Unveiling Fate
Page 21
The last thing I heard before sleep claimed me was, “We both won.” The words were serious and reverent, and sounded like they were about a whole lot more than a couple orgasms.
My eyes fluttered open slowly… naturally. Arms stretching above my head and sock-covered toes curling against the sheet at the foot of the bed, I felt relaxed. I hadn’t slept through the night this well in months. And even when I did, I woke to the sounds of Andy’s cries in the morning. I hadn’t woken up on my own since before he was born.
That thought had me immediately bolting upright and looking toward the nightstand. 8:23 flashed back at me. The baby monitor was missing from its place beside the alarm clock.
I kicked the sheets off and swung my legs over the side of my bed, looking for our clothes, only to remember they were in the other room. I ran to Grayson’s dresser and grabbed the first shirt I saw before scurrying down the hall toward Andy. My sock-covered feet slid against the wooden floor as I came to a stop in front of the door and shoved it open.
Grayson turned toward me, rubbing Andy’s back. I slumped against the doorframe, my hand going to my wildly beating heart.
It didn’t slow down. The panic waned, and in its place was desire. Grayson was wearing drawstring pajama bottoms, sans shirt. My gaze drifted to the chair behind him; his shirt was lying on it, spit-up clearly present.
Most women considered muscles a turn-on. Try having a half-naked man hold a baby… it was the death of all conscious thought.
Only when Grayson’s eyes dropped to my legs did I remember what I was wearing. Blood rushed to my cheeks. His gaze started at my feet, sliding up my black thigh-high socks, pausing at the top. He fixated on the area of bare skin for a minute longer before moving to the oversized white T-shirt I was wearing. When his eyes met mine, they were heated. In reality only a few inches of my thighs were showing, but maybe the suggestion of what was underneath was enough.
I felt my nipples tighten, and even though the fabric concealed it, I brought my arms up and crossed them over my chest. My shirt rose with the action. That was also when I remembered I wasn’t wearing any underwear.
Oh my God… I can’t win.
I was positive my whole body was flushed red at this point. Trying to exhibit confidence I definitely didn’t feel, I walked forward, casually dropping my arms in the process.
“Is he okay?” I whispered.
“Yeah.” Grayson’s voice was equally quiet. My brows furrowed when he offered no further explanation.
“Where was the monitor?”
“I grabbed it after you passed out last night, but I kept it on my side. I thought you could use the sleep. Damien tells me you rarely let him or Naomi help.” Grayson’s hardened eyes, which had moved to my son, now rose to mine. “I figured you would’ve said no if I’d simply volunteered.”
“I would have.”
He nodded. “So I took away the option.”
“My option,” I said, poking myself in the chest. I wasn’t angry, but I wasn’t used to having someone like Grayson in my life. He just… did things. He didn’t think about whether a person would be angry. Or if they’d fall to their knees and be grateful. Grayson simply did what he thought he should, what he thought was best. He helped me the only way he knew how, and I knew he wouldn’t apologize for it. Not that I wanted him to. I loved, and envied, how assured he always was with his decisions.
“Why are you so resistant to letting others help you?” he asked. I wavered, something he immediately noticed. “We have a deal. No lying. We share secrets.”
“So you’ll tell me something in return?”
“Of course,” he said, like I should have known better. “But we shouldn’t have to trade anymore. You should just tell me because I’ve asked or it could help.” I opened my mouth, but he quickly cut me off. “Just like I should do with you.”
Grayson’s eyes dropped to my legs again. “It’s the least we could do after last night, no?”
My face turned bright red, my thoughts straying. I quickly shook myself out of it and tried to get back on track. The fact of it was, he was right.
