Reckless (A Carolina Coastal Novel Book 3)

by Kelsey Cheyenne

  “I just want to understand,” Carson finally speaks up. Her soft tone is curious. She’s begging us to explain this to her, but I don’t know how many more ways we can explain ourselves. “Why would you want to be with someone so much younger than you? It’s nothing against my sister; I know she’s great and beautiful. I get that. But…” The sentence hangs, as if she can’t find the words.

  “Flynn is the first person who’s made me feel alive in a very long time. If you remember, my daughter passed away from cancer six years ago. Grief changes people. I was married for a long time and we grew apart. It got ugly and we got divorced and things were very dark for me for a very long time. Flynn helped pull me out of that. When I look at her, I see hope. For both of us. Her age was a factor in the beginning and I tried to stay away from her when I learned she was my patient. But no matter what, we kept coming back to one another. I’m done fighting.”

  It’s a stark reality that we have to explain our relationship to my own family. They’re the people are who supposed to love and support me unconditionally. This is the reality I’m choosing for myself and it sucks. People are too judgmental. Even if the world doesn’t know he’s my doctor, we’re always going to get looks from people simply because of our age difference. Fifteen years is not that much. It’s not like he’s sixty, for Christ’s sake.

  “Okay.” The one word hangs in the air as my sister takes a sip of her water. “I think it’s time for me to head out. I’m sure Wren and Ava are wondering where I am.”

  “Are we good?” It’s quite possibly the first time in my life I’ve worried about what my sister thinks of me.

  “I just need some time to process.”

  “Are you going to tell Mom?” I walk her to the door and her shoulders slump with the question.

  “No. I’m going to let you tell her.”

  Twenty-Six

  Flynn

  “Well, well, well. Look who decided to show her face for once. I thought you died.” Cara tells me once she opens the door. I step over the threshold into my best friends’ apartment. I, of all people, never thought I’d be one of those girls who ditches their friends for a fucking guy.

  “I know. I suck.” I plop down on the couch beside Dani, and Cara joins us.

  “Where the hell have you been?” Cara’s voice is accusatory and I can’t even blame her.

  “You guys probably wouldn’t believe half the shit that’s been going on.” I give them the overview of everything I’ve been dealing with. I still leave out my relationship with Liam, not knowing if I should confide in them or not. I hope the rest of my problems are enough of an explanation for why I’ve ghosted them the past several weeks.

  Once my word vomit subsides, Dani whistles. “Shit. I don’t even know where to start.”

  “I do,” Cara adds. “Since your dad isn’t your dad, is it cool if I start calling him a DILF again? Hell, since he and your mom are on the outs, do you think he’d go for me?”

  “Ew. I think I just threw up in my mouth.”

  My best friend shrugs.

  “But for real. We’re going out tonight. You need it and we need some best friend recon. You’re not allowed to say no, so don’t even consider it,” Dani states.

  “When have I ever been one to turn down a night out?”

  “Um, I don’t know, you tell us since that’s basically been your MO the past month.” I grimace. Cara’s right. I’ve been a shitty friend.

  “Well, then I have a lot to make up for.”

  An hour later, we’re pulling up to the bar in our Uber. We’re trying a new bar tonight and it looks like they invited the rest of the crew to come along. It’s not as packed in here as Pécher tends to be, but there’s a steady enough stream of people to not classify this place as dead.

  The music isn’t painfully loud, which is a nice change of pace. The drinks aren’t overpriced and the booths are big enough to fit all of us in one. The lights are dim but bright enough to still be able to see. There are more tables here than dance floor and it definitely has more of a dive bar feel.

  Dani is sitting in the middle of the booth beside her boyfriend. Cara is beside them with a new couple I haven’t seen before. I guess when I went MIA they replaced me with this duo.

  I’m sitting on the end of the booth wearing a dress with a high-thigh slit I borrowed from Cara. If I scoot around too much I’ll be flashing everyone my fucking vagina. It wouldn’t be the first time, but now I have Liam to think about.

