Homegoing

by Janae Keyes

  “I need a minister. Dad always liked Pastor Fairbanks,” She continued to look out onto the water, not at me.

  “Pastor Fairbanks died last year,” I informed her. Bethany turned to me, her eyes wide in shock.

  “Wow, Dad hadn’t said anything. I guess I need to figure out someone else,” she said.

  “Your dad had gotten close with Minister Garland who runs the homeless ministry next door to the bar. I can ask him to do the service,” I told her knowing Minister Garland would definitely do it.

  “Will you?”

  “Of course, what else?”

  “Pallbearers. I want you to be one of course, and your dad.”

  “No problem.”

  “I need programs and I need to get it in the paper. Damn, I need to write a list. I want dad’s homegoing to be how he’d want it,” she proclaimed.

  “Homegoing?” I questioned.

  “That’s what Ms. Odette called it. I like it. It is a celebration of him being free of pain and going home,” she explained.

  I liked it. It was so much better than the boring and sad ass funeral I thought she was originally planning I knew her dad would hate. Maybe she did still have a bit of a heart left in her.

  “You know the regulars at the bar are planning something. They wanted to have a little party at the bar to remember your dad. Maybe both can be on the same day. We do the service and then the party at the bar.” I figured it was best to work with Bethany than against her. She seemed to be trying to redeem herself.

  “Yeah, Dad would like that.” I saw a smile grace her lips as her body started to slightly sway to the song of the guitarist.

  “Remember prom night?” I asked her. Bethany instantly turned her head to me, her blue eyes shining with memories.

  “Of course. We came down here after and there was someone playing guitar that night, too. We danced and hung out. We ate In-N-Out. Good times.” Bethany was grinning as she was flooded with memories. I remembered that night so well. I told Bethany I loved her for the first time that night on this very bridge. Back then, we were two kids that were sure as hell we’d found our forever.

  Without notice, I stood and reached my hand out to Bethany who took it. I pulled her to her feet and pulled her in, my other hand resting on her waist. Touching her felt so familiar yet so far away.

  “Dance with me,” I whispered in the warm evening to her, as she gave me an accepting nod.

  I honestly didn’t know why I felt the need to dance with her. Maybe it was the desire to feel what it used to be like to be close to her. I would spend our nights together holding her closer and taking in every bit of her. Thinking of the good times, my hand slipped around her waist just that bit more to pull her in closer.

  Bethany’s breath was warm on my face as her eyes met mine. I tried to deny how much I missed that piercing blue, but for the first time I acknowledged it. Just one look used to make me feel like I was the man who would be the shoulder for her to cry on and the one she would have joy with.

  I used my other hand and cupped her soft cheek. Her skin was still just as smooth as I remembered it. With just the feel of her, I wondered if her lips were still just as soft. I’d find out as I leaned in for just a taste when a vibration on my pocket followed by a jingle repelled me from her.

  “Yeah Dad,” I answered the incoming call.

  “Tell Bethany we were in luck. The guy called me back from Medford BMW and they found one last fuel pump hiding in their stock. He was nice enough to have it driven down,” Dad explained. “Are you guys heading back soon?”

  “Yeah, we’re about to jump in the car now,” I said to him as Bethany bent to pick up her milkshake cup.

  “As soon as you guys are back her car should be ready.”

  “Great news. See you soon.” I ended the call with Dad and placed my phone back in my pocket. “Good news. Dad was able to get the part and your car will be ready by the time we’re back in Fort Shasta,” I told Bethany who instantly smiled as she’d done just moments before.

  “Oh my gosh, that’s awesome. I owe your dad so much. I guess we are heading back,” she started to walk in the direction of the car.

  “Yeah, I guess,” I mumbled with a pang of disappointment before following behind her.

  Chapter Five

  Bethany

  “Wait! He almost kissed you?” Olivia stood in the doorway of my dad’s bedroom with her hand over her mouth in shock at what I’d just told her about my evening with Liam.

