by Joan Hohl
“If I recall correctly,” he drawled in a quiet, dangerous tone, “you told me to go to hell that day.”
I was young. I was upset. I was hurt. AH these and more excuses flashed through Tina’s mind; she discarded every one of them. Lifting her chin defiantly, she met his glinting blue eyes steadily.
“That’s right.”
A flicker of admiration feathered Dirk’s eyes, then he veiled them again in frost. “I should have pulled you out of that damned school then and there.” Dirk raked her body with a searing glance. “You really never used the degree you went for anyway.”
“Never used it!” Tina exclaimed sharply. “Of course I used it ... I’m still using it!”
“You need a certificate in physical education to curl some bimbo’s hair?” Dirk sneered. “You need that certificate to employ some limp-wristed—
“Dirk!” Tina’s sharp tone sliced across his jeering words, “Paul Rambeau is not some limp-wristed anything! Paul is a very talented hairstylist.” Pausing to control her rising voice, Tina literally threw her fork onto the tabletop. “And I do not cater to bimbos!”
Dirk snorted.
Tina saw red. Incensed, she leaned close to him, spitting her words into his face.
“I use my certificate every day, in a hell of a lot more ways than I would have done by becoming a high school physical education teacher. And I make a hell of a lot more money at it too.”
“Indeed?”
Had Tina not been so consumed with outrage, she would have recognized the trap Dirk had set for her. But as she was outraged, thoroughly outraged, she walked right into it.
“Yes,” she enunciated clearly. “Indeed.”
“Then, perhaps you’ll explain to me just why you’re always in such dire financial straits.”
Tina could have screamed with frustration. Instead, she sputtered with indignation. “I—well, I need the money for—
“All your creditors?” Dirk interrupted. “And to meet all the forever expenses like heat, electricity, water, and the phone bills?” He shook his head wonderingly. “Then., of course., let us not forget the exorbitant rent on your apartment, your penchant for rather expensive but terribly darling little sports cars, and the absolute necessity of being seen in the very latest designer fashions.” Dirk smiled sarcastically. “Is that what you were going to say, love?”
It was not until later that Tina realized how very close she came to retaliating with a physical blow. It was also not until later that Tina realized how very fortunate it was for her that she only retaliated verbally; as it was, Dirk reacted in a way that stunned her.
“You really are a cynical bastard, aren’t you?” Tina flung the accusation at him hotly.
Dirk pushed his chair back forcefully. “I’ve had enough of your curses, Tina.” Grasping her roughly by the shoulders, he jerked her to her feet, knocking the air from her chest as he pulled her against him. “You’ve been cursing me in one way or another for five long years—and I’m sick of it.”
“Tough!” Sheer bravado prompted Tina’s sharp reply. Her bravado earned her a punishing kiss.
Muttering a rather colorful expletive, Dirk crushed her lips under his own, forcing them apart ruthlessly. When Tina began to struggle to free herself, he anchored her head by running his fingers into her hair. Still, Tina attempted to free herself by squirming frantically. Dirk merely tightened his hold and ground his mouth into hers.
Then, slowly, subtly the kiss changed, becoming coaxing, beguiling. With a groaning murmur, Dirk played at the corners of her mouth with his tongue, teasing a response from her lips that Tina was suddenly powerless to control.
Sweeping his hand down her spine, he spread his fingers at the base and drew her body up and in to meet the urgent thrust of his hips. Binding her to him with one hand entangled in her hair and the other caressing the small of her back, Dirk evoked near delirium in Tina by stroking his tongue over hers.
All the fight went out of her on a softly expelled sigh. Raising her hands to clasp his head, she let her body glide sinuously against his hard angles, shivering with the hungry groan her action elicited from deep in his throat.
By the time Dirk slid his lips from hers to trail moist kisses down the arching curve of her throat, Tina was making incoherent, urgent sounds of enticement.
“Oh, Tina.” The words were torn from Dirk’s soul. “Oh, God, Tina! Do you feel it? Do you feel what you do to me? Never, not with any other woman, is my response so immediate or so very painful.” Running into the barrier of her shirt collar, Dirk released his grip on her hair to slip the buttons from their holes with trembling fingers.
