Complete Works of Thomas Love Peacock

by Thomas Love Peacock

  Flaminio. You are a child, Fabio. You do not know the force of love. I cannot help myself. I must love and adore Isabella. I cannot, may not, will not think of any but her. Therefore go to her again: speak with her: and try to draw dexterously from her, what is the cause that she will not see me.

  Lelia. You will lose your time.

  Flaminio. It pleases me so to lose it.

  Lelia. You will do nothing.

  Flaminio. Patience.

  Lelia. Pray let her go.

  Flaminio. I cannot. Go, as I bid you.

  Lelia. I will go, but —

  Flaminio. Return with the answer immediately. Meanwhile I will go in.

  Lelia. When time serves, I will not fail.

  Flaminio. Do this, and it will be well for you.

  Scene II.

  LELIA and PASQUELLA.

  Lelia. He has gone in good time, for here is Pasquella coming to look for me. [LELIA retires.

  Pasquella. I do not think there is in the world a greater trouble, or a greater annoyance, than to serve a young woman like my mistress, who has neither mother nor sisters to look after her, and who has fallen all at once into such a passion of love, that she has no rest night or day, but runs about the house, now up stairs, now down, now to one window, now to another, as if she had quicksilver in her feet. Oh! I have been young, and I have been in love: but I gave myself some repose. At least, if she had fallen in love with a man of note, and of fitting years: but she has taken to doting on a boy, who, I think, could scarcely tie the points of his doublet, if he had not some one to help him: and every day, and all day, she sends me to look for him, as if I had nothing to do at home. But here he is, happily. Good- day to you, Fabio. I was seeking you, my charmer.

  Lelia. And a thousand crowns to you, Pasquella. How does your fair mistress?

  Pasquella. And how can you suppose she does? Wastes away in tears and lamentations, that all this morning you have not been to her house.

  Lelia. She would not have me there before daybreak. I have something to do at home. I have a master to serve.

  Pasquella. Your master always wishes you to go there: and my mistress entreats you to come, for her father is not at home, and she has something of consequence to tell you.

  Lelia. Tell her she must get rid of Flaminio, or I shall ruin myself by obeying her.

  Pasquella. Come, and tell her so yourself.

  Lelia. I have something else to do, I tell you.

  Pasquella. It is but to go, and return as soon as you please.

  Lelia. I will not come. Go, and tell her so.

  Pasquella. You will not?

  Lelia. No, I say. Do you not hear? Ho. Ho. Ho.

  Pasquella. In good faith, in good truth, Fabio, Fabio, you are too proud: you are young: you do not know your own good: this favour will not last always; you will not always have such rosy cheeks, such ruby lips: when your heard grows, you will not be the pretty pet you are now. Then you will repent your folly. How many are there in this city, that would think the love of Isabella the choicest gift of heaven!

  Lelia. Then let her give it to them: and leave alone me, who do not care for it.

  Pasquella. Oh, heaven! how true is it, that boys have no brains. Oh, dear, dear Fabio, pray come, and come soon, or she will send me for you again, and will not believe that I have delivered her message.

  Lelia. Well, Pasquella, go home. I did but jest. I will come.

  Pasquella. When, my jewel?

  Lelia. Soon.

  Pasquella. How soon?

  Lelia. Immediately: go.

  Pasquella. I shall expect you at the door.

  Lelia. Yes, yes.

  Pasquella. If you do not come, I shall be very angry.

  Scene III. — A Street, with two hotels and the house of GHERARDO.

  GIGLIO (a Spaniard) and PASQUELLA.

  Giglio, who is in love with Isabella, and longs for an opportunity of speaking to her without witnesses, tries to cajole Pasquella into admitting him to the house, and promises her a rosary, with which he is to return in the evening. She does not intend to admit him, but thinks to trick him out of the rosary. He does not intend to give her the rosary, but thinks to delude her by the promise of it.

  Scene IV. — The Street, with the house of FLAMINIO.

  FLAMINIO, CRIVELLO, and SCATIZZA.

  Flaminio. You have not been to look for Fabio, and he does not come. I do not know what to think of his delay.

  Crivello. I was going, and you called me back. How am I to blame?

