Ashes and Ice

by Tracie Peterson

  Adrik continued watching her, needing to assure himself that she was safe. He caught the veiled glance of the man he’d punched and noted the fellow’s nose was already turning purple. Well, he had it coming, Adrik thought. Then he rationalized that he probably shouldn’t have hit him. He knew he could have handled it in a different manner, but up here folks seemed to better understand a physical deterrent. They weren’t all coming for a summer social, after all. They were greedy and hungry for gold, and that tended to sever a man’s brain from his actions.

  True to her word, Karen joined him a short time later. She brought with her two steaming bowls of bean stew. One of the new serving girls followed behind with a tray of coffee and warm biscuits.

  After the girl had gone, Adrik suggested they bless the food. He took hold of Karen’s hand before she could protest and held it fast in his own. He prayed a simple prayer of thanks, painfully aware of Karen’s presence. The softness of her hand was enough to distract the most pious of men. After he said amen, he continued to hold on.

  “It’s going to be difficult to eat if you insist on holding my hand,” Karen finally said.

  Adrik grinned wickedly. “I could feed you.”

  “I could toss this coffee over your head,” she said, smiling sweetly. “What happened to us all keeping our hands where they belong?”

  “But this is where my hands belong.”

  “Ah . . . yes . . . well, we can discuss that later. I’m hungry and would like to eat my lunch.”

  Adrik gave her fingers a squeeze, then let go. “I suppose you’re right.” He picked up one of the biscuits and downed it nearly whole. He was starved, and the sight of Karen only made him more hungry. Hopefully the food would take the edge off his appetite.

  “So were you successful in getting supplies?”

  “Yup. I have a vast warehouse of goods, and Dyea Joe’s getting some men together to help pack. He might even consider bringing his wife, since this will be a long trip.”

  “Wonderful. Another woman would be very welcomed. Leah and I discussed our needs this morning, and she’s going to take in some trousers for us to wear under our skirts. I figured it would be far to our benefit to wear something substantial.”

  “No doubt you’re right. I’ve seen all manner of things on the trail. Some women have just taken to wearing men’s clothes. Others make themselves split skirts and such. I think the long dresses are a definite danger when climbing steep grades. You might well want to shorten your skirts.”

  “That sounds like a good idea,” Karen said, nodding. “I’ll do that before we go.”

  “Speaking of which, when did you have in mind to leave?”

  “Soon,” Karen replied. “But first I have to see to something else. I wonder if you might have time to take me to Skagway.”

  Adrik frowned. “Why?”

  “I have to find Grace. I have to apologize for the way I treated her.” Karen looked down at the table. “I’ve let weeks pass by and I don’t even know if she’s still in Skagway, but I have to try to find her. I hurt her, and I can’t just leave without making it right between us.”

  Adrik smiled, knowing she couldn’t see him. God was working on softening her heart, and while he knew it was probably painful for Karen, he rejoiced to see the change. “Sure, I’ll take you. We’ll borrow one of Joe’s canoes. When do you want to leave?”

  ————

  Grace finished penning her note to Peter and sat back to wipe the tears from her eyes. She’d not seen him since he’d stormed out of their room. Nor did she expect to see him. She had no idea where she would go or what she would do, but she wouldn’t be forced into a divorce. If Peter wanted to end their marriage, that was up to him. She would leave the decision in his hands, but she wouldn’t allow Martin Paxton to dictate her future.

  “Grace, are you in there?” Miranda called from the other side of the door.

  “Come in.”

  Miranda opened the door hesitantly and stepped inside. “Have you heard anything?”

  “No. Have you?”

  Miranda shook her head. “Not a word.”

  She crossed the room and sat down on the edge of the bed. Her dark green skirt swirled out around her feet, revealing dainty black leather shoes. Hardly suitable for dealing with the knee-deep mud of an Alaskan thaw.

  “So what are you going to do? Mr. Paxton has arranged passage for us at the end of the week. Father is supposed to be strong enough to travel by then.”

