Glory

by Ana Jolene

“I just woke up,” I admitted. Head lowering, Hastie placed a chaste kiss on my forehead. I allowed myself the indulgence and fell deeper into his embrace.

  His heart pounded loudly against my ear, revealing that he was scared too. When he pulled away, his eyes were firm. “We’re having a meeting later. I need you to come with me.”

  I nodded in agreement knowing full well that in coming to him with info, there was no going back now. “Sit down,” he ordered in a tone he often used with Glory MC. “We still have to talk.” As if on cue, the thumping beat of my heart picked up in tempo, surging forward with a rhythm that could compete with a professional drummer. I moved with sluggishness towards the bed, trying to ignore the ache in my bones that usually came with the dark haze of depression. “Thank you for telling me. I know you never planned to, but I’m glad you did. Can you tell me more about it?”

  I sighed, knowing this conversation was coming. But it didn’t make it any easier to talk about. “I don’t know what you want me to say, Hastie. It’s a mood disorder made up of manic episodes and bouts of depression. My mother had it too. It’s called bipolar II disorder.”

  Hastie frowned. “Manic episodes?”

  “Hypomania,” I corrected gently. “They are episodes where I have elevated moods.” I leaned into him slightly. “When I first met you, I was in a hypomania stage. I was a happy person. Outgoing. I didn’t require much sleep. I also had increased productivity.”

  “That doesn’t seem all that bad.”

  That was often the belief with hypomania. “It’s not always a party. It has its perks,” I admitted. “I have lots of energy.” I paused, giving him a look. “Sexual energy.” His eyebrows lifted with interest. “But it doesn’t always feel good. It’s like you’re hollow, existing in the shadows. You feel like a figment of your true self.”

  Hastie nodded as the words sunk in. “You also mentioned ‘bouts of depression’ . . .”

  “Yes. That’s another component of it.”

  “Are you depressed now?”

  Tears were forming in my eyes. I blinked them away, trying to keep a strong front. I didn’t want to break down in front of Hastie again. As I tried to pull myself together, Hastie remained silent, patiently waiting for me to answer.

  “You know what I love about you?” I blurted out to his surprise. “It’s that you’re so damn perceptive, Hastie. You see things that others don’t. You catch the mistakes I make and you know even without me telling you that I’m hurting.” I shook my head, feeling both grateful and undeserving. “Why haven’t you left yet?”

  Hastie’s brows knitted together in confusion. “Do you want me to leave?”

  God, no. “I don’t know. I just don’t understand why you aren’t running already. There’s only darkness within me.”

  “I’m not going anywhere.”

  “I’m crazy,” I whispered lamely, hating the word people often described me by.

  “Yeah. I get that, but I’m not leaving you because of it.” Then he was in front of me, crowding me in.

  “Stop, Hastie.” If he pushed any more, I’d break.

  “No. I want you back.”

  How could he still want me after all this? It just didn’t make sense. Every time someone learned about my disorder, they gave me a wide berth. As if they could catch my disease in the air they breathed.

  Hastie stepped forward again. I could feel the heat from his body warming the goose bumps on my skin. “I don’t think that’s a good idea. We tried that already and it didn’t work.”

  “Come on, Indy. Give me another chance.”

  “You’re the one who broke up with me, remember? This was what you wanted.”

  “I’m a fucking idiot,” he admitted. “I wanted to piss you off. I wanted you to hurt as much as I was hurting. But it was a stupid move on my part and I’ve regretted it every single day.” Everything about him softened. His eyes. His voice. His touch. “I gave up on you too soon, didn’t I?”

  “You wouldn’t be the first.”

  The hopelessness in my voice seemed to anger him because he pulled me into his arms and said, “I want you, Indy. I wanted you then. And I want you now.” His fingers danced along my jawline as he examined my face. “Let me be there to help you.”

  Being with someone with bipolar wouldn’t be easy on him. If he’d been frustrated with me once, it’d likely happen again. “Why put yourself in this situation when you don’t have to?”

