Moving On Without You

by Kiarah Whitehead

  Moving On

  Moving On Without You

  1st Edition

  Copyright 2014 Kiarah Whitehead

  Published by Kiarah Whitehead / Kiarah Publishing

  ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

  This book contains material

  protected under International and Federal Copyright

  Laws and Treaties. Any unauthorized reprint or use of

  this material is prohibited. No part of this book may be

  reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means,

  electronic or mechanical, including photocopying,

  recording, or by any information storage and retrieval

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  author / publisher.

  Table of Contents

  Summer

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Semester I

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Semester II

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Connect with the Author

  Summer

  Chapter 1

  Friday nights always sucked. They were when every girl went out on dates with their boyfriends. Tracy couldn't go out on dates because her mother would never allow it. There was no boyfriend to speak of either. Quite a few guys had approached her this summer, but no one was ever worth her time or energy. Sleeping in, watching television, and talking on the phone were the only activities worthwhile―well until her girlfriends started going on and on about their boyfriends. Then it was time to hang up.

  Devon was out with his girlfriend he had met two months before. The two of them were inseparable since the day they met and being around them made Tracy sick. She could not understand how two people who didn't even know each other just three months ago could be so infatuated. They lived right around the corner from each other and spent every possible hour together until it was time to go to bed which forced them to retreat to their respective residences.

  Keisha had a boyfriend as well. She lived next door to him and Tracy was not sure how long the romance could possibly last. Anyone in that close of proximity to their lover could not be taken seriously. They snuck in and out of each other's windows when their parents weren't looking and attempted to keep the relationship a secret. The heavy petting had been going on for a few weeks but couldn't possibly last past the summer.

  Chloe was still single, but she had a date just about every week. In addition to that, she lived so far from Tracy that they couldn't have a functional friendship over the summer anyway. Neither of the two of them had cars or licenses. This left them stuck on two different sides of town seeing each other only once or twice since finals.

  Tons of movies were on television keeping Tracy from losing too much of her mind. She was grateful that her mother did not sign her up for camp this year. Relaxing for a stretch was exactly what Tracy needed to regroup after the previous school year's events. The boredom was beginning to agitate her though.

  She had no purpose during the summer months. There was only so much sleeping one person could do. Getting a job may have been a good idea, but it was hard to find a job that would hire a fifteen year old. Tracy had gone to get her work permit two summers before but had not used it once. Her laziness usually got the best of her. Working so hard on schoolwork made up for her lackadaisical attitude in the summer. Her mother didn't make a huge fuss about it unless Tracy asked for anything out of the ordinary. Then, she reverted to her soapbox until Tracy's eyes glazed over.

  Sean didn't have anybody in his life which made him the perfect phone buddy. Tracy talked to Sean every day that summer. He always had a ridiculous story to take her mind off of her own life. They didn't live too far from each other which meant they could convince their mothers to transport them back and forth to see each other at least once a week. When they both ended up at their grandmother's houses they would meet up and hang out.

  It was almost ninety degrees and the two of them couldn't stand the heat any longer. They decided to walk to the corner store for ice cream bars. They turned the corner walking past a crew of guys standing against the brick wall and entered the store.

  Sean took his time selecting his ice cream cone while Tracy went up to pay for her bar and a few other snacks. The clerk stuffed their purchases in two paper bags and studied the children until they exited the establishment.

  "I hate when he stares at me like that," Tracy said.

  "Yeah. I'm gonna stop going in that store. He makes me sick. He acts like I'm wanna steal something from out of there."

  "I know."

  "Hey, lady."

  A tall guy ran to catch up to Tracy before she crossed the street.

  "Hi."

  "How are you today?"

  "Fine."

  "What's your name?"

  "Tracy."

  "I had to come over here and tell you that you're fine, but you probably already knew that huh?"

  Tracy smiled and stopped to listen him.

  "Thanks."

  "I'm Terry. I think I've seen you around."

  "Yeah, I go to Jefferson."

  "Oh okay. You're a senior?"

  "Next year."

  Tracy lied. She was not sure why, but he seemed like he was too old for her.

  "Tracy."

  Sean was getting impatient, forcing her to end the conversation pre-maturely. She wanted to get to know the guy, but she was too shy to make the move in front of her friend.

  "I gotta go."

  Tracy shrugged and walked up to join Sean.

  "Bye, slim."

  Terry was undeniably attractive—almost too attractive—but she did not want to put too much thought into the random meeting. A lot of guys were interested in Tracy, but most of them did not follow up with a serious pursuit. They made cat-calls in front of their friends, but they did not make a real effort to chase her. It was a game the boys played to impress their friends, but Tracy was not interested in games.

