Love in the Spotlight

by Olivia Jaymes

  “I wasn’t there when she needed me. She’d never needed me before and the one time she did, where was I?”

  “Getting a paycheck that I suspect paid your rent,” Riley countered. He was determined to be the bad guy in this scenario. “Doing your job and following your dream. There is no way you could have foreseen what happened.”

  “Exactly.” He sounded like she’d just confessed to a crime and he was the detective on the case. “We don’t know what’s going to happen with our baby. We can’t see the future. It’s better if I’m around as much as possible, and if I can’t be here then Callie or Mom can take care of you.”

  She loosened her grip and allowed him to turn around. Cupping his jaw in her hands, she gazed into his stormy gray-blue eyes, still watery from his tears. “If I’m alone and I start bleeding or have contractions, I’ll call 911.”

  His brows shot up as if she’d responded in a shocking way. “You’d call 911?”

  “Of course. That’s what people do.”

  As a teacher, Riley had been trained to handle emergency situations and part of that training was when to call 911.

  “What if the ambulance got caught in traffic? What if it took too long to get to you?”

  Riley nodded. “All good arguments. But if someone was trying to drive me to the hospital, they’d probably get stuck in that same traffic jam so I’m no better off. We all take chances every day, Sam, just walking across the street. There’s no such thing as a risk-free pregnancy. It doesn’t exist. You didn’t cause Trish to miscarry and it wasn’t your fault that she didn’t get to the hospital in time. For all you know, it was too late before she even picked up the phone to call her friend.”

  “You can’t know that. There might have been time.”

  He wasn’t going down without a fight.

  “Why don’t you talk to Dr. Kate about this? She might have some insight into whether there was anything you could have done.” Riley sucked in a breath, knowing her next request wasn’t going to be popular. “I also think you should talk to Trish. I’m guessing she has a different outlook on this situation all these years later.”

  Sam was looking at her as if she’d lost her mind. “Talk to Trish? She said she never wanted to see me again and I’ve made that happen. I haven’t seen her since that day.”

  “How could that even happen? Didn’t she have to show up in court for the divorce?”

  “We did everything through our lawyers. I made sure she was taken care of, though.”

  What?

  “You mean financially?”

  Sam nodded. “We didn’t divorce right away. By the time we did split up officially, I was starting to make good money. I just wanted to be sure she didn’t have to worry about anything.”

  That was sweet and wonderful and just like the man that Sam was.

  “And you’ve never heard anything from her? Not a thank you or a fuck you? Nothing?”

  His lips twisted and he shook his head. “She basically said fuck you that last time I saw her. She didn’t want anything to do with me and I get that. I ruined her life.”

  Riley wasn’t going to give up on this. Her life with Sam was too important.

  “Perhaps…and I’m just throwing this out there for consideration…perhaps Trish was upset and hurting and she needed someone to blame it on? Because there was no one to blame. These things sometimes happen. I’ve had friends that had miscarriages and then go on to have one or more successful pregnancies. There’s no rhyme or reason to it, but she wanted someone to be at fault. So she chose you since you were conveniently not there when she needed you to hold her hand. Yes, that is something that you needed to apologize for, but you did not ruin her entire life. I hate to break it to you, but you’re not that powerful, Sam.”

  “You don’t understand–”

  “I don’t?” Riley broke in. “Because I think I do. If you went off on location to shoot a movie and something bad happened, I would be upset. I might scream and cry. I might yell and curse. But it wouldn’t be your fault, Sam, and you wouldn’t have ruined my life. I bet Trish knows that now, too. She was sad and hurting and she lashed out at the person she loved. That’s normal. But you’ve been carrying this around with you for far too long and it has to stop. This isn’t healthy or productive. You can’t wrap me and the baby in cotton wool and protect us from the big, bad world. I won’t live that way. You need to talk to her about what happened and come to some peace about the past. Only then can you and I move forward.”