  On top of planning the service, I also had to clean out dad’s house, which was the hardest task of them all. There were so many memories at every turn and they all hit me in their own way. I’d already cried a few times and other times I laughed until my stomach hurt.

  “Go back, you were dancing at The Sundial and he leaned in to kiss you?” Olivia inquired. It took me right back to high school and college. We would give each other exact play by plays of our dates.

  “Yes, we danced, and I just know he was going to kiss me,” I reiterated before I blew out a buff of air that fluttered the strands of hair that were in my face.

  “Damn, I wish there was some popcorn in this house. I need it!”

  “Shut up and help me. I want to get all the clothes to the shelter. The funeral home said I need to pick something for him to wear. I’m not quite sure which suit works best.” There was still so much to do, and I was only on my dad’s room.

  “You can’t deny Liam still wants you. He wants to be with you,” Olivia proclaimed as she began to take clean clothes from Dad’s dresser and place them into one of the many empty boxes I’d acquired.

  I shook my head in response to my friend’s statement. That simply couldn’t be it. Liam had torn my heart in two, seven years ago. No matter what I did, I could never forget that phone call from him. I could most definitely not forget the weeks that followed that left not just my body in pain, but my soul.

  “He doesn’t want me. Don’t you forget, he’s the one who ended things,” I pointed out as I got back to work. Liam was the least of my worries, but the most prevalent in my mind.

  “Maybe he regrets it. I mean, things obviously didn’t work out with Kayleigh and I haven’t heard about him dating anyone. Now he’s making moves on you. Liam is remorseful.” Olivia stood watching me as I tried to continue with my work. I stopped folding the shirt I held in my hands and looked directly at my best friend. She was wrong; Liam had no feelings of remorse.

  “Yeah, right,” I spat angrily. “Being remorseful would mean telling me he’s fucking sorry. He hasn’t uttered a damn word of apology to me for what he did to me.”

  I threw the shirt I held to the floor in my anger before I sank to my knees. Olivia’s arms were around me in moments as I cried into my hands on the floor of my dad’s bedroom.

  “Sorry,” I muttered through my tears. “I’m just so overwhelmed with everything and Liam isn’t helping.”

  “Maybe that’s why he’s helping you so much. It’s his way of saying sorry,” she rationalized. I shrugged as I wiped my pointless tears away. Crying wouldn’t change anything. “How about we take a break, get some food, and come back to this later.”

  Olivia helped me from the floor and I looked around the room. When I was a little girl and I had a bad dream, I would climb into Dad’s big bed and he’d tell me how there were no such things as monsters, but I knew otherwise. I knew the world was filled with evil people. I’d come face to face with some, my own mother being one of them.

  “This house just has so many memories and no time for closure.” I sat on the edge of the bed, “There is so much to be done here and I need to get back to LA as soon as possible. I have patients waiting for surgeries.”

  “Take one thing at a time. You know you have me here to help you with anything you need around here.”

  Olivia was everything. I’d been with her through her hardest moments and she’d been with me. We were best friends for life and nothing would change that. They say in times of
need, you see who your real friends are. Olivia was a no brainer, but maybe Liam was at least a true friend since our romantic past was long behind us–at least I told myself that.

  Olivia and I had spent the entire day working on the house before I received a call from the minister who ran the homeless ministry next door to the bar. Liam had spoken to him about doing the service as promised.

  I sat in the small office of the shelter. The place next door was a popular banquet hall when I was a kid, but after the owners lost the property in the subprime mortgage crisis, the place had fallen into disrepair over the years. At least until Minister Garland revived the property for his homeless shelter.

  “Your dad was a good man,” the man across from me said. “I was skeptical about this shelter and its drug and alcohol program being efficient being next to a bar. When I met your dad, he knew right away what I wanted to accomplish here and he made strides to help me in any way possible. Even last year, when the cold was so bad, and we had no room. Your dad took a few guys home with him to give them a warm place to sleep and a hot meal.”

