Sword and Citadel

by Gene Wolfe

Page 48

 

  "I did. But you, and this scene, are past events for me. "

  "I am not a thing of the past! I belong to the present. "

  "From your own viewpoint you are correct. But you forget I cannot see you from your viewpoint. This is my house. It is through my windows that you have looked. My house strikes its roots into the past. Without that I should go mad here. As it is, I read these old centuries like books. I hear the voices of the long dead, yours among them. You think that time is a single thread. It is a weaving, a tapestry that extends forever in all directions. I follow a thread backward. You will trace a color forward, what color I cannot know. White may lead you to me, green to your green man. " Not knowing what to say, I could only mutter that I had conceived of time as a river.

  "Yes - you came from Nessus, did you not? And that was a city built about a river. But it was once a city by the sea, and you would do better to think of time as a sea. The waves ebb and flow, and currents run beneath them. "

  "I would like to go downstairs," I said. "To return to my own time. " Master Ash said, "I understand. "

  "I wonder if you do. Your time, if I have heard you rightly, is that of this houses highest story, and you have a bed there, and other necessary things. Yet when you are not overwhelmed by your labors you sleep here, according to what you have told me. Yet you say this is nearer my time than your own. "

  He stood up. "I meant that I too flee the ice. Shall we go? You will want food before you begin the long trip back to Mannea. "

  "We both will," I said.

  He turned to look at me before he started down the stair. "I told you I could not go with you. You have discovered for yourself how well hidden this house is. For all who do not walk the path correctly, even the lowest story stands in the future. " I caught both his arms behind him in a double lock and used my free hand to search him for weapons. There were none, and though he was strong, he was not as strong as I had feared he might be.

  "You plan to carry me to Mannea. Is that correct?"

  "Yes, Master, and well have a great deal less trouble if you will go willingly. Tell me where I can find some rope - I dont want to have to use the belt of your robe. "

  "There is none," he told me.

  I bound his hands with his cincture, as I had first planned. "When we are some distance from here," I said, "1 will loose you if you will give me your word to behave well. "

  "I made you welcome in my house. What harm have I done you?"

  "Quite a bit, but that doesnt matter. I like you, Master Ash, and I respect you. I hope that you wont hold what I am doing to you against me any more than I hold what you have done to me against you. But the Pelerines sent me to fetch you, and I find I am a certain sort of man, if you understand what I mean. Now dont go down the steps too fast. If you fall, you wont be able to catch yourself. " I led him to the room to which he had first taken me and got some of the hard bread and a package of dried fruit. "I dont think of myself as one anymore," I continued, "but I was brought up as - " It was at my lips to say torturer, but I realized (then, I think, for the first time) that it was not quite the correct term for what the guild did and used the official one instead, " - as a Seeker for Truth and Penitence. We do what we have said we will do. "

  "I have duties to perform. In the upper level, where you slept. "

  "I am afraid they must go unperformed. " He was silent as we went out the door and onto the rocky hilltop. Then he said, "I will go with you, if I can. I have often wished to walk out of this door and never halt. "

  I told him that if he would swear upon his honor, I would untie him at once.

  He shook his head. "You might think that I betrayed you. " I did not know what he meant.

  "Perhaps somewhere there is the woman I have called Vine. But your world is your world. I can exist there only if the probability of my existence is high. "

  I said, "I existed in your house, didnt I?"

  "Yes, but that was because your probability was complete. You are a part of the past from which my house and I have come. The question is whether I am the future to which you go. " I remembered the green man in Saltus, who had been solid enough.

  "Will you vanish like a soap bubble then?" I asked. "Or blow away like smoke?"

  "I do not know," he said. "I do not know what will happen to me. Or where I will go when it does. I may cease to exist in any time. That was why I never left of my own will. "

  I took him by one arm, I suppose because I thought I could keep him with me in that way, and we walked on. I followed the route Mannea had drawn for me, and the Last House rose behind us as solidly as any other. My mind was busy with all the things he had told me and showed me, so that for a while, the space of twenty or thirty paces, perhaps, I did not look around at him. At last his remark about the tapestry suggested Valeria to me. The room where we had eaten cakes had been hung with them, and what he had said about tracing threads suggested the maze of tunnels through which I had run before encountering her. I started to tell him of it, but he was gone. My hand grasped empty air. For a moment I seemed to see the Last House afloat like a ship upon its ocean of ice. Then it merged into the dark hilltop on which it had stood; the ice was no more than what I had once taken it to be - a bank of cloud.