  A muscle jumped in his jaw and his hair stood on end from scraping his fingers through it.

  “Is that an ultimatum?”

  Was it? She didn’t do them often, if at all, but she couldn’t see how they were going to be together for any length of time if he couldn’t deal with her living her life in a normal manner. She loved him – more than she’d ever thought possible – but he’d been punishing himself too long and she wasn’t about to join in and martyr herself as well.

  “It’s simply the truth. I want us to have a happy life and family together. When our child wants to sleep over at a friend’s house, what are you going to do? Or when it’s his first day of school? What if we decide to have more children and I get pregnant again? Will you just follow me around twenty-four hours a day? What’s the plan?” She threw up her hands in frustration. He wasn’t hearing her. He was too caught up in the past. “Just call and talk to her. Don’t you think it’s time? Aren’t you even a little curious as to how her life turned out when you supposedly ruined it?”

  For a brief moment it looked like he might say yes, but then he turned on his heel and marched out of the house, slamming the door behind him. Closing the door on the dream of them being together. It sounded so final.

  She almost followed but then stopped when her hand touched the doorknob. He needed this time. She’d thrown so much at him and he was too hurt and confused to make logical decisions. Hopefully in a few hours he’d come back, ready to face the past so they could have a future.

  Or he’d end things, once and for all.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE

  After Sam stomped out of his own home he’d walked around for a little while, not really going anywhere in particular but definitely not heading back to Riley. He was still angry and defensive, which didn’t make the best combination to speak rationally about the situation they’d found themselves in.

  A standoff.

  She wouldn’t marry him if he didn’t talk to Trish, and he wouldn’t talk to his ex-wife. Neither one of them was going to budge.

  Somehow he found himself at his friend Nate’s front door, although he hadn’t consciously gone there. But it wasn’t a bad decision. Hanging out with a buddy and talking business was a great way to relax.

  Nate invited Sam in and retrieved a couple of beers from the refrigerator, handing him one.

  “Drink up. It looks like you could use it. You look like shit.”

  Thanks, I feel that way, too.

  They settled on the couch and Sam asked Nate about the twins – who were currently sleeping – and the movie that the couple was working on while in New York City.

  “Shooting is going great,” Nate said with a huge smile. “And the kids are sleeping for longer stretches which is a miracle from heaven for us. At night we get a good seven hours and it’s awesome. I never realized just how much I loved to sleep until I became a dad.”

  “I’m going to become a father,” Sam heard himself say before he could stop the flow of words. He needed to tell someone as if it would make it more real. “Riley is pregnant.”

  Nate’s brows shot up to his hairline and his eyes grew round. “Bloody hell…she’s…and you’re…shit…I’m just so surprised. Congratulations, you must be over the moon. When you described her she sounded like a wonderful woman and now you’re having a baby. That’s great. Truly fantastic. I highly recommend being a father despite the lack of quality sack time.”

  “Thank you. I’m…we are excited. We got to s
ee the baby on the ultrasound and it was great.”

  Nate held up his pointer finger. “Just one? Trust me when I say that you need to check that.”

  Chuckling, Sam had a vivid memory of when Nate showed him the ultrasound photos with two babies. “Just one. I made sure.”

  “That’s wonderful. You must be very excited.”

  “I am.”

  Nate rubbed his jaw, those shrewd eyes taking in everything around him. “You’re so happy that you showed up at my front door unannounced, looking like hell. Try again, my friend. What’s going on? Did you and Riley quarrel? Let me give you some advice about pregnant women. Just give them whatever they want. It’s easier.”

  That was the problem. The one thing Riley wanted he couldn’t give.

  Do I want to talk about this? I wouldn’t have ended up here if I didn’t.

  “We didn’t really have an argument so much as a disagreement,” Sam finally admitted. He needed to talk to someone and his mother had already taken Riley’s side. Nate was Sam’s friend and would hear him out and understand his reasoning. “No one raised their voice or anything.”

