How Late It Was How Late

by James Kelman

  Have ye got a history of eye-trouble?

  Naw.

  Ye’ve never had trouble with yer eyes?

  Nope.

  None whatsoever?

  No that I can remember. Mind you, I was aye a wee bit skelly – I was never any good at darts – couldnay hit the board never mind a bed! But I mean I never needed glasses, and it didnay affect other things, playing football or whatever.

  Aw so ye play a sport…football?

  Well, I used to.

  But no now?

  Sammy smiled: Naw.

  Did ye stop because of yer Sightloss?

  What? naw – I just stopped.

  Who did ye play for last?

  …

  Who did ye play for last?

  A couple of teams?

  Who at the end?

  Ye wouldnay know them it was a club in England.

  An English team?

  Aye.

  What was their name.

  Ye wouldnay know them. I think they’ve disbanded.

  Ye’ve still got to tell us, unless if ye dont remember.

  …

  D’ye no remember?

  It was in the Essex Provincial League.

  Who?

  Northfleet Amateurs.

  How long were you with them?

  Eh about eh four or five months.

  How long ago was that?

  Eh, ten years. Eleven in fact.

  And did ye ever undergo a full medical with them?

  Eh aye, suppose I did.

  Were ye unemployed when ye were with them?

  …

  Were you unemployed when ye were with them?

  Sammy sniffed: On and off.

  Were ye registering at the Job Centre?

  On and off, yeh.

  Were ye in receipt of any gratuities or benefits from the football club while ye were registering?

  Nope.

  None at all?

  Naw it was strictly amateur.

  And was it full-function employment ye registered for?

  Yeh.

  Ye’re a construction worker to trade?

  Well no to trade, I’m a labourer – semi skilled.

  When ye were in prison did ye register for general work?

  Yeh.

  Ye were never restricted to light duties caused through physical dysfunction or physical disability?

  Naw.

  Nor any medical incapacity?

  Nope.

  What was yer last job?

  Community Work Provision.

  And before that?

  Oh christ now ye’re talking… Eh…it was down in London; 11 year ago.

  And did ye leave because the job finished?

  Well the job finished, I was laid off.

  It was not because of physical dysfunctioning or physical disability?

  Naw.

  When did ye last claim sickness benefit?

  No for ages.

  When?

  Oh christ it must have been eh 11 or 12 years ago.

  And ye arent working at present?

  Nope.

  But ye are registered?

  Yeh.

  Full function?

  Yeh well I mean aye but no now, I’ll be re-registered.

  When do ye say ye lost yer sight?

  Last week, Monday or Tuesday – Tuesday I think.

  Are ye saying something caused the dysfunction. Or else did it just happen?

  Well something must have caused it.

  What do ye think?

  Eh…

  Will I put ‘dont know’?

  Eh, aye.

  Ye were in police custody at the time?

  That’s right.

  And have ye seen a doctor yet?

  Nope.

  Has the dysfunction been diagnosed by any medical authority?

  No yet.

  Have ye raised a civil claim for compensation in respect of the dysfunction?

  Naw.

  Never at any time?

  …

  Never at any time?

  Naw.

  Now the boy battered away on the keyboard without talking; then eventually he said: Heh the Essex Provincial’s quite a good league int it? fair standard?

  No bad. It was when I was there anyway, couple of ex-seniors and that. I didnay think ye would have heard of it.

  Aye. Ye never play up here?

  When I was boy.

  Who for?

  Och a couple of teams. Sammy sniffed. D’ye play yerself like?

  Yeh. The department’s got a side. But I play with another team as well.

  Good.

  The Churches League.

  Aw christ aye, the auld Churches League! It used to be as hard as nails.

  Still is!

  Sammy chuckled.

  Ye know ye’ve been in a game.

  Ah well that’s the right way son. As long as ye enjoy it, know what I mean, as long as ye enjoy it. Christ I used to live for the game myself. If I had took my chances… The scouts were up and aw that. I blew it.

