The Beard

by Stella James

  Goddammit.

  Will’s broad chest. Will’s strong hands. Will’s full lips on mine, the low grumble of a moan in his che-Stop it, Poppy. You’re here for Kyle. And something tells me that maybe last night was out of character for Will. A one-time deal.

  I repeat, Goddammit.

  Chapter Nine

  I am the Beard

  I feel exhausted by the time I make it back to the suite. My brain hurts, I’m inconveniently horny, and my hearty breakfast is attempting to betray my digestive system. I grab a bottle of water and sit down in the living room. I can hear Kyle in his bedroom on the phone and it does not sound like things are going well with George. I send a short text to Angela, the employee I left in charge of Dust Bunnies, just to check in. She’s one of the employees who has been with me since the beginning. She knows our schedule and clientele just as well as I do and she’s generally who I leave in charge if it can’t be me. I look up just as Kyle opens his bedroom door and comes out, looking overwhelmed and cranky. He takes a seat beside me and tosses his phone onto the coffee table.

  “That well, huh?”

  “He’s still pissed, but we managed to have a halfway decent conversation,” he says. “Once he was through telling me to man up and stop living in fear,” he says bitterly.

  “Do you really think they won’t accept you?”

  “I knew by my first year in college that I didn’t want to be a lawyer,” he says. “My dad knew it too, and he also knew I wouldn’t cave and do it anyways just to please him. That’s when he started treating me differently, like I was a disappointment. He had always compared me to Will, but it got worse when I dropped out of school and started modeling full time. The distance helps, I think,” he says. “My father doesn’t have to look my career choice in the eye and he can go on pretending that I’m doing something else with my life.”

  “But maybe your mo- “

  “Poppy, please. I don’t want to think about this right now. You have no idea what it’s like,” he says. “The minute I realized I was gay, I also realized that I’d better keep it to myself. I’ve spent most of my life feeling like an outsider and I’m not ready to sever what’s left of my connection to my family because I can’t change who I am. They drive me crazy but they’re all I’ve got. So let’s just drop it and try to enjoy our time here.”

  “Okay, sure,” I concede. “I’m going to change and we can go. Give me ten.”

  “Yeah, look, I’m sorry. I don’t want to fight with you and I know you’re just trying to help.”

  “It’s fine, Kyle, I get it. We don’t have to talk about it anymore, not unless you want to,” I say.

  I leave Kyle on the sofa and head to my bedroom. I haul my suitcase up onto the bed and scan the neatly folded piles of clothes until I find a pair of pink capri leggings. I change out of my shorts and put on some socks and my sneakers. Kyle is still sitting where I left him when I emerge back into the living room and swipe my phone and sunglasses from the coffee table. Angela’s messaged me back saying that all is well. No surprise there, but I breathe a sigh of relief regardless. Dust Bunnies is my non-human baby. I also have a message from Tully.

  Tully: Pearl just threw up on the couch and also shit her pants. Please, do something fun today? In honour of me and the fact that I am elbows deep in tiny human waste.

  Tully: I officially no longer eat mac and cheese.

  *

  When we make it back down to the lobby, we spot Kyle’s family waiting with the rest of the tourists who will be taking the bus to the waterfall walk. Maureen has changed into yoga pants and a thin tank top. Rose is dressed similarly casual in soft pink jogging pants and a plain white T-shirt, both women are wearing matching black hats with wide brims. Maureen glances up as we approach and smiles wide.

  “There you are,” she says.

  “We’re not late, Mom,” Kyle says.

  “No, I know, I’m just looking forward to spending some time together, that’s all,” she says sheepishly.

  I give Kyle a swift elbow in the ribs and step in front of him, “I’m excited too,” I say. “I warn you now, I plan on going full tourist the entire time. That means posing for numerous pictures and plenty of slow walking, even if there are people behind me.”

  “That sounds wonderful,” Maureen says.

  “Amen,” Rose adds. “Sometimes I like to walk extra slow just to piss people off.”

  “Mother, stop,” Maureen says, stifling a laugh.

