Mob rules uc-1

by Cameron Haley

  I sank into my recliner and closed my eyes. There was no incantation this time, and it was a good thing since I couldn't cast any spells. I just let the pattern that brought me over unravel in my mind. When I opened my eyes, I'd returned to my Technicolor world. I got up and spent a few minutes trying to tidy up the place.

  "Honey?" I called, pouring juice into the summoning. I felt the magic start to build and the threads of the pattern beginning to assemble, then it fell apart and the juice leaked away.

  "Not that big of a deal, huh?" I muttered to myself. Then I tried again.

  "Honey!" This time I tapped the line running under the building and squeezed as much juice out of it as I could wrap my head around. The summoning snapped into place, wavered and then held. In the middle of my living room, the world thinned out and went sepia-tone, and Honey buzzed into the room. I let go of the juice and reality reasserted itself.

  "Nice place," Honey said, flitting around the room. "Looks better in color."

  "Thanks."

  "So where are we going?"

  "I'm going to see a guy about a thing," I said. "You can do…whatever. Just, no evil, like you promised."

  "Sure thing, no evil. Can you open a window for me? Just a crack."

  I went into the kitchen and raised the window a couple inches. Maybe Mrs. Dawson would get some air.

  "Okay," I said, "I'm going. Not sure when I'll be back. There's beer, wine and tequila in the kitchen."

  "'Kay, have fun," said Honey. She was fluttering in the middle of the living room, hands behind her back, like a teenager waiting for her parents to leave for the weekend.

  I reached for the door. "Mr. Clean's in the set in the office. You turn on that TV, it's your dime."

  "No problem," Honey said. "Anyway, he's your familiar. What would I do with him?"

  "Okay then. Bye."

  "Bye-bye, Domino," said Honey.

  I went out and closed the door behind me.

  Screw it. A deal's a deal.

  I stopped by a grocery store and then drove to Santa Monica. As always, the pier was crowded with people out to watch the sunset. Tourists took pictures and bums panhandled. Both tossed bread crumbs to the seagulls and dodged the shit bombs that rained down in thanks.

  Moon Dog, like all too many bums, was a Vietnam veteran. Like many of his brothers-in-arms, he'd come back from the war without his legs and whatever part of the human mind that makes people give a fuck. Unlike most of his fellow soldiers, he'd also come back with a chronic case of lycanthropy.

  Moon Dog had been both a crippled hippie and a werewolf for at least forty years. It might seem that he was doubly cursed (or triply, depending on one's opinion of hippies), except that his lycanthropy gave him back the legs that a North Vietnamese antipersonnel mine had taken. When he changed, Moon Dog, like other lupines, went about on all fours.

  It wasn't difficult to pick him out of the throng, even in the twilight. In hippie form, Moon Dog rode the streets and sidewalks of L.A. in an electric wheelchair. An eight-foot whip antenna sporting an orange safety flag ascended majestically from a metal bracket bolted to the frame. The back of the chair was devoted to the sticker collection that symbolized Moon Dog's unique take on not giving a fuck-peace symbol, marijuana leaf, Greenpeace, MIA/POW, Marine Corps, Friend of the San Diego Zoo, Bel-Air Homeowners' Association, Beware of Dog, Cthulhu Fish. The centerpiece was a red bumper sticker with large white print: If You're Close Enough To Read This, You're An Asshole.

  I caught his eye and waved as I walked over to him. Moon Dog was on the job. He was holding a cardboard sign. The words Will Dance For Beer Money were written on it in black magic marker. I dropped the sack from the grocery store in his lap. Moon Dog looked in the bag. Inside were three porterhouse steaks, fresh off the cow.

  "Angus?" he asked. Long, straight white hair was tied down with a red bandana, and bum-tanned cheeks peeked out from behind a scraggly beard.

  "Yeah," I said. "How you doing, Moonie?" I refuse to call him Moon Dog to his face, on general principle.

  "Grocery store?" asked Moon Dog.

  "Yeah, real sorry, Moonie. You want it from the meat market or the pasture, you can get it yourself."

