by Nicole Dykes
She doesn’t wait for a reply before she takes off toward her room.
Shit. She’s right, this is confusing as fuck.
Chapter 19
Vanessa
What the hell was I thinking? Seriously. I kissed him? I shamelessly touched him, practically begged him to fuck me right there on the living room couch, minutes after talking about preserving our friendship.
I’m more messed up than I even thought. He’s going to hate me and think I’m just trying to tease him.
God, I wanted him. His lips felt so right on mine. His hard body made me ache for him and yet, I just couldn’t go through with it.
No matter how amazing the sex would have been, the feelings afterward would have been impossible to deal with.
I force myself to stand up and walk into the kitchen, where Cam is standing shirtless and in a tight pair of jeans by the coffee pot.
He’s freshly showered, but his face still has a bit of scruff to it. I bite my bottom lip as I shamelessly ogle my ex, momentarily kicking myself for putting a stop to last night.
I clear my throat and get his attention as I walk further into the room. “Morning.”
He grins at me and doesn’t look pissed like I thought he might be. “Morning, Van.”
“How are you?” I ask timidly.
He smirks as he pours two cups of coffee. “Besides the serious case of blue balls, I’m good.”
I cringe, feeling guilty and then ask, “Can’t you do something to help with that?”
“Oh, believe me, I did. Twice. Just didn’t help much,” He says with a wink as he hands me a cup of coffee.
“Sorry.”
He chuckles, “I’m fucking with you, Van.” He shrugs. “I mean I do have a wicked case of blue balls, but it’s fine. I get why you stopped.”
“I wasn't trying to be a tease,” I say for clarification as I add sugar and creamer to my coffee and stir it.
“I know.” We both sip our coffee and he nods his head at me. “So, what do you have planned for your Sunday?”
I lean back against the cabinet. “I’m meeting Brooke at the gym. She usually works out with Alex, but I guess she and Shriller went on a trip.” She asked if I wanted to join her when we were talking at the track yesterday, and there was no way I was going to turn down hanging with her, even though I prefer to get my exercise outside versus in. “What about you?”
He reaches the hand not holding his coffee mug to grip the back of his neck. “Uh, heading over to Dani’s place.”
A wave of intense jealousy soars through my body, but I try to keep my composure as I take a sip of my coffee and as casually as I can, say, “Well I’m sure she can help you out with your little problem.”
Cam shakes his head, placing his coffee on the granite countertop and folding his arms over his chest. “First of all, we both know it isn’t little.” He's grinning wide, and before I can scold him for making a dick joke he moves on, “Second, it’s more business than pleasure.”
I scoff at that. “What possible business could you have with Dani?”
“Cass and Hunter are insisting on a joint bachelor/ bachelorette party, so as best man and maid of honor, we are planning one big-ass party.”
“Oh, I didn’t know that.”
He shrugs. “Yeah it sucks, but it’s this or nothing. We'll have fun though.”
I smile and shake my head. If Cam has a hand in it, it will be fun. Probably too much. “I’m sure you will.”
“You’ll be there too. It’s going to be the whole gang, even Dylan and Brooke, Alex, and Shriller, Jax and Charlotte and Luke and Hannah. Everyone.”
I laugh. “Cassie’s older brothers are going to be at her bachelorette party?”
“Yeah, Hunt wants everyone. I think he thinks if everyone's there it won’t be wild.”
I laugh again at that. “Oh God, doesn’t he know you at all? And to think, I thought you two were super close.”
“Yeah, he didn’t think that through.” We both chuckle at that and then he says, “Anyway, it’s in three weeks, so gotta get to planning.”
I nod, and even though I hate the thought of them alone together, I try like crazy to shake it off. It’s none of my business. “Well, have fun.”
He pushes off the counter, “You too, Van. And try not to obsess about last night. It’s really not a big deal,” he says before heading down the hallway toward his room.