  Someone’s arrival blocks the already-dim lights. I glance up and see Damon standing over us. To no one’s surprise, he slides in right beside me. When will he get a clue?

  I take a sip of my beer, careful to pace myself thanks to my meds. I’ve felt good and clear-headed the past week or so. I think the meds are finally in my system and working their magic. Liam told me it would take some time, and I didn’t notice the gradual difference at first, but slowly, I’ve caught my mindset changing.

  It’s the little things, but to me they’re big things. Like how I worried what my sister thought of me with the Liam revelation. How I’m putting my boyfriend’s needs ahead of my own. It’s tiny, selfless details, things I never would’ve considered previously. I was selfish before. I’ve even noticed my temperament has calmed down and I’m not as quick to anger.

  In part, it’s because of Liam. Being around him calms me. He’s made me a better person, and not just because of my diagnosis and the medication. I’m happier because of him. My mood is lighter and my fuse is longer.

  Fuck. Love really is a powerful thing.

  But nobody is perfect.

  When Damon slides into the booth, part of me reverts to the person I used to be. Mindlessly flirting with him is like a pastime to me. Each of my friends is occupied with their boyfriends or potential hookups. As always, I fall into a pattern with my ex. We speak in hushed whispers and I remember when his charm was enough for him to get into my pants. He doesn’t have any effect on me anymore; it’s not like that. My heart is solely focused on one man, but the familiarity is comfortable.

  “You look good, Fletcher. Happy,” he tells me.

  “I am happy.”

  “I think I have something that would make you happier.”

  “I swear to God if you pull out your dick right now…”

  He laughs, but it wouldn’t be the first time we’ve fooled around in the booth with my friends beside us.

  “No. Something smaller and whiter.”

  “Smaller and whiter than your dick? I didn’t know anything like that existed.”

  “Ha ha.” He pulls a vial from his pocket filled with white powder.

  My heart rate skyrockets as I debate my options. I look around my circle of friends, but no one here is even paying attention. Even if they were, it’s not like they wouldn’t encourage me to do a bump.

  My ex’s hand comes to rest on my thigh, mindlessly playing with the fabric at the slit. I watch his fingers, distracted for a moment, when he pulls me back out of it.

  “Come on, Flynn. What’s it gonna be?” Damon’s eyes light up with mischief and a smirk pulls at his lips. It’s like he can read my mind, like he knows if he taunts me enough, I’ll cave.

  I desperately want to prove him wrong, but you know what they say about old habits. One little line can’t hurt, right?

  Where the hell am I?

  The loud vibrating of my phone rattles against the floor. I reach down off the side of the couch I’m lying on and silence the offending device. It’s splitting my head in two listening to it bounce against the hardwood floor. As soon as it’s silenced, it starts vibrating again. What the fuck? I take in my surroundings for the first time through a half-open eye-lid.

  I’m in Cara and Dani’s apartment in an oversized t-shirt I don’t remember putting on. I must’ve crashed here, though I have no recollection of how I got here or what else happened last night.

  “Need coffee?” Cara asks, pushing my feet to the side to sit beside me as she ha
nds me a mug.

  “Black and in a vat, preferably.” My head throbs as I sit up and my stomach recoils from the motion. I glance at my phone and see a handful of missed calls from Liam. Shit.

  Flynn: I’m okay. I crashed at Cara’s last night. Sorry I forgot to call.

  As far as apologies go, mine is pretty lame, but I don’t know what else to tell him right now. As I sip my coffee, the events of last night play back in my mind like I’m looking at snapshots. I remember following Damon into the bathroom to do a line. I also remember not feeling high enough, the effect was reduced and not what it usually was. So I did two more.

  Damon came onto me, no surprise there, but I had enough sense to turn him down, thank fuck.

  Once we got back to the table, I chugged my beer. My friends were all doing shots while they were assuming Damon and I were doing each other. They offered me one, but I was starting to feel loopy.

  The panic set in after that and the realization that I couldn’t go home to Liam like this. He’d be so disappointed in me, and when I tell him the truth today, he’s still going to be upset.