  A smile crept across my face. That was the type of man that Dad was, he would never let anyone go without. It was his strength and his weakness. He cared about others beyond himself. The world was a little emptier without him.

  “I’m so grateful you are willing to do his service. Just before I came here I talked to the new pastor at River’s Hope Baptist and they will be allowing the service to be held there Friday,” I explained to the man.

  The entire community knew Dad, and everyone had positive stories about him. There wasn’t a soul that had a bad word to say about the man who ran the old bar downtown. He was a model citizen and role model for life.

  “Anything you need, please just let me know. Thank you so much or all the clothing, the guys here could use it.” Minister Garland stood and so did I. He rounded the desk before he came to me and pulled me into a hug. “It is a blessing to meet you and it was a blessing to have your dad as my neighbor.”

  He gave me a smile filled with sympathy and loss as he pulled away. He was one of the few people around town that didn’t treat me like trash. They acted as if I was home for all the wrong reasons. I only wanted to give my father a proper send off and nothing more.

  The minister accompanied me to the front door and I left the shelter behind. Growing up the streets of the town were fairly quiet, but homeless camps would pop up in abandoned buildings and under overpasses. Minister Garland was doing great work for the town’s homeless population.

  Outside, the heat of the day was dying down, but it would remain warm. I saw Liam’s car parked just in front of mine and knew he must be in the bar. I slipped through the front door to find him behind the bar with a clipboard.

  “You’re here early,” I knew I had broken his concentration when his head shot up from the clipboard.

  “Inventory,” he sat the board down and peered at me. “You look nice.”

  “Um, I guess.” I was only in jeans and a flowy short sleeved top and my favorite pair of wedged heels. I wanted to be decently presentable to meet the minister. I shrugged and moved my blonde hair behind my shoulders.

  My cell phone began to ring in my purse. I sighed. The amount of incoming calls I received on a daily basis was already extreme, but it was worse when I was not in town. It was my practice again, I knew it likely had to do with rescheduling another surgery. I rejected the call. I already planned to call my nurses back later to discuss a plan for when I returned.

  “You can take it, if it is important,” Liam said.

  “No, it’s my practice. I’ll be talking with them later anyway. I wanted to ask you if you can come by tomorrow to help me with something.” If anyone knew Dad better than me, it was Liam, who had spent so much of the past year with him.

  “Sure, what do you need?” Liam came around the bar.

  “The funeral home needs a suit for dad to wear. I have a couple choices laid out, but I’m not sure. I figured you could help me.” I caught myself twirling the ends of my hair as I talked to him. It was a nervous tic of mine. I didn’t understand why talking to my ex from so long ago made me so nervous.

  “Yeah, I can help. No problem,” Liam nodded before my phone began to ring again.

  “Ugh,” I growled as I silenced the incoming call from my office.

  “Seems the bimbos in LA are anxious for their next boob job,” Liam snorted. I shoved my phone in my purse and glared at him. Is that seriously what he thought I did?

  “Seriously?” I questioned. “You don’t know the first thing about my job Liam. First off, I don’t do boob jobs.”

  “Ah, so you do noses. No, maybe Botox and butt injections.” Liam really thought he was funny as he laughed and made jokes.

  I rolled my eyes and turned away from him. Liam knew just how to piss me off. He always knew the exact temperature to make my blood boil and my pot was bubbling over.

  “Really? You’re that fucking mad?” he acted as if he hadn’t just offended me.

  I sharply turned back to face him and I marched directly in front of him. My finger was only a hair from his face as I stood my ground with him and his jokes.

  “I’m not that type of plastic surgeon. I do fucking reconstructive surgery. I don’t do tummy tucks and boob jobs. I give people a new lease on life. I repair cleft palates for children born with them. I help those deformed by accidents,” I growled at him, my anger running over. “Want to talk shit about what I do? How about you talk to the mom whose little one might not ever fully be like the other kids, but she wants him to look like the other kids? How about you talk to my last patient who was severely burned by her ex-husband decades ago, but her daughter is getting married and she wants to finally look more like her old self?”