Of course, it’s not a big deal for him. Cam is a rock. He can spin anything in a positive way. It’s one of the many things I love about him.
After I change, I follow the directions Brooke gave me and drive to the gym. After parking my car, I go inside and find Brooke waiting for me at the entrance.
“Hey, you made it!” she says excitedly and gives me a quick hug.
“Yes, of course. Thank you so much for inviting me. This is a great gym,” I say as I look around at the clean environment. It’s busy, but doesn’t seem overcrowded.
Brooke smiles proudly. “Yeah, we like it. The juice bar is amazing.”
I walk with her to the treadmills, and I’m happy to see them. Running is my favorite, really clears my mind. “So, Alex is out of town?”
Brooke nods her head and hops on the machine. “Yup. A weekend getaway with Shriller. Last minute.”
I climb onto my treadmill and start off at a brisk pace. “That’s great. It’s awesome that they are so happy together.”
Brooke smiles as she starts at the warm-up speed. “I know. It’s insane, but so perfect. I never saw that one coming.”
“Does it bother you?” I ask and then add for clarification, “Your ex and best friend dating?”
She laughs and it’s genuine. “No. Not at all. Maybe if we were still in high school and Shriller and I were still doing the on-again, off-again thing. Now, I know better.”
“Know better?”
She increases her speed and starts to swing her arms as her pace increases, “Yeah, I mean, what he and I had doesn’t even close to what they have together. Or what Dylan and I have.” She laughs, “He kissed her once. Back then.”
I turn from looking straight ahead, staring out the windows to look at Brooke. “When?”
“High school. We had this huge fight and broke up and he kissed her at this party. I thought I was going to die from the pain. No kidding. I seriously thought my friendship with Alex was over.”
I listen, hanging on her every word, intrigued by her story of their younger years. “What happened?”
She shrugs, “Shriller and I started dating again, and Alex and I made up. I honestly don’t remember how. At the time it was intense, but now, it’s a distant memory. Funny, how that happens and things work out.”
Her eyes lock with mine, and I pick up her message. “Yeah. I guess if you and Shriller would have tried to force it to work, everything would be different today.”
She nods her head. “Exactly, we may not have had the chance to be with the people we were truly meant to be with.”
Damn the woman is good. “You think Cam and I living together is unhealthy, don’t you?”
She slows her machine down, letting her arms hang at her side, and I continue to run. “No. I get that you guys want to be friends.”
“But?” I ask meekly, knowing there is a but.
“But, maybe you need to try dating someone else. See what else is out there. I think it’s possible for you two to be friends once you have truly moved on and have received closure.”
I take in her advice. “You may be right, but I don’t really date.”
She bites her lip nervously and turns off her treadmill, hopping off and standing in front of me. “Okay, don’t hate me, but I was hoping this is where the conversation was going to go today.”
I raise an eyebrow, curiosity and sheer anxiety coursing through my body. “Why?”
“Hannah told me that you don’t date and really haven’t since Cam. Not that we talk about you behind your back, but we both really care about you.”
&nb
sp; I believe that, and I suppose it’s only natural I come up occasionally. Hannah’s dating her brother-in-law after all, they spend a lot of time together.
“Okay,” I say cautiously, still not sure where this is going.
“So, I have the perfect guy in mind for you.”
I stop the treadmill, jerking forward at the sudden choice. “You want to set me up?”
She nods. “Yes. And obviously you can tell me no, but hear me out and really think about it for me.”
A cold sweat coats my skin at the thought, but I believe Brooke only has the best of intentions in mind. “All right.”
I step off the treadmill and follow her to a cute purple bench next to the row of machines. “I really think it would be beneficial for you to go out on a date. See what’s out there because I really like Cam, but there could be a better fit for you.”
“I’m not sure I’m ready,” I say honestly.
She takes a drink from her water bottle, “I understand, and there is no pressure whatsoever. Just think about it. If you decide to go, just go into it with an open mind, and if you don’t have a good time, part ways.”