  Flaminio. Go now, and if be is still in the house of Isabella, wait till he comes out, and send him home instantly.

  Crivello. How shall I know if he is there or not? You would not have me knock and inquire?

  Flaminio. I have not a servant worth his salt, but Fabio. Heaven grant me favour to reward him. What are you muttering, blockhead 1 Is it not true?

  Crivello. What would you have me say? Of course, I say, yes. Fabio is good: Fabio is handsome: Fabio serves well: Fabio with you: Fabio with your lady: Fabio does everything: Fabio is everything. But —

  Flaminio. What do you mean by but?

  Crivello. He is too much trusted: he is a stranger, and one day he may disappear, with something worth taking.

  Flaminio. I wish you others were as trustworthy. Yonder is Scatizza. Ask him if he has seen Fabio: and come to me at the bank of the Porini.

  The scene terminates with a few words between Crivello and Scatizza.

  Scene v. — Spela soliloquizes on the folly of Gherardo, who had sent him to buy a bottle of perfume; and some young men in the shop, understanding for whom it was wanted, had told him he had better buy a bottle of assafoetida.

  Scene VI — The Street, with the hotels and the house of GHERADO.

  GRIVELLO, SCATIZZA, LELIA, and ISABELLA.

  Crivello and Scatizza are talking of keeping Carnival at the expense of their masters, when Gherardo’s door opens, and they stand back. Lelia and Isabella enter from the house of Gherardo.

  Lelia. Remember what you have promised me.

  Isabella. And do you remember to return to me. One word more; Lelia. What more?

  Isabella. Listen.

  Lelia. I attend.

  Isabella. No one is here.

  Lelia. Not a living soul.

  Isabella. Come nearer. I wish —

  Lelia. What do you wish?

  Isabella. I wish that you would return after dinner, when my father will be out.

  Lelia. I will; but if my master passes this way, close the window, and retire.

  Isabella. If I do not, may you never love me.

  Lelia. Adieu. Now return into the house.

  Isabella. I would have a favour from you.

  Lelia. What?

  Isabella. Come a little within.

  Lelia. We shall be seen.

  Scatizza (apart). She has kissed him.

  Crivello (apart). I had rather have lost an hundred crowns than not have seen this kiss. What will my master do when he knows it?

  Scatizza (apart). Oh, the devil! You won’t tell him?

  Isabella. Pardon me. Your too great beauty, and the too great love I bear you, have impelled me to this. You will think it scarcely becoming the modesty of a maid; but, God knows, I could not resist.

  Lelia. I need no excuses, signora. I know too well what extreme love has led me to.

  Isabella. To what?

  Lelia. To deceiving my master, which is not well.

  Isabella. Ill fortune come to him.

  Lelia. It is late. I must go home. Remain in peace.

  Isabella. I give myself to you.

  Lelia. I am yours. (Isabella goes in.) I am sorry for her, and wish I were well out of this intrigue. I will consult my nurse, dementia; but here comes Flaminio.

  Crivello (apart). Scatizza, my master told me to go to him at the bank of the Porini. I will carry him this good news. If he does not believe me, I shall call you to witness.

  Scatizza. I will not fail you; but
if you will take my advice, you will keep quiet, and you will always have this rod in pickle for Fabio, to make him do as you please.

  Crivello. I tell you I hate him. He has ruined me.

  Scatizza. Take your own way.

  Scene VII. — The Street, with the house of FLAMINIO.

  FLAMINIO and LELIA.

  Flaminio. Is it possible that I can be so far out of myself, have so little self-esteem, as to love, in her own despite, one who hates me, despises me, will not even condescend to look at me? Am I so vile, of so little account, that I cannot free myself from this shame, this torment? But here is Fabio. Well, what have you done?

  Lelia. Nothing.

  Flaminio. Why have you been so long away?

  Lelia. I have delayed, because I waited to speak with Isabella.

  Flaminio. And why have you not spoken to her?

  Lelia. She would not listen to me; and if you would act in my way, you would take another course; for, by all that I can so far understand, she is most obstinately resolved to do nothing to please you.

  Flaminio. Why, even now, as I passed her house, she rose and disappeared from the window, with as much anger and fury as if she had seen some hideous and horrible thing.