  What happened?

  I just blew it. I was silly. What about yerself?

  Well I’ve had a couple of trials.

  Have ye?

  It’s no came to anything yet. There’s a Junior club after me the now but I think I’m gony hang on a couple of months.

  Ah well good, aye, ye must be showing promise. Dont give up whatever ye do.

  Aw naw, it’s cool, I’ll go to the end of the season.

  Just make sure ye enjoy it, that’s the main thing. I miss playing the game myself.

  There’s guys your age still playing.

  Aw I know.

  Just a pity about yer eyes.

  Ach my own stupidity son a wee altercation with the sodjers; they gave me a doing. Sammy shrugged. One of these things; I was silly and so were they.

  They gave ye a doing?

  Aye.

  And ye’re saying ye were silly?

  …

  The boy had started hitting the keyboard again.

  What’re ye writing that down? said Sammy.

  Yeh.

  Well I’d prefer ye no to.

  I’ve got to but Mister Samuels.

  How?

  Cause it’s material.

  …

  We’re required to do it.

  Sammy sniffed. Ye no got a delete button?

  Yeh but no for this operation. If the customer doesnt want something in they’re supposed to not say it. Once it’s in it cannay come out. I dont have the authority; I’m just a Preliminary Officer. I’m no allowed to adjudicate on something where it’s material.

  Ye didnay write down the football stuff.

  Well that isnay material.

  …

  Now is there anything else ye want to say?

  …

  Eh?

  Sammy scratched his chin; he found the stick and used it to get himself up off the chair. He heard the boy getting up and coming round towards him:

  I’ll guide ye through to the IMO’s office, he said. Want to take my arm?

  What?

  He lifted Sammy’s hand and placed it on his wrist. Sammy was tense as fuck but managed to stop himself applying pressure. The boy’s wrist was thin; Sammy could have snapped it with one quick chop. Now the boy moved forwards and Sammy went with him. It felt weird. He hadnay walked like this with anybody afore. The funny thing was how he seemed in control of himself but at the same time he wasnay cause he was getting led, and yet it was his own hand that held the grip and no the other way about. It took him a wee minute to remember he was angry. His stick knocked against a door. The boy opened it and guided him through it, and then to a chair. Just sit down here, he said, it’ll no be long.

  …

  Ye okay now?

  Sammy had took away his hand; now he lowered himself onto the chair, preparing for the slope.

  Ye okay now Mister Samuels?

  Sammy sniffed. There was fuck all to say. He was
nay even angry any longer. It was just best the boy went away now, that he got to fuck out the road.

  He laid the stick on the floor then sat back, folding his arms. He heard the boy leave.

  It was his own fucking stupit fault anyway man know what I mean ye blab, ye just blab.

  Hell with it. He could have done with a smoke mind you. Ye would think they would lay on a smokers’ room. Probably they had one for the staff. Ach well fuck it man ye do without. He started humming a song, then stopped. There was fuck all sounds, nothing. The last room had been quiet but here he couldnay hear a thing. Maybe there was naybody here, maybe he was alone. And there had to be stuff lying about. It was an office, know what I’m saying, there had to be. All kinds of bits and pieces. He felt for his stick then reached with it to check the space round where he was sitting: it knocked against things; furniture.

  Stupit even thinking about it. Sure as fuck, as soon as he got up and started groping about the fucking door would bust open. With his luck man know what I’m talking about a fucking certainty. Best relaxing, just let it go. What would there be anyway! pencils and fucking pens or something.

  Plus the video would be running fuck sake ye kidding.

  Sammy yawned. Aw jees man he was tired; everything was an effort. He yawned again; the trouble was this chair, it was so fucking comy; it started off it wasnay but then ye got used to it; ye began by sitting up but gradually ye were just about flat out and lying cause of the slope. Ye felt like kicking off the shoes. Another yawn. Jesus christ. It was just so warm, it felt like they had the central heating turned up full blast.