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN - FOILAS REQUEST

  For another hundred paces or more, Master Ash was not entirely gone. I felt his presence, and sometimes even caught sight of him, walking beside me and half a step behind, when I did not try to look directly at him. How I saw him, how he could in some sense be present while in another absent, I do not know. Our eyes receive a rain of photons without mass or charge from swarming particles like a billion, billion suns - so Master Palaemon, who was nearly blind, had taught me. From the pattering of those photons we believe we see a man. Sometimes the man we believe we see may be as illusory as Master Ash, or more so.

  His wisdom I felt with me too. It had been a melancholy wisdom, but a real one. I found myself wishing he had been able to accompany me, though I realized it would have meant the coming of the ice was certain. "Im lonely, Master Ash," I said, not daring to look back. "How lonely I didnt realize until now. You were lonely also, I think. Who was the woman you called Vine?" Perhaps I only imagined his voice. " The first woman. " "Meschiane?

  Yes, I know her, and she is very lovely. My Meschiane was Dorcas, and I am lonely for her, but for all the others too. When Thecla became a part of me, I thought I would never be lonely again. But now she is so much a part that were only one person, and I can be lonely for others. For Dorcas, for Pia the island girl, for little Severian and Drotte and Roche. If Eata were here, I could hug him.

  "Most of all, Id like to see Valeria. Jolenta was the most beautiful woman Ive ever seen, but there was something in Valerias face that tore my heart out. I was only a boy, I suppose, though I didnt think so then. I crawled up out of the dark and found myself in a place they called the Atrium of Time. Towers - the towers of Valerias family - rose on all sides of it. In the center was an obelisk covered with sundials, and though I remember its shadow on the snow, it couldnt have had sunlight there for more than two or three watches of each day; the towers must shade it most of the time. Your understanding is deeper than mine, Master Ash - can you tell me why they might have built it so?"

  A wind that played among the rocks seized my cloak so that it billowed from my shoulders. I secured it again and pulled up my hood. "I was following a dog. I called him Triskele, and I said, even to myself, that he was mine, though I had no right to keep a dog. It was a winter day when I found him. Wed been doing laundry -

  washing the clients bedclothes - and the drain plugged with rags and lint. Id been shirking my work, and Drotte told me to go outside and ram a clothes prop up it. The wind was terribly cold. That was your ice coming, I suppose, though I didnt know it at the time - the winters getting a little worse each year. And of course when I got the drain open, a gush of filthy water would come out and wet my hands.
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  "I was angry because I was the oldest, except for Drotte and Roche, and I thought the younger apprentices ought to have to do the work. I was poking at the clog with my stick when I saw him across the Old Yard. The keepers in the Bear Tower had held a private fight, I suppose, the night before, and the dead beasts were lying outside their door waiting for the nacker. There was an arsinoither and a smilodon, and several dire wolves. The dog was lying on top. I suppose he had been the last to die, and from his wounds one of the dire wolves had killed him. Of course, he wasnt really dead, but he looked dead.

  "I went over to see him - it was an excuse to stop what I was doing for a moment and blow on my fingers. He was as stiff and cold as. . .

  well, as anything Ive ever seen. I killed a bull once with my sword, and when it was lying dead in its own blood it still looked quite a bit more living than Triskele did then. Anyway, I reached out and stroked his head. It was as big as a bears, and they had cut off his ears, so that only two little points were left. When I touched him he opened his eyes. I dashed back across the Yard and rammed the stick up so hard it broke through at once, because I was afraid Drotte would send Roche down to see what I was doing.

  "When I think back on it, it was as if I had the Claw already, more than a year before I got it. I cant describe how he looked when he rolled his eye up to see me. He touched my heart. I never revived an animal when I had the Claw, but then I never tried. When I was among them, I was usually wishing I could kill one, because I wanted something to eat. Now Im no longer sure that killing animals to eat is something we are meant to do. I noticed that you had no meat in your supplies - only bread and cheese, and wine and dried fruit. Do your people, on whatever world it is where people live in your time, feel so too?"

