by Nicole Dykes
I feel a sense of sickening dread wash over me, but my morbid curiosity pushes my body forward through the house and to the patio door.
When I reach it, my hand on the handle, my eyes instantly zero in on Cam, soaking wet and sitting on the cement step of the pool, water up to his waist. That’s not the totally sickening, heart thundering sight though.
No, that would be Dani. Clad in a sexy red bikini flaunting her big, perfect boobs, sitting between his legs and leaning in for a quick kiss.
They look like an actual, happy couple and it tears me apart.
Not that I have the right to feel that way.
They aren’t alone though, Cass is in the water with them, and Hunter is in his swim trunks manning the grill.
He’s the first one that sees me and nervously waves at me through the glass.
Damn. Too late to run away.
I wave and reluctantly slide the door open, stepping outside. I can feel all of the fun they were having seconds ago being sucked out of the air, and I detest that it’s because of me.
I try to ignore Cam’s gaze and focus on Hunter.
“Hey, Van!”
I smile at my friend. I’ve really missed him, even more than I thought I would. “Hey, Hunt, what are you doing here? I mean I knew you’d be in town for the party, but actually here now?”
He smiles at me kindly, even though I sound like a babbling idiot. “Well, Cam . . . . . . ,” he nods in Cam’s direction, but I don’t look, “thought we should have a pre-party. Grill some food, swim and then head to the club. I actually thought that sounded like more fun than the club.”
He laughs at something in Cam’s direction, probably Cam flipping him off. Again, I keep my eyes forward like a chicken. “Oh, that’s great.”
Hunter opens the grill to flip the veggies and array of meat. “I hope it’s okay with you. Us invading your space. Luke and Hannah will be here soon.”
Thank God, I need my best friend to get through this hell. “Of course, Hunt. It’s really good to see you.”
His smile is as nice as he is, and he closes the lid and gives me a quick hug. “It’s good to see you too, Van. You’re gonna hang out with us, right?”
I give his shoulders a squeeze and pull back. I can’t let this thing with Cam affect my entire life. These people are the only family I have. “Of course. I’ll go change.”
He grins, pleased with my answer. Unspoken words flowing between us. He knows everything that’s been going on, no doubt he's pieced it all together from several accounts.
I walk inside, and finally let out a deep breath I feel like I was holding the entire time I was standing out there.
The doorbell rings, and I quickly make my way to the door knowing it’s Hannah. I open it and am relieved when I see I was right. My best friend is standing there with Luke. “Hey, Van!” she says, smiling brightly.
Luke gives me a quick nod, his hands nervously in his pockets. “What’s up?”
I smile, moving so they can walk in. “Hi you guys. Everyone’s out back. I’m going to change.” Am I talking loudly? I think I’m talking really loudly. My attempt at trying to be cool with all this is an utter failure.
Luke claps a hand on my shoulder, giving it a reassuring squeeze before he leaves to join them. Silently leaving me and Hannah alone.
She turns to me. “I’m so sorry. Luke just told me that Cam was having everyone over for dinner first as a last-minute thing or I would have called you.”
I laugh at her seriousness and I know she would have. “I know, it’s not a big deal. It’s not like I wouldn’t have been in same position at the club later anyway. This is just easier to ease into.”
Yeah, she’s not buying it. “Still, it sucks you have to see them together in your house.”
“Actually, it’s Luke’s.”
She laughs, “Yeah, he’s not thrilled about it either.”
“It’s really okay, Hannah. Maybe it’ll help me get closure.” And maybe if I think that hard enough, I’ll believe it.
She gives me a hug, and as much as I appreciate all of my friends trying to be there for me, I’m tired of the pity.
She goes in the back yard, and I quickly change into my purple bikini, staring at myself a little too long in the mirror, wondering if my boobs are too small or if my hips are too narrow, before I suck it up and walk outside again.
Thankfully, Dani is swimming with Cass in the deep end now, and Luke and Cam are chilling on the massive step in the water.
