by Nicole Dykes
I shake my now bloody hand. “Fuck! That hurt!” I say as Dani reaches me.
“Shit, Cam!” she says, horrified as she holds my hand in hers, examining the damage.
I continue out of the club, Dani’s heels clicking on the floor as she follows closely behind.
When we get outside, my eyes subconsciously search for Vanessa, but they are long gone.
I try to get my breathing under control as Dani stares at me in semi-pissed off horror. “What the hell was that about?”
I need to be honest with her. It’s the only way we even have a shred of a chance to make things work. “I’m sorry, Dani. I guess I wasn’t prepared to see her with someone else.”
Her expression softens slightly, although she’s clearly still angry. She has every right to be. She sighs, “I guess I kinda get it. Watching your ex move on is brutal.”
My chest tightens at the thought of her moving on, and I curse myself. I really wasn’t trying rub my new relationship with Dani in Van’s face tonight.
Hell, since Luke reamed me for having Dani over that first night, I haven’t had her stay over since. I’ve tried not to be an asshole, but I also didn’t want to push Dani away tonight either.
I look into Dani’s eyes and can see I’ve hurt her. “I’m really sorry.”
“So, you still want her?” she asks with a vulnerability I don’t expect from her.
The answer is complicated as fuck. I know it’s not an option so I’ve focused on Dani. And I truly care for Dani. Although, it’s still new, so I don’t know if I love her yet.
I’m hesitant after everything that happened with Van, but I’m enjoying really getting to know Dani. The real her, without rules in place to protect her from getting hurt.
Since the full answer would do just that, I keep it simple and bend my knees slightly to look into her eyes. “I want you.”
I mean that.
She smiles and seems to accept my answer as she softly kisses my lips. I kiss her back, but not for long before I pull away. “My hand kills. I think I’ll call a cab and head home.” What the hell was I thinking not bringing my own car? “I’m sure you want to stay and hang with Cass.”
She nods her head. “Yeah, but I’ll go with you if you want company.”
I kiss her forehead. “I’m okay. Have fun. I’ll call ya tomorrow.”
She kisses me again and goes back into the club.
I call a cab and try like hell not to let my mind wander on the short ride home.
I walk into the dark, empty house and toss my keys on the coffee table as I plop down on the couch. I lean forward and smooth my hands over my face in frustration, my right one throbbing and then hear footsteps as Van walks out of the kitchen.
She didn’t go home with him?
Then fear spreads through me, and I feel like I might get sick to my stomach. Oh shit, did she bring him back here?
“Van.”
She pauses, staring at me. “Cam? What are you doing home?”
It’s the first time we’ve talked in days. And I can see her eyes searching the room nervously, as if she expects Dani to be here with me. “I was just ready to come home.” That’s not technically a lie. I was ready to get the hell out of there.
She nods and walks further into the room. With the moonlight streaming through the large bay window of the living room, I can see she’s dressed for bed in her usual tank top and shorts. Her long hair that was down earlier is now piled in a bun on top of her head.
I finally give in because it’s killing me, and I ask, “Where’s Chris?”
She folds her arms nervously over her chest. “At his place, I think.” Relief washes over me, and then she asks, “Where’s Dani?”
“She stayed,” I say, and I can see Van visibly relax.
The light catches my hand and Vanessa looks shocked as she walks over to the couch to examine it closer. “Jesus, Cam! What happened?”
I wince when I tuck it under my thigh, trying to hide it. “Nothing. It’s fine.”
She takes a seat next to me on the couch, “It doesn’t look fine.”
“Well it is,” I say, trying to get her to move on. I don’t want to talk about how I went all Hulk on a brick wall just thinking about the things she was doing with Chris.
“So . . . . . .” I say, not sure what to talk about. Nothing seems safe. I should just get up and walk away, but when I turn my head and look into her eyes, I don’t miss the sadness in then. Fuck. There I go caring again. “You okay?”