  “When you get to be my age dear, one of the only things you have left is the ability to irritate those around you. Accept it and enjoy it.”

  “That’s beautiful, Rose,” I say. “And I look forward to it.”

  “It’s Mimi, dear,” she says. “The only people who call me Rose are my son-in-law and the IRS.”

  Her eyes flicker over at Byron who’s standing off to the side from the waiting group. He’s on his phone and he looks angry. I lean into Kyle and lower my voice, “I thought your dad was retired?”

  “I don’t even think he knows he’s on vacation,” he smirks. “Story of my childhood.”

  “Kyle, go and get your father, the bus is going to be leaving soon,” Maureen says.

  Kyle reluctantly heads in the direction of his dad just as our guide gives us the five minute warning.

  “Where’s Will?” I ask casually.

  “Oh, he won’t be able to join us,” Maureen says sadly. “He’s working on a big corporate merger right now and he had some phone calls that couldn’t wait.

  “That boy works too damn much,” Rose says, shaking her head. “He needs to spend less time in that office of his and more time among the living.”

  The bus driver honks his horn and the tour guide begins gesturing the crowd forward, letting us know that it’s time to go. Kyle and his dad join the end of the line and once we’ve filed our way onto the bus, I find a window seat and snatch it up. I’m prone to motion sickness but the fresh air often helps keep it at bay. I also need a place to throw up should the occasion call for it. I feel the seat next to me dip down and I turn, assuming it’s Kyle. It’s not.

  “What are you doing here?”

  “I believe I’m going on a one mile waterfall walk designed for the beginner level explorer,” Will says, reading from an open pamphlet.

  When I spot Kyle at the front of the bus, he gestures to the seat beside me and all I can do is shrug.

  “You’re with me, kid,” Rose waves from behind us. “You can fill me in on my celebrity gossip on the way.”

  Kyle gives Will a questioning look as he passes by. “I thought you were working, Will.”

  “I’m in Hawaii,” Will says simply. “Why not take in the sights while I’m here, right?”

  My belly does a flip when he repeats the words I spoke to him last night.

  The tour guide gives us a quick overview of where it is we are going today. We will see at least two waterfalls along our leisurely trail walk through the lower portion of a rainforest valley. She warns that a segment of the highway taking us there is narrow and curvy and might be trying for some of us. Bingo Helen, I’m your girl on this one. She points out the small white bags tucked into the back pockets of every seat, just in case.

  The doors close and the bus pulls away from the curb, rumbling and groaning until we pick up speed on the main road. So far, so good. I steal a glance at Will, who is leaning back in his seat with his eyes closed. I allow myself to stare just a little bit as each relaxed breath he takes expands his broad chest and then releases it back down.

  “I can feel you staring at me,” he says.

  “Am not.”

  “Are too.”

  “What are you? Five?” I laugh lightly. “I wasn’t staring.”

  “How’s the rash?” he asks.

  “Good, nearly gone,” I reply, looking down at my chest. “Is that how you’re always going to remember me? As the woman who got the rash?” I ask quietly.

  He turns to face me as a ghost of a s
mile plays on his lips. “I’m not sure yet.”

  “Lucky me,” I reply. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but the way Kyle described you had me picturing someone else entirely.”

  “That doesn’t surprise me,” he says, exhaling as he leans back into his seat. “You’re not the only one to ever find themselves stuck, Poppy.”

  “Touché.”

  We exit the main highway and turn onto another stretch of narrow pavement. I continue to stare out the window, focusing on the breeze drifting in while I try to distract myself from the fact that nothing is preventing us from sailing over the edge into the steep valley below except for a thin cement rail. Who built the rail? A professional rail builder? Did someone triple check the rails stability? The road curves right and then left, my guts rolling back and forth with every turn. I can feel sweat begin to bead along my forehead. The pancakes I devoured earlier sit heavy in my stomach. I pinch my eyes shut and try to relax, sinking into my seat and breathing deeply.

  When the bus finally comes to a stop, I peek through my squinted eyelids and look out the window. We’ve stopped in the middle of a large manmade parking lot sitting cozily in the centre of what seems to be endless rainforest on all sides.

