Down & Dirty

by Cheryl Dougls

  “I could put a ring on your finger. We could take the vows. And you have to know how much I want that. But nothing would join us like a baby would because you know if you have my baby you’re stuck with me for life. I’d never leave them and I’d never leave you.”

  That was the kind of man Landon was. Loyal. He honored his commitments and put the people he loved first. Just like he’d put me first all those years ago. “I do want to have your babies,” I whispered, making him smile. “But I want to do it right. Call me old-fashioned, but I want to wear the big white wedding dress without my belly leading me down the aisle.”

  His eyes twinkled with amusement. “Fair enough. I just want you to know that you have nothing to be afraid of. I could commit to you right now. Tonight. Or we can wait six months to make it official. It doesn’t matter. Because if being without you these past fifteen years taught me one thing, it’s that I don’t want to be.”

  Chapter Twelve

  Landon

  I’d been hot and hard ever since I started talking to Olivia about planting my seed in her. I wanted that. I wanted to fill her, drive so deep, and pray that it took. I wanted to see her full and round with my baby. I wanted the world to know she was mine and that she would be for the rest of our lives.

  Because that’s what having a baby with her meant to me. Forever. My old man had left us and I’d die before I ever left my kid. Olivia knew that. Because she knew me. We hadn’t been a part of each other’s lives in a long time, but she’d mapped my heart years ago, which meant she knew the essence of me. That hadn’t changed. That would never change.

  She was lying on the bed beneath me, reaching for me, and I knew no matter what happened I would feel like the luckiest bastard alive as long as I had her in my life. My house and cabin could burn to the ground. Someone could steal my prized Ferrari. I could sustain a career-ending injury, but if I had her, had a family with her, I’d be okay.

  “Tell me what you’re thinking,” she whispered, wrapping her arms around my neck.

  “That this,” I said, kissing her. “This right here is what matters to me. You’re what matters to me.”

  She smiled. “I believe you.”

  Hearing her say those three little words meant everything to me because I knew they were the foundation we could build on. She believed in me again. She was learning to trust me again. Falling in love with me. That was the only thing we needed to take our relationship to the next level.

  I entered her slowly, my eyes never leaving hers. This wasn’t about hard and fast. I wasn’t a desperate man with something to prove because he knew the clock was ticking. I was hers. She was mine. And it felt we had all the time in the world to get it right.

  She sighed contentedly, closing her eyes as I filled her completely.

  My entire body stilled until she finally opened her eyes and focused on me.

  “You need to know…”

  “What?” she asked, milking me with a teasing grin. “How much you like this?”

  “You know I do.” I buried my face in the crook of her neck, inhaling deeply. “But you need to know I’m never leaving you again.” I knew we’d face our share of challenges. Every couple did. But this time we’d face them together.

  “Good, ‘cause I’m never letting you go.” She gripped my ass. “Now I need a little less talk and a lot more action, Harris.”

  She made me chuckle. Even when I was pouring my heart out to her, she could make me laugh. And I loved that.

  I gave my lady what she wanted, moving over her slowly, drinking her in. Every sweet sound of satisfaction like a Band-Aid repairing all the old wounds. She showed me what she liked and I obliged, making it my mission to pleasure her.

  She was tight and I was hard, making it nearly impossible to last as long as I wanted to. But I was okay with that. We had all night. She wasn’t going anywhere and neither was I.

  When we finally surrendered together I rolled off and pulled her into my arms, relishing the feel of holding her in my arms.

  “I guess we have some stuff to figure out, huh?” She drew circles on my chest with her fingertip, her voice husky and drowsy, as though she craved sleep.

  “If you’re up to it,” I said, kissing her forehead. “But there’s no rush.”

  “I want to talk about it,” she said, sounding hesitant. “If that’s okay?”

  “Of course.” I wanted her to feel comfortable talking to me about anything, anytime.