Hunter and Hannah are by the grill, and I seek their safety and stand with then.
We small-talk for quite a while, mostly about how he likes Dallas, my internship, and Hannah’s summer classes. It’s enjoyable for the most part, and I only catch Cam's eyes a few times throughout the evening. It feels like old times again, but like things have completely changed, too.
After dinner, Cam goes inside and then quickly comes back out with a nice, chilled bottle of champagne and several red cups. “Let’s do this right,” he says as he hands the cups to Dani and she passes them out. Best man and maid of honor working together.
Cam fills all the glasses, and when he pours mine, standing directly in front of me, closer than we’ve been in a while, the world stops for a moment. My heart tightens in my chest and he gives me that playful Cam smile that makes my insides gooey, and then walks away. Everything else comes back into focus and he wraps his arm around Dani’s waist, holding the other hand with a cup in it up. “To Cass and Hunt! We wish you all the luck in the world!”
“To Cassie and Hunter!” Everyone else follows in a toast, and we all drink to the couple.
They thank us before everyone goes inside to take turns changing and getting ready to go out.
Hannah and I go to my room and I slip into a pretty, pale pink dress. It goes a little past my knees and shows what little cleavage I have. Alex’s idea was for all the girls towear pink tonight because its Cassie’s favorite color, except Cass, who is going to wear white.
Hannah changes into a pretty, dark pink maxi dress, and we quickly fix our hair and makeup before joining everyone in the living room.
The guys are all mostly clad in jeans and t-shirts and waiting in the living room when we walk out. I try not to notice the way Cam's sleeve hugs his strong, tattooed bicep when Dani and Cass walk out of his room.
Cassie looks so pretty with her white, flowy sundress and her blonde hair pulled into a messy bun with a pink flower clipped in to it.
It’s Dani that really has my attention. I see why Cam is attracted to her. Everything about her look screams fearless. Her dress is hot pink, accentuated with black. It goes to her mid-thigh and hugs her curves perfectly. She paired it with black stilettos that make her almost my height, with her long black hair flowing straight down her back.
Hunter greets Cass, and she hooks her arm with his as he escorts her out to the car, followed by Dani and Cam. Hannah whispers in my ear, “We’ll get through this.”
I give her a weak smile and ride with her and Luke to downtown Kansas City.
Will I really be able to get through this?
Chapter 35
Vanessa
We follow Hunter’s group to the Power and Light District in downtown Kansas City. It’s a cluster of bars and restaurants, and after we park in one of the many garages, we all walk in a group to the first bar that Dani and Cam set as the meeting point.
Luke walks with Hunter and Cam in the front, the three of them clearly happy to be together again.
I swear the bromances in the group are adorable.
Dani and Cassie are walking in front of Hannah and I, who are keeping our distance.
Hannah keeps her voice down as she says, “Okay, Van, I mean this with love, but you aren’t going to drink tonight, right? Please promise me you won’t.”
I stop walking and she follows suit as we stare at one another. Her with all seriousness and me with confusion. “I don’t drink that often, Hannah. You sound like I have a pro
blem or something.”
We start walking again so we don’t lose the group, but she says, “That’s the point though. You don’t drink that often but look what happens when you do.” Before I can say anything to defend myself she continues. “The last three times you got drunk, you got in a girl fight with Dani, then you made out with Cam, then you slept with Cam!”
“I wasn’t drunk when I slept with him.” I say in my defense, although I’m not sure if that’s better or worse.
“Still,” she says, unshaken.
I raise my hands in surrender. “Fine, no big deal. I don’t need to drink. There will be no drama tonight.”
She smiles sadly. “I can’t even imagine how painful it is to see them together.”
I try to shrug it off. “Its fine, really. I’m almost to a place where I’m happy for them.” Lies.
She knows it too, but doesn’t call me out as we follow everyone into the bar. Cass and Dani have to get their hands stamped, showing that they are over eighteen, but not twenty-one.