  I turned away. I was finished with him until I had one more thought. I faced Liam once more and looked him directly in the eyes. “How about you go fuck yourself?”

  As my final word exited my mouth, his hands grabbed my shoulders and his lips pressed to mine— hard. I’d missed that feeling so much. Though seven long years had passed, it still felt like yesterday. His lips still held that little something that drew me to him. He’d broken my heart. Why did his kiss feel so good?

  Coming to my senses, I yanked my body away from him. I stared wildly into his eyes. I was out of breath. I tried to calm my hurried breathing and regain my proper senses. Liam had shoved me into another dimension with that kiss. My fingers touched my lips that were suddenly sensitive from his dominant kiss.

  “I’m going,” I breathed. He’d left me completely breathless.

  I rushed from the bar, not taking a moment to look back. In my car, I pressed the gas as quickly as I was able to put the car in drive and I was off. My only response was to get as far away from Liam as I possibly could.

  I felt like absolute hell.

  I’d barricaded myself in Dad’s house and drank myself silly from his stash of booze. I’d found a special edition bottle of Hennessy he’d kept for a special occasion. I opened it and I was instantly gone.

  With my head pounding, I groaned at the sudden intrusion of light as someone opened the curtains. I peeked out to see a figure approaching me and from the stature of the human, I knew exactly who it was, Liam.

  “Come on. Let’s get you up,” he placed a plate on my pillow. It was toast and the smell made me want to hurl.

  Speaking, I needed to speak. Though from the moment I opened my mouth I needed to vomit. Gagging, I jumped from my bed and rushed towards the bathroom. My head over the toilet as I puked up the contents of my stomach, alcohol, and pizza.

  There were hands brushing my face and pulling my hair behind me. That was Liam and the only thing I could think of was my twenty-first birthday when I’d gotten so fucked up I passed out and the next day Liam was there to hold my hair as I emptied my stomach into the same toilet.

  After I finished hacking, Liam gave me a cold washcloth for me to clean my face. I rinsed my mouth a
t the sink. Looking up into the mirror, I was a shell of myself. I’d always prided myself on being put together, the picture of exactly how I saw myself. I wasn’t her.

  I forced myself into the bright bedroom I’d been occupying, my childhood room. Liam waited for me, sitting on the edge of my bed. It the same bed I’d lost my virginity to him on all those years ago. How could I forget being a nervous as hell seventeen-year-old girl with my boyfriend I was so in love with. Dad was spending another late night at the bar and I’d decided it was the night to give myself to Liam.

  Our first time wasn’t the best and something I’d frankly rather forget because I was so damn nervous it only lasted a minute before I told Liam to stop. Through the years, it got better. Honestly, the most mind-blowing sex I’d ever had was with Liam. He’d rocked my world in so many ways and I’d always seen my life with him, until I wasn’t with him.

  I glanced up at Liam. His eyes had caught something. He had a smile that slowly began to grace his face as he looked at a photograph that sat on my nightstand. He picked it up. It was a photo of Liam and me. He wore a terrible fitting suit and had a huge metal lined grin.

  “Wow, that was–” he began.

  “Homecoming, senior year,” I finished as I looked at the ugly aqua dress I’d gotten from the mall and the homecoming queen sash that went across it.

  “Ugh, braces,” Liam said with mock disgust.

  We sat for a few moments in complete silence as I ate my toast and sipped on the coffee.

  “Umm, thanks for coming by,” I said before taking a sip of the coffee that was honestly helping my hangover.

  “No problem. I didn’t expect to find you in bed passed out with a bottle of Henny,” he laughed as he pointed to the discarded bottle from my night of drinking alone.

  “It’s been a rough few days, but I need to get some things taken care of. The wake and viewing are tomorrow and the homegoing service on Friday,” I explained to him. He nodded as we were both afraid to bring up what happened. That kiss was so good it had driven me to drink.