Rise and Shine, Benedict Stone

by Phaedra Patrick

  “Ouch. It hurts. I can’t wear it.”

  “That’s fine. I’ll carry you.”

  Benedict could sense the love flowing between Charlie and Gemma, a strong blood bond. It made him feel suddenly helpless, as if he was no use to either of them any longer. They only needed each other. He was just a conduit for reuniting them. He’d provided a shelter and support for Gemma when she needed a break from her family, but now it was back, intact.

  Estelle stood beside him, her bobbed hair flapping in the wind. She didn’t need him, either. He was alone and it was all his own fault. He had driven her away by his constant longing for something that they couldn’t have. He’d betrayed Charlie all those years ago, and Gemma was a confused teenager who needed to go home to rebuild her own family.

  Benedict dug his hands into his pockets. How could he hope to return to his normal life after Gemma helped to open his mind to people and finding his passion? He could carry on creating jewelry in his shop and discover more about gemstones, but what was the point if he didn’t have Estelle to share it with?

  The rain pelted down more heavily, stinging his cheeks and dribbling down his neck. His shirt was sodden and clung to his chest and shoulders. He watched Charlie whispering into Gemma’s hair as if they were only aware of each other and nothing else mattered.

  Estelle crouched down and refastened her shoelaces. The corner of her sketchbook and a paintbrush poked out of her coat pocket. He should have supported her more with her painting and offered to come on walks with her, but he couldn’t keep his mouth shut about wanting a family. That’s why she’d had to escape him, to find some peace. With her acceptance of not having children she’d been able to adapt, to look forward instead of back. She had found something else to drive her onward. And he hadn’t been able to follow.

  All Benedict had seen was the rosy glow of past family life, with his mother, father and Charlie, and he’d wanted to create a carbon copy of it. But that only brought disappointment, because nothing like that could be replicated. It could only influence. And if Benedict couldn’t re-create his old family, then he could still nurture his love and support for his wife. If there was still a chance...

  Being up here, on the hillside, had a way of clearing your head, and Benedict knew without question that it was Estelle he wanted, not a fantasy family. He had to let go of any dreams of children and focus on what was real and what was within reach. He had to accept that his vision of kids standing on his knee under the gem tree was just that. An image in his head. It didn’t mean that he had to keep trying to make it real.

  The rain rolled down his cheeks and there was no point wiping it away. “Let’s go...back,” he said to Estelle. He had been about to say the word home, but Estelle’s home was elsewhere now, away from him.

  Charlie wrapped Gemma’s arm around his shoulders, but she yelped with pain. “Sorry. I’ll carry you instead.” He bent down and effortlessly elevated her over his shoulder in a fireman’s lift. “You go first,” he said to Estelle and Benedict. “We’ll follow you down.”

  Estelle led the way and Benedict felt that, when he followed, he was stumbling in the darkness.

  The four of them walked slowly and steadily back to Dinosaur Ridge and then down the hillside. Their boots sank into rabbit holes and boggy grass. Gemma murmured and Charlie whispered to her that everything was going to be alright.

  As they reached halfway down the hill, fireworks burst into the sky over Noon Sun. Hemispheres of blue, green and gold sparkles showered down. Benedict saw another set of lights at the bottom of the hill. There was a stream of orange flames moving in a line.

  “It looks like help is on the way,” Benedict shouted over to his brother. “I think the villagers are coming.”

  They carried on traversing down the hillside, and Estelle reached the line of people first.

  Frank led his white horse with a pile of blankets on his back. “Aye, are you all alright? I heard you’d set off for the moors, but no one saw you return. We thought we’d better come and look for you.”

  “How did you know?” Benedict asked.

  “Oh, you know what Noon Sun is like,” Frank said. “Gossip spreads like wildfire.”

  Charlie lowered Gemma to the ground. She stood like a flamingo on one leg and sobbed softly against the arm of his coat.

  “Don’t cry. You’re safe now,” he hushed.

  The small snake of villagers caught up with them. Most carried a chair leg or a long piece of wood as a torch, with a flame on the end. Alexander and Alistair came next, arguing in a language no one else could understand. Margarita walked with them.

  Ryan and Diane followed. They had their arms wrapped tightly around each other and looked up as a firework exploded overhead. The sparkle reflected in Ryan’s eyes, so they glowed red for a moment, making him look a little like an unstoppable Terminator.

  Nicholas pressed sausages wrapped in tinfoil into Benedict’s hand. “In case she’s hungry,” he said. “They’re my new recipe. Nigel and Josie are looking after the pub for me.”

  The orange light from the torches glinted off a pair of dark, round sunglasses, and Violet de Gama wafted forward. She wore her paisley turban, and her long velvet coat skimmed the top of her Velcro shoes. “Frank and Reggie escorted me to the bonfire tonight and no one bothered me,” she said. She held out the crook of her arm.

  Frank slipped his own arm through it. “Now, you take care, young lady,” he said.

  As Reggie took Violet’s other arm, Laura appeared by his side and smiled proudly. Her blue lace agate earrings swung beneath her long auburn hair.

  Violet smiled coyly and turned to Benedict. “There’ll be an auction for my jewelry next week and I’ve decided to donate all the proceeds to the renovation of the community center. Us villagers need somewhere to come together,” she said. “I’m thinking that a private viewing of Sultry Nights would make for a wonderful opening evening... I could perhaps give a small performance...”

  “I’m sure that everyone in Noon Sun would love that,” Benedict said.

  “Perhaps you could charge people for your autograph. Your time is money,” Reggie suggested, but then dropped his chin as Laura shook her head at him.