Everyone is already here at a large table in the crowded bar. Alex and Shriller. Brooke and Dylan. Jax and a now noticeably pregnant Charlotte. And Chris.
Shit. I didn’t think he would be here.
Apparently, neither did Hannah because her eyes bug out of her head when she sees him sitting next to Jax in a heated discussion about cars or something.
Hannah leans over. “No drama?”
I shake my head slowly. “No. No drama, this is Cassie and Hunter’s night.”
We join the rest of the group at the table, and I choose a seat across from Brooke and next to Alex, both who have daiquiris in front of them.
“Hey girls!” Brooke, who is dressed in a dark pink dress, greets Hannah and me, happily.
“Hi,” I say.
Alex fluffs my hair with both of her hands. It’s what she does, being a hair stylist. “So pretty, love it,” she says and I smile, proudly. She’s dressed close to Dani and pulls off a sexy look that doesn’t look trampy in a hot pink dress.
Although to me, Dani didn’t quite pull her look off as well. She looks easy, but I think that’s what Cam is looking for.
I’m sure he is, especially after our complicated relationship. Hell, who wouldn’t want simple after that?
We engage in another group toast to the soon to be married couple, with me drinking a virgin cocktail along with Cassie, Dani, and Charlotte in order to keep my promise to Hannah.
A couple of hours later, we end up in the VIP section of a dance club, and everyone is in various states of sobriety and drunkenness.
I’m on the sober end, and surprisingly, it’s Brooke and Hannah that are on the opposite side and drunk off their asses.
I sit in the plush leather booth and watch as Luke and Hannah sway together to the loud music. More like Luke tries to hold Hannah up.
Then there’s Jax and Charlotte, who are cuddled up in the other booth together. Jax’s hand rests proudly on Charlotte’s swollen belly.
Dylan and Brooke are dancing in the corner, unable to keep their hands off one another.
Cass and Hunter are slow dancing in the middle of the room. Even though the music is fast paced dance music, they are oblivious to the world around them and gloriously happy.
God knows where the newly-married Alex and Shriller are.
And then there's Dani and Cam. I hate how perfect they look together. Her tanned skin, kissed with several tattoos that her dress shows off. His tattooed, muscular arms holding onto her hips as she moves to the music.
A beautiful, happy, simple couple. Cam leans down, pressing his lips to hers. I look away, my heart full of sharp pain, just as Chris sits down next to me.
He hands me a glass of champagne, and I take it gladly. “Hey, Vanessa.”
I look into those striking blue eyes and take a small sip of the champagne. “Hi, Chris. I didn’t know you’d be here tonight.”
He smiles. “Yeah. They talked me into it. How are you?”
“I’m good,” I lie, but saying I’m being tortured by watching my ex grind against his new girlfriend doesn’t seem like a good idea.
“That’s good.”
“How’s work going?” I ask, trying like crazy to distract myself and let’s be honest Chris is an easy distraction. Any girl could get lost in him.
“Pretty good. Almost too busy. I might have to bring in a new artist.”
“That’s great!”
He stretches his long legs out in front of him. “Yeah, you ever think of getting one? I’ll give ya a special discount,” he says, with a playful wink.
I laugh and shake my head. “Kinda have a fear of needles.”
“I promise it’s not nearly as bad as it seems. Some people even enjoy it.”
I giggle at that thought and take another drink, thinking of the conversation I had with Cam about getting a tattoo. I can still feel his fingers leaving a faint trail over my wrist where he thought I should get one. “I don’t think that would be me.”
He nods. “Well if you ever change your mind.”
“You’ll be the first one I call,” I assure him.
“Good.” He finishes his beer and places it on the table in front of us. “Wanna dance?”
I probably shouldn’t. I’m emotional and vulnerable, but there is a sense of safety with Chris. To be honest, it’s similar to the safety I felt when I first met Cam, so I nod my head yes.
He stands and takes my hand leading me to the dance floor.
We both keep a respectable distance and I have a great time dancing with him. I’m having so much fun in fact, that I almost forget about Cam and Dani who are mere feet away.