  “I know how demanding your career is. Even during the off-season you have public appearances and endorsements and—”

  “I’ll always make time for you,” I assured her. “If that’s what you’re worried about?”

  “It’ll be hard for us to spend time together with you being here or in Denver and me being at home dealing with my business. Plus I have to travel a lot and—”

  “Okay.” If she was trying to throw up road blocks I was determined to plow through every one. We would find a way to make this work. We had to. Giving up on us wasn’t an option for me. Not this time. “You tell me how you see this working. I know you can’t be the one to make all of the compromises. So maybe we meet halfway and spend a couple of days together every week or every other week. That way we’d each have to drive less than an hour.”

  “That could work,” she conceded. “But what about re-building the cabin? And when your training starts, then the regular season—”

  I placed my fingertip over her lips as I looked down at her. “We’ll figure it out. I promise.” I wasn’t worried and I didn’t want her to worry either. We’d just take it one day at a time until we figured out how to merge our busy, complicated lives.

  “My business is pretty mobile,” she admitted. “All I need is a bit of studio space, a couple of mannequins, fabric, a sewing machine, drafting table and computer.”

  I was pretty sure there was a lot more to her business than that, but I liked where she was going with this. “What about Justin? Isn’t he your business partner? Don’t you need him?”

  “He’s not as hands on as you might think. We have an accountant and a lawyer. I have sales reps who sell to the boutiques and a marketing specialist, web designer…” She rolled on her back. “Basically, we have a team who keeps things running. And we all work from different cities.”

  “Huh.” I don’t know why I’d assumed they all worked together. I clearly needed to learn more about her business. “Tell me more about what you do.”

  “It’s still a small, independent label,” she said, smoothing the blanket over her breasts as she stared at the ceiling. “And I think I’d like it to stay that way. This allows me to be the designer and creator of every garment. Every piece is a one-of-a-kind.”

  “Sounds perfect.” I knew she was a free-spirit, a creative who liked to call her own shots. She’s always been that way and I was glad her business allowed her to be true to herself.

  “It really is.” She looked up at me when I rested my weight on one elbow and looked down at her. “I love what I do. And I know how lucky I am to be able to say that. But that doesn’t mean I don’t want more.”

  “Like what?” I’d do anything I could to help her build her dream, if that’s what she wanted. I knew Justin had been the one to finance her initial endeavor, but she didn’t need him anymore. She had me and my pockets were deep.

  “Marriage.” She linked her hand with mine, her eyes sparkling. “Kids someday.”

  I closed my eyes as I kissed her hand. Those were some of the sweetest words I’d ever heard. “I like the sound of that.”

  “I thought you might,” she said, looking amused. “And that’s the great thing about what I do. I could have a family and work from home. I can scale the business up or down, depending on what’s going on in other areas of my life.”

  “So, what are you saying?” Please tell me you’re ready to take our relationship to the next level.

  “Well, I know it probably seems too soon to even be talking about stuff like th
is since we just got back together—”

  “It doesn’t.” I didn’t care who thought we were rushing. I knew this was the woman I wanted for the rest of my life. “Just say it.”

  She smiled. “Well, I don’t know how big your house is in Denver…?”

  “It’s big. Too big for me.” I bought it with a family in mind and I prayed she was going to make my dreams come true.

  “Then maybe you could find a little studio space somewhere for me?”

  I grabbed her, hauling her against my chest. “Yes. Hell yes.”

  Her hair fell, blanketing us both as she smiled down at me. “I’m not suggesting we live together. Yet. I’ll keep the house with my sister and the studio. For now. But if I have a place to work at your house maybe I can spend three of four days at a time there instead of us having to meet at hotels.”

  “Absolutely. I’ll make some phone calls tomorrow, get movers and painters in there to start working on the space.” I had the perfect spot in mind. Plenty of natural light and beautiful mountain views. I hoped once she started working there she’d never want to leave.