  Lelia. Let her go, I tell you. Is it possible that, in all this city, there is no other who merits your love as much as she does!

  Flaminio. I would it were not so. I fear this has been the cause of all my misfortune; for I loved very warmly that Lelia Bellenzini, of whom I have spoken; and I fear Isabella thinks this love still lasts, and on that account will not see me; but I will give Isabella to understand that I love Lelia no longer; rather that I hate her, and cannot bear to hear her named, and will pledge my faith never to go where she may be. Tell Isabella this as strongly as you can.

  Lelia. Oh, me!

  Flaminio. What has come over you? What do you feel?

  Lelia. Oh, me!

  Flaminio. Lean on me. Have you any pain?

  Lelia. Suddenly. In the heart.

  Flaminio. Go in. Apply warm cloths to your side. I will follow immediately, and, if necessary, will send for a doctor to feel your pulse and prescribe a remedy. Give me your arm. You are pale and cold. Lean on me. Gently — gently.

  (Leads her into the home, and returns.) To what are we subject! I would not, for all I am worth, that anything should happen to him, for there never was in the world a more diligent and well-mannered servant, nor one more cordially attached to his master. [FLAMINIO goes off, and LELIA returns.

  Lelia. Oh, wretched Lelia! Now you have heard from the mouth of this ungrateful Flaminio, how well he loves you. Why do you lose your time in following one so false and so cruel? All your former love, your favours, and your prayers, were thrown away. Now your stratagems are unavailing. Oh, me, unhappy! Refused, rejected, spumed, hated! Why do I serve him, who repels me? Why do I ask him, who denies me? Why do I follow him, who flies me? Why do I love him, who hates me? Ah, Flaminio! Nothing pleases him but Isabella. He desires nothing but Isabella. Let him have her. Let him hold her. I must leave him, or I shall die. I will serve him no longer in this dress. I will never again come in his way, since he holds me in such deadly hatred. I will go to Clementia, who expects me, and with her I will determine on the course of my future life.

  Scene VIII.

  FLAMINIO and CRIVELLO.

  Crivello. And if it is not so, cut out my tongue, and hang me up by the neck.

  Flaminio. How long since?

  Crivello. When you sent me to look for him.

  Flaminio. Tell me again how it was, for he denies having been able to speak with her.

  Crivello. You will do well to make him confess it. I tell you, that, watching about the house to see if he were there, I saw him come out; and as he was going away, Isabella called him back into the doorway. They looked round, to see if any one were near and not seeing any one, they kissed together.

  Flaminio. How was it that they did not see you?

  Crivello. I was ensconced in the opposite portico.

  Flaminio. How then did you see them?

  Crivello. By peeping in the nick of time, when they saw nothing but each other.

  Flaminio. And he kissed her?

  Crivello. I do not know whether he kissed her, or she kissed him; but I am sure that one kissed the other.

  Flaminio. Be sure that you saw clearly, and do not come by-and-by to say that it seemed so; for this is a great matter that you tell me of How did you see it?

  Crivello. Watching with open eyes, and having nothing to do but to see.

  Flaminio. If this be true, you have killed me.

  Crivello. This is true. She called him back, she went up to him: she embraced him; she kissed him. If this is to kill you, you are dead.

  Flaminio. It is no wonder that the traitor denied having been there. I know now, why he counselled me to give her tip: that he might have her himself. If I do not take such vengeance, as shall be a warning to all traitorous servants, may I never be esteemed a man. But I will not believe you, without better evidence. You are ill-disposed to Fabio, and wish to get rid of him; but, by the eternal heaven, I will make you tell the truth, or I will kill you. You saw them kissing?

  Crivello. I did.

  Flaminio. He kissed her?

  Crivello. Or she him. Or both.

  Flaminio. How often?

  Crivello. Twice.

  Flaminio. Where?

  Crivello. In the entry of her house.

  Flaminio. You lie in your throat. You said in the doorway.

  Crivello. Just inside the doorway.

  Flaminio. Tell the truth.

  Crivello. I am very sorry to have told it.

  Flaminio. It was true?

  Crivello. Yes; and I have a witness.

  Flaminio. Who?

  Crivello. Virginio’s man, Scatizza.

