Confessing History (Freehope Book 3)

by Jenni M. Rose

  “It is,” Tucker agreed.

  Logan agreed that he deserved to have a happy life, but what Beth didn’t seem to understand was that he wouldn’t, couldn’t, have that without her.

  “Sometimes,” he began. “We do really stupid things when we love someone else. Your aunt, she likes to run when she gets scared. Sometimes she runs far, like on a cruise ship. Sometimes, she just runs home, but she likes to run.”

  “What do you do?” Jenna asked, no guile in her questioning tone, just honest curiosity.

  “I do the same damn thing,” he admitted. “I used to ship overseas if I could, catch an assignment with a unit that needed a medic. Sometimes, I run to my cousins’ house and hide out, hoping the world forgets about me.”

  “I could never forget about you,” Jenna told him with a small smile.

  “What do you do when you’re scared?” he asked, his eyes meeting hers in the rearview mirror.

  She shrugged. “Go to my mom.”

  For her, it was as simple as that, but when he put that tiny piece into the great big puzzle of the Walker family, it brought him right back to Beth and why she ran.

  The loss of her mother had literally, crushed her. She’d spent long years running, avoiding the loss, pretending she didn’t need somewhere to turn when she got scared.

  He sat up straighter in the driver’s seat, pressing the gas.

  He was about to show her exactly where she could turn when she needed to.

  The Sunday brunch shift was generally busy but tended to drop off around lunchtime.

  That’s why Beth was surprised when a table of ten showed up so late. Glad for the money a big table would bring, she turned the corner, menus in hand, and skidded to a stop.

  They were all seated, waiting for her. Some of them wore smiles, some didn’t. It was hard to see any of them past Logan, who’d stood when she appeared.

  He looked spectacular. Healthy and whole, he looked like he’d been taking care of himself. His blond hair was longer but kept neat, the beard on his face full and trimmed. His green eyes watched her carefully, the anger of their last goodbye somewhere far away and long behind them.

  When he sent her a small, sexy smile, and she felt her lips turn up in reciprocation.

  “Hey,” he said, his voice barely reaching where she stood, still halfway across the room.

  “Hi.” She walked to their table, her eyes never leaving his.

  How many times over the last six weeks had she wished him here with her? She’d taken up a job, gotten a temporary little apartment, but was just going through the motions of living.

  She wanted Logan and no amount of martyrdom could cure her second thoughts. She wanted him to have kids and the family he deserved, but she could not let go of hating the idea that he’d do it with someone else. She wanted to be his and she wanted that life with him.

  She just hadn’t figured out a way to tell him, worried that it was too late and she’d missed her shot.

  The look in his eye gave her hope that maybe, just maybe, she hadn’t.

  “What are you all doing here?” She laughed as she handed out menus.

  What a trip it was seeing her family and Logan’s at the same table, enjoying a meal. She could feel his eyes on her as she listened to Jenna tell a story about her softball game.

  “Sorry I missed it, squirt. I’ll make the next one,” Beth said when she was done.

  “There’s always swim meets this summer,” Jenna told her casually as Andy and Owen seemed to steel themselves for the long summer ahead.

  “Sounds like a plan,” Beth agreed.

  “Come sit,” Logan said, pulling out the chair next to his. “Take a minute.”

  “I can’t,” she told him, checking her watch. “I’ve still got another hour on my shift.”

  “I’ll take the table,” one of the other waitresses, Amanda, cut in front the waitress station. “It’s not busy and I don’t mind.”

  Beth looked from Logan and then back to Amanda. “Really?”

  Amanda smiled as she approached, holding a hand out for Beth’s pad of tickets. “Not a problem.”

  Without hesitation, Logan put a hand around her elbow and gave it a small squeeze.

  “Can I talk to you outside for a minute?”

  She nodded, knowing they had things to talk about. The feeling of just seeing him again made her heart soar. She loved this man; every piece of him in any shape they came, she loved him.

  She was not going to let him go until he heard what she had to say.

  Logan led her out the back door which dumped them directly onto the beach. It made for a beautiful backdrop, and Beth liked the hotel she’d been working at. During high season, it was a luxurious resort that hosted celebrity guests looking for a relatively unknown oasis and weddings on the beach.

  She liked low season though, and found something beautiful in the vastness of the beach without people on it.

  They trudged through the sand until he stopped at the water’s edge and turned to her.

  “You look great,” she told him before he could say a word. “Healthy,” she amended. “Strong.”

  “Not strong enough to keep you with me,” he replied, his head titling in her direction.

  “Awfully tough to catch me,” Beth joked, the words falling flat between them.

  “So far,” he argued. “I’d like to change that, if you’d let me.”

  She shook her head, even knowing that he was exactly what she wanted for her future. Before she could argue, he continued.

  “It occurred to me, that there are things between you and me that went unsaid. Big things,” he elaborated as he stepped directly in front of her. “Things that we both need to hear. I want to say them now.” His hands held her cheeks, thumbs caressing her face as he spoke. “I love you, Beth. I love everything about you. Even the things I hate, I love because they’re part of you.”