  “I don’t plan to stay here, but I’m not sure where I’ll go. I had thought I might make my way back to my mother, but she’s confusing me just now and I’m not sure that would be wise. I have some jewelry from when we first came here. I never needed to use it because the store Peter set up did so well. But I have it with me and figure to sell it. I’ll give you some money so that you can see to Mother and Father Colton’s needs, as well as your own. Then I’ll take the rest and go wherever I feel is best.”

  “You can’t leave us. You must come home to San Francisco,” Miranda declared.

  Grace shook her head. “It’s not my home. It’s Peter’s home, and he’s made it clear he doesn’t want me there.”

  “Mother is heartbroken. Father said he would go after Peter himself if only his health would permit.”

  Miranda and her family’s loyalty did Grace much good. It helped to know that they didn’t blame her or hold her in contempt for the troubles between her and Peter.

  “It’s nearly suppertime,” Miranda added. “I thought you might join us.”

  “I’m not hungry,” Grace replied. “I’d just as soon—”

  A knock sounded at the door and both women jumped to their feet. They shared a glance that assured Grace they were both thinking it might be Peter. Grace hurried to the door and threw it open. It was not Peter, but it was nearly as good.

  “Karen!”

  “Oh, Grace,” she cried before entering. “I’ve been such a fool. Can you ever forgive me?”

  Grace opened her arms to her former governess and hugged her tight. “I’m so happy to see you. I’m so sorry for upsetting you in Dyea.”

  “I’m the one who needs to apologize,” Karen said, pulling away. “I was horrible and my anger caused me to take out all my disappointments on you. I had to come and tell you so before I left.”

  “Left? Where are you going?”

  Miranda joined the women. “We’re leaving, as well.”

  Karen eyed Grace. “Where are you going?”

  Grace shrugged. “I don’t know. I don’t really have any place that calls to me.”

  “I’m heading north to the goldfields. Jacob Barringer has fled Dyea for Dawson. He hopes to find his father alive or at least keep his father’s dream alive. He’s taken off alone, and I mean to find him.”

  “How terrible. You must be so worried. But honestly, are you up for a trip as they describe? The journey sounds so perilous.”

  “Life is perilous. I can’t just wait around for something to happen. I’ve asked Adrik Ivankov to take us. Leah and I plan to head out tomorrow.”

  “How exciting. I envy you,” Miranda said, surprising both women.

  “Why do you say that?” Grace asked.

  “The adventure sounds marvelous. Besides, if I had money, I’d go north myself.”

  “You would?” Karen questioned. “But whatever for?”

  “My family has been stripped of its fortune, so I would go north to find gold. Other women are doing it. Why, I heard one woman tell the clerk next door that she was heading up there for her second trip. She’d gone up by way of St. Michael the first time and now she was heading up over the pass.”

  “You could both come,” Karen said, suddenly realizing the potential of such an idea. “We’d help each other. We’d be together. Grace, you said you had no other place to go, and Miranda wants to come north anyway.”

  Miranda frowned and shook her head. “There are no funds for such a trip. Mr. Paxton is allowing my family p
assage back to San Francisco, but he has ownership of everything else. Besides, I know my mother needs me especially now.”

  “What is this all about?” Karen asked. “What has Mr. Paxton to do with any of this?”

  “It’s a very long story,” Grace replied.

  “And Peter?”

  “An even longer story.”

  “Well,” Karen said, taking off her gloves, “I suppose you had better start talking, then. I intend to hear it all so we can make an educated decision about what is to be done.”

  In the quiet of Grace’s hotel room, Miranda and Amelia Colton listened to Karen’s plans for the trip. Amelia nodded and asked questions from time to time, then finally grew very quiet.

  “I cannot say that I don’t have misgivings,” she said softly. Looking to Miranda, she reached out to touch her daughter’s cheek. “Your father is much stronger. I’ll be able to take care of him without your help. However, I do worry about allowing you to go off without telling Ephraim exactly what you’re about. I fear if I tell him the absolute truth, it could bode ill for him. I wouldn’t want to risk that.”