Tina knew she ought to stop him, knew that if she didn’t she would soon not be able to. The brush of his fingertips over her already heated skin decided the emotional issue. She arched back in silent invitation and cried out with remembered pleasure when his lips tasted her quivering flesh at the edge of her bra.
She had to touch him, she had to. The demand, more impulse than formed thought, impelled her fingers to the gathered hem of the sweater Dirk was wearing. Sliding her fingers beneath the fine knit, Tina sighed with the sensation of warm skin on skin. Slowly, deliciously, she stroked her hands upward, delighting at the moan of pleasure that rumbled from Dirk’s throat as he arched his spine against her caressing palms.
It felt so right, all of it so very right. The heat of his mouth on her breast, the warmth of his body under her hands, the lassitude as her senses swam with the clean, tangy male scent of him. It all felt so perfectly right that being swept from her feet into Dirk’s arms, the journey up the curving staircase, was all part of an exciting flight to paradise. Even the jarring crash of the door Dirk closed by a backward kick of his booted foot failed to alarm Tina.
Drowning in the widening pool of need expanding at her core, Tina reveled in the urgency of his arching body, the restlessness of his searching hands, the hot moisture bathing her skin, his hungrily seeking mouth.
Moving, moving, Dirk’s lips blazed a trail of stinging fire from her breasts to her neck, then to her face.
“I want to take hours and hours to love you,” he murmured against her ear, his tongue darting in and out evocatively. “But I can’t. I can’t. I’ve dreamed about this so long ... so very long.” His parted lips slid over her cheek to the edge of her mouth, setting a flame dancing along her nerve endings. “I need to take you now, Tina. I must have you now.”
Yes. Yes. The sound of surrender was a silent moan that quivered through Tina’s soul. It’s been so long, so long, and I’ve waited, wanted ... always, just you ... only you ... ever you. Even with Chuck it was always ...
The hazy thoughts fragmented, dropping like weights into Tina’s consciousness, rippling outward, gaining strength until she had to face the stark reality of their content: even with Chuck it was always Dirk she had wanted.
Oh, God.
Awareness brought a shudder of self-revulsion, and then an icy withdrawal. Feeling her stillness, Dirk lifted his head to gaze down at her, his eyes cloudy with passion and a building confusion.
“Tina?”
Opening the eyes she’d closed in pain, Tina stared into his blue depths, and down through the years to the afternoon he’d made her a woman ... and his own.
All the dodging and twisting she’d indulged in, all the furious physical activity she’d applied herself to, all the mental gyrations she’d performed had been to one end: the desire not to face the demeaning truth.
But now the truth was staring at her out of eyes that were midnight-blue with passion.
“Tina?” A thread of concern laced Dirk’s voice. “What is it?”
You. Me. Mostly me. The thoughts tumbled around Tina’s brain, bringing not more confusion but clarity. Me, and what a fraud I really am. You’re disgusting! Tina flung the accusation at herself silently before it erupted clearly and concisely in a whisper of self-condemnation. “You’re disgusting.”
His hands caressing her shoulders fle
xed, fingers digging into her flesh spasmodically. “What the hell are you trying to do?” Dirk stared at her as if she’d sprouted horns.
Twisting out of his grasp, Tina fumbled at the buttons on her shirt. “I—I’m sorry. I can’t. I’m not—
“What do you mean you can’t?” A dangerous combination of sexual frustration and flaring rage chilled Dirk’s tone. “A few moments ago you wanted me as much as I wanted you!” His body taut with suppressed anger, Dirk stepped toward her. When Tina backed nervously away, he lashed out bitterly. “What the hell kind of tease are you? Do you get your kicks by turning men on only to watch them suffer? Is that why your husband was trying to set the record on the number of women he could lay?”
Tina recoiled as if Dirk had struck her. Her eyes horrified, she shook her head, unmindful of the mass of hair that veiled her vision; vision that might have noted the lines of self-reproach scoring Dirk’s strained features. But Tina probably wouldn’t have noticed anyway; she was no longer looking out, she was looking in, and she hated the woman she was looking at.
