by James Kelman
Sammy ignored him and got out into the close. The guy followed: Hang on a minute, he said.
Naw.
Can I have a word?
There’s folk waiting for me.
It’ll no take a minute.
I said there’s folk waiting for me. Sammy kept walking.
Eh if ye’re talking about the polis, if that’s who ye mean; they’re away.
…
Honest. They went ages ago.
Naw they didnay.
Aye they did.
How do you know?
Cause I saw them.
Aye well they’ll be back. What time’s it?
Twenty past eleven. Did they say they were gony wait like?
Sammy carried on to the front close. The rep kept up with him: How did it go anyway? he said.
How did what go?
The quack?
Fuck the quack.
I telt ye he was tricky. That’s how I offered to go in with ye. Ye’re better with a rep for medical interviews.
Sammy stepped out the close to his left.
Ye going for a bus?
Sammy paused and turned. Look mate thanks a lot and all that but I dont need yer advice; I dont need a rep either; ye’ve got the wrong information, I’m no in for compen.
Naw pardon me I’ll just remind ye, with respect, ye’re no in for compen the now but ye’re trying to re-register so ye might change yer mind. Ye might be forced to. Anyway, apart from that, ye’re as well trying to get a few quid when the chance arises. No agree? Eh? I mean ye’ve nothing to lose.
You’re a fucking comic mate that’s what you are.
The guy chuckled.
Look eh
Ally; the name’s Ally.
Aye right, okay; see ye think ye know but ye dont; ye’re talking something else here with me; that’s all I’m saying.
Ye’re letting yerself get intimidated.
Sammy shook his head.
Ye let Logan intimidate ye, that was how ye lost yer temper. He wanted ye to lose it and ye lost it
Cheerio.
I mean did ye get a diagnosis? I bet ye ye didnay even get a diagnosis.
Sammy was walking.
It’s no a disaster anyway I mean ye’d have been a miracle worker if ye did! But how near did ye get? What did he say? his actual words; did ye note them down? Did he give ye an opinion? or was it just a description?
Sammy kept going, touching the wall with his left hand on alternate steps. Surely the polis hadnay fuckt off? Surely they would be somewhere else watching. Maybe across the Street.
How ye gony get home? Eh? If ye cannay see and ye’ve no even got a stick!
Sammy stopped and shouted: Look mate how I get home’s my fucking business. He resumed walking.
What about yer referral did ye get yer referral? Cause if ye didnay ye’re gony have problems. I’m talking about for a charity.
Fuck the charity.
Naw it’s important.
Give us peace.
The guy was walking beside him now. Listen, he said, ye’re no claiming the polis and that’s understandable, ye dont want to seem like ye’re lodging a complaint and that’s fair enough. And ye’re worried about yer Dys Ben claim and that’s understandable as well cause it casts the same aspersions. Well what I’m gony say is, it doesnay matter. They dont care, win lose or draw. They’re no worrying about you. So you shouldnay worry about them. Even if ye do score a few quid it’s nay skin off their nose. Plus the fact if ye dont put in for it then ye’re gony lose dough, cause once ye win the diagnosis question and get yer sightloss registration ye’ll drop a couple of quid on the full-function capacity.
Sammy paused.
Ye knew that already but eh?
Fuck ye!
Naw? I thought ye would have. No knowing that, I’m surprised. Hang on a minute and I’ll explain how it operates. Heh fancy a cup of tea? there’s a cafe round the corner. Eh? It’s in yer favour.
Look eh
Ally.
Ally… Sammy had stopped walking. The polis are gony be back and I want to be here when they do.
They’re coming to collect ye like?
I’m no discussing it with ye, right? I dont have the energy – know what I’m saying? another time, another time; no the now.
Well I’m no pressing ye. Here.
What?
He put two bits of paper into Sammy’s hand. One’s the prescription, he said, the other yin’s the referral, I got him to sign it for ye after ye went.
Sammy held them and said nothing, then he stuffed them into his pocket.