  Kids were running down the block playing basketball. The portable hoop was stationed adjacent to one of the neighbors' driveways facing the narrow street. It seemed impossibly high for some of the kids and the street wasn't wide enough to be a court, but this was their way of keeping the driveway open for cars. The children ran back and forth stealing the ball and pitching shots until cars honked for a path.

  Sean's grandmother's home was a few houses down. That was one place that Tracy spent a lot of her time as of late. Sean had become very close to Tracy and it was hard to imagine that just a year ago they weren't even speaking. Friendship had begun to take a backseat when relationships started developing and love became a priority. When the carpet was snatched from beneath her and all she had left was Sean, it was like her eyes opened for the first time. It was a good thing he hadn't left her behind as well.

  The weekend was going to be a long one because she was staying at her grandmother's house while her mother was out of town on a cruise. The trip was meant to be a getaway which meant Tracy was not invited and she could not be trusted in the house alone. Betty's house was boring. She had cancelled her cable subscription and all her movies were outdated. Phone calls were limited because she called her friends as long as she was awake. Tracy caught up with Sean whenever she could, but made she made sure to come home before the streetlights came on. The nights were long because nothing came on during prime-time and basic channels reverted to syndicated sit-com reruns. Time s
eemed to stand still waiting for her mother to get back off that plane.

  Tracy went to the corner store to get a break. It was nice to just take a walk and show off her outfit. Nobody had really seen any of her summer clothes since she was cooped up in the house most of the time. Once outside she realized how humid it had become and made a point to get back inside as soon as possible.

  Trying to walk without breaking a sweat was exhausting and her thighs were sticking together less than halfway to the store. She walked with her head high until a few men entered her peripheral. Her eyes shifted to the passing cars and then the pavement, then the steps leading into the store. The eyes focused on her were distracting, but it was important not to lose focus of the current goal―get in and out of the store as quickly as possible without engaging in any conversation. The men hissed at her intolerance, but she refused to give in. Halfway down the chip aisle she squatted to choose her favorite snack bags.

  "Hey."

  The dark jeans were distracting her from her hunt.

  "Hi."

  She looked up to see the guy she had met a few days before.

  "Oh god," she said.

  "I knew you'd remember me."

  "Yeah, I remember you."

  "So how you been?"

  "Fine."

  "I can see that."

  It was shocking to see that his looks were not exaggerated the last time they ran into each other. He was just as attractive as the day before, frighteningly tall compared to her five foot five inch frame, and filled with confidence.

  "You buying a lot of snacks. You're not afraid of ruining your figure?"

  "No. Not really."

  She put the junk food up on the counter and grabbed a few candy bars and beef jerky. She was not making a second trip in this heat. When she went into her pocket to pull out the cash her mother had given her he motioned his hand to stop her.

  "I got it," he said.

  Tracy was not sure if she should allow him to pay. She did not want to owe the stranger anything. Her thoughts weren't coming fast enough because he had already paid and picked up the plastic bag.

  "You didn't have to do that."

  She took the bag back from him when they got to the front of the store. His friends were preoccupied bidding on a dirt bike down the block.

  "I wanted to. You're too pretty to be paying for stuff like that. . . .What you about to do?"

  "I'm going back home. It's too hot out here."

  "Oh you can't take the heat?"

  Tracy wondered how he was not burning up in the denim jeans he was wearing. She had on nothing but a tank top and shorts and felt like she would pass out. The spring water was the only thing keeping her from falling to the ground. She wanted to stay and chat with Terry, but the sweat forming all over her body was not going to be cute when it started seeping through her clothes. It wouldn't take long to soak through the back of her shirt.

  "No, I'm about to die in a minute."

  It was too hot to play this game.

  "Let me get your number. I'll call you and we can go out sometime. Get some ice cream, go to a movie. Some place that has air conditioning?"

  He smirked as if he was sure she'd say yes, but Tracy wasn't entirely sure she could even get permission to leave the house. Where would she tell her mother she was going? She could not resist that smile though.

  "Sure."

  She typed her home number into his phone and saved it with her first name only. It probably wasn't the best idea considering Janet was home more than Tracy was, but it was already done now.

  "Alright. Imma call you."

  "Okay. Bye."

  Tracy turned to walk back to her grandmother's swinging the plastic bag with each step. The sweat was trickling down her back and she hoped it did not show. She felt his eyes, but did not want to turn around to confirm. After a few blocks it was safe to cross the street and glance back, but he was no longer there. It was hard to believe a guy like that was giving her the time of day, but her negative ideas could not ruin this moment yet.

  Terry had been calling every night at nine thirty to check on Tracy. She told him she was usually home by nine o'clock and he could catch her then. The truth was it was the time that her mother usually left for work and from then until seven in the morning, Tracy had the house to herself. Terry had never called on a weekend, but that was because he was too busy hanging out with his own friends and family.