  “Poppy?”

  “Yeah?”

  I turn as Will nods down at our joined hands and I realize that I’m strangling his fingers with mine, holding on for dear life.

  “Oh God, I’m sorry,” I say. “I didn’t even realize I was doing that.”

  He flexes his hand and wiggles his fingers. “No permanent damage,” he says.

  “I was feeling a little motion sick, and the height,” I shudder. “I have a slightly overactive imagination,” I say, clearing my throat. “Makes me panicky.”

  “Understandably so.”

  I remain frozen in my seat. Partly because I’m scared I’ll throw up if I move and partly because I don’t want to lose this moment between Will and me. The doors of the bus open abruptly with a grinding whoosh, pulling me from my thoughts just as Kyle taps me on the shoulder from the seat behind.

  “Ready?”

  “Oh, yes, I am,” I say.

  Will stands and follows the other tourists as they make their way off the bus. Kyle and I walk down the narrow aisle behind him and when I finally feel the fresh air on my skin, the nausea lessens. Will glances back at me as the crowd gathers around, a look of concern evident on his handsome face. I offer a smile and a reassuring nod before the tour guide begins to speak and that moment too, is lost.

  The path we begin on is relatively easy, as everyone sets their own pace. I hang back with Rose and Maureen while Byron, Will and Kyle spread out in front of us throughout the group.

  “Are they always so…individual?” I ask.

  “I’m afraid so,” Maureen sighs, looking at me with a soft smile. “There’s always been distance between the boys. I had hoped to have more children and to have them close together, but we had some trouble getting pregnant when we first got married,” she says. “For the longest time we were convinced that it would be just us and Will. When I found out I was pregnant with Kyle, I burst into a meeting Byron was having with his partners,” she laughs. “I was so excited. Byron was too.”

  “That’s a wonderful story,” I say, pulling my phone out of my small backpack. I veer off the path slightly and crouch down to take a close up of a wild pineapple plant.

  “When Byron and I first started out, we were so poor,” she says. “We were livin’ on love and ramen noodles. He worked so hard to make something of himself.”

  “Too hard,” Rose snorts.

  “Forgive me if this is rude, but I thought Kyle mentioned something about ‘old southern money’,” I cringe slightly.

  “Oh, that,” Maureen snorts. “Well, it’s partly true. The Edwards name has been a staple in Savannah for as long as anyone can remember. But by the time Byron found himself in a position to inherit anything, there wasn’t much left besides that name. He started from scratch and built the firm back up, gradually,” she smiles. “Of course, this was all before Kyle came along so he wouldn’t know any different.”

  “Wow, that’s very admirable,” I say.

  “I’m hoping this trip can reconnect everyone,” Maureen says thoughtfully. “Byron missed out on so much with the boys growing up and with Kyle so far from home. Please forgive me, I’m rambling on and you’ve only just met us.”

  “Don’t apologize, really,” I say. “I think trying to reconnect your family is a wonderful idea.”

  I take a few more pictures, mostly of scenery and one of Rose and Maureen standing in front of the first waterfall we come across. I let my eyes wander throughout the group and search for Will as we stop and take a break. I spot him perched on a smooth rock, a black bag sits beside him and he’s using a large fancy camera to take pictures. I’m so enamored by him that I don’t notice Rose is beside me until she speaks.

  “That one over there used to have big dreams,” she says.

  “Oh?”

  “He takes the most beautiful photographs. He’s been doing it ever since he was a kid. He’s always had an eye for the extraordinary,” she smiles. “A natural talent.”

  “What happened?”

  “Oh, same old story,” she sighs. “Gave it up to do what was expected of him. Byron can be a bit rough around the edges,” she says. “He was always a hard worker and a wonderful provider but he’s also stubborn as hell and when it came time for Will to go to college, it was the assumption that he would study law. Will never disputed it. I think the desire to meet his father’s expectations out-weighed his own dreams.”

  Interesting.

