The Intimate Memoirs of an Edwardian Dandy, vol.I

by Rupert Mountjoy

  Barbara Dartland, who had undergone a first aid training course, frantically applied a cold compress to Dr Porterfield's head to revive him but, like the vast majority of the audience, I was far more interested in the revelations of Mrs. Robinson! She was well on her way telling us what she had told Mrs. Thatcher what Walsh the window cleaner had been up to after she had rewarded him with a glass of beer for cleaning her windows. 'He said to me: “Mrs. Robinson, I've always considered you to be a beautiful woman and you have one of the shapeliest figures in the village.” As I listened to his shameless flattery, sitting snugly beside him on the sofa, he slipped his right hand into my blouse, under my chemise and began gently squeezing my breast. I raised my hand as if to stop him but my nipple already had swollen up to the size and hardness of a little red pebble. Yes, I know that I should really have stopped him right there but between you and me, my dear Margaret, I liked the look of this muscular young man!

  He then wormed his hand between my thighs and as we french kissed, he worked them into the leg of my knickers and touched the moistening lips of my pussey. My juices began to flow freely as my thighs tightened like a vice over his hand as I shuddered to a little spend as his fingers penetrated me. Then the naughty fellow began kissing my neck and throat and I suggested that we retire upstairs to a bedroom. He helped me undress down to my drawers and I lay back on the bed as he kissed my titties and my belly before rolling me over and kissing and licking me all the way back to my shoulders. My poor pussey was now sopping wet as he peeled off my knickers, kissing each inch of exposed flesh and he ran his hand lightly down the crack of my bum before rolling me back. He plunged his tongue inside my ear and then played the tip around my titties before his mouth travelled down to lightly bite the insides of my thighs. Then he drove me wild by licking and lapping at my dripping cunney and I was already on my way to paradise even before he found my clitty. He brought me off in style before I told him I wanted his prick inside me. Then he pulled off his shirt and undid his belt and let his trousers fall to the ground. Teasingly he told me to take off his pants so I carefully pulled them down over his hard, stiff cock. It wasn't that huge but his shaft looked well proportioned enough for a good fuck so, pulling back the foreskin, I rolled my tongue over his purple knob and sucked it right into my mouth. It tasted wonderful! This fully released my passion and I gobbled his cock until I felt it throb with desire. I released him so that he could climb between my legs and place his rigid rod inside my pussey. It stretched me nicely and I pulled my knees as far apart as possible to allow him to give me his full length. He fucked me beautifully with firm, pumping strokes, not too quickly, giving me the full benefit of his sinewy prick before shooting a huge jet of jism into my cunt as I squirmed my way to a tremendous spend. 'We clung to each other whilst he recovered but his cock was still semi-stiff when it slid out of my cunney. He raised himself up to his knees and the cheeky rogue placed his prick near my face. I reached out to hold the glistening shaft which was still wet from my juices and I decided to work him up to another full hard-on. I teased the knob by running the tip of my tongue all around the ridges of his helmet and then gave the underside a few quick licks and that did the trick, stiffening up his tool right back to its former firmness. I took his whole knob into my mouth and then eased in the rest of his stalwart staff. I bobbed my head up and down on his cock-three short, licking sucks followed by one long, fierce sucking was enough to send him off. The lusty lad was so excited by all this that in no time at all I felt his succulent cock shoving hard against the back of my throat and his hot, salty spunk was released and I felt it flooding down my throat. Walsh has got quite enormous balls, by the way, but by swallowing convulsively I drank every last drop of his copious emission, milking his tool of every last drop of the liquid of love. 'I managed to stiffen up his cock for one more fuck but then he had to leave as he was already late for Mrs. Humphries and she wanted some special servicing too!' concluded Mrs. Robinson. God knows what else she might have said but fortunately Barbara had by now revived Dr Porterfield and he quickly snapped the lady out of her trance. The audience had been stunned into silence, though one or two youths at the back had sniggered occasionally during her telling of this lascivious tale. 'There you are, I told you it was all hocus pocus,' said Mrs. Robinson with satisfaction. 'I'd better be going now as I forgot to pay Mr. Walsh the window cleaner yesterday and I'm expecting him back at the house.' This brought forth howls of laughter but, quite undaunted, Mrs. Robinson made her way to the exit.