  I paused, hoping for an answer, but none came. All the mountaintops had dropped below the sun now; I was no longer certain whether some thin presence of Master Ash followed me or only my shadow.

  I said, "When I had the Claw I found that it would not revive those dead by human acts, though it seemed to heal the man-ape whose hand I had struck off. Dorcas thought it was because I had done it myself. I cant say - I never thought the Claw knew who held it, but perhaps it did. "

  A voice - not Master Ashs but a voice I had never heard before -

  called out, "A fine new year to you!"

  I looked up and and saw, perhaps forty paces off, just such an uhlan as Hethors notules had killed on the green road to the House Absolute. Not knowing what else to do, I waved and shouted, "Is it New Years Day, then?"

  He touched spurs to his destrier and came galloping up. "Mid summer today, the beginning of the new year. A glorious one for our Autarch. "

  I tried to recall some of the phrases Jolenta had been so fond of.

  "Whose heart is the shrine of his subjects. "

  "Well said! Im Ibar, of the Seventy-eighth Xenagie, patrolling the road until evening, worse luck. "

  "Surely its lawful to use the road here. "

  "Entirely. Provided, of course, that you are prepared to identify yourself. "

  "Yes," I said. "Of course. " I had almost forgotten the safe-conduct Mannea had written for me. Now I took it out and handed it to him. When I had been stopped on my way to the Last House, I had by no means been sure that the soldiers who had questioned me could read. Each had stared wisely at the parchment, but it might well have been that they took in no more than the sigil of the order and Manneas regular and vigorous, though slightly eccentric, penmanship. The uhlan unquestionably could. I could see his eyes traveling the lines of script, and even guess, I think, when they paused momentarily at "honorable interment. " He refolded the parchment carefully but retained it. "So you are a servant of the Pelerines. "

  "I have that honor, yes. "

  "You were praying, then. I thought you were talking to yourself when I saw you. I dont hold with any religious nonsense. We have the standard of the xenagie near at hand and the Autarch at a distance, and thats all I need of reverence and mystery; but I have heard that they were good women. "

  I nodded. "I believe - perhaps somewhat more than you. But they are indeed. "

  "And you were sent on a task for them. How many days ago?"

  "Three. "

  "Are you returning to the lazaret at Media Pars now?" I nodded again. "I hope to reach it before nightfall. " He shook his head. "You wont. Take it easy, thats my advice to you. " He held out the parchment.

  I took it and returned it to my sabretache. "I was traveling with a companion, but we were separated. I wonder if youve seen him. " I described Master Ash.

  The uhlan shook his head. "Ill keep an eye out for him and tell him which way you went if I see him. Now - will you answer a question for me? Its not official, so you can tell me its none of my affair if you want. "

  "I will if I can. "

  "What will you do when you leave the Pelerines?" I was somewhat taken aback. "Why, I hadnt planned to leave at all. Someday, perhaps. "

  "Well, keep the light cavalry in mind. You look like a man of your hands, and we can always use one. Youll live half as long as you would in the infantry, and have twice as much fun. " He urged his mount forward, and I was left to ponder what he had said. I did not doubt that he had been serious in telling me to sleep on the road; but that very seriousness made me hurry forward all the faster. I have been blessed with long legs, so that when I need to I can walk as fast as most men can trot. I used them then, dropping all thoughts of Master Ash and my own troubled past. Perhaps some thin presence of Master Ash still accompanied me; perhaps it does so yet. But if it did, I was and remain unaware of it. Urth had not yet turned her face from the sun when I came to that narrow road the dead soldier and I had taken only a little over a week before. There was blood in its dust still, much more than I had seen there previously. I had feared from what the uhlan had said that the Pelerines had been accused of some misdeed; now 1 felt sure that it was only that a great influx of wounded had been brought to the lazaret, and he had decided I deserved a nights rest before being set to work on them. That thought was a vast relief to me. A superabundance of the injured would give me an opportunity to show my skills and render it that much more likely that Mannea would accept me when I offered to sell myself to the order, if only 1