  "Nah, it's all good, Domino. I dig the antibiotics and growth hormones. I think my legs are growing back in." He wiggled his stumps.

  "That…really freaks me out, Moonie. Look, I need a favor."

  "Sure, babe," he said. "What's up?"

  "Follow me," I said, and led him over to the lot where I'd parked my car. I pointed to the front quarter-panel on the passenger side. "Take a whiff of that, Moonie."

  Moon Dog wheeled up, leaned in and sniffed at the fender. "Smells like Turtle Wax, Domino."

  I scowled. "What else?"

  "That's about it." Moon Dog rubbed his nose and sniffed noisily. "This old nozzle ain't so good anymore. I think it's this fucking L.A. air."

  "Maybe it's all the weed and blow, Moonie."

  "Fuck that. They're the only reason I can smell anything at all, clear out my sinuses. So what is it you want me to smell?"

  "Vampire," I said. "The prick was leaning on my car. I thought maybe you could pick up his scent, track him to his lair." I remembered the blanket I'd found in the canal, the one Fred had used to wrap up Jimmy Lee's corpse-the one with the vampire's juice on it. Damn.

  "I can do that, but you got to get me something of his. Plus, I got to do it at night, once all the tourists clear out. I got to go doggy-style to track him. I go now, the assholes with the butterfly nets will be chasing me all over town."

  "Okay. If I get something of his, could you track him later tonight? Maybe an hour or so before dawn, see where he goes to ground?"

  "Yeah, Domino, I can do that."

  "All right, I'll see what I can do. You going to be around here later where I can find you?"

  "Sure, I can hang around."

  "Okay, thanks, Moonie."

  "No problem, thanks for the grub, Domino."

  "Peace, Moonie."

  "Fuck that, babe. I hope you stake his ass. I hate those undead cocksuckers."

  Back at my condo, I paused at the door, keys in hand, and tried to prepare myself for what was coming. I took a deep breath, unlocked the door and went in.

  "Hi, Domino," Honey said. She was wrestling with a gray squirrel on the sofa. The squirrel had one of Honey's feet in its mouth, and the piskie had an arm-lock on its bushy tail.

  "Hey," I said. I went into the kitchen and set my remaining purchases on the breakfast table, taking care not to disturb the sizable nest Honey had made from grass, flower petals, newspaper and a couple strips of white cardboard.

  The squirrel ran past me, leaped up on the windowsill and squeezed out through the crack.

  I pulled the plastic-wrapped carnations out of the bag and went to look in the cupboard. I didn't have anything in the way of a vase, so I settled for a large sports bottle and filled it with water from the tap. Then I set the flowers on the windowsill where Mrs. Dawson could get a good look.

  For a moment, it felt like someone was standing near me. I heard a delicate sniff, but whether it was the usual disdain or appreciation for the flowers, I wasn't sure.

  I went back out to the living room, paused, looked around and then went back to the kitchen. I crossed to my bedroom and office and checked them, too. All of the walls had been painted in soft but vibrant shades-peach, mint-green, rose. A little girly maybe, but it was pretty. There was no smell of fresh paint. I went back into the living room.

  "Nice paint job," I said.

  "Thanks!" Honey said. "It's not really paint, just glamour. If you want, I can change it."

  "Nah, it's pretty. Mrs. Dawson will love it. What's glamour?"

  "Fairy magic." Honey threw out her hands and spun a circle in midair. A sparkling cloud of pixie dust winked and danced around her and then faded.

  "Nice," I said. "Say, Honey, if you can paint the walls, why can't you use your glamour to give yourself some clothes? What
was all that shit about fig leaves and garlands?"

  Honey shrugged. "I like being naked. Anyway, you said I look good."

  I nodded, threw open the French doors and walked out onto the balcony. Honey had started a garden. There was still room for one patio chair amidst the pots and planters of all shapes and sizes. There were flowers and herbs and other green things I couldn't identify. There were three healthy marijuana plants, each at least four feet tall. A dinner plate had been set out, and birds were flying onto the balcony and depositing seeds on the plate.

  "Where'd you get the flowerpots and stuff?"

  "Neighbors."

  "They gave them to you?"