  “Neither would I,” Miranda replied. “Why not simply tell him that Grace needs me? That I might yet act as a negotiator between Grace and Peter.”

  Amelia looked at her daughter-in-law and nodded. “That would be my prayer.”

  Mine too, Grace thought, but said nothing.

  “Oh, Mother, I just know this is right. I feel so wonderful inside—so excited.” Miranda fairly beamed from the joy of her mother’s approval.

  “We truly are left without hope of finances. I don’t know what is to be done, but God will provide. I do believe that much. Perhaps it’s best this way.”

  “I have enough money to buy additional supplies for them,” Karen assured, “and we have plenty of protection. Adrik Ivankov and some of his friends and family are going along to guide and help pack the goods. I trust him with my life.”

  “I, too, trust him, Mother Colton. Because I trust Karen’s judgment.” Grace hoped her words would further heal the relationship between her and her mentor.

  Amelia smiled. “Then that will be good enough for me. Miranda may go.”

  —[CHAPTER SIXTEEN]—

  FOR MIRANDA AND GRACE, their last order of business in Skagway was to bid farewell to Ephraim and Amelia Colton. Miranda and Amelia cried, as did Grace, but the Coltons were not in the leastwise worried about their daughter and daughter-in-law. Their renewed faith in God had given them hope for Miranda and Grace and for Peter’s repentance and return.

  Miranda left her mother with the promise that she would write often and bring home a fortune. Grace kissed her mother-in-law and pressed half the money she’d managed to secure from the sale of her jewelry into her hand.

  “Tell no one,” she whispered. “God has provided it, and I must share it with you. But I wouldn’t want Mr. Paxton to get wind of this.”

  Amelia said nothing. She didn’t even look at the money in her hand. She simply pressed a kiss upon her daughter-inlaw’s cheek and smiled.

  With Amelia and Ephraim steaming off for San Francisco, Miranda and Grace took their things and, with Adrik’s help, moved into Karen’s hotel room at the Gold Nugget. The plans were set to leave early the following morning. Grace felt a certain amount of relief in the rapid pacing Karen encouraged. She in no way wanted Martin Paxton to catch wind of what they were about. She would much rather he assume she was hiding out or sulking somewhere than to imagine her daring to head north with the stampede to the Klondike.

  Karen’s pacing would also help her to conceal another situation. Grace was now certain that she was with child. Any extra time spent in Dyea or Skagway might well reveal this secret, and Grace did not wish to be left behind. She knew the trek north would be a risk to her unborn baby, but she felt confident that God had directed her this way for a reason.

  She had labored long and hard with her decision of where she might go. She didn’t feel right going back to San Francisco, and at the same time her mother’s attitude concerned her and left Grace with little desire to join her in Wyoming. Then there was the whole idea of leaving the northern territories and Peter. She had no idea where he was or what he was doing. She longed to tell him about the baby and felt confident that it would impact his feelings toward her. But on the other hand, did she want his heart changed only because of the child she would bear?

  After the Gold Nugget supper crowd had cleared out, Karen and Adrik gathered everyone for a flurry of planning for the next day’s departure. Grace got a chance to better know Adrik Ivankov and thought it rather amusing to see how much he and Karen doted upon each other. Funnier still was the way they refused to give in to their feelings and made pretenses at just being friends.

  “The first part of the journey isn’t the hardest,” Adrik told them, stretching out a handmade map. “The trail has been forged—at least better than it used to be. They’ve even laid corduroy roads here and there.”

  “Corduroy?” Miranda questioned.

  Adrik smiled and explained. “The ground up here is a bit of a problem. Winter is actually the best time to pass through a great deal of it. Come thaw, the ground in a lot of places turns all boggy and wet. It makes the simplest of travel a real nightmare. So some have taken to putting down tree trunks—side by side. They cut logs or take up fallen branches, so long as they’re thick enough, then strip them and cut them down to size. Some have tried to charge a toll for passing on these roads, but the gold rushers got impatient with that idea and pretty much just pushed their way on through.”