  Reverend Armstrong stepped forth and, after explaining to Dr Porterfield what had occurred, called for silence: 'Ladies and gentlemen, I trust that what we heard this afternoon will never be revealed. Indeed, I am going to swear every person here to total secrecy. I will brook no exceptions, and Dr Porterfield agrees with me that, ethically, Mrs. Robinson's words should be treated in the confidence she would have expected during a medical examination or, if she were of the Catholic faith, in the confessional. Would everyone please raise their rights hands and repeat after me an oath that we will never speak of what we heard just now. If there is anyone who has the slightest doubt about the justice of this, then I would remind him or her that Walsh is unmarried whilst Mrs. Robinson's husband is a military man who is often away from home. Poor Mrs. Humphries, as we all know, is a young widow. So only he that is without sin should cast the first stone.' (Let me state here that I only mention the incident now in written form fourteen years after the event because Walsh married Mrs. Humphries in 1904 and the couple promptly emigrated to New Zealand. Mrs. Robinson and her husband, alas, perished along with Frank's father on the ill-fated maiden voyage of the Titanic).

  We all went back to Barbara's house afterwards for tea and, to everyone's relief, her parents were out for the afternoon. Reverend Armstrong said that he had some matters to attend to and would join us later. Barbara insisted on opening a bottle of champagne from a case that an old French friend of her family had recently sent over to them, and the sparkling bubbly wine certainly loosened our tongues. It seemed to make Barbara and Katie forget that I was present for the presence of a young lad did not inhibit them in the slightest in discussing matters of the utmost privacy and intimacy in front of me.

  For example, after discussing Mrs. Robinson's hypnotic confessions, Katie said: 'You know, it was interesting that a member of the working class such as Walsh the window cleaner had the finesse needed to make a good fuck great. After all, many men from the very cream of Society do not understand the subtle nuances of fucking, especially those who are well hung and who know it. Oh yes, they know that we can be excited by seeing a nude man with a flaccid cock, if his knob hangs over his balls. 'But simply just sticking your big shaft into a wet pussey isn't enough-after all, anybody can do that if he has the equipment for it. No, once a man gets a hard-on, I like a little foreplay like having him hover over me and rubbing his erect prick up and down over my breasts and belly and then finally on my clitty whilst he tells me how beautiful my breasts are or how juicy my pussey is and how much he loves my body. That will start me off and then I like him to begin inserting his shaft in my cunt, just a little at a time. First his helmet goes in and then when he pulls it out the feeling of the ridge rubbing against my pussey lips is simply divine.

  Fred Nolan is very good at foreplay, by the way. Once he starts fucking in this style he puts his hard shaft in just a little further each time and the tension builds up deliriously. I find this much more exciting than just having every inch of a cock inserted immediately.

  Mind, even after a good fuck, I am often still usually highly charged and it is really super if my lover licks my cunney or manipulates my clitty with his hand after he has spent because that will make me come or give me a second orgasm if I've spent already. 'What is really dreadful is if he just rolls over once he's finished and doesn't even kiss or hold you afterwards. And I hate it when a man says “Did you come?” If I have, he'll know it and if not, well, we can always try again. But when he asks
me I have the feeling that what he's really trying to do is asking me to rate his love-making abilities, which is unnecessary. Simultaneous spending is over-rated anyway, in my humble opinion.' 'You are really knowledgeable about l'art de faire L'amour, Katie,' sighed Barbara. 'As I said before earlier today, I do so admire your adventurous spirit. Here am I who have yet to experience the joy of feeling a prick up my cunt. Mind, I must confess that I am not totally without experience. For instance, I did have a very strange evening with a girl named Lizzie Hollywood the other week which led to my cunney playing host to other fingers than my own and, come to think of it, something else besides a strange hand! 'But let me first tell you about Lizzie. She is a pretty girl of about our age who I met for the first time at an exhibition of English Post-Impressionist art at the Manor Hall Gallery in Leeds. The wealthy textile magnate, Sir Louis Segal, donated some works from his collection and I met Lizzie at a reception given by Sir Louis for supporters of the gallery (my Mama has been a patron for many years).