Then the music changes to a slow song. I watch with burning jealousy as Cam wraps his strong arms around her waist, pulling her to him. Her arms reach up and circle around his neck as he whispers something into her ear.
I want to run. Everything inside of me is saying escape, but I don’t. Instead I retaliate and wrap my arms around Chris's neck. I look up into those charismatic eyes. He smiles sweetly and puts his hands on my hips, although still keeping his distance.
I don’t want that.
I want to feel better. Like I’m also moving on. Like that’s actually possible for me.
So, that’s when I make the decision and go for it without letting my brain overrule my body. I lean in and kiss Chris. Not just a sweet peck like last time. I full on kiss him, begging him with my mouth to kiss me. To soothe my pain.
He obliges, his mouth opens and hungrily melds with my own. His hands move to my long hair, his fingers entangled in the strands. His hard body pressed closer to mine, I let myself feel only this, in this moment.
A small moan escapes my mouth, into the depths of his and he finally pulls back. I breathe, “Let’s get out of here.”
He doesn’t say a word and takes my hand, leading me out of the VIP section, and I can feel the sheer heat from Cam’s gaze as we leave.
When we get outside, I ask as I search around the crowded streets. “Where’s your car?”
Chris’s expression darkens and he asks, “You’re really gonna go through with this?”
“Go through with what?”
He scoffs, “You’ll sleep with me just to get him back? To hurt him?”
I stare at him, stunned. “What? That kiss had nothing to do with, Cam. And I didn’t necessarily say I was going to sleep with you.”
He nods. “Fair enough. So where to then? Where were you thinking before I said anything?”
His place. He’s right, and we both know it. I still deny it. “Look, I wanted to kiss you, so I did.”
He steps closer to me, looking down at me, those eyes challenging me. “Okay, so then kiss me.” He leans in even further, his lips drag against mine, daring me. “Without Cam watching.”
My heart thumps erratically in my chest, suddenly my plan doesn’t seem so good. I take a step back, “You’re a real asshole, you know that?”
He chuckles. “I may be a
n asshole, but I’m an honest asshole.” He rests his hands on my shoulders in a comforting gesture. “You’re young. You’re going to make a shitload of mistakes, but I don’t want to be one of them. So, I’m gonna take you home.”
I don’t argue. I’m right about him being an asshole, but in a true friend sort of way that pisses you off being brutally honest. He isn’t trying to hurt me, instead he’s protecting me.
Even in my emotionally vulnerable state, I know that.
We walk to his car, and he drives me home. When I say goodbye and grab the door handle of the passenger door, he says, “For the record, even a few years ago, I would have gladly been your mistake, Vanessa.”
I turn to look at him, tears of humiliation and sadness glistening in my eyes. “Thank you.”
He brushes my hair out of my eyes, and cups my cheek with his hand. His lips briefly meet mine in a kiss reminiscent of the first one at Brooke and Dylan's. “You’re a catch, Vanessa. You just gotta learn to be honest with yourself and you’ll be fine.”
He leaves me with that bit of advice before I climb out of the car and go inside.
Honest with myself?
That’s a scary thought for me. Honesty would bring up my past. Everything leads back to that.
That’s just not something I allow myself to do.
Chapter 36
Cam
Fuck! Did that seriously just happen? Right in front of my eyes?
I’m at war with myself as I stand there stunned after watching Van and Chris go at it on the dance floor.
` Then that motherfucker took her out of here. More than likely back to his place to fuck her.
My body is frozen, but my mind is screaming at me to go after them.
Shit, I can’t fucking breathe. A mix of unbelievably painful fear, blinding rage, and sadness come over me all once.
I don’t want Dani to see me losing it, but I have to get out of here. Get some air.
I let go of her waist as my feet start toward the exit. I can sense her behind me, but my mind is on Vanessa. And him.
His fucking hands on her. His lips. His . . . . . . My thoughts are cut off as my fist crashes against the brick wall of the night club, in a nearly unconscious force.