She flashes a weak smile. “I’m fine.” Right. So, we are both total liars.
“Did something happen with Chris?” You know after you shoved your tongue down his throat.
“We’re just roommates, I thought. Probably not something we should talk about,” she says coldly. Of course, she’s going to find a way to be pissed at me. She’s right, though. We can’t talk about this stuff.
There was a time, when we could lay together and talk for hours. Now there is a distance between us. I thought I knew her better than anyone, but the truth is, I don’t know this woman at all.
I lean my head back against the couch, looking up. “We really fucked things up, didn’t we?”
That gets a slight laugh, although not a happy one as she joins me, sinking back into the couch. “We sure did.”
I suddenly start laughing. “We fucking tanked!”
Her shoulders lift as she laughs with me. It’s not funny. Not really, but she’s still giggling when she says, “Well it must be our competitive nature. If it was gonna end, we were gonna make sure to go for it.”
“Yup, burned that fucker to the ground,” I say, laughing even harder.
We are both almost hysterical as Van wipes a tear of laughter from her cheek. “Wow,” she says, our laughter fading.
I turn to her and she still has a few tears sliding down her cheeks, but her face has morphed into sadness.
I can’t help it, I wrap my arm around her and bring her to me, letting her sob into my shirt. “It’s okay, Van,” I say, trying to provide a small amount of comfort.
She stops crying and looks up at me, her eyes are red and I use my thumb to wipe away a tear. A tear I caused. A tear us being together and then not, caused.
As if she can read my mind she asks, “If you could go back in time to the day we met, the day you asked me out on a real date, would you change it? Knowing all the pain we caused each other.”
It would certainly save a lot of pain. I would have just kept fucking, without a care in the world. Still, I answer her honestly, “No. I wouldn’t. Would you?”
She shakes her head slowly. “No. Even after all the pain we’ve caused each other, the love I felt in the year we dated was worth it,” she answers honestly, although I can see she’s insecure about her answer.
“We really were in love,” I say.
And then I see it, the telltale signs that she is about to kiss me. Her full lips purse, her beautiful eyes close and she leans in. Fuck, my body and heart are screaming at me to let that happen.
At the moment, I would give anything to feel Van's lips on mine again, but then I think of Dani.
Van's lips make their way toward mine, but before they touch I whisper, “I can’t.”
Her pretty eyes flutter open and are full of humiliation and hurt. “Oh.”
“I’m sorry, Van. It’s just . . ..Dani.”
She nods and quickly climbs up off the couch. “Right, of course. I’m sorry I don’t know what I was thinking,” she says as she scrambles away from the couch, frazzled.
“Van . . .” I say, unsure of how to finish that sentence as I stand up.
“You guys make a beautiful couple. I wish you all the happiness in the world,” she says as she high tails it down the hall.
I flop back down on the couch.
I’m not sure if happiness is in the cards for me.
Chapter 37
Vanessa
I walk into the large, clean kitchen at Luke and Hannah
’s, floating on the smell of cooking bacon. When I walk through the doorway, sure enough, there’s Hannah standing at the stove.
I smile and walk in, going straight to the Keurig to brew a cup of coffee. “Hannah, you’re already doing me a huge favor by letting me stay here. You really don’t need to cook me breakfast.”
She smiles, flipping a pan-sized pancake. “Hey, I’m enjoying it, and Luke and I have to eat anyway.”
“Don’t fuck this up for me, Van,” Luke says from the table as he chomps on a strip of bacon. “Before you got here, it was cold cereal every morning.” He winks at Hannah.
She rolls her eyes, but keeps her smile. “I cooked sometimes and besides,” she turns her attention back to me, “You are our very first guest. I’m gonna spoil you.”
Luke gets up and puts his now empty plate in the dishwasher. He then smacks Hannah on the ass and gives her a kiss before turning to me, “Seriously, stay as long as you want, as long as Hannah keeps cooking.”