“I don’t want to burden anyone. I want to be able to do this on my own. He’s my son. If I didn’t have you guys—”
“But you do,” Grayson interrupted softly. “What’s the point in thinking about scenarios that will never happen? There are far too many out there for it to be practical or helpful.” He stepped closer. “No one doubts your ability to do this by yourself. But you don’t have to. If you didn’t have us, I know you’d be able to take care of your son alone. But you do; you have us.” He paused again, his eyes roaming over my face. “You have me,” he said meaningfully.
Grayson’s large palm cupped my cheek. I shuffled closer, almost mindlessly, and his hand slid to the back of my head, gently cradling it while his fingers massaged my scalp. My eyelids fell as I surrendered to him.
Our lips came together, just for a moment, since Andy had started stirring, but it was enough. The hand that had held my neck moved down to my chest, resting over my fast-beating heart. His lips tipped up.
“Grayson…” I murmured, but I was unable to finish. Andy started wiggling more, shattering the moment, before turning around and facing me. A string of unintelligible sounds left his mouth as he reached for me, giggling.
With a wider smile, Grayson handed my son to me.
“I’m going to make us breakfast,” he whispered as he smiled down at me. I nodded, literally at a loss for words, and stayed in a daze as he moved around me. He tucked a piece of hair behind my ear before leaving the room.
He was acting like this was all normal. Like we did this every day. A doting husband who let his wife sleep in while he took care of the baby, giving her a kiss before making breakfast. It was… surreal.
This wasn’t my life. I wasn’t sure I even deserved something like this.
Andy giggled, bringing my eyes to him.
But he deserved it. No matter what, he deserved something this pure. I wouldn’t let my insecurities nor my pride take anything away from him.
“Ells?” he called from the kitchen. “Do you want orange juice or milk?”
“Milk!” I shouted back, covering one of Andy’s ears while the other lay against my shoulder. My son put his hand atop mine, like it was a game, something we did every morning. Again, this all came naturally, and I only had one hopeful thought…
Could this really be my life?
I had just started breakfast when Ellie came out and put Andy in his high chair. I tried to grab her and pull her in for another kiss when she waved my outstretched hand away.
“I have morning breath,” she mumbled.
“I’ve already kissed you.”
“I know.” She cringed. “I’d forgotten. I was in such a hurry to find Andy.”
Grinning, I tried again. “Well I didn’t care the first time and I don’t care now.”
Ellie slapped her hand over her mouth before saying, “I care.” Well at least I assumed that was what she said. It was hard to understand her that way. And it just made me want to kiss her more. I laughed as she pivoted around and bolted from the room.
“I’m gonna change,” she called out before the bedroom door slammed shut.
The scrambled eggs were done in no time, and I’d just finished buttering the toast. I was only waiting on the bacon.
My bare feet felt cool on the wooden floor. I was wearing loose drawstring pants and had grabbed a clean T-shirt. I walked toward Andy and rested a hand on his head. He was laughing, his hands raised near his face. I leaned down and shielded my eyes from him. I could imagine his smile dropping, his eyebrows shooting up his forehead, as he looked around. Right as panic was probably setting in, I moved my hands with a gasp. Andy kicked his chubby legs and opened and closed his fists toward me, his laughter twice as big as before.
I felt her the second she was in the room. Without looking, I knew she was hovering in the entryway between this room and the hall.
“No. Spying implies hiding, and I was standing in plain view.” Turning my head, I saw her nodding to herself before she moved toward the fridge. She was still wearing her black socks, but she’d changed into one of her own shirts. I wouldn’t have minded if she’d stayed in mine.
When she came out dressed like that last night, I nearly lost my mind. She looked much like she had when I’d first met her: a baggy T-shirt and thigh-highs. And just like that first time, a bolt of lust shot through me. That sliver of skin where her shirt ended and her socks began tempted me like nothing I’d ever felt before.
My gaze lifted from her ass when she turned around. Ellie blushed, catching me. When I looked closer I noticed she was fidgeting.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
“I saw the parenting books on your nightstand.” She bit her lip and I frowned.
“What about them?”
“Did you buy them?”