Brooke has a gift. She’s the most persuasive person I know, but she isn’t pushy. “This guy, you know him well?”
“Yeah and he’s a great guy. Down to earth and totally open to this idea.”
I stare at her dumbfounded. “You already asked him?”
“Yes, and it took a little convincing because honestly he doesn’t date much either. But I’m telling you, I have a good feeling about this.”
I have no reason not to trust Brooke. “Okay.”
She looks surprised and happy. “Okay? You’ll go.”
My heart is racing. Going out on an actual date with another man that I don’t know. Terrifying. Brooke would never put me in harm’s way though. “Yes.”
She nearly squeals and gives me a hug. “You won’t regret it.”
I hope she’s right. Maybe this is the piece of the puzzle Cam and I were missing from our living-together plan.
The most painful piece.
Chapter 20
Cam
“So, Dallas or here?” Dani asks me, laying on her stomach, her legs kicked up behind her in the air, while she lays on her bed. She’s still fully dressed in a pair of torn up jeans and a hot pink tank top.
I’m leaning against the headboard on the opposite side of her. Her head is angled to look back at me. “Here, right? Since Brooke and Dylan will probably have to get a sitter. It’ll be easier here.”
“Do we really have to invite the old people?” She asks, halfway joking, nibbling on the pen in her hand.
“Yep. Hunt’s wishes.”
“You really think Cass wants her brothers there?”
“Yeah. I mean they are a part of the wedding party, they should be at the bachelor party.”
She scribbles on the note pad in front of her, “Okay, so, Dylan, Luke, Jax, you, and Shriller, for the men?”
“And Chris.” I add.
She cranes her neck even further to look at me in confusion. “Chris is invited to the bachelor party?”
I nod my head. “Yep. He’s close friends with Jax and Dylan now, apparently. Hunt likes him, so he’s invited.”
She gnaws on the pen again, but then shrugs her shoulders and adds his name to the list. “Okay and for the women, me, Alex, Brooke, Hannah, and Charlotte, even though she’s knocked up.”
I know she knows Van is invited and left her off on purpose, but I still say, “And Vanessa.”
She rolls her eyes, obviously not happy about it. “I don’t get it. Cass and Vanessa aren’t friends.”
“But Hunt and Van are close.”
She sighs and adds her name, reluctantly. Then moves to the next thing. “Okay, so Choirboy wants no nudity.”
I laugh. “Well I think nudity is up to the best man.”
“So, then lots of strippers?” She jokes and I nod, but I’m not serious, and Dani picks up on it and offers, “How about a dance club instead? Cass loves to dance.”
“Yeah, I suppose. Even though Hunter hates it, he loves her.”
She smiles bigger than I’ve ever seen her smile. “Yeah, he really does.”
“Miss her?” I ask, knowing the answer.
She sits up, folding her legs under her and pulling her long hair to one side. “Yeah, like crazy. She’s the only person that knows everything about me and still likes me. Although it’s a little annoying that she’s so normal now,” she tries to joke, but I catch the honesty in her statement.
“Nah, she’s still the same. Just all in love and shit.”
She moves to sit next to me on the bed, her legs stretched out next to mine, although they don’t come close to ending where mine do. “We used to be fucked-up together, making horrible choices and then confessing our sins to each other. Now she’s blissfully happy.” She quickly adds, “Not that I’m not insanely happy for her.”
I grin. I knew that. She didn’t have to say it, but it’s cute that she’s worried about what I think. I’m seriously digging this new side of Dani. “Right. I get it.” I nudge her arm. “I’ll be fucked-up with you.”
She laughs. “You’re not fucked-up. You’re a guy, you’re allowed to make mistakes. Fuck whoever you want, whenever you want.”
Not in Vanessa's eyes. Pretty sure my sleeping around repulses her. “Not always. I’ve been called a manwhore occasionally.”
That pulls a small laugh out of Dani. “Why can’t people just mind their own damn business and worry about themselves?”