  "Not exactly. I'm just borrowing them."

  I nodded. "Okay, if someone calls the cops on us, you can deal with them. Same goes for the weed."

  "Okay."

  "I wasn't sure what you eat. Mostly I have alcohol and frozen dinners."

  "Yeah, I saw that. I had a beer."

  "Anyway, I took a guess and bought some honey."

  "I want ice cream."

  "Yeah?"

  "Ben amp; Jerry's. Cherry Garcia or Chunky Monkey."

  "Okay, I'll have to go back to the store."

  "No hurry. I turned on the TV, but just to say hi. I told Mr. Clean he should have told you about your spells in the Between."

  "What'd he say?"

  "He said you didn't ask."

  I grunted. It was true, I hadn't asked. Sometimes Mr. Clean will volunteer information, but only if it isn't directly relevant to anything.

  "So you'll be living in the nest?"

  "Yeah, I'm still working on it. I could use some cotton balls."

  "In the bathroom, drawer under the sink."

  "Okay, thanks. Did you find the vampire?"

  "Not yet. I have someone working on it."

  "What then? You said he was protecting something."

  I wasn't sure how much I wanted to tell Honey about what I was working on. The fact was, I could only afford not to distrust her because she wasn't part of my world and didn't know my business. Then again, I needed her and if she was going to be rooming with me and working with me in the Between, she'd probably have to know sooner or later. Plus, I liked what she'd done with the place. At least she hadn't trashed it or stolen all my stuff.

  A decent human being would have left it at that. I spun up a spell and got inside Honey's head. "If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything," I said.

  The piskie's mind was an untidy place, but it was easy enough to find what I needed. She didn't know anything about the murders, or about Adan. She wanted to return to this world, and she wanted it with a fierceness that was almost overwhelming. She needed me, too. She wanted to be my friend.

  She trusted me.

  I dropped the spell. Honey wouldn't remember what I'd done to her. But I would.

  "I think someone is being possessed by an evil spirit," I said. "Someone in the organization I work for."

  "Your gang. You're a gangster."

  "Yeah, I guess. Anyway, this guy in my outfit is being possessed. I think the vampire is protecting the spirit in the Between."

  "A guy?"

  "Yeah, my boss's son. It's pretty complicated."

  "What's his name?"

  "Adan."

  "What's he look like?"

  "I don't know. He's good-looking, I guess."

  "You like him?"

  "Yeah, he's nice. You know, he's my boss's son."

  "Is he your boyfriend?"

  "No. Maybe. I don't know. We just met. Really, I just have to keep an eye on him because of the whole possession angle."

  "Why do you think he's possessed? Maybe he's just an asshole."

  I looked at Honey. She seemed cross. "Are you jealous, Honey?"

  Honey laughed. "Of course not! Why would I be jealous?"

  I shrugged. "I don't know, you just seem awfully interested in Adan."

  "You're my roommate. I just don't want you to be taken advantage of by some asshole."

  "Well, I don't think he's going to take advantage of me. He did threaten to skin me, but that was when he was possessed."

  "Are you going to go out with him again?"

  "Yeah, tonight. He's got to have something that belongs to the vampire. I need something of his to track him." I'd stopped by the canal on my way home, but there was no sign of Jimmy Lee's blanket.

  "You need something for a spell?"

  "No, it's hard for me to lock on to a vampire with my magic. Different kind of juice, I guess."

  "Have you slept with this guy?"

  "That's personal."

  "You haven't."

  I scowled. "Like I said, we just met. We've only had one real date."

  "But you want to sleep with him."

  "It's none of your business."

  "You do. Even though he wants to skin you."

  "He doesn't want to skin me. He was possessed by an evil spirit."

  "Do what you want. I'm just saying, I don't think you should have sex with some asshole who wants to skin you. It's irresponsible."

  "He's not an asshole. He's sweet."

  "How many people has he skinned so far?"

  "Just two."

  "That's sweet."

  "Possessed!"

  Honey shrugged.

  "So what about my training? Once I track down the vampire and take him out, then I can go back to the Between for the spirit. But I have to learn how to fight there before I can deal with it."