  He actually had good reason to be tired, so a couple of minutes’ shut-eye, a wee doze, it wouldnay go amiss. There was fuck all could happen to him; it’s no as if he was on the edge of a cliff and might roll ower, it was just an office, it was just people.

  Which was the fucking problem so ye had to be alert, alert.

  Alert as fuck man ye had to be. He sat up, sat forwards, his elbows on his thighs and he breathed out then in, and again, and again. Fresh fucking oxygen. Cause it was all just to make ye fall asleep. That was what it was about; it was a fucking move man the DSS, all so’s yer fucking brains stopped working, so ye couldnay think, in case ye were sorting out some sort of plan. So ye had to stay alert at all costs. All yer senses ye needed them all; ready for anything man know what I’m saying. Sammy once read this book about bats; they have this incredible sense of hearing, it’s sonic or somefuckingthing like they’ve developed their own radar, compensating the blindness. Then too christ almighty that army programme he saw on the telly about this blind guy could stand on one side of a wall and know what was happening on the other. He could actually pick up what was going on in a different room, whereabouts people were standing and all that – like one of these cunts that can bend forks. Except that was amateur night at the Palladium compared to what this blind guy was doing, it was like he had developed some sort of different sense-organ all the gether. Right enough it was congenital. So it maybe wasnay possible for the likes of Sammy. Probably ye had to be a baby; that first few hours ye were led kicking and screaming yer way into the world. Cause all weans are blind at birth. Sammy could mind seeing wee Peter in the hospital cot and worrying if everything was gony work out okay cause ye wouldnay know till later on. Ye saw their eyes but how did ye know they were gony fucking work I mean ye see a shop full of shoes and nayn of them are fucking walking. These things, all these different things.

  Are you Mister Samuels?

  Yeh. Sammy jerked his head; he hadnay heard her approach.

  Then could ye kindly step forward please.

  She must have been close. A whiff of perfume or something, fresh soap maybe; this sensation of total and absolute fucking cleanliness man ye could imagine her, blouse parted at the neck, the top two buttons open, hints of sweet mystery, then the smart skirt and jacket, the jewellery, and then that what’s-the-word fucking eh – class or something who knows, style, he was up from the chair: follow that swish; every whim baby, on ye go. Whereabouts? he said.

  Ye’ll find a seat to your left, just in between the desks.

  Sammy tapped the stick as he went. He bumped into something. More like a table than a desk, he worked his way roundabout it. Another table, or else a desk. The way his stick tapped ye couldnay tell. He stopped a wee minute.

  Just forward now to your left, she said, between the desks.

  Christ almighty how far to the left was she talking about? He poked the stick about till he found the space, and moved forwards, it was a tight squeeze and his left knee banged into something.

  The chair’s in front of ye now, just sit down.

  It was an ordinary chair thank fuck cause he forgot to check it out. He sat up straight to give his spine a rest, kept his hand on the stick.

  You’re asserting sightloss in both eyes eh Mister Samuels?

  That’s right. Sammy turned his head; her voice seemed to be coming from somewhere along to the side.

  What does it comprise?

  Eh, just I cannay see. He tried to shift the chair but it was stuck to the floor.

  What precisely d’ye mean, everything?

  Yeh.

  Ye cant see anything at all?

  No. Sammy shifted again; her voice was definitely coming from somewhere else now and ye got the feeling she was moving about.

  And ye say this happened without prior warning?

  Yeh.

  No signs of progressive deterioration?

  Naw I mean it was just like I says to the boy there, I woke up and that was that.

  There was a silence for a wee bit and now when she spoke her voice was coming from nearer the direction he was facing: And this was during a time ye were custody of the police?

  That’s right.

  You’re asserting ye were subject to a physical beating by members of the police department?

  What?

  …

  What d’ye say?

  They gave ye a doing?

  They gave me a doing?

  That’s what’s entered here.

  Well I dont like the way it sounds.