I laugh, and Hannah puts one hand on her hip. “Just go to work already.”
He gives her another quick kiss and then heads out.
When we hear the front door close, that’s when Hannah says, “Okay, so I’m so happy you are staying here, but will you please tell me what happened already. I mean it’s been three days, Van. I think I’ve been pretty patient and we don’t keep secrets from each other.”
She is literally the only person I have zero secrets with. When I came here the day after the party, I asked her if I could stay with them for a little bit, no questions asked. She instantly agreed like the good friend she is. But I knew the questions are piling up in her head, and that’s not fair to her. She’s been so kind to me.
“He chose her.”
Hannah fixes two plates and we walk over to the table. “Who, he? Chris?”
I take a seat at the table. “No, Cam. He chose Dani.”
She joins me and stares, looking confused. “Didn't that already happen?”
A small laugh escapes my lips at the ridiculousness of all of this, and I take a sip of my hot coffee. “Yes. He just did it again. I think he’s really fallen for her.”
Hannah scoffs into her coffee mug, “Didn’t seem like it when he punched a wall after he saw you leave with Chris the other night.”
“That’s what happened to his hand,” I say, thinking about Cam’s swollen and bloody right hand. I was scared he was in a fight or something, but he wouldn’t talk about it.
She leans in a little, intrigued. “So, you did see him that night?”
Hannah’s such a good friend that she has kept the conversation light since I’ve been here. She hasn’t even asked me about my kiss with Chris.
Which was utterly humiliating. I still can’t believe I did that in front of everyone.
I nod and pick at a piece of toast on my plate. “Yup. Right after Chris rejected me for the second time.”
“Oh no. Because of Cam?”
“Because of me. He saw right through me and accused me of just trying to make Cam jealous.”
“Well it looked real to me,” she says.
I shake my head at her, smiling. “It was. I wanted to kiss him, but maybe it was a little for Cam’s benefit also.” I give up on the food and hold my head up with my hands, elbows on the table. “God, what the hell is wrong with me?”
“Nothing. Break ups are hard. Chris is hot. Things happen.” I smile. I can do no wrong in Hannah’s eyes. “So, what happened with Cam?”
I groan and cover my face with my hands, mumbling, “I may have tried to kiss him.”
“What?” she asks, her voice says she’s shocked, but I can’t look at her.
“I know.” Her hands find mine and pull them down, her serious eyes bore into mine, “What do you mean you tried?”
“I mean, I almost kissed him, but he rejected me. I was on a serious roll that night. Good thing Shriller wasn’t around.”
“Stop that. You’d never kiss a married man and you’re going through hell. You get a pass to do stupid things.”
I laugh at that, “Thanks.”
“So, Cam was the voice of reason?”
I nod, “Yep, he couldn’t do it to Dani. Which actually just further proves that I was probably wrong about him cheating.” I laugh, near my breaking point.
Hannah’s hand squeezes mine. “It’s going to be okay, Van. Somehow.”
I clear my throat nervously, “Yeah, um. I think I may have figured out how to make it okay.”
She raises one perfect eyebrow at me. “How?”
“I’m going back to Manhattan right after the wedding.”
The shock registers on her face as she says, “What? No, you can’t leave early. I was already panicking about you leaving at the end of the summer. And what about your internship?”
“I talked to Brooke, and she gets it. The girls subletting our house got in a big fight, and one moved out. She was just going to pay rent at two places, but I’m just going to move back in and take over her portion.”
“Don’t go. You can stay here for the rest of the summer.”
I smile at her, sad to be leaving her, but knowing it’s the right thing. “I have to, Hannah. If I stay, I’ll end up around Cam. There will be some dinner or race or something that I’ll get talked into. I need some space from him, and I really can’t stand watching him with Dani.”
Her face says she understands before her mouth does. “However you have to get through this, I understand. I just want you to be okay. You’re amazing, Van. After what you’ve been through . . .” She gestures at me. “I mean look at you. You’re strong. If you can turn that into a positive, you can do anything.”