  Tonight Terry had convinced Tracy to let him come over and have their nightly conversation in person. Not wanting to make things difficult, she agreed that he could visit. It couldn't be determined how far the relationship would go, but the journey was still interesting enough to keep up the pursuit.

  Terry arrived a few minutes after Tracy left the shower. She was dressed in sweatpants and a tee shirt. Feeling plain but there was no time to properly plan a real outfit. The request had come at the last minute and not being fully prepared she invited him over. No guy had ever been in her home this late at night. Sneaking out was one thing, but bringing someone in was a whole new ballgame.

  Her nerves were heightened the entire time he was there. Paranoia got the best of her and every sound was assumed to be her mother. Tracy and Terry still had not discussed the status of their relationship and Tracy was too intimidated to ask. She did not know if he would think she was childish or simple and this made her keep her thoughts to herself. Tracy stared at the television until her nerves took over. Retreating to the kitchen allowed her to catch her breath and gather her thoughts.

  The guy had not tried to kiss her or pressure her in any way. There was no reason to be afraid. She had spoken to Terry ten times on the phone and he was normal enough. He must have thought she was a freak. She took a deep breath and headed back to the living room. With two glasses of water in hand she returned to the opposite end of the couch.

  "Thanks." He smiled sweetly.

  This was the most innocent she had ever seen him look. It was only the third time she had seen him in person. Tracy let her guard down and leaned on his shoulder to watch the starting credits to a movie. He rested his arm on hers. The two sat quietly as the movie played and he did not ask her for anything. It surprised her that he didn't seem to expect anything from her. She almost felt comfortable in his presence.

  Terry picked Tracy up the following night to take her to a movie. He had a nice silver sports car that looked brand new. He insisted that it wasn't. No one else Tracy knew had a car that expensive besides her father. She felt like an adult stepping into the passenger seat with this guy.

  They rode around for a while until Terry pulled into an unfamiliar parking lot. Tracy had never been to this movie theater. It was pretty far from where she lived, but she did not question it. She hopped out of the car and followed her date inside.

  Sitting in the theater waiting for the movie to start reminded her of her first date. Tracy tried to push the thoughts of Max out of her head. He hadn't called her in months and it was a stupid fantasy to hold on to. Max wasn't coming back.

  "You know anything about this movie?" he asked.

  "It looks funny. I don't know much about it though."

  He was attempting to make conversation. She leaned back in the chair as the lights dimmed. If she was here with any other guy she would probably be kissing him, but she did not feel like kissing Terry. He didn't reach over to touch her either. Tracy sat with her back pressed against the cushy chair and focused on the screen.

  The ending of the movie brought Tracy's anxiety back. She was beginning to worry that Terry saw her as a friend. He didn't even try to hold her hand. When they got back in the car he put the key in the ignition but paused.

  "Do you like me?" Terry asked.

  "Of course I like you. Why else would I be here?"

  "Well I wasn't sure. You're not really aggressive."

  "That's not really my thing. I think I'd rather be chased."

  He took the comment as an invitation and pressed his lips against hers. Sh
e was glad Max had taught her how to kiss or that moment would have been a lot more awkward. Terry was only the second guy Tracy had kissed, but it wasn't like kissing Max. It actually felt like kissing a stranger. It was as if she was breaking the rules and soon someone would come to stomp on their parade. She did not feel much of a connection, but she went through the motions because she did not know what else to do.

  The more time Tracy spent with Terry, the more she worried about what Terry was expecting. So far it had just been a movie date, but Tracy felt like more was coming. All she did was think about what she would do the next time he asked to come over her house. It seemed like a good time to consider her options for birth control just in case things got serious. If she could not be with the only person she had ever loved, she might as well have fun with someone good-looking.

  "Mom?"

  "Yes?"

  "I think I should get on birth control."

  "Birth control?"

  Janet spun around so fast she almost knocked the boiling pot off the stove. "For what? Are you having sex?"

  "Well, no."

  "So what do you need birth control for?"

  Tracy couldn't tell her mother about Terry. Janet had asked about the random numbers on the caller ID, but Tracy had been able to convince her it was one of her friends.

  "I don't know. I just thought I might want to and so I should be prepared just in case it might happen."

  "Tracy, it does not just happen like that. Do you even have a boyfriend?"

  Terry hadn't said what they were. They hung out and talked on the phone, but they didn't discuss any titles or rules. Tracy knew he didn't belong to her.

  "No."

  "So what do you need it for? That's a waste of time. You're not ready for sex."

  It had taken a lot to muster up the courage to start this conversation and Tracy did not feel comfortable pressing the issue. Her mother wasn't going to understand this without her explaining what was really going on and that probably would not turn out well. No words could really make it sound right so Tracy gave up the idea of her mother walking her into their family gynecologists' office and asking for a pill pack.