The buttons on her shirt fastened, if unevenly, Tina jerked away, running for the bedroom door. Scooping her bag and jacket from the straight-backed chair just inside the door, she made her escape while Dirk stood, momentarily too stunned to move. Tina was clattering down the stairs when she heard Dirk’s voice from the doorway.
“Dammit, Tina! Where do you think you’re going?”
Where was she going? Biting her lip in an attempt to stem the gathering pool of tears blurring her vision, Tina shook her head. Where could she go to hide from the truth, when the truth was inside herself? She had been cheating for the last five years, cheating everyone ... but mostly herself.
Shrugging into her jacket as she dashed down the veranda steps, Tina glanced at the elegant silver Jaguar parked behind Paul’s BMW. The car made a bold statement for the rewards of wealth. Tina knew without doubt that the car belonged to Dirk.
Digging into her bag for her door opener, Tina heard the door of the house open, and an instant later the grating sound of Dirk’s voice. “For God’s sake, Tina! Will you wait?”
Sliding behind the wheel of the little car, Tina jabbed the key into the ignition. A moment later the car jerked into motion and roared down the quiet street with a grinding of gears.
Will you wait? Will you wait? Dirk’s cry echoed inside Tina’s head as she made the turn onto West Perry and drove toward the Point. A sad smile curved her trembling lips as she realized her destination. From the time she’d learned to drive at sixteen, Tina had escaped to Cape May Point whenever she wanted to work out a problem or cry out a hurt.
Her eyes dry but gritty, Tina ran a swift glance over the lighthouse to her left as she sped by, wincing at the memory of the first time Dirk had token her there, giving her an outing while at the same time a history lesson on the importance of the light to seafarers.
Her direction now focused, Tina drove too fast as she made for Sunset Beach. She was out of the car and walking before the vehicle had ceased shuddering from the sudden stop. Head bent, she continued toward the water, her only reaction a mild shiver when she heard the screech of tires braking to an abrupt halt next to the BMW.
Deserted of the summertime tourists happily examining stones in hopes of discovering one of pure quartz known as a Cape May diamond, the pebbly beach offered solitude and peace.
Tina felt that peace seep into her soul as she stared sightlessly out over the water to the Atlantis, the old ship lying half-sunken within a stone’s throw of where she stood.
“I’d like you to tell me what happened back home.”
Tina’s lashes fluttered as they swept down to momentarily shadow her cheeks. Home. Dirk’s use of the word, his achingly familiar, quiet tone, brought home very close.
But not the home of the bed-and-breakfast establishment that Tina had just fled. The home settling softly on her mind now was the home of her childhood, years of happiness and laughter with her parents, years of safety and security, years of hero worship and romanticism.
Years of Dirk.
“Has it sunk any deeper, do you think?” Tina’s gaze rested on the hull of the old ship.
“Not noticeably.” Dirk’s response held the exact note of consideration Tina’s query had. And in the same way it had a lifetime ago, his arm came to rest lightly across her shoulders.
Home.
Tina smiled around the thickness in her throat. She was so very tired of fighting and felt so very vulnerable. Gone was the ruthless Dirk who would see her lose everything she’d worked so hard for. Gone was the aggressive businesswoman guarding her bruised emotions behind a facade of fierce independence.
On Sunset Beach, staring out at the ship, were Dirk of the teasing eyes and protective arms and Tina of the gentle glances and grateful acceptance of any spare moments he had to offer her.
“I’m sorry for that crack about your husband.” Even Dirk’s voice had a different ring, echoing the tenor of the younger man.
“It was true,” Tina said softly. “Even if I was, classically, the last one to know,”
“I’m not apologizing for what he did,” Dirk corrected her gently. “I’m apologizing for using my knowledge of it to beat you with.”
Tina’s lips quirked with genuine amusement. Her old Dirk had returned indeed, scolding gently when she displayed obtuseness. As always when Dirk chastised her, Tina moved closer to his protective warmth. And, as always, she told him the scrupulous truth.