See the way I read the situation
Look eh Ally, I appreciate it all what ye’re saying and that, but no the now, I might have discussed it another time, no the now, that’s all I’m saying, no the now. Thanks for getting us the stuff.
Nay bother. Listen just hear us out a minute
Sammy sighed.
Naw only till they come. See the way I read the situation…okay ye got a doing off the department which is or isnay fair enough; some might argue it was – in fact that’s what the polis’ll argue once we’ve got them to admit it happened. But will they admit it happened? My guess is aye, it might take a wee while but ultimately they will.
Is that a fact?
Ye knew that?
Aye.
Good. Cause a lot of folk get surprised. One question: see when ye got the doing and ye went blind, was it immediate?
Naw.
Do the authorities know that for sure I mean did they note it down? If they didnay then the only thing they do know is ye’re blind. So that’s in yer favour. See if ye didnay go blind till two days later it makes yer proof of causation that bit tougher in respect of onset. But if they dont know then it might no matter. What’s the latency period for blindness by the way? see if we find it usually takes a couple of days then everything’s fine but if we find it usually happens straight off as a direct consequence of the blow or blows then we could be in trouble. Dont worry about that but I’ll check it out. I keep a couple of medical books in the house; plus I’ve got other sources.
Who?
That would be talking.
Sammy shook his head.
Ye dont trust me eh?
I dont trust nay cunt.
Ah well that can be a problem, let me tell ye.
Sammy had raised his hand; he smiled. Alright mate nay hard feelings. He kept his hand out as if to shake. When Ally took it Sammy gripped him and held him. The hand felt nearly as big as his own. He didnay apply too much pressure, he wasnay out to hurt the guy. Okay, he said, now listen to what I’m telling ye: ye dont know. Ye think ye do but ye dont. There’s something else going on here. It’s no your business and I’m no gony tell ye about it. All I’m saying is it’s no what ye think. So just leave it. Okay?
…
Okay?
Naw it’s no okay. No when ye’ve got me like this.
I just want ye to fucking listen to what I’m saying.
Right I’m listening.
Ye’re a rep, okay, I accept that. I didnay earlier on but I do now. I thought ye were a spook. I’m sorry. I dont think that now. Okay. It’s just there’s stuff going on here ye dont know about; and it doesnay concern ye; know what I mean? it doesnay concern ye.
Try me.
Ye’re still no listening. Sammy increased the pressure and Ally now tried to pull away his hand, he got his other hand onto Sammy’s wrist and tugged. Sammy lifted the hand off, he had to strain to do it but he got it, and he held it tight.
I cannay believe this, said Ally, it’s ridiculous.
No to me it isnay.
There’s people watching but it’s ridiculous to them.
What the fuck do I care, fucking people watching man ye kidding! Sammy grinned. Then he released him. He rubbed his hands the gether, stuck them in his trouser pockets and moved away slow, he reached the wall and he leaned against it. He listened. There wasnay much traffic about. After a wee while he s
aid: Ye there?
Aye.
Look eh I’m sorry and all that, I apologise. It’s just things are difficult the now.
Aye well.
Sammy shrugged. See I’m fuckt; being honest.
Ye dont have to explain to me.
I thought I did.
Ah well ye dont.
Sammy smiled. Heh ye’ve no got a smoke?
Naw, sorry.
Look ye come on strong, know what I mean?
…
Ye come on strong.
I like to get the cards on the table. Ye sure the polis are coming back?
Sammy bit at the edge of his right thumb nail.
Eh?
What?
Ye sure the polis are coming back?
Look mate ye couldnay put me on a bus? is that possible? I’ll pay ye back. See I’ve come out without my stick.
Come on we’ll have a cup of tea. Eh?
Nay time.
For a cup of tea? one cup of tea!
Ye couldnay make it a pint? I’m only kidding.
See it’s just I dont drink myself, no as such, but I’ve got nothing against other people doing it; it isnay a moral position, well no really.
Sammy sighed. I was only kidding, I’m no even wanting a pint.
Ye sure?
Aye. If ye could put me on a bus but…
Of course. Sure ye dont want a cup of tea?