I moved back to the stove when the bacon started sizzling. “Well, as an officer, I don’t condone stealing. So yes, I paid for them.” I grinned back at her.
She rolled her eyes and came to stand next to me. “I wasn’t sure if maybe you borrowed them from one of your siblings. I didn’t know you bought any books. I didn’t…” Her gaze ran over my face tenderly. “When’d you get them?”
“Just before Andy was born. I had no clue what I was doing. How else was I going to help you?”
Ellie shook her head like I was missing the point. I might have been. “You’re amazing,” she whispered with a wide smile. I hooked my arm around her waist and pulled her into me.
“I think we did pretty good. And you were worried.” I shook my head.
“Huh?” she asked.
“You were worried about our first ‘involved’ sleepover.” I smirked when I pulled away and put air quotes around involved.
“Oh, yeah. We did okay.”
“Just okay?” My brows rose. “I may not be experienced, but I seem to recall—”
She immediately covered my mouth with her hand. “I have no clue what you’re going to say. But I’m pretty sure I don’t want to know. I’ve turned into the tomato version of myself enough times around you lately.” I grinned against her skin right before I kissed her palm.
Our heads turned as Andy started banging his hands on his tray.
“I don’t think he likes sharing you. Not that I could blame him.”
“You’d better be careful—a girl could get used to all this flattery,” she joked.
Her feet had carried her too far away for me to pull her back, but if she’d been closer that was exactly what I would have done.
“That’s the idea.” I didn’t watch for her response, I simply turned around and finished taking the bacon out of the pan.
Ellie started getting Andy’s food ready while I put all the dishes on the table. When I stepped to the sink to wash my hands, my eyes caught on the drawer in the corner. The one where I kept all the Still notes my mother had left me. She’d be giving me one more in a few weeks, on my twenty-sixth birthday.
I quickly dried my hand as I came to a decision. “I’ll be right back,” I told Ellie as I snatched my phone off its charging station and walked into another room.
My mother answered after only two rings.
“Grayson? Is everything okay?” she immediately asked.
“Yes. Everything’s perfect.”
“Oh. Okay.” I heard her take a deep breath before I spoke again.
“I’m sorry, I can’t talk long. But I had a favor to ask.”
“Of course. Anything.” I wondered when I’d stop feeling like shit at the enthusiasm in her voice when I called.
“I was wondering if we could get the family together and have a birthday party? For me, I mean.”
Her silence stretched on for so long I was sure she’d hung up.
“Hello?” I asked.
“Yes.” She cleared her throat, sounding choked up. “Yes, we can. Of course, Grayson.”
Over the years I’d convinced myself that I “had” to work on my birthday every year. It wasn’t my choice, I’d rationalized. It was complete crap, I knew that. But a person could convince themselves of anything if they were desperate enough.
I nodded. “Can I bring someone? Actually, two someones?”
“Absolutely.”
“One of them is a baby.”
Papers were shuffling around, and I could tell it was killing her not to ask a million and one questions. “Perfect. We’ll see you in a few weeks.”
She hung up quickly after that, perhaps afraid I’d change my mind.
A small part of me was too. But seeing them at Christmas only highlighted how much I missed them. The reason I’d limited my time with my family never had anything to do with them. The problem had always been me. Because it was hard to be around the people who had seen you at your weakest.
A person’s past had a way of putting a dirty filter on their vision of the future. It was time I cleaned mine.
It was time for me to go home.
IT WAS BECOMING HARDER to be around Grayson. My hands constantly itched to be on his skin and my lips begged to taste him. Even though we’d technically been dating for two months, we’d been friends for so long that, it felt like torture to keep waiting.
I already felt more connected to him than I’d ever thought possible; I was ready for more, and I was hoping that might happen tonight.