  She laughed, patting my chest. “Slow down. We don’t have to worry about that right now. You have to worry about the cabin first.”

  “Uh, about that.” I didn’t want to push her, but as long as she’d made a suggestion that would impact our future I felt free to do the same. “I’ll have to scrap the cabin. It’s just not structurally sound to re-build on a damaged foundation.”

  “I’m so sorry, babe,” she said, running her hand over my chest before she rolled off of me. She was still facing me, her head propped in her hand. “That really sucks.”

  “I thought so too, but maybe not.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “I’m going to hire a local firm to handle the re-build. They’ll design and build the new cabin.”

  “Oh, so you won’t have to be here to oversee construction?” she asked, looking hopeful.

  “Right. I just have to make the decisions, maybe drive in for a few meetings or to check on things from time to time.”

  “That doesn’t sound so bad.”

  “It won’t be, if you can come with me?”

  She grinned. “I think that can be arranged.”

  “I’m not just asking you to tag along, Olivia. I want you to be involved in the project. I want this cabin to be ours.”

  She gasped, looking shocked. “Are you serious? That’s a really big deal.”

  It wasn’t a ring on her finger, but it felt like a step in the right direction. “I don’t want to do this alone. Not again. I want us to start building a life together and this seems like the perfect place to start.” She’d already indicated she’d be willing to relocate to Denver and I wanted to make sure she felt at home, both at the house in Denver and at the cabin.

  “If you’re sure, of course, I’d love to be a part of it.”

  She wasn’t just agreeing to be a part of some building project. She was agreeing to be a part of my life, and I intended to show her every day how happy she’d made me.

  Epilogue

  Olivia

  Eight Months Later

  “I can’t believe this place,” Kelly said, taking in the breathtaking views from the living room of our newly built cabin.

  “Pretty amazing, isn’t it?”

  The place was finally finished and Landon insisted on a party to mark the occasion. He’d even invited my parents, who were surprisingly supportive of our relationship. I suspected it had something to do with the fact that he wasn’t just some kid with big dreams anymore. He was a champion with the ring to prove it. They respected him and his work ethic and according to my mother, they had no doubt how much he loved me.

  My relationship with him still felt like a dream sometimes. We’d made it through our first football season as a couple. He’d made a place for me in his home and life and I now spent more time in Denver than I did at home.

  “I’m so happy for you guys,” Kelly said, putting her arm around my waist. “I just knew things would work out.”

  “They may not have, if not for your meddling.” I tugged a lock of her long hair. “I guess this is the point where I’m supposed to say thank you, huh?”

  “You have a rich boyfriend now. You can thank me with Gucci gift cards.”

  I rolled my eyes. “You’re such a brat.”

  I wanted my sister to find what we had but she made it clear she wasn’t looking and I had to respect that. I wanted her to give Justin a chance, but I couldn’t force it and it seemed my good friend was moving on. He’d been dating a new girl for a few weeks and if the perma-grin on his face was any indication, he really liked her.

  “You happy Mom and Dad finally approve of your guy?” she asked, hip-bumping me.

  “It’s nice,” I conceded, taking a sip of my wine. “But even if they hadn’t I wouldn’t care. I love him. And that should be good enough for them.”

  “You sure you should be drinking that?” Kelly asked, raising her eyebrow.

  I made the mistake of telling her I was late last week. “False alarm. I took the test. It was negative.”

  “Oh.” She looked at me out of the corner of her eye. “You okay with that?”

  I felt strangely dejected when we checked the test after the recommended waiting period. I’d expected to be relieved, but I wasn’t, which just reinforced the fact that my biological clock had started ticking.

  “I think I was more disappointed than Landon, to be honest.”

  Kelly snorted. “I’m surprised he hasn’t been trying to get you knocked up every chance he gets.”

  “I told him I wanted to get married first,” I said, recalling the conversation we’d had at the lodge. “I’m sure that’s why he was relieved we weren’t pregnant.”