  I’m mad at myself for backsliding. It’s not like I want to be boring and sober, but knowing what I know now about my birth father, I shouldn’t risk it or put myself in these situations.

  God, when did I become so fucking lame?

  “Dani stay at her boyfriends?” I ask.

  “Yup,” Cara nods before looking for dirt on me. “So, what’s going on with you and Damon? You two are always so hot and cold. You should cave and get back with him already,” Cara says between sips of her coffee.

  “Absolutely not. There is nothing going on between us and there never will be again.”

  “Why? He’s into you. You’re both single and get along great. You two always sneak away together every time we go out. It’s not like it would be much of a surprise.” Cara eyes me, trying to understand what she’s missing.

  “I’m not into him, okay? I’ve moved beyond that chapter. That book has ended and I’m never planning on rereading it.” I run a hand through my hair. I’m completely over this conversation. I start walking through the apartment to find my clothes I wore here yesterday.

  “Who the hell even are you anymore?” She calls after me. “I barely recognize you. You vanished and don’t even talk to us anymore. At least if you were with Damon we’d see you again.”

  “It’s not going to happen, Cara. Drop it. He’s no good for me.” I find my clothes and get changed, knowing this argument is going downhill fast.

  “Okay, when did you become Mister Rogers?”

  I’m grateful Dani isn’t here to put in her two cents. Since she’s the one cuffed, I’m normally fighting with her over this, not Cara.

  “I’m actually doing good for once in my life, can’t you see that? Last night drug me back down to a place I don’t want to be. My birth father was a drug addict and I confided in you last night, but you don’t even care. You’re all about the party and I’m over that scene.”

  “Since when? You’ve been all about the party your entire life. Until therapy,” Cara spits.

  “Maybe I’ve changed. Maybe I’ve grown up. You should try it sometimes.”

  “Maybe you shouldn’t be acting all holier than thou as if you’re a born again Catholic or some shit.”

  “I really don’t need this from you right now. I have enough to deal with. Call me when you grow the hell up.” I storm out, not bothering to utter a goodbye to the person I thought was my best friend.

  Twenty-Seven

  Flynn

  “I’m sorry.” I told Liam everything the second I got home. I stormed out of Cara and Dani’s place without another word and I don’t have any intention to go back. They’re no good for me; I can see that now. At least, Cara isn’t, but I’m sure Dani will take her side anyway.

  It just sucks because no matter how shitty, they were my only friends. I’ve lost them, my family is falling apart, and the way Liam is looking at me right now tells me he’s about to say he’s not mad, just disappointed, as if we all don’t know that’s so much worse.

  “Lithium can make cocaine less effective, that’s why you weren’t feeling the full high. You’re lucky you didn’t overdose.” My blood runs cold as the words sink into my brain.

  “Well, I’m officially done with it. All of it. The drugs, the drinking…my friends. None of it seems fun anymore.”

  “I’m glad you had this revelation, but I’m upset at the way you had to discover it. You had me worried sick last night, Flynn. You didn’t call or text. I can’t do that. I’m too old to play games. If you’re going to be a part of this relationship, you need to communicate with me.”

  “Yes, Daddy.” At that, he smirks. It’s too soon to play the daddy issues card, but seeing that gleam in his eye has me feeling some kind of way. “Did I mention how sorry I am?”

  “You did, but I think I have a better idea of how you can apologize.” He takes my hand and I follow him into the bedroom. It feels like a long-awaited victory and I’m ready to jump on the bed and fist pump with euphoria.

  He’s been treating me like a fragile China doll ever since I moved in. When my home life fell apart, it’s like he didn’t want to push me or rush me. Maybe he thought if I used sex to deal with my problems, I’d be falling into old habits. I think he can see now that’s not the case. As shitty as it sounds, I never felt guilty for my selfish actions before. I did what I wanted to do, fuck the repercussions. I didn’t give a shit about anyone else, really. Not until him.

  Guilt from last night consumes me like it’s pouring from my every pore. I think he sees that.

  Liam is like a present I’m dying to open. I want to tear into the wrapping, peel away the layers covering him up, and use him like a new toy I’ve been dying to get my hands on. He, however, has other plans.