Tears sting my eyes at her words. I don’t feel strong, not even close. I wipe at my eyes and in a hushed voice say, “Thank you for understanding.”
She gives me a confident smile and then says, “Are you going to make it to the dinner party Brooke is having the night before the wedding?”
“No. I talked to Brooke about that too, and since Cam will be there, I’m going to go back to the townhouse and pack then. I don’t want him to know until after I leave.”
“Afraid he’ll stop you?”
“Yes.” And afraid he won’t.
She claps her hands together, and in true Hannah fashion turns it into a positive. “Well, so we have a little over a week til the wedding and you leave me. We are going to cram in every single chick flick ever made.”
I laugh at that and nod my head in total agreement.
I can’t avoid this group of people forever. They have become my family, but even a month of breathing room is necessary.
I can’t seem to control myself around Cam, and I’m not sure how much more utter humiliation I can stand.
Chapter 38
Cam
I hold Dani’s hand as we make our way up the sidewalk to Brooke and Dylan’s house. Yeah, we are there now.
Holding hands. Going to dinner parties together. I’d say that makes us official, even if we haven’t had that actual talk.
The transition was easier than I thought. Everything is easy with Dani and I mean that in a good way. We hang out. She finally put all her rules to rest, so we talk about anything and everything.
She has a tough fucking exterior, but she has a sensitive side. Not in a watching-The-Notebook-and-crying way, but she has let me in.
I don’t feel like she’s holding anything back when we talk. She’s also not full of drama, like I assumed. With Van out of the picture, she’s really laid-back.
Hell, even what I did at the party didn’t make her react the way most chicks would. She hasn’t mentioned it since. I half expected her to grill me about it every day, but nope. Not one word.
I haven’t seen Van since that night. She’s been hiding out at Luke and Hannah’s. I keep telling myself it’s for the best.
I meant everything I said to her that night. We really were in love, but that needs to stay in the past.
We just brin
g each other misery now.
Cass and Hunt flew in today for their wedding tomorrow. Fuck, I can’t believe it’s already here.
I ring the doorbell, a sense of nervousness overcoming me as I wait. I’m not sure I’m ready to see Van.
When the hell did I become such a pussy?
Luke answers, and his expression quickly darkens as he looks at our intertwined fingers. “Hey.”
“Hey, asshole. Can we come in?” I ask.
He steps back out of our way. “I suppose.”
We walk in, and Dani quickly scans the room, finding Cass and dashes to her. I know she’s nervous about what people will think about us being here together, even if she didn’t say it.
I join Luke, Hunt, Shriller, and Jax out in the back yard. “Gentlemen,” I say in a greeting.
After a series of fist bumps, Luke says, “So you actually fucking brought Dani as a date?”
Jax grins. “Aw, is it official?”
Shriller laughs. “Give him a break. It isn’t news. They were at the party together.”
“That’s true, but he did punch a fucking wall when Chris took Van off to make sweet passionate love to her,” Jax says and slaps me on the back.
I’ve gotten really used to this since it’s been the center of conversation at work since it happened. This is nothing new. “You guys need to come up with some new material.” I look at Luke. “Dani and I are together. Find a way to be cool with it.”
Hunter grins, standing on my left side. “I’m happy if you’re happy.”
Luke grumbles something, but I ignore him. “Thanks, man. So, you ready for tomorrow?” I ask, trying like hell to turn the heat off me.
My eyes scan the room as he answers, “Absolutely.”
No sign of Van. Or Chris. That’s strange.
We bullshit together until Brooke announces dinner is ready. I’m in a really good mood as I take a seat next to Dani at the table. Her hand finds my thigh, and my mind goes to naughty thoughts until Jax asks, loudly, “Where’s Van?”
Hannah, who is sitting directly across from me looks nervous when she answers, “She had something she had to do. She’s not coming.”