  “Kyle, on the other hand, has always followed his own heart,” she laughs. “There was no telling that kid what he would or should do, which was great for him, but I think it added to Will’s burden,” she says. “There’s a gap between those boys and I know it breaks my daughter’s heart.”

  “I can imagine,” I reply. “My mom would be devastated if my sisters and I weren’t close.”

  “You’re a good girl, Poppy. I think you’re just what this family needs,” she says. “Now, be a dear and let me take your arm. I’m too GD old for this hiking nonsense.”

  “Then why did you suggest it?” I laugh.

  “Beats me,” she says. “But when I remember, I’ll be sure to let you know.

  *

  The bus ride back to the hotel was much less nerve wracking. I found myself drifting in and out of sleep. I can’t remember the last time I got that much fresh air. Kyle nudged me awake once we arrived back and everyone had agreed to take a rest and meet back downstairs for supper in the hotel restaurant.

  As I stand in the bathroom applying makeup to my freshly tanned skin, a morsel of guilt creeps over me at the idea of continuing to lie to Kyle’s family. It’s only been one day and I’m seriously wondering whether I can keep this up for nine more. I’m also wondering if Kyle’s perception of them is as accurate as he thinks it is.

  My thoughts drift back to what Rose told me about Will earlier today. I continued to watch him most of the day, stealing glimpses of him as he gracefully snuck around, snapping candid shots. He seemed so carefree.

  I zip up my makeup bag and reach behind my neck to tie up the loose strings of the halter style dress I’m wearing. It’s dark blue cotton and goes right to the floor, swirling around my ankles as I walk. I throw my hair up into some kind of sloppy knot and figure, good enough.

  When I step out into the living room, there’s no sign of Kyle besides a couple of empty beer bottles on the counter in the kitchen. I knock on his bedroom door and when he doesn’t answer I open it slowly and peek inside, finding it empty. I guess this means he didn’t wait for me. Not very gentlemanly of my pretend boyfriend. I place my phone and key card and some extra cash into a small leather purse and make my way downstairs. When the elevator door opens, I can see Maureen and Rose waiting near the fountain.

  “Poppy, you look beautiful,” M
aureen says.

  “Thanks, and likewise,” I reply. “Have you seen Kyle?”

  “No, I haven’t. But Will and Byron are already on the patio, holding us a table. Maybe he’s with them?”

  “Looking for me, babe?”

  A heavy arm drapes around my shoulders and when I turn my head I’m instantly assaulted with the stale scent of tequila.

  “Kyle, honey, are you okay?” Maureen asks.

  “Never better, Mom,” he says with a goofy grin.

  He tugs my hand and leads me towards the restaurant. I turn back and offer an apologetic smile to Maureen while Rose just rolls her eyes.

  “What the hell, Kyle? You’re drunk, and you reek,” I scold.

  “I’m sorry, babe. I just couldn’t seem to help myself,” he slurs. “This is a vacation, right?”

  “Ugh, stop calling me babe, and try to behave yourself,” I say.

  “Scout’s honour,” he says, while attempting to salute me.

  Great. Not only am I a beard, but apparently I’m a babysitter as well.

  I spot Will and his dad sitting near the back of the patio and use every muscle in my body to successfully weave Kyle through the crowd. Once we sit down, Will gives me a questioning glance. I mouth the word drunk and jerk my head in Kyle’s direction as he sinks down clumsily into his seat. I’m not sure how Kyle’s family is going to handle the fact that he’s obviously shit faced, but so far it seems as though they are taking the path of denial.

  I notice a small stage set up on the lawn beside us, there must be some live entertainment tonight. Sure enough a second later, soft music begins to drift through the restaurant as two women, dressed in traditional hula attire begin to dance gracefully.

  “Wow, would you look at those girls move?” Maureen says. “Can you imagine how much practice that must take?”

  “I wonder if they’ll have the half-naked fire dancers,” Rose says. “Now that’s something I’d like to see.”

  “Let’s try to remain civilized, shall we,” replies Byron.

  “Fucking relax, we’re in Maui for crying out loud,” Kyle says.