This was the first night we’d be alone together, while Naomi and Damien watched Andy. It was awkward that my brother knew what was going to happen—why else would I ask them to watch my son when we’d taken him on every other date? Naomi convinced me it was okay to take time for myself, so that was what I was trying to do. But now that what I wanted was so close, I was freaking out a bit.
Grayson and I were driving back from dinner. It was perfect. There was candlelight and soft music; he pulled out my chair just like Naomi thought he would. He held my hand whenever he could, and as we were leaving his warm palm settled on the small of my back, leading me to his car.
My gaze drifted over to his hands, thinking about the places they’d been and imagining where they’d be tonight. I leaned my head back and closed my eyes, trying to get control of my breathing.
“Ells?” Grayson asked, concern bleeding into that single syllable. “Are you okay?” I jumped when he reached over and rested his hand on my leg, his fingers making soft circles on my inner thigh. It wasn’t meant to be sexual, but because I was also thinking about the chess game a few weeks ago, it had me squirming.
“Ellie?” This time there was laughter in his voice.
“Yeah?” I turned to find him staring at the road, a small grin on his face.
“Is there somewhere you’d like my hand?”
Looking down, I let out a horrified squeak when I saw one of my hands wrapped around his wrist, bringing it closer to the apex of my thighs. I let go like his hand was on fire. “Nope.”
Bad hands. Bad Ellie. Bad. Bad. Bad.
“Are you sure?” This time his hand moved of its own accord, his fingers flirting with where I wanted him most. My long flowy skirt was between us, but I could feel everything like we were skin to skin.
It was nearing eight o’clock, so the streets were dark and relatively empty the closer we got to his place.
Am I really considering this?
“Lift your skirt up.” I swallowed, hesitating. Grayson didn’t seem to share my concerns. All while keeping his eyes on the road, he leaned down and grabbed the hem, lifting it until it was bunched at my waist. I didn’t move until my thighs were completely exposed.
“Spread your legs.” Slowly, I obeyed, jerking in my seat when he dragged a finger over the front of my increasingly damp panties.
“Isn’t this illegal?” I squeaked.
He chuckle
d, dark and low. “I won’t tell”—his voice faded to a whisper as he slid his fingers underneath the waistband, dipping down until he reached my wetness—“if you won’t.”
I held in a groan. Then he ran his middle finger down, and it just barely slipped inside me. I moved my hips, seeking more, only for him to retreat. He continued to tease me, each time getting closer to my clit before pulling back. My hands fisted the armrests as I spread my legs wider, as far as they could go in a car.
Jesus. We’re in a car, anyone could see…
And like he knew where my thoughts had gone, Grayson silenced them by finally bringing his finger to my clit, making soft circles. I wanted to deny my orgasm and race toward it all at once.
We rolled to a stoplight, and thank God the area was empty because I was so close. He tilted his body toward me and leaned over. His fingers sped up and the circles got tighter. I never understood how people bit their lips so hard it bled. But I got it now—boy, did I. One of my hands snaked out to wrap around his bicep, digging my nails into him as I neared my peak.
His mouth moved to my ear, and with two words I was flying: “Let go.” I freed my lip and Grayson was immediately there. He kissed me hard, stealing my moans and whimpers.
I was starting to feel dizzy. The pleasure, the lack of oxygen, it was all too much. I broke my mouth away and turned my head, my heavy breaths fogging up a section of the window. His hand slowed and I felt him move away.
Grayson placed a soft kiss on the corner of my mouth. “Have I told you how much I love skirts and dresses?”
I laughed—breathy and low—before looking back at his lap. “Not with your words.”
He chuckled—a beautiful sound I would never get used to—and started driving. I checked out our surroundings; the streets were still empty. Looking over at Grayson, I found him licking his fingers.
“Can you hand me a napkin?” He nodded to the glove box.
Wordlessly, I reached in and grabbed a few, watching him wipe away the saliva and last of my arousal on his hands. He acted as though this were all normal. Like he’d just finished a snack instead of making me climax in the front seat of his car.