  We stand beside the bed and his hands fall to my shoulders. He looks at me like he’s going to savor me for hours while I look at him ready to swallow him whole. His hands fall down my arms and goosebumps pebble on my flesh. Once he reaches my waist, he peels my t-shirt up ever so slowly. He’s torturing me, punishing me. The cool air hits my heated skin.

  In a flash, my breasts are exposed and my nipples tighten. They’re desperate for his touch and thank God he doesn’t deny them. His mouth covers one pink bud and a breathy moan pours from my throat. I love the way his tongue dances across my piercing. He knows the perfect amount of pressure to send me over the edge.

  I whimper as his mouth leaves my breast and moves up to my neck. His hands find a home on my waist, but I’m grateful he doesn’t linger there too long. His fingers find the button of my jeans and he pops it open before pulling down the zipper. If I had it my way, he’d already be inside me. Instead, he pulls down my pants like we have all the time in the world. In reality, if he doesn’t fuck me soon, I may die from deprivation. His hands trail down my legs as he peels away my jeans. His fingertips leave heat wherever he touches. I’m on fire, thanks to Liam awakening every nerve ending in my body.

  I try to undress him, but he pushes me away with a shake of his head. No fair. I pout and the expression has him smirking. He’s happy with himself and I’m miserable.

  With a nudge, he gentle pushes me back onto the bed. My panties are still on and they’re soaked. I lie back onto the pillows and spread my legs wide. Liam’s eyes are black with desire, but he’s not touching me. I’m ready to combust and he’s taking his precious time.

  I trail my hand down my stomach and hook my fingers around the side of my panties, exposing myself to him. If he’s not going to touch me, I will. I’m drenched and ready for him. I push two of my fingers into my core and arch my back as I hit my g-spot. A moan flies from my lips and similarly, I hear him groan. If he wants to be a tease, two can play this game. I remove my fingers and spread my lips, showing him what he’s missing. My hand moves up to swirl around my throbbing clit. I put pressure on the tight bud and call out Liam’s name.

  In
an instant, he’s on me, devouring me. He shoves my hand to the side and his mouth latches onto me, lapping up everything I give him. I cry out and ride his tongue. He fucks me with his mouth and I see stars. I come, screaming his name, and the slow lovemaking is long forgotten. Liam pulls his pants down just enough to pull out his thick cock. He slams into me and I sigh in bliss. He groans as he pounds into me and his dick feels like home. My hips meet him, thrust for thrust until he can’t hold off anymore. He grits out my name like a curse and pours himself into me. Stilling, he leans down to kiss me. Our foreheads touch, both sticky from exertion and orgasms.

  “That’s not how I wanted that to go,” he says almost sadly.

  “Well, we have all night,” I smirk, sated for now, but I haven’t gotten near my fill of him tonight.

  He pulls out of me and I’m sure I’m spilling all over his sheets. I turn on my side, admiring him, watching as he finally removes his shirt and kicks his pants off the rest of the way. He leaves his briefs on, covering his magnificent cock back up, though I’m already hungry for more.

  Once he lies back down beside me, I trail my fingers over smattering of hair across his chest.

  “I love you, ya know.”

  “I know now.” He kisses me and his smile lights up the room.

  “Let’s not make a big deal about it or anything.” My cheeks heat and I’m tempted to cover my face.

  “But it is a big deal, Flynn. It’s everything.”

  Liam has been quiet since last night, also known as The Night I Said I Love You for the First Time. It’s kind of a big deal. I think he’s dealing with Miranda in one way or another, but he’s keeping me out of it. He’s busy trying to find a long-term solution for us and I worry he’s not telling me because he doesn’t actually have a plan.

  Ever since my blow up with Carson, I can’t stop thinking about the repercussions and if this relationship is worth it. For me, I don’t have any doubts. But I’m not the one with everything on the line. I don’t have anything to lose while Liam has everything. But he won’t talk to me about that either. He only assures me he has a handle on all of it and I’m forced to trust him.