  We got to talking and she told me she was an art student. As I was on my own-I was staying the night with my old friend Angela Bidder and I had the keys to her house-I accepted Lizzie's invitation to dine with her at the Queens Hotel. We drank a bottle of wine with our splendid meal and what with the aperitifs we had consumed at Sir Louis's party, I was feeling more than slightly woozy by the time we had finished our desserts. “Come upstairs and lie down on my bed for a bit before you leave. Give me your friend Angela's address and I will ask the reception desk to send word to her and inform her that she should not wait up for you,” suggested Lizzie and, taking my hand, led me to the elevator. It seemed like a good idea at the time. I certainly had imbibed not wisely but too well for I collapsed on the bed and in an instant was deep in the arms of Morpheus.

  'I woke up a couple of hours later and for a few moments I was totally disorientated and wondered dizzily where on earth I was!

  Then I suddenly remembered as I looked at my wrist-watch, for the bedside light was still burning and I saw that it would soon be midnight. I shivered as I felt a cool breeze blowing through the half open window. I raised myself up to shut it and it was only then when I looked in the long wall mirror that I suddenly realised that I was stark naked! I looked wildly around for my clothes when Lizzie came in from the bathroom. She was only wearing a cream silk nightrobe through which I could see the dark protuberances of her nipples as she walked towards me.

  '“Ah, you've woken up at last!” she smiled. “Do you feel better now?” '“Yes, thank you, I feel fine and dandy after that rest. I am so ashamed though, falling asleep after dinner but I'm afraid the bottle of Chateau Mouton-Rothschild went straight to my head,” I stammered in reply. 'She came and sat by me and stroked my hair. “It doesn't matter at all, it really doesn't. I hope you don't mind but the night air is so warm and you looked so uncomfortable that I undressed you whilst you were sleeping. I've hung your clothes up in my cupboard and before you worry your pretty little head about it, I've also let Angela Bidder know that you're staying the night here and that you'll contact her first thing in the morning.” 'She then slipped off her robe and lay down next to me.

  “You don't mind if I join you, Babs, as I'm feeling rather tired too,” she murmured, snuggling up dose to me. Lizzie was really a very attractive girl with long blonde hair that she let down to fall over her shoulders, whilst her light complexion and slender figure contrasted so well with my own rather dark looks. She moistened her rich red lips with her tongue, showing her sparkling white teeth. Her legs were next to mine and I must admit that our figures complemented each other perfectly, even our pussies blended so well, mine brown-haired and curly, hers silky and blonde. '“You still look tired,” Lizzie said softly. “Why don't you put your head on my shoulders and close your eyes?” I readily complied, feeling totally relaxed and though Lizzie was soon stroking my sides and fondling my breasts in a most intimate fashion, I made only the slightest token attempt to stop her. “What are you doing, Lizzie? That's very naughty, you know,” I admonished her drowsily. '“Just relax my love and let me pay court to your beautiful breasts- aren't they large? They are so much bigger than mine,” she cooed and I offered no resistance as she continued to caress my bosoms, cradling them in her hands. I closed my eyes as I felt Lizzie's lips close upon my right nipple and swirled it in her mouth, sending chills of desire running up and down my spine. She moved her hands up and down my body now in smooth, gentle titillating strokes and to my own surprise I found myself growing more and more aroused with each caress. As her knowing fingers inched towards my pussey I felt my thighs stiffen and my hips involuntarily thrust forward in tantalising anticipation of what was to come. 'She slid her long fingers into my dampening muff, moving them deliriously inside as the heel of her hand rubbed my clitty which rose up to greet it until it was as hard as a tiny walnut. “Ah, I've found your secret spot, have I not?” she whispered as she drew firm little circles around my clitty until my entire body was squirming with pleasure. Without ever taking her fingers from my clitty, she brought across her other hand and dipped a long forefinger in my squelchy hole. The sensation was so electrifying that I sat bolt upright and moaned: “Oh Lizzie, that's wonderful!” “It's wonderful for me too, darling. Finger fucking your cunney makes me so wet,” she breathed into my ear. “Feel my pussey, it's positively dripping waiting for your touch.” Without protest I let her take my hand and place it between her cool, firm thighs. I trailed my fingers through her silky blonde cunney hair and we covered each other's mouths with burning kisses as we finger fucked each other's cunnies.