  Flaminio. Did he see it?

  Crivello. As I did.

  Flaminio. And if he does not confess it?

  Crivello. Kill me.

  Flaminio. I will.

  Crivello. And if he does confess it?

  Flaminio. I will kill both.

  Crivello. Oh, the devil! What for?

  Flaminio. Not you. Isabella and Fabio.

  Crivello. And burn down the house, with Pasquella and every one in it.

  Flaminio. Let us look for Scatizza. I will pay them. I will take such revenge as all this land shall ring of.

  ACT III.

  SCENE I. — The Street, with the hotels and the house of GHERARDO.

  MESSER PIERO, FABRIZIO, and STRAGUALCIA.

  Messer Piero, who had been before in Modena, points out some of its remarkable places to Fabrizio, who had been taken from it too young to remember it. Stragualcia is a hungry fellow, who is clamorous for his dinner.

  Scene II.

  L’ AGIATO, FRUELLA, PIERO, FABRIZIO, and STRAGUALCIA.

  L’ AGIATO and FRUELLA, two rival hotel-keepers, dispute the favour of the new comers.

  L Agiato. Oh, signors, this is the hotel; lodge at the Looking-glass — at the Looking-glass.

  Fruella. Welcome, signors: I have lodged you before. Do you not remember your Fruella? The only hotel for gentlemen of your degree.

  L’ Agiato. You shall have good apartments, a good fire, excellent beds, white crisp sheets; everything you can ask for.

  Fruella. I will give you the best wine of Lombardy: partridges, home-made sausages, pigeons, pullets; and whatever else you may desire.

  L’ AGIATO. I will give you veal sweetbreads, Bologna sausages, mountain wine, all sorts of delicate fare.

  Fruella. I will give you fewer delicacies, and more substantials. You will live at a fixed rate. At the Looking- Glass you will be charged even for candles.

  Stragualcia. Master, let us put up here. This seems best.

  L’ AGIATO. If you wish to live well, lodge at the Looking-

  Glass. You would not have it said that you lodged at the Fool.

  Fruella. My Fool is a hundred tho
usand times better than your Looking-Glass.

  Messer Piero. Speculum prudentiam signifiait, juxta illud nostri Catonis, Nosce teipsum. You understand, Fabrizio.

  Fabrizio. I understand.

  Fruella. See who has most guests, you or L

  L’ Agiato. See who has most men of note.

  Fruella. See where they are best treated.

  L’ Agiato. See where there are most delicacies.

  Stragualcia. Delicacies, delicacies, delicacies! Give me substance. Delicacies are for the Florentines.

  L’ Agiato. All these lodge with me. iruella. They did; but for the last three years they have come to me.

  L’ Agiato. My man, give me the trunk, it seems to gall your shoulder.

  Stragualcia. Never mind my shoulder, I want to fill my stomach.

  Fruella. Here is a couple of coupons, just ready. These are for you.

  Stragualcia. They will do for a first course.

  L’ Agiato. Look at this ham.

  Messer Piero. Not bad.

  Fruella. Who understands wine?

  Stragualcia. I do; better than the French.

  Fruella. See if this pleases you. If not, you may try ten other sorts.

  Stragualcia. Fruella, you are the prince of hosts. Taste this, master. This is good. Carry in the trunk.

  Messer Piero. Wait a little. What have you to say?

  L’ Agiato. I say, that gentlemen do not care for heavy meats, but for what is light, good, and delicate.

  Stragualcia. This would be an excellent provedore for a hospital.

  Messer Piero. Do not be uncivil. What will you give us?

  L’ Agiato. You have only to command.

  Fruella. Where there is plenty, a man may eat little or much as he pleases; bat where there is little, and the appetite grows with eating, he can only finish his dinner with bread.

  Stragualcia. You are wiser than the statutes. I have never seen a landlord so much to my mind.

  Fruella. Go into the kitchen, brother; there you will see.

  Messer Piero. Omnis repletio mala, panis autem pessima.

  Stragualcia (aside). Paltry pedant! One of these days I must crack his skull.

  L’ Agiato. Come in, gentlemen. It is not good to stand in the cold.

  Fabrizio. We are not so chilly.