  Nate took a long draw from his beer bottle. “What did you disagree about? Is there a way to compromise on this? A way you can both call this a win?”

  “It’s kind of a long story.”

  Nate laughed and took another drink of his beer. “The best kind. I’m in for the night and have no plans except to try and get some sleep later. But you better talk fast because the babies will be up in about forty-five minutes wanting to be fed for the last time tonight.”

  *

  Riley could have used a drink but she was stuck with decaf tea, and it was not doing the job. Paula’s calm and unruffled facade wasn’t helping, either.

  “You have to be patient with Sam. He has to come to the right conclusion in his own time.”

  “How old will I be when that happens?” Riley pushed her teacup away and grimaced. “That tea is terrible. If I drink any more it’s just going to come right back up.”

  Shrugging, Paula picked up the cup and emptied it in the sink. “Because it’s decaf. It might as well be colored water. How about a nice ginger ale? That might settle your stomach. Don’t worry about Sam taking forever. He’s stubborn but he’s not stupid. He knows that this has to be dealt with, but he hasn’t had any reason to do it before now.”

  “Am I a good enough reason?”

  Riley wasn’t sure she really and truly wanted an answer to that question. When Sam had walked out of the condo her heart had broken into a million little pieces that were scattered all over this home. Every place she looked, she could see Sam laughing and smiling. She wanted to make a home and a life with him, but she couldn’t do that until he stepped out of the shadow he’d been living under. Never mind her feelings, it wasn’t fair to him. He’d been blaming himself for something that wasn’t his fault.

  “You and the baby are the best reason ever,” Paula assured her, handing Riley a can of ginger ale. “My son loves you and that’s a powerful motivator. He wants to spend the rest of his life with you so eventually he’s going to come around to the fact that he’s out of options. He’s ignored this for years and his time is up. But until then, he’s going to act like a real jerk.”

  “I’m not proud of the fact that he feels cornered. There was probably a better way to handle it.”

  Paula sat across from Riley, a dubious expression on her face. “Really? What would that have been? I didn’t hear what you said but I’m sure you were as gentle as you could be. Sam’s been deeply in denial about this for a long time, Riley. There was no soft landing here for him. He has to come back to earth with a thump. When you told me that he was thinking about retiring from acting so he could be with you all the time, I knew that he’d finally gone overboard. He knows it too, but he’s fighting it tooth and nail.”

  There was still a part of this that Riley didn’t understand, that she simply couldn’t wrap her mind around.

  “How could Trish do that?” Riley asked, her hands cupped around the cold can of soda, her fingers going comfortably numb while her mind worked overtime trying to make sense out of what had happened tonight. “Throwing everything on Sam and then walking away. It seems so cruel.”

  “What you really want to know is if Trish was always like that.”

  Apparently, there was no fooling Paula. That was exactly what Riley wanted to know.

  “I haven’t talked to Trish since they split up but I always liked her. She was a good person and she seemed to love Sam.” Paula seemed to choose her words carefully. “They had their problems like all couples do. They were both young and headstrong, and neither of them were good at compromising, although Sam has become better at that over the years like most of us do. When Sam told me what she’d said…well…all I can say is that Trish must have been in a great deal of pain to lash out like that. It’s the only explanation that makes any sense.”

  “Why didn’t she ever reach out to Sam then? You’d think she’d want to clear the air.”

  “I don’t know. Maybe she was scared, maybe she just wanted to put it all behind her.” Paula sighed and shook her head. “Only Trish knows and that’s why Sam needs to talk to her. Purge all of these demons that had been driving him since that day. I’ve urged him over the years to do it but he’s never listened. Hopefully he will now.”

  That’s all Riley had at the moment. Hope.

  “Just how stubborn is your son?”

  “Let’s just hope the baby takes after you in that department.”

  It was going to be a long night waiting for Sam to come home.