  “But you would have been okay with having a baby now?” she asked. “You know, before you guys made it official?”

  I was trying to ignore the fact that Landon still hadn’t asked me to marry him. I knew he loved me. He treated me like a princess. He talked about our future. I knew he wanted to be a father. So, what the hell was he waiting for?

  “I guess so.” I took a sip of wine, grateful we had the cabin to ourselves while Landon was at the store picking up the last minute party supplies.

  “What’s wrong?” she asked, frowning. “You seem… off.”

  “I just love him so much, you know?” I blinked back the tears. I was not a crier, so why the hell was I crying? “I know he’s the one. And this waiting game is kind of killing me.” I’d started to feel antsy a couple of months ago when one of his teammates had his first child with his wife. They were three years younger than we were and holding that tiny baby in my arms stirred something in me that had been dormant. A deep longing to have a family of my own.

  “Why don’t you tell him how you feel?”

  I sniffled, wiping at the tears collecting in my eyes. “God, no. I could never do that. I want him to propose to me because he wants to, not because he feels he has to.”

  “But he can’t read your mind, sis. Maybe he thinks you’re not ready? Maybe if you make it official by moving in with him—”

  “I’m not just going to put all of my shit into his house.” Sure, I spent a lot of time there, but it wasn’t my home. It was his. “He has to invite me to move in with him.”

  “It’s like you’re already living together,” she said, rolling her eyes. “You two are together as often as you can be, you fuck like rabbits—”

  “Is that what you told her?” Landon asked, dropping a couple of cases of beer on the counter.

  I hadn’t heard him come in. I hoped he hadn’t overheard our conversation. The last thing I wanted was an obligatory marriage proposal. “Oh hey.” My back was still turned to him as I frantically wiped my eyes while my sister shielded me from his view. “I didn’t hear you come in.”

  He walked over to me, pulling my hands away from my face. “What the hell?” He looked at Kel
ly before glancing back to me. “Have you been crying?”

  I sniffled, feeling embarrassed that he’d caught me in a moment of weakness. “I’m fine. Just a little hormonal, I guess.”

  “I’ll leave you two alone,” Kelly said, slipping out on the deck. “I’m gonna take a walk, check out the grounds.”

  “Tell me what’s really going on,” he said, curling his hands around my face. “And don’t give me some bullshit story about you being hormonal.”

  I forced a smile. “I’m just happy. I mean, look at this place. Can you believe it’s finished?”

  He narrowed his eyes. “Olivia, these aren’t happy tears. I can tell the difference. Now what the hell’s going on with you?” When I didn’t respond, he asked, “Is it me? Us?”

  I shook my head as another cursed tear fell. “It’s nothing, I’m fine. Really.”

  ***

  Landon

  I couldn’t shake the feeling something was wrong after my exchange with Olivia. Something was bothering her and I hated that she wouldn’t tell me what it was. I was already on edge because the surprise I had planned for her hadn’t arrived yet and I was beginning to question whether it would. And it’s not like I could even call the guy to find out where the hell he was. Sometimes being off the grid really sucked.

  I listened to some of my teammates talk shop, trying to contribute where I could, while keeping an eye on Olivia. She moved through the party, talking to all of our guests, but her smile was forced and it slipped as soon as she thought no one was looking.

  She was unhappy and I couldn’t figure out why. I thought things were going so well. We’d spent a lot of time together, redecorating the house and building the cabin. She was fitting seamlessly into my life and all my friends loved her.

  Last week we’d even thought we were pregnant. I was ashamed to admit how hard I’d prayed for a positive result while we waited. But I knew she wasn’t ready. I just loved her so much and I wanted her to have my baby. I was tired of waiting. But I was trying to give her time and space to get used to us. I knew she was under a lot of pressure and I didn’t want to add to it, but I couldn’t go on like this much longer, living in limbo.