Nay time. Look eh…it’s appreciated. I’ll pay ye it back right away ye know I’ve got dough in the house.
Doesnay matter.
I was just in a rush coming out so… Sammy shrugged. Then he said: Just a couple of things, for yer own information; it’s no because of physical repercussions, that isnay how I’m no going after the compen. It’s just personal. See ye obviously know I’m in a bit of bother with the sodjers – the polis – they’re pestering me, fucking pestering me.
They’re gony do that but I mean…
Naw, it’s different to what ye’re thinking… Eh will we go to the bus-stop?
Aye.
The other side of the street. Give us yer arm… Sammy carried on speaking as they walked. See I’m no wanting stuck back in the process, know what I’m saying, ye dont know about my life but I’m just wanting out of it – what the uniforms do or dont do, I just want away, like an ordinary life man that’s what I’m talking about, like there’s this neighbour of mine, this guy next door, he has his grand-weans and that, he does his wee odd jobs about the house. I mean take my auld man
If I can stop ye there.
What?
I’m no meaning to be cheeky. But it’s best if I ask you questions and you give me answers. A lot of what ye’re gony tell me isnay material and with respect it’s best if I dont hear it; no the now anyway. For one thing, I’m like you, I’ve no got much time.
Look
Naw it’s just cause it isnay relevant to the issue, no as such, and that’s what counts when time’s at a premium. The other stuff, okay, maybe it’s of some value but if we’re gony work the gether then it’ll come out with the washing, I’ll get to know it in the long run.
Heh hang on mate I never said nothing about working the gether.
So let’s talk about that then, nay point beating about the bush, I’ll just lay it out. I take thirty-three and a third percent of all lump sums. When I say thirty-three and a third I mean thirty-three and a third – ye’ll no have to sell yer furniture to pay my phone bills and postage stamps – ye might think it’s steep but it’s net of everything. Some guys I know, once they settle the accounts, ye’re lucky if ye wind up with fifteen cause they’ve netted eighty-five. Worse than lawyers so they are. While I’m on the subject, there’ll be nay deals done behind yer back. That’s guaranteed. Plus needless to say if you lose I lose.
Look give us a break, if I fucking win I lose.
I beg to differ. The polis have forgot about ye already, that’s how they didnay wait. One thing I will say, with respect, ye’ve got to get yer act the gether.
Sammy kept walking.
Ye’ve made mistakes this morning, ye’ve got to own up. I’m no saying I would’ve landed ye a diagnosis – Logan’s arrogant but he’s no that arrogant – but at least he would’ve seen ye were in there fighting. At this stage that’s absolutely basic and fundamental. They’ve got to know ye’re no a mug. It makes all the difference. Whereas pardon me but you let him walk ower the top of ye. Ye know he’s got ye high up the panic-attack table?
…
Pardon me, but he saw ye coming. Now take the prescription; ye dont have to buy the stuff.
I cannay afford to.
Naw that’s what I’m saying but ye dont tell them that cause it isnay good cause; we’ll put it down to the dysfunction itself and say ye’re no able to leave the house and there’s nay community minders to go yer messages. Something like that; it doesnay matter; no the now – just as long as it’s consistent. Another thing is ye get to that charity and ye register yer wants. Again consistency. Ye’ll find I use this word a lot. D’ye know what it means? I’m no being cheeky it’s just ye have to be wary how they use it. Somebody that’s got sightloss wants a stick to get about, right? I mean that’s what ye want if ye’re blind. Then a pair of dark glasses; maybe a guide-dog. These are the kind of things ye want if ye cannay see; it’s consistent with being blind. What do ye think of when ye think of a blind man? Eh? I’ll tell ye, ye think of white sticks and guide-dogs.
…
I’m no being cheeky.
Just dont fucking con me.
That’s the last thing. But what I’m saying, sightloss, it isnay like ye’ve lost yer legs, naybody can jump inside yer head and take a look and go: Alright, the guy’s blind, that’s it over and out, beyond dispute, a hundred percent, a certainty – know what I mean, they cannay do that. So the case ye build needs other things, and consistency’s one of them, it’s central.