  Hastie let out a long heavy sigh. “Everything is shit, Indy. People go on hoping that the solar flares will stop one day, but we all know it won’t. One day, there won’t be enough for all of us to survive. I want to know that the time I spend here is worth it. I look at you and I see a girl who laughs like the whole world is at peace.”

  I snorted. “That’s because my own world in my head is far more disastrous than this real one.”

  Hastie ignored that and went on. “No matter what you think, you’re not only darkness. When I’m with you, I feel like the luckiest bastard on earth. I feel brighter than I have in my entire life.” He took my hand in his, squeezing tightly. “Color, Indy—that’s what you are to me. You bring color into my life and I never want to lose hold of that.”

  If my heart could shatter into a million tiny pieces, it did right then. And then it reformed, feeling stronger and sturdier for the first time in a long time. I breathed in, taking in what he really meant and smiled.

  Hastie just told me he loved me.

  TWENTY-TWO

  Bad Company

  Indy

  “Don’t worry. It’s going to be okay.”

  That was easy for him to say. Hastie wasn’t the one about to face a pack of wolves.

  I was standing in Neptune’s as I had a million times before, but this was different. Today was church, their weekly meetings at the clubhouse. Glory MC rolled in with their black leather jackets and their shades covering their eyes. Their big bodies suffocated the space, leaving me feeling claustrophobic in the cramped room. Knuckle sat at the head of the table, flipping something over and over again in his hand. As the light caught it, I realized it was a blade.

  Hastie pulled a chair out for me, instructing me to sit. I wanted to shake my head, dart for the door and get out of there, but I steeled my spine and flopped into the chair, acting like a headache wasn’t already beginning to bloom behind my eyes.

  Bikers filed in one by one. Kitt closed the door behind him before taking his own seat. Opposite him, Lucky shot him a glare. Hmm. What was that about? But before I could say anything about it, Knuckle cleared his throat, his voice a booming sound that demanded full attention. “This is Indy,” he began. “She has come forward with some information that will affect us. I want you to listen to what she has to say. Then we’ll form a plan of action.”

  My anxiety triple as several sets of eyes slid in my direction. Beneath their gazes, I felt as if a spotlight had been placed upon me, bright lights, heat, and all. “Tell them what you saw,” Hastie ordered.

  The words automatically spewed out as I operated on auto drive. Though my words flowed freely, I made sure to pay special attention to the little details, knowing that they could help in finding this man. When I finished, I let out a breath of relief.

  Several curses from the bikers followed my reiteration. I could almost sense the growing anger filling the room. It swarmed over me like a wave before Hastie fidgeted behind me. How did I forget he was there? “Whoever this motherfucker is, we need to identify him ASAP.” There were several nods of agreement around the table. “The question is, do we continue with the run?”

  “How are we going to ensure the safety of the club?” Kitt asked, which had to be the question on everyone’s mind at the moment.

  “We don’t know for sure what they have planned,” Knuckle said. “But fuck if I’ll let them stop me for paying my respects to a good man one last time.”

  Sounds of approval echoed through the room. “Fuck it,” Lucky cursed. “Let’s ride as we alwa
ys do!”

  “You sure you want to do this?” Hastie asked the group.

  “They took Newt away from us. We won’t let them destroy our last chance to pay respect to a good man.”

  Before the flares, my therapist always emphasized the importance of support groups. In them, you received encouragement. You shared your concerns with them and learned other ways of coping. Sitting amidst this meeting, I realized that in a way, Glory MC was a support group of its own. Whatever obstacle stood in the way, the club approached it as a united front.

  “Okay, we’ll do the run, but there’s still the matter of finding out who the mystery man is that is meeting with Brennan,” Knuckle reminded everyone. “We need to know what he’s connected to. Learn if he’s a threat to us.”

  “Apart from Indy, no one knows what this guy looks like,” Lucky said. “It’s a bit hard to go just on her description alone.”

