”
“Thade, that is not fair –”
He turned sharply away from the door, the knob snapping back into position. Leyna drew in a breath at his hasty approach. Keeping in mind her injury, he reached out for her left hand, clasping it in his own while kneeling at the bedside in front of her. “Leyna,” he breathed. “Forgive me. It is selfish of me to wallow in my own self-pity over my confusions and guilt. Do not think I value you any less because of whatever Enaes believes he has discovered. Who your parents are does not change the fact that I am here before you now only because you were willing to give your own life for mine. It does not change the fact that I see you, wounded and tortured in the name of our Queen.”
Gently he lifted his hand up to her face, brushing his fingertips over the swollen purple skin of her eye. She flinched, expecting the pain which she had so often experienced when anything came into contact with her injuries. To her surprise, his touch was like nothing more than the tip of a feather, his hand pulling away again, clenching into a fist before returning to rest on his knee.
She couldn’t know how long they sat there, staring into one another’s eyes, saying nothing and requiring no words of the other. They would have remained there longer had it not been for a soft rapping against the door, breaking through the silence. “Consul? Dinner is served, if you were ready to speak with Kael.”
“Ah, Feolan,” he nodded, fluidly rising from the floor. She watched his every move, the way his body carried him with such grace and poise and confidence. Opening the door, he revealed Feolan’s hesitant gaze, his hand still raised to knock again.
The Myatheira Chronicles: The Vor'shai: From the Ashes (Volume 1) Page 38