  Lizzie then moved her head down and nuzzled her red lips around my curly brown bush. “Darling, what a perfectly delicious crack you have!

  M'mmm, and what a stimulating, heady perfume it possesses!” 'Without further words she started to tongue my crack, moving all along my wet slit, exploring, tasting, teasing-and then suddenly she stopped! I gasped out my disappointment but Lizzie said sweetly: “Don't worry, sweetheart. I have a surprise for you.” She reached out into the drawer of the bedside table and pulled out a strange black rubber dildo. 'Obviously, my surprise must have shown on my face for Lizzie said: “Barbara, have you never seen a ladies' comforter before?” “Oh yes,” I said, still looking curiously at this strangely shaped instrument, “but never one like this.” '“Ah, this will be your first experience with a double-header-I promise that you will find it most exciting. One part of this dildo has been modelled upon the prick of the famous Shakespearean actor Mr. Michael Beattie and the other is fashioned from a plaster cast of the gallant prick of none other than Lieutenant Colonel Alan Brooke of the Hussars, perhaps the most famous cocksman in England.” 'Without further ado she took out a small jar of pomade and poured some of the sticky oil over the dildo which she then pressed gently against my cunney lips as she continued to nibble around my pussey with her mouth. This made me so wet that she was able to work the dildo head (I believe it was the slightly less thick end which had been manufactured to the measurements of Colonel Brooke) into my cunt until it filled me completely. 'Lizzie then pulled herself up until she was sitting upon my thighs. Our eyes locked as she finger fucked herself with one hand whilst she vibrated this rubber prick inside my cunt with the other. When her cunney was nice and juicy enough she then raised herself up and slowly worked the other part of our rubber playmate into her cunney. She reached forward and pulled me to her until we were pressed tightly together, breast to breast and cunt to cunt with the dildo pleasuring us both at the same time as we jerked our hips to and fro along its long double-headed shaft. I wrapped my legs tightly around her back and she wrapped hers around mine as, rocking back and forth, we achieved a delicious rhythm that sent pulses of pleasure to every nerve centre in my body. 'As our excitement grew, our motions became even more frenzied and Lizzie pressed me flat onto the bed and stretched her body out across mine, the dildo still clamped between our suctioning pussies. I grabbed her waist and pulled her towards me, allowi
ng the rubber cock of Colonel Brooke to slide even further inside my sopping cunt. This was the closest I have ever been to a genuine fuck and I loved every glorious second of it.