  “Logan,” she whispered, her eyes prickling at the corners as he pinned her with his stare.

  “I don’t need anything else in this world but you. You, not being able to have children, doesn’t make me want to wake up beside you any less. It doesn’t make me want to hold you during the night any less, and it sure as hell doesn’t make me love you any less.”

  “I want that for you though, Logan. I know how important that is to you.”

  He shook his head. “It’s not as important as you. What am I going to do, raise kids on my own without you? Have kids with someone I’ll never love because the only woman I’ll ever love won’t have me?”

  “I’d always have you, Logan. I love you, too, but I can’t give you what you need.”

  “Yes, you can,” he argued. “I just need you. We can figure the rest out later. You have to know, I have to say the words so we’re on the same page. You and I have a habit of letting things go unspoken and I need you to hear me. I love you, Beth Hollis Walker.”

  “Bethany,” she corrected on a whisper.

  Logan let out a laugh. “See. There’s still so much I need to learn about you. I love you Bethany Hollis Walker. I have since the minute I laid eyes on you. If you never want kids, I will love you with everything that I have, until my dying breath, no regrets.”

  “It’s not that I don’t want kids, Logan,” she explained, desperate for him to understand. “The idea of getting to build a family with you is more than I could ever hope for. That’s not why I did what I did.”

  “Then why?” he asked quietly, his big palms stroking her shoulders.

  “I tested positive for the mutated gene that means my mother’s cancer was hereditary. I didn’t want to die the way she did so I figured I’d cut it off at the pass. I had the hysterectomy and it cut my chances down; I just didn’t think far enough ahead to know how this was all going to turn out.”

  “How could you know?” he asked, his eyes soft as he listened and maybe, finally understood why she’d been running for so long. “Sugar, I’m telling you right now, I’d rather have you tha
n anything else. If you not being able to have kids means I get to keep you forever, then that’s what I want.”

  Beth felt the fist that had been squeezing her heart for the last month and a half let go, her hot blood filling her veins again. The rush was heady and she leaned into him.

  “I love you,” she said, her hands snaking around his waist and holding him tight.

  “Please don’t leave me again. Please.”

  She grabbed his face and pulled him in for a kiss. “I didn’t want to,” she explained. “I just wanted you to have a chance at the future you envisioned. I didn’t want you stuck with me.”

  “I can’t envision a future for myself without you in it, Sugar.”

  “I was going to come for you,” Beth said, her fingers running through his beard as he held her in his arms. “I was going to fly down to your mom’s and throw myself at your feet and beg forgiveness.”

  There was an empathy in his gaze, and she knew he’d been going through the same torture she had, that the last six weeks were as painful for him as it had been for her.

  “No need,” he whispered, the whiskers of his beard soft and ticklish against her chin as he kissed her.

  The sound of slow clapping made them both look. Their families, Andy, Owen and Jenna, Spencer and Alex, Elliot, Tucker and Cole Williams, all stood on the sand, clapping. The cheers got louder, Alex whooping and even Elliot adding a loud whistle to the mix.

  Beth felt a little silly for the attention, but when she turned back to Logan, he was flushed with happiness.

  They deserved the round of applause for all they’d been through. Beth grabbed Logan’s hand, lifting it between them, and took a bow. Good sport that he was, Logan obliged and joined her.

  There were hugs and hearty back slaps all around. Beth supposed they all earned it too, having been a part of her and Logan’s love story in one way or another.

  Beth held her arms open and brought Alex in for a hug, not letting go quickly and squeezing her sister tight. “I love you, you know,” she choked out. “Even if you’re an asshole.”

  “I love you, too,” Alex said, her voice strained in Beth’s ear. “Even if you’re a bitchy brat.”

  “Language,” Andy cried, tears in her eyes and wrapping them both in her arms, creating a ball of Walker sisters wrapped up in each other.

  “Mom’s a stickler for language,” Jenna piped in. “She told me Aunt Alex must’ve eaten an entire bar of soap when she was ten.”

  They all laughed.

  “Some things never change,” Alex added, breaking the huddle and holding Beth by her shoulders. “You don’t forget my offer, brat. I said it and I meant it. The offer stands for as long as you need.”

  Beth softened. Alex, who had been one of her harshest critics in the past, was now one of her closest allies.

  “I won’t,” she promised on a whisper.

  Big arms wrapped around her waist from behind, and she reveled in the feel of Logan so close. She’d missed him.

  “What’s this offer that has you both so weepy?”

  She turned in his arms, wrapping herself around him.

  “I’ll tell you later,” she said.

  “Yeah?”

  “After.”

  His brows arched up as Beth watched their families turn and head back to the restaurant, leaving them alone.

  “After what?” he asked.

  She bet he had a pretty good idea, but she’d play along.

  “After I get you alone and show you how much I missed you.”