  I’m only reading out what ye told the Preliminary Officer; he entered the phrase in quotation marks to indicate these were yer own very words. Was he mistaken in this do you feel?

  Look I cannay remember what I said exactly; as far as know I just telt him I lost my sight last Monday or Tuesday, I woke up and it was away.

  Are ye denying these were the words used?

  I dont know, I cannay remember: I didnay use physical beating but I know that.

  Sammy gripped the stick.

  She carried on talking: What’s entered here is the phrase ‘they gave me a doing’, and it’s entered expressly as a quotation. But it’s a colloquialism and not everyone who deals with yer claim will understand what it means. I felt that it was fair to use physical beating by way of an exposition but if you would prefer something else…is there anything else ye can think of?

  It was a fight.

  Pardon?

  Look, what does it say?

  They gave ye a doing.

  Can I change it?

  No, I’m sorry, but ye can add to it for purposes of clarification; if ye wish to clarify what you mean then ye can do.

  Sammy rubbed at his chin, moving the flesh at the jawbone. He should have shaved, it was a mistake no to. He sniffed then said: They were using physical restraints.

  She tapped this into the computer and spoke at the same time:

  Yer own words always remain entered anyway Mister Samuels. Do ye wish to add anything further.

  Naw just leave it.

  Fine. Now there are two bands of dysfunction; those with a cause that is available to verification, and those that remain under the heading pseudo-spontaneous. The former band may entitle the customer to Dysfunctional Benefit but those in the latter may not. But both bands entitle the customer to a reassessment of his or her physical criteria in respect of full-function jo
b registration, given the dysfunction is established.

  He reached into his pocket for the tobacco, but stopped.

  Now Mister Samuels I see ye are not seeking compensation.

  That’s right.

  Mmm.

  …

  When she spoke now she carried on tapping the keyboard: The fact that ye’re not seeking compensation in respect of the alleged physical restraints may be registered by some as an inconsistency, I just wonder if ye’re aware of that.

  Look I’m saying I got the dysfunction cause of the physical restraints, it wasnay spontaneous I mean I didnay just lose it cause of nothing, it was something, whatever it was I dont know but it was something. So I’ve got to register that. I mean that’s all I’m doing, registering it here like I’m supposed to; I’m no being cheeky, if I’m entitled to benefit then I’m entitled to benefit. If I’m no I’m no. Know what I mean, that’s all I’m saying.

  Yes well the police department is empowered to restrain the customer Mister Samuels and certainly if the customer is then in receipt of a dysfunction, and this dysfunction is shown to be an effect of the restraints applied then the customer is entitled to submit an application to this department in respect of Dysfunctional Benefit and if it is approved then the benefit is awarded.

  Aye well that’s all I’m saying miss it was restraints, they were doing restraints and I wound up blind I mean I agree with that. Sammy reached for his tobacco but stopped.

  I would point out the inconsistency however Mister Samuels: on the one hand you say that is the case; on the other hand I can imagine some saying, well if it’s true why is he not taking any action?

  …

  Why is he not taking any action?

  Aye but I am taking action, I’m coming here to get a benefit.

  They would tend to assume that one who receives a physical dysfunction at the hands of another, on the balance of probability, would take action against this other for due recompence.

  Sammy smiled and shook his head. Look miss what I’m saying is the polis didnay intend to make me lose my sight I mean if they went at me with a blade and then dug out my eyes then I’d be straight in for compensation, know what I mean, but they didnay, they gave me physical restraints, and I wound up with a dysfunction. If it was intentional, if they had done it intentional, well fair enough – compensation, I would be in for it immediately; no danger. Okay? I’m no being cheeky, I appreciate what ye’re telling me.

  She went at it on the computer for a while.

  I just want to leave it the way it is, muttered Sammy and he glanced at his wrist but had fuck all watch on and he couldnay have seen it even if he had. Fucking smoke man they dont even let ye have a fucking smoke.