  “I see,” Miranda replied. Then, leaning toward Grace, she added, “I sure have a great deal to learn.”

  “Well, Mr. Ivankov is the man to learn it from,” Leah Barringer threw in. “He’s taught us a whole lot, and he saved our lives.”

  Grace easily recognized the younger girl’s glowing admiration for Adrik. If Karen wasn’t careful, Leah would make herself competition for the man’s affections. Although Grace doubted Adrik would consider anyone but Karen. It was nice to see that her mentor had found true love, even if she did deny it to herself and everyone around her.

  “The important thing is that we pack only the essentials and outfit ourselves appropriately. None of those flimsy satin dancing slippers for this hike,” he said good-naturedly. “Only sturdy boots, and pack an extra pair. This won’t be easy. Spirits and soles will wear out before you know it.”

  Grace tried not to worry about the journey ahead, refusing to be left behind. When they were well away from any chance of sending her back to Skagway, she would tell them about the baby.

  A baby! Just the thought completely consumed Grace’s senses. How could this be? How, in the midst of such anger and confrontation, had a baby been conceived? God’s plan for her life certainly seemed to differ from the plan Grace had thought up for herself.

  She was happy about the baby, though, despite her sorrow over her current marital situation. She was glad to have some small reminder of her love for Peter. It was so hard to think of him hating her. Hating God. She mourned that thought more than his absence. If he didn’t want her for a wife, she could deal with that. Her heart felt completely broken, but it was her own fault. She should never have married him—not with him so adamantly against having faith in Jesus. No, what truly pained her was that Peter should so completely alienate himself from God. God would not be mocked. Grace knew this full well, and she did not want to see Peter suffer because of his decision.

  Please be merciful with him, she prayed. Please guard Peter, Lord, and help him to see the truth about you.

  Grace scarcely heard the discussion around the table. She was lost in thoughts of Peter and the baby and had very nearly decided to go upstairs to rest when Martin Paxton came through the doors of the otherwise silent dining room.

  “I’ve been looking for you, Mrs. Colton. I want to speak to you . . . now.”

  Everyone at the table looked up in unison. Grace stood, but Ka
ren reached out to touch her arm. “You don’t have to give him the time of day, Grace.”

  “What do you want?” she asked softly. She hoped he didn’t find their little gathering too suspicious and quickly added, “We were just about to retire for the evening. Perhaps we could speak another time—say, next week.”

  Martin Paxton leered and folded his arms casually against his chest. “Next week won’t work. I think it’s time we discussed your answer.”

  A wave of nausea threatened Grace’s resolve. “My answer?”

  “Leave her alone,” Karen demanded. “She wants nothing to do with you.”

  Adrik stood as if to challenge Paxton’s claim. He said nothing, but Grace could see the protective nature of his stance. The last thing she wanted was a showdown in front of Leah and Adrik, not to mention Miranda.

  “I’ll talk with you,” she finally said, getting to her feet. “But only if Karen is with me.”

  “I want to see you privately.”

  “I think you heard the lady’s conditions on the matter,” Adrik said, stepping next to Grace.

  Paxton seemed to size up the situation before relenting. “Very well. Let’s find a quiet corner.”

  Grace nodded. “Karen, where is that little office where I first met you upon my return to Dyea?”

  “Right this way,” Karen said, leading them across the room. “It’s well within earshot of Adrik should the need arise.” She looked at Paxton with great defiance—challenging him to comment on her words. He did not.

  Karen and Grace went into the office first, with Paxton close on their heels. Karen protectively put her arm around Grace’s shoulders for support. Grace felt blessed to have her friend so close at hand. If Paxton should have demanded she speak to him alone, she would have had little choice but to refuse him. Perhaps this way, she could resolve the past and put an end to his demands.