  CHAPTER FORTY

  “You’re the biggest fucking idiot I may have ever known in my entire life.”

  Nate’s rather crude declaration didn’t help Sam’s already nasty mood. He’d just poured out his story and his friend had basically shit on it.

  “And you’re a big British asshole. Fuck you.”

  Nate didn’t take offense, simply throwing his head back and laughing. “Paige probably wouldn’t argue with you, although not all the time, I hope. But I stand by my statement. You’re stupid and delusional. You’re not thinking about this right, mate. There’s no way you can keep Riley and the baby safe all the time. It’s not even practical to try and be with her every minute, nor do you want to do it. Marriage thrives on a little mystery. Sometimes you need to go do your own thing and then come back together. If Paige and I were together all the time we’d be at each other’s throats constantly.”

  Sam was only beginning to admit that his plans might be flawed. He wasn’t ready to admit it out loud yet, though.

  “How do you do it every day?” Sam marveled at his friend’s relaxed posture. He appeared like he didn’t have a care in the world. “I’m fucking terrified all the time and you look like you could fall asleep in your chair. You have a family. Two kids and a wife. How are you not worried all the damn time?”

  Nate placed his beer bottle on to the coffee table and looked Sam straight in the eye. “Listen close because I’m about to lay some deep wisdom on your ass. Are you listening?”

  “Jesus, yes. You don’t have to be so dramatic.”

  Except that they were all actors and Nate loved nothing more than an audience.

  “To be in love is to be vulnerable. To be a father is to be completely and totally vulnerable. Before it was just me, but now anyone can hurt me by hurting someone I love more than my own life.”

  That sounded utterly horrifying. Yet, Sam was right there with Nate and there was no way out.

  “How do you deal with it? Doesn’t it make you crazy? I don’t want to be scared all of the time that something is going to happen to my family.”

  “I just don’t think about it.”

  Sam sucked in a breath at the seemingly bald statement. One sentence that sounded so simple and fucked up at the same time.

  “You don’t think about it,” Sam echoed in disbelief. This night was actually getting wor
se. “This is your plan? That’s not a plan, that’s denial. Christ, I came to you for advice and this is it? Just don’t think about it? Fuck. I’d have got better advice from a random stranger.”

  Nate, however, seemed to find the situation hilarious. “I think it’s great advice. Some of the best I’ve ever given, in fact. Let me ask you a question. How did you get here to the city from Florida?”

  This was stupid.

  “I flew.”

  “And when you arrived at the airport, how did you get to your house?”

  And becoming even more stupid by the minute.

  “A car service.”

  “And you didn’t worry about the danger of flying? You didn’t ponder the intelligence of getting in a vehicle driven by a complete stranger? You didn’t worry and fret about the dangers on the highways? Come on, the world isn’t an oasis of personal safety. There’s always going to be an element of danger in whatever you do and wherever you go. We take chances every day just living our lives. Do you spend your time worrying about that?” Nate didn’t give Sam a chance to answer. “No, you don’t. You live your life and savor the happy times and do your best to get through the crappy ones. That’s the plan. Live and enjoy your life because you don’t want to get to the end of it and find that you were so busy being an asshole that you didn’t appreciate the gift of your family.”

  Sam hopped up from the couch and began to pace in front of the fireplace. “It’s not the same. Crossing the street isn’t the same as keeping Riley safe during her pregnancy. They’re not equivalent.”

  Shrugging, Nate grinned. “Okay, let’s say they’re not. But let me ask you another question, although you’ll ignore this one the same as you did the others. Do you honestly believe that you can protect Riley and the baby by being there all the time? By quitting a job that you love? You’re not some all-powerful being. You’re not a doctor. We play badass heroes on the movie screen but we’re just normal guys in real life. You’re only human and you can’t fix everything. Something bad could happen to Riley in your own home. Hell, she could slip in the shower or cut herself with a knife cooking dinner. You can’t stop life from happening. No matter how much you want to.”