I shrug. “Human nature to judge, I think, but fuck ‘em. I’m gonna continue to do what I want and so should you. Everyone has their own issues, at least we’re having fun while we deal with ours.”
She smiles and shakes her head. “That’s wise.”
“I have my moments.”
“Okay, so if we do this three weekends from now, that will be two weeks before the wedding, which should be perfect.”
“Yeah, sounds like a plan.”
“Okay. I’ll let Cass know.”
She puts down the notepad, and I look over at her. She really is beautiful and the more I get to know her, the more I like her.
Her no bullshit attitude is a nice relief from my everyday life. Van is so fucking complicated.
She wants to be friends, yet she kissed me fiercely, connecting with me on every level. But she lets something hold her back.
I feel like I’m stuck in a strange limbo—or maybe it’s hell—frozen in time, just hoping she’ll come around.
“So, now that work is over, is it time to play?” Dani leans in to whisper seductively in my ear.
Maybe all I need is easy. Maybe it’s time to let go of the complicated.
Of course, if that were possible for me, wouldn't I have done it already?
Chapter 21
Vanessa
Nearly a week after I agreed to a blind date with Brooke’s friend, I climb out of the shower wrap a towel around my body.
Tonight is the night Brooke set up, and the mystery guy is going to pick me up in an hour. I can’t move though.
I almost called Brooke ten times today to cancel, but never actually hit the button to send the call. I trust her.
Things with Cam have been strained since we kissed, and he hasn’t been home much. I haven’t bothered to ask him where he’s been, knowing the answer will probably hurt.
Brooke is right, I need to move on. I need to explore what the dating world has to offer.
At least I know Cam isn’t with Dani or any other girl tonight. He told me this morning before he left he was going on a trip with Jax to buy some parts and would be home late.
That’s probably for the best. I didn’t mention I had a date tonight.
I need to get dressed. My bathroom is located in the hallway, unlike Cam’s which is in a part of the master suite. I open the door and walk out into the hallway, just as Cam enters and nearly barrels into me.
“Hey. Sorry, Van,” he says, his strong hands grip my bare shoulders to steady me as I nearly fall backward.
“Hey. You’re home,” I say, still shaken.
His eyes scan down my body, taking in every part of me before making contact with my eyes. “Yeah, you going out?”
We’ve established that neither of us takes the other one dating or being with someone else well. So, I’m nervous when I nod my head in response. “Yes.”
“With Hannah?” he asks, fishing for an answer I’m not sure I want to give.
“No.”
“With who?”
I’m sure he means to be casual, but there’s an edge to his tone. I sigh, “I have a date.”
His hands drop and his brow wrinkles. “A date? Like a date, date? With who?”
“Cam, I need to get dressed. It’s not a big deal,” I say as I duck into my room.
He follows, walking into the room with me. “Not a big deal? You haven’t dated anyone since me, and you suddenly have a date tonight?”
I open my closet door and search for something appropriate for a first date. “Brooke set me up, okay? I don’t know him.”
He flops down on my bed. “Oh, that’s better, Van. You’re going out with a total stranger.”
“No. Brooke knows him, and I know Brooke. She’s not going to set me up with a psychopath.”
He scoffs. “How well does she know this guy?”
I pick out a black floral sundress. This should work. “I don’t know, Cam.” I make a motion for him to turn around since it’s clear he isn’t going to leave. “Do you mind?”
He rolls his eyes but turns away from me, still sitting on my bed. “I’ve seen ya naked, Van. Can picture ever single curve. Was only a week ago those tits were in my hands.”
My body flushes at the memory. “Cam, I swear. You have no boundaries.”
“You have too many,” he shoots back.
I drop the towel and quickly dress before walking over to my dresser that has a mirror attached on top. I plug in my curling iron and look back at Cam. “I need to do this.”
“Why?”
“Because I need to move forward. God knows you have.”
He laughs bitterly, but doesn’t say anything.