  'Suddenly my body convulsed and my head thrashed back and forth against the pillow. “Oh my God! Lizzie, don't stop now whatever you do! Lordy, that feels so great!” Of course Lizzie did not stop, and kept fucking my cunney as well as her own as she rocked to and fro. As soon as she felt me spend she felt the stirrings of her own approaching orgasm and we climbed the peaks almost together, shuddering and heaving as our cunnies poured out generous libations of love juice upon the sheets which were already stained by our perspiration and previous spendings. 'We lay there, drained and exhausted, pressed together still and joined at the crotch by the dildo which we took out carefully, first from my cunt and then from Lizzie's and she deposited it back on the table. We took a short nap but this time I was the first to wake and whilst she slept I caressed her as slowly and lovingly as she had earlier made love to me. I licked and nibbled at her small but proudly jutting breasts and her nipples rose to greet my mouth. I ran my palm down her belly and into her soaking blonde muff which woke her up and she smiled happily, closing her legs gently upon my hand. I ran my fingers through her silky triangle and my forefinger slipped easily into her sticky pussey which made her purr with pleasure. I had never gone down on another girl before (though several girls had done this to me at boarding school) but my curiosity and pervasive lust to which should be added to the desire to please Lizzie too were enough to overcome any slight resistance I might have felt towards the idea. So I slid down between her slender long legs and clasped my hands around Lizzie's boyish, rounded bum cheeks. I separated them as she arched her back to bring her tangy cunney up towards my mouth. I licked and lapped around those savoury cunt lips, moist from both our juices and then sucked her clitty into my mouth. This made Lizzie thresh around under me and with each of her writhings I felt my own pussey spend a little. I managed to straddle her leg so that I was able to feel her knee against my clitty. We made love again and each time Lizzie moved passionately her legs pressed more heavily against my cunt. As my excitement rose even higher I sucked up her cunney juices with renewed vigour. Finally, her whimpers and groans gave way to one long full-throated scream and we came together for a second time in a total, blinding release. We lay there together in bed before falling asleep for the night in each other's arms.' 'I was worried that my prick might literally burst out of my trousers for I had been inadvertently been playing pocket billiards throughout the recounting of this outrageous history. I wiggled about uncomfortably but my shaft remained as stiff as iron when Katie declared: 'You'll be ready soon enough to have Campbell or whoever you so desire poke you. Do insist that he stays the whole night with you, though, when you finally do decide to take the plunge. I adore it when my lover makes love to me in the morning after a good night's fucking. For example, quite recently I was fucked by Mr. Harry Barr, the gossip columnist of The Pink 'Un, a sporting paper which wanted an interview with my Papa about his stable of racehorses. Mr. Barr was a competent enough lover though nothing amazingly special as far as technique goes. But on the morning after we made love, I opened my eyes and found him licking out my cunney. Now I vaguely recall something pleasant about a dream I was having but I didn't connect it with what was actually taking place. I was dreaming that I was out on Scarborough beach when I saw a piece of wood carved in the shape of a huge black prick lying in the sand. I got up and took off my bathing costume and eased the piece of wood inside my cunt. 'Then I woke up and found Harry Barr deep inside me and he told me, as he pumped his prick in and out of my juicy wetness, that he had been playing with my pussey for at least ten minutes beforehand, being careful not to wake me up. This was most considerate of him in the circumstances as his cock must have been straining at the leash. We then enjoyed a truly superb fuck, much better than the night before, and I suppose it was the bridge between fantasy and reality that made the experience so memorable for us both.' As she finished her recollection, Katie looked across to me and with a saucy grin, said: This has hardly been suitable conversation for young Rupert to hear-mind, from the look of that bulge between his legs, I don't think it has done him any permanent damage.' Barbara blushed but Katie's blood was up from the recounting of the stirring adventures-almost as much as mine! 'Come here, you naughty boy and let me see what you have hidden away in your trousers,' she called. 'Is that a catapult you have hidden in your pocket or were you simply stimulated by hearing the private confessions of two young ladies? Come sir, don't be shy.' I walked towards them awkwardly, trying to conceal my bulging prick. But as soon as I was in reach, Katie swiftly unhooked my belt and ripping open my fly buttons, brought out my naked stiff cock into the sunlight. 'Isn't he well developed for a lad of his age?' remarked Barbara. I looked gratefully at her for I was used to only Frank receiving such compliments about the size of his shaft! 'Oh yes, indeed! I think that a good boy like Rupert-with an enormous prick that looks desperate for relief-needs to be attended to immediately,' said Katie, pulling down my trousers and underpants as she knelt in front of me. She took my cock in her warm, soft hands which instantly caused it to twitch delightedly whilst Barbara joined her and cupped my balls with one hand whilst gently rubbing her fingers down the length of my staff. 'With respect, dear Barbara, I saw it first,' said Katie as she opened her mouth and took my uncapped helmet between her rich red lips. The feeling was simple unbelievable as her darting tongue moved to and fro along the shaft. As she palated my prick I felt my balls swell under the caress of Barbara's hands and I thrust my shaft frenziedly in and out of Katie's mouth, knowing that I could hold back my spend for only a very short while. Barbara must also have guessed my urgency for she took my balls into her mouth and sucked them which caused a fierce rush of sperm to be sent shearing through the channel to the “eye” on the top of my pulsating knob. I exploded inside Katie's sweet mouth, flooding her throat with a deluge of sticky spunk which she greedily swallowed though she could not cope with my copious spend. My spunk gushed out between her lips and ran down her chin and finally fell upon Barbara's nose as she continued to suck my balls. When Katie had finally milked my prick of its last drops of jism I stood there in a daze with my prick limp. Then Katie pulled Barbara aside and whispered something in her ear that I could not quite catch. Katie then turned back to me and said: 'We would like to see your cock stand up stiff again, Rupert. Can you oblige us?'