  “When do I get to show you how much I missed you?”

  “We can take turns,” she whispered, reaching up on her toes and holding her lips a breath away from his. “I’ll go first.”

  Epilogue

  Everyone took the hint and gave them peace and quiet, heading back to their respective homes. Tucker, after being very gracious about them borrowing his car, finally took it back to Connecticut with him.

  They’d talked about Spencer leaving his truck, but none of them had liked that idea and in the end, Beth and Logan stayed in Rhode Island without a car.

  If they needed one, they’d figure it out.

  That night, they laid in Beth’s bed in her tiny apartment and just enjoyed each other. Her hands stacked on his chest, her chin on her hands, she watched him. His fingers combed through her hair and along the side of her face, taking her in. The only light came from a lamp in the hallway, illuminating them just enough to see each other and nothing else. Not that they noticed.

  “What’s it like here?” he asked.

  “Rhode Island? Just like anywhere else, I suppose. It’s a nice little town, but it’s out of season right now. I imagine in the summertime it’s busier.”

  He nodded. “Do you like it?”

  She shrugged. “It’s fine. Why?”

  He ran his fingers through her hair and smiled. “Just wondering what the plan is from here and where you want to be.”

  She got it then. He was trying to work out their future.

  “I kind of got stuck here,” she admitted. “When I left you in New Orleans, the first flight out landed in Providence. I ended up here for a while, me and my sisters, and then I just never left. I hadn’t figured out where to go or what came next just yet.”

  “I don’t want to get too heavy, too soon,” he began.

  “Please do,” she said with a relieved sigh. “No more tiptoeing around. Let’s go back to being regular Beth and Doc.”

  “I got into a Physician’s Assistant program.”

  Beth lifted herself off his chest, a smile spreading across her face. Her pride for him bubbled inside her chest.

  “Logan, that’s amazing.” His tentative smile was sweet, and she knew he felt the pride himself, even if he didn’t admit to it. “I’m so proud of you,” she continued.

  “I got into a few, actually. It seemed like a reasonable next step in my life. I love the medical field, it’s just something I get and comes naturally, so I’d like to stick with it.”

  “I think that’s great,” she said.

  He pinned her with his eyes. “Depending where you want to be, I can pick a different program.”

  She shook her head. “I can be anywhere you are, Logan. That’s all I want.”

  His deep chuckle shook her, and she slid up his body, settling herself so she was sitting astride his lap.

  “Can I pinch you to make sure this is real?” he joked, his hands rubbing her thighs.

  “You can,” she returned on a laugh. “But I won’t be responsible for my actions if you do.”

  Logan sat up with her, his arms snaking around her waist as he looked up at her.

  “I love you and I want it to be clear that I love you for you. I don’t need anything more than that. I don’t expect anything from you other than loving me back and being honest with me, always.”

  “My sister offered to carry a baby for us,” she blurted, her hands on his shoulders.

  “Andy?”

  “The other one,” Beth noted.

  “Really? Alex?” Genuine shock quickly passed over his features and he sent her a look. “Is that what you want?”

  She shrugged. “I don’t know. Until a few hours ago, I worried I was going to die a spinster with nothing but dust bunnies in my panties.”

  “You aren’t wearing panties,” he reminded her, his hands moving lower. “I just don’t want you to worry that my loving you is contingent on something so drastic. If we decide to go that route someday, that’s a nice offer. If we decide to move to Louisiana and rehabilitate gators and that fulfills us, I’m okay with that, too.”

  “Gators?” she joked, mimicking his accent. “Somehow, I don’t see myself wrastling a gator.”

  “You know what I mean,” he said. “I know you do, Sugar.”

  “I do,” she agreed, pressing her lips to his, thankful that she had the opportunity to do it again and again. “I wish I could—”

  He cut her off. “I wish I had both my l
egs, but not having one doesn’t make me any less of a man. Not having a uterus doesn’t make you any less of a woman. It doesn’t make you any less my woman.”

  There was a sense of relief that followed his words, something she’d been holding onto maybe closer than she should have. She suspected she might still struggle even with their cards laid out on the table.

  “Can I ask a favor?” she whispered, pushing him onto his back and hovering above him.

  “I’ll give you all I have and more. Just name it.”

  “Keep reminding me,” she said. “When I forget and I get weird, just remind me.”

  “I’d ask the same thing. When I get frustrated that I can’t do the things I used to, just remind me that I’m enough for you.”

  “Always,” Beth whispered, pulling the comforter over her shoulder, cocooning them underneath.

  Logan flipped her onto her back, his moss green eyes meeting hers, his love floating there on the surface for her to see. “Always.”

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  Want to know what’s coming next? Or should I say who?

  Did you like Logan’s cousins? Coming 4/17/18 is the first in the new series, The Williams Brothers: Elliot. He’s going to meet his match and she’s not going to be anything like you’d expect for him. I can’t wait for you to read his story! CLICK HERE to preorder!