“I failed him.”
“How so?” There was no hint of condemnation in the question, merely a request for clarification.
“I accepted his marriage proposal.”
The soft swish of the lapping waves grew loud in the silence that fell between them. After Tina’s stark statement, there was really nothing else to say—at least on that particular subject. Dirk introduced a new-old topic.
“How many tunes have we watched the sun set from this exact spot?” he asked, a thread of laughter weaving through his tone as he spoke of remember-whens.
“Four thousand, two hundred and seventy-seven.”
“Are you sure?”
“Positive.”
The hand grasping her shoulder tightened. “I could have sworn it was only seventy-six.” After the near violence of their earlier exchange in Tina’s bedroom, the relief in Dirk’s voice was obvious.
Tina’s tone mirrored his. “No,” she said earnestly. “I always kept a running count. It’s definitely seventy-seven.”
“Hmm.” Tilting his head, Dirk playfully frowned at her. “Is that including or excluding today?”
Tina frowned back. “Since we haven’t seen the sun set today, it must be excluding.”
“Good point.”
Once again silence reigned, a relaxing, tension-dissolving silence. When it was next broken, Tina was indulging in remember when.
“How many times were you forced to tell me the stones I found weren’t diamonds?”
“At least a million.” This tune the glance Dirk slanted at her was openly affectionate. “Poor mite, you never did find one, did you?”
“No.” Tina shook her head. “But that didn’t matter. The fun was in the search.”
“Like the mystery hunts you and your giggly friends were always trying to involve me in?” Dirk chuckled. “You girls certainly did come up with some winners.”
“You mean like the time we buried the ‘treasure’ of old costume jewelry our mothers had given us and told you we’d found a genuine treasure map?”
Dirk laughed outright, the sound shimmering on the air around them, tugging the deepest part of Tina’s heart.
“What a bunch of fluff tops you all were.” His eyes danced. “There wasn’t an ounce of seriousness to the pound in any of you.”
Their voices blending, sometimes overlapping, they recounted memories as the sun trekked toward the horizon and descended spectacularly beyond the sea. Their voices faded, then stilled as the sun, reflectin
g an illusion of a pedestal, seemed to rest on it a moment before surrendering its glory to the encroaching dusk. Awed by the panoramic beauty, Tina shivered. Dirk was immediately solicitous.
“Come on, kid. Time to go home.”
His arm still clasping her shoulder, Dirk turned them both in the direction of the two cars.
“Drive back at, or under, the limit,” A chiding grin tugged at his lips as he handed her into the car. “If you wrap this pile of metal around a pole, they’ll have to pry you out of the debris with a can opener.”
“Charming thought.” Tina wrinkled her nose.
“No, it isn’t.” Her gaze flew to his face at his rough tone. “It’s a sickening thought. So drive carefully.” Turning abruptly, Dirk moved to the Jaguar, leaving a bemused Tina staring after his rigidly straight back.
The warm bemusement lasted throughout the drive home. Tina, sedately following the taillights of Dirk’s car, smiled dreamily at the visions their ruminating created inside her mind.
Drenched in the past, their past, she parked the car and hurried to join him where he waited for her on the sidewalk, slipping under his extended arm as though there had never been a harsh word uttered between them.
Oh, it felt so good being close to him again. How had they lost that precious camaraderie they had shared from the first day her father had brought him home?
Tina’s thoughts muddied the calm waters of her contentment. She knew exactly how they had lost their empathy for each other. Dirk had ruthlessly taken all the love she’d had to offer, then discarded it and her.
Carefully disentangling herself from Dirk’s encircling arm, Tina hid her renewed bitterness by fussily hanging their jackets inside the small foyer closet before turning abruptly to the stairs.
“Hey, kid!” Dirk exclaimed, startled. “Where are you going? I was about to offer to make a cup of tea for you.”
And sympathy? Tina paused on the third step, glancing at him over her shoulder.
“I’ll be down in a minute. I want to wash up.” As hard as she tried to hide it, her tone reflected the chill permeating her thoughts.