Fair enough, I know what ye’re saying.
Right then, so if you dont register yer wants then they’ll pounce on ye and they’ll say ye’ve no got any. It gets used in evidence against ye. Telling ye, see if I was you I would hit that charity immediately; first thing this afternoon.
Naw ye wouldnay.
Aye I would.
Would ye fuck.
I would
Ye wouldnay.
…
Ye fucking wouldnay.
Okay we’ll agree to differ. Here…we’re at the stop.
Sammy heard the chinking of coins. It’s seventy pence…
Ally gave him the money, and carried on talking: Now, I’ve got to ask ye a question. Dont take it personal, I’ve got to ask it. Are ye really blind? I’ve got to ask it, dont get upset.
I’m really blind, aye, next question?
I had to ask. It’s one of these things.
Sammy nodded. I’ve done time by the way I better tell ye that too.
Well it figured, with respect, but it’s immaterial. If they pin their hopes on that then they would be as well giving ye the money right now. That’s no to say it willnay arise, course it’ll arise, they’ll stick the boot in where possible. It’s just testing the water but it’s no serious. The one thing I will ask is honesty. You’ll get it in return. Nay point me in batting for ye if ye’re no telling me the right story. I dont care what story we tell them, as long as it’s the same one. That’s how I had to ask ye the personal question there. And I’ll be frank with you since you’re being frank with me, I’m glad ye’ve supped a bit of porridge. I’ve supped a bit myself, just to get that out the road. What I’m saying is we know the ropes, both of us, we know what we’re talking about, we know the way the system works.
Dont con me.
That’s the last thing I’d do.
Just keep it that way.
Dont worry.
Sammy nodded. Okay, there’s a lot of what ye’ve said I agree with
Ye cannay disagree!
Look
Naw pardon me but you look, just to get
it right, see ye cannay disagree, it’s pointless even talking that way, it just means ye dont understand the state of play. See what ye’ve got to realise is all I ever do is state facts; if I ever give ye an opinion I’ll tell ye.
How d’ye know I’m getting called up the PMBO on Friday?
Cause I checked.
Checked where?
The City Chambers; it’s nay big deal, that’s where they post the notices. A case like yours, it’s up one day and down the next, so ye’ve got to be fast in. The likes of me now I’m there every night: I’ve got to be, otherwise I’ll no know what’s pending. It isnay just medical stuff I do by the way, no by a long chalk.
What else?
Och all sorts.
What exactly?
Everything; anything; doesnay matter.
Ye’re no answering the question.
Well there isnay really a question to answer, with respect, no if ye think about it.
Heh is that a bus coming!
Aye.
What number?
Eh, private it says private.
Private?
It’s a school special; there’s a lot of weans inside.
Sammy listened to it roar past.
What number is it ye want?
I’ll tell ye when it comes.
Ye still dont trust me!
Ye fucking kidding…
Ah well there ye are eh! okay, we’ll no beat about the bush, ye’ve got to go by yer intuition in this game; my intuition was saying we had arrived at a position of trust. Maybe we havenay. But I thought we had. I dont know about you but that was what I felt.
Did ye?
I did, aye, but if ye dont trust me I’m as well walking away; I’m talking about right now.
Sammy smiled, shaking his head.
Pardon me for saying this but ye’re awful bitter.
Am I?
I would say so aye; awful bitter.
Is that a fact…
Who hit who first?
I hit them.
Were they trying to apprehend ye?
Naw were they fuck.
Ye just hit them?
Christ I didnay even know they were the polis! No at first; I thought they – naw, hang on: the way it happened; I knew it was the polis; but that’s only because I know what like the polis are. Take some naive cunt, they wouldnay have.
Didnay identify theirself?
Naw did they fuck.
Right… Look eh pardon me; just one thing, ye’re gony have to watch yer language; sorry; but every second word’s fuck. If ye listen to me ye’ll see I try to keep an eye on the auld words.