  “I could, um . . . I could always come to the run and keep an eye out for him. That is . . .” I trailed off, losing steam as their eyes all darted to me. “If you’d let me attend.”

  I realized my mistake a second too late. No one but Glory MC attended club functions. Usually women and prospects were all asked to wait outside during club meetings. The club was already making an exception for me right this moment as I sat in this chair. Gah, I was such an idiot! I said a quick “never mind” and got up to leave.

  “Wait!” Hastie called out as my hand reached the doorknob. I spun around, noticing that several sets of eyes were still pinned on me. “Do you think you could identify him in a crowd?”

  I shrugged my shoulders. “I guess.”

  “What about while on the back of a bike?”

  My brow lifted. That would be a little trickier but . . . “I could try.”

  Hastie turned back to his brothers, pinning them with a questioning look. “What do you say?” There were lips thinning, shoulders shrugging, mouths frowning, and heads shaking from all of them.

  At the head of the table, Knuckle was eying me suspiciously, one hand up to his chin as he deliberated. I held my breath, never realizing until now that I wanted him to believe I could do this. “Let her come,” he said simply.

  Yes!

  Hastie walked towards me and my smile grew bigger. “Thank you,” he breathed. “You don’t know how much this means to me. To all of us.”

  The praise caused me to flush. I wasn’t used to this type of acceptance and I definitely never thought to get it from Glory MC, but I couldn’t deny that it felt good. All it had taken me was to face my fears.

  I dared a glance around the room and this time, I didn’t see the hard faces and killer looks. Gratitude and respect shone back in the eyes of the bikers.

  Hastie

  Of course the power would go out right before an important event. About two hours ago, another flare rushed in, submerging Ward Four in darkness. As a result, we resorted to candlelight, flashlights, and what was left of the dying sun overhead.

  As we waited, Indy stood at my side, chomping down on her fingernails nervously as the rest of Glory MC got ready to ride. The decision to take her along with us was unconventional and broke our own rules, but dire circumstances resulted in taking extra precautions that we wouldn’t normally have taken. I could tell that she was nervous with the way her body remained tense and on edge. Her wide eyes were constantly darting around, looking for any signs of the mystery man who met with Brennan. Also, I think she was shocked by the sheer amount of bikers who had come out for the run.

  I was aware of the image we evoked. Solo, people saw us as dangerous. Together, we were lethal. As road captain, it was my responsibility to schedule everything down to the last detail, including the route and any fuel stops that were required. It was by far one of the most grueling yet gratifying duties of the club and was never taken lightly. Formerly, it had been Newt’s job. Thinking about him reminded me of why we needed to go through with this despite the threat.

  Clearing my throat loudly, I grabbed the attention of my brothers for the speech that was customary before every ride. “Welcome, brothers,” I called out into the crowd. “Today we honor a man who went above and beyond what it means to be part of Glory MC. For ten years, Newt showed us what it meant to be a brother. He taught us that the skill of riding can be learned. He taught us that loyalty is earned and never freely given. And he taught us that our brotherhood can withstand even the presence of death. We stand here today, united as one for the man who gave up his life so that we could live.” There was a pregnant pause that was filled with sorrow and loss.

  “His heart was a legend. Newt Connelly was a loyal brother, a bona fide leader, a true warrior in every sense of the word. He fought for us as we are fighting for him today. So let’s pay our respects to the baddest motherfucker we know!” A few chuckles sounded across the crowd.

  Knuckle came forward, reverently holding one of Newt’s biker shirts. Taking a pair of sharp shears, he began cutting slits into it. When he had snipped off several pieces, he held them up in the air.

  Taking holding of one of the strips of fabric, I tied the last remaining piece of my brother around my bicep, creating a makeshift armband as a way to commemorate him one last time. “This is for Newt,” I declared. “Anyone who wishes to have a piece of him on this ride can come forward and claim one. Let’s move in a tight formation, according to rank. You know how Newt likes it. Let’s show him what we’ve learned from him.”