  "We could cross over and start tonight."

  "No, I have to meet Adan and get the thing from the vampire."

  "Didn't you look for something when we were there before, in the Between?"

  "Not really. I was looking for the spirit, or some clue that would lead me to it. I wasn't even thinking about Fred at the time."

  "What kind of person hangs out with a vampire, anyway?"

  "Yeah, I question his judgment on that one. He says Fred is cool."

  "He murders innocent people and drinks their blood."

  "Yeah. But I'm a gangster, so it's hard for me to win moral arguments."

  "Still, Domino, don't you think it says something about him that he's friends with a vampire?"

  I shrugged. "I guess vampires can be mysterious and intriguing, or whatever. Plus, his father is my boss. He had to be raised with a certain amount of ethical flexibility. Anyway, like I said, Fred is working with the spirit. I figure the spirit probably manipulated Adan into hanging out with him."

  "Domino, seriously, what do you know about this guy? You're pretty hot for him. What is it about him you like?"

  I shrugged.

  "Well, what does he do?"

  I frowned. "I don't know…he's taking some time off."

  "So he's a bum?"

  "No! He's got plenty of money. He's just between jobs."

  "What did he do before?"

  "He was in school."

  "Has he ever had a job?"

  I shrugged. "He's not a gangster."

  "That's what you like about him? He's not a gangster?"

  "Yeah, for one thing."

  "Your standards are really low. Shouldn't be hard to find a guy who isn't a gangster."

  "Yeah, but finding one who doesn't freak out every time I drop a spell is a little tougher."

  "Oh, I get it."

  I waited. Honey just hovered there and looked at me.

  "What? You get what?"

  "You're not falling for Adan. I mean, he's a bum-what's to fall for?"

  "He's not a bum and I never said I was falling for him."

  "You didn't have to. Anyway, you're not falling for Adan, you're falling for the idea of Adan."

  "What the hell are you talking about?"

  "You see it all the time in women who make bad choices about men. It's not the actual guy they fall for-he's just a blank canvas they can project their own needs onto."

  "Another Newsweek article?"

  "Cosmo."

&n
bsp; "Well, you're wrong, Honey."

  "Yeah, see, you don't want a gangster and you don't think you can have a normal man, and then here comes this…boy…and he's neither one. He's perfect, even if he is a bum and a serial killer."

  "He just needs to find himself."

  "You're hopeless."

  "Look, I'm not falling for him, Honey. But I do want to help him. And even if I didn't, it's my fucking job."

  "Well, if you have to go on a date with your sweet, vampire-loving, serial-killer boyfriend tonight, we can start your training tomorrow."

  "How long will it take? For me to learn the kung-fu magic, I mean?"

  "I don't know for sure. It shouldn't take very long. It's just manipulating magic. You already know how to do it-you just don't know you know."

  "What do you mean?"

  "It's like what you do when you cast a spell. Only you're not tapping the juice. You are the juice. You control the juice, you control your construct."

  "Sounds easy enough."

  "Yeah."

  "Okay, tomorrow then. After I track the vampire."

  "What if you can't find something to track him with?"

  "I don't know. I haven't thought that far ahead yet. I guess if I can't find Fred here, I'll have to deal with him in the Between."

  "He'll probably kill you. He was just playing before."

  "Yeah, well, then I better find something to track him. Don't jinx it. What are you going to do while I'm out?"

  "Probably work on my nest."

  "Okay. I'm going to grab a shower."

  "Sounds good. I need one, too." Honey leaped into the air and flew to the bathroom.

  "Honey?" I called.

  "Yeah?" I heard the shower running.

  "You know I'm not going to take a shower with you, right?"

  She flew back into the living room. "Why not?"

  "I'm just not. It's not appropriate."

  "You don't want me to see you naked?"

  "No, it's not that, it's just…roommates don't shower together."

  "Why not? Come on, I'll do your back."

  "Honey, you're a lot smaller than me. Don't you think that would take a really long time?"

  "Remember how fast I knocked you down before?"

  "Yeah."

  "I work fast."

  "That's not just in the Between? I thought that was your kung-fu magic."