  Brothers wrapped in leather stepped forward, each taking a piece of what was left of our fallen comrade and cinching the fabric around their arms. It was a gesture of solidarity that was moving to watch.

  Wrapping an arm around Indy, I pulled her towards me. Her body gave, leaning into me as my chest tightened with emotion. “You ready?” There was a spark of anxiety in her eyes, but behind that there was firm determination.

  She nodded and a shot of pride streaked through me at her bravery. I dropped my head down to kiss her.

  “Let’s roll!” I roared to the crowd. In answer, a thundering response overwhelmed me as the cries and hollers of the club rumbled through the night.

  As one, we all straddled our Harleys, revving the engines so loudly that Newt could probably hear us wherever the hell he was. Behind me, Indy wrapped her arms around me, pushing her breasts up against my back. A sense of peace came over me despite the threat of danger.

  We rode tire to tire, a lethal wave of grief and power. Brennan may have managed to take one of us down, but in the recent days after Newt’s passing, Glory MC had gotten tighter.

  As our fuel stop approached a few hours into our run, I led us off the road to the gas station. The many members began to pour in, filling up their gas tanks if need be. Without power, the generators were working overtime to keep the gas station lit and in service. Smoke spit out from them, mixing into the dark sky above us.

  Indy hopped off and made a quick run to the public bathroom before returning to my side. “What’re your thoughts on your first run?” I asked when she returned.

  “So far, so good.” She smiled. “Though I don’t know how you guys can go for so long.”

  “You’ll get used to it.”

  Her eyes travelled to Kitt as he pulled up towards us, a smile flashing on his own face. His hand dipped down to his canteen, twisting off the cap before downing the water. “Ever thought about getting your own Harley?” he asked Indy.

  “Why?”

  “You’re the first woman to ride with one of us on a run. Makes sense to have your own if you join us again.”

  A glitter of excitement sparkled in Indy’s eyes at the words. I grinned. “She likes being pressed up to me too much to get her own.”

  “Scared I’ll be a better rider than you are?” Indy shot back.

  “Better think about that Property of Glory patch, my man.” Kitt said as he laughed. “Otherwise, she just might take it from you.”

  Beside me, I felt Indy stiffen. “Hastie,” she whispered as she pointe
d at something in the distance. “He’s there. He’s there!” she repeated with more urgency.

  My eyes followed the direction of her gaze, taking in the dark shadows on the edges of the road. Two men stood there. By the breadth of his shoulders and the amused grin on his face, I knew which one was Brennan despite the shades covering his eyes. Beside him was another man described exactly as Indy had reported—dark shades, lean build.

  Cursing, I moved into action, swinging a leg over my bike to go after them. But by the time I kicked my bike into gear, Brennan was no longer standing there. My eyes slid farther down the road to see two escaping figures, highlighted by their headlights.

  “I’m going after him!” I called out over my shoulder before I ripped out of the gas station in hot pursuit. “You guys need to get out of here!”

  Indy

  My heart rattled against my ribcage as fear consumed me. Just like that, my amusement from earlier faded like newspaper left out in the sun, feeling thin and brittle. Before I could blink, Hastie had climbed his Harley and took off like a rocket. I slid a concerned glance at Lucky, knowing full well how dangerous this was. As if on the same wavelength, Lucky mounted his own bike and shot me a simple nod before following after his best friend. With bated breath, I watched their figures disappear until they were swallowed by the darkness.

  “Come on,” a voice said beside me. Turning, I found Kitt, sitting on his own bike, hand extended. “We can’t wait for them here.”

  But what were we going to do in the meantime? Did Glory MC intend to continue their run without their road captain?

  I shook my head, knowing that this was wrong, but quickly realized that there was nothing more I could do. I turned to the road that Lucky and Hastie had disappeared down. “He won’t like it if you stay here,” Kitt explained.

  Nodding, but still reluctant, I placed my hand into Kitt’s larger one and straddled his Harley. Knuckle moved to lead the group back onto the road. “Let’s finish this,” he yelled just as a blinding explosion erupted behind us.