  Charlie lowered his hands and wove his fingers together to form a step for Gemma to climb onto the back of the white horse. He helped her up and she took hold of the reins. Estelle handed her a blanket to wrap around her shoulders. Frank passed a rope to Charlie so he could lead the horse down the road, back to Noon Sun.

  “I will send Gemma some flowers when she is feeling better,” Margarita said.

  “It’s a good job I didn’t bring Bernard the llama instead,” Frank said as the sound of horse hooves echoed around the moors. “But Alistair and Alexander Ledbetter came up with a great idea...”

  “Yes?” Benedict said.

  “Aye. People love my llamas, and the llamas love people. Bernard seemed so much happier after his trip out to the gallery. So, I’m going to investigate opening a small petting farm, for people to meet and feed the animals. If the red aventurine kicks into action, they’ll be sure to love the babies, too.”

  Benedict and Estelle followed the rest of the villagers. They walked in silence and lingered a few meters behind. Benedict rubbed his wet shirt and it sucked against his skin. His trousers clung to his thighs.

  “You were brave,” Estelle said as they reached the high street.

  “Thanks. You were, too. Perhaps I’ll never be a dad, but I can try to be a good uncle...”

  Estelle nodded her head slightly. “And I like the idea of being an aunt.”

  Charlie helped Gemma down from the horse, and Benedict found a signal on his phone. He ordered a taxi to take his brother and niece to Applethorpe Hospital. “It’s only a twenty-minute drive away. You’ll be there in no time,” he said.

&nbs
p; “We’ll drop you back home, then get Gemma checked out,” Charlie offered.

  “It’s fine. I can walk.”

  Charlie shook his head. “You’re soaked to the skin.”

  Benedict felt water dribbling down his back. “Thanks. It’s on the way.”

  “I don’t know how long we’ll be at the hospital for, so we’ll check back into my hotel afterward. My stuff is still there. You get some sleep, brother, and I’ll call you tomorrow. I appreciate your help tonight.”

  “Stone brothers forever,” Benedict said quietly.

  Charlie gave a brief nod. “Stone brothers forever.” He turned to Estelle. “Are you going back to the apartment or to the house?”

  “To the house, please. I need to talk to Benedict.”

  Benedict felt a small flicker of hope in his heart.

  “No worries,” Charlie said.

  Benedict, Estelle, Gemma and Charlie said thanks to all the villagers and got into the taxi.

  In the backseat, Gemma threaded a piece of hair into her mouth. “I’m so sorry for what I did to the gem tree, Uncle Ben... I saw you both fighting, and I spoiled something that we all love.”

  “The tree is still standing,” Benedict said. “We can put the gemstones back.”

  “All of us,” Charlie said. “The Stone family should hang the gems back into the tree.”

  Benedict glanced at Estelle, but she turned away and looked out of the window at the silhouette of moors and the white opal moon.

  35.

  GOLDEN BERYL

  illumination, independence, insight

  “I NEVER KNEW if the weeping willow represented happiness or sadness for you,” Estelle said as she and Benedict got out of the taxi and walked into the garden. “It’s sad because there’s the memory of your parents, but there’s the happiness of the loving family that planted and tended to it.”

  “The family that I tore apart?”

  “Your family were pulled apart long before then, when your parents died.”

  Benedict swallowed. He reached out and touched a leaf. “I thought that one day, our children would look after the tree,” he said softly.

  “Me, too.”

  “I’ve finally accepted that it won’t happen now.” Benedict’s words hung in the air. “It’s taken a long time and I should have come to terms with it earlier, without causing you more stress.”

  “You placed all your hopes and dreams with me, Benedict, for us to have a baby or adopt a child. It’s too heavy a load for me to carry. You need to be responsible for your own happiness. Not pin it on me.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  She looked at his sodden clothes. “You should get changed.”

  “I think you’re right. Do you want to come inside? The house is clean and tidy.”

  “Really?”

  “I’m a bit of a demon with a feather duster.”

  “Who would have guessed? I’ll stay outside, though. I’ll wait by the tree for you.”

  Benedict frowned. “Why?”

  “I just feel the need to be close to it.”

  “But you’re cold.”

  “A hot drink will warm us up.”

  Benedict went into the house. He got changed and made two cups of tea. He set them on a tray and tucked a blanket and a rug under his arm.

  Pushing through the branches, he joined Estelle and they spread out the rug and leaned back against the tree trunk. The steam from their tea curled up into the night air. Fireworks burst in the distance and the leaves of the gem tree spread around them in a cocoon.

  “I’m sorry for everything. Truly,” Benedict said.

  “A marriage has to be built on trust.”

  “I know. I swear there’s nothing else, Estelle. I know I’m not good with words, but I want you to come home.”

  She lowered her head.

  “You do believe me?”

  “Yes, but what if it’s too late...?”

  “It might be. But I’d like to try.”

  She lowered her cup and swallowed. “If we’re being honest with each other, then I have to tell you something, too.”

  “What is it?”

  She touched her hair. “It’s...”

  Benedict waited patiently, wondering what she wanted to share.

  “I’m afraid it’s about someone else...”

  Benedict felt his stomach crunch. He immediately thought of Lawrence and he could hardly bear to speak his name. “Donnington?”

  “Yes... I...”

  Benedict blinked hard at her.

  “I want to be truthful with you,” Estelle said. “As you were with me.”

  “Go on,” he said, dread already creeping through his veins.

  Estelle took a deep breath. “The night you came to the apartment, wearing the mask and with the sword, Lawrence had called around beforehand.”

  Benedict nodded. He remembered watching his wife and the gallery owner on the balcony, in the moonlight.

  “There’s a landscape exhibition in London and Lawrence said that my work was good enough to enter. I was flattered by his attention and belief in me.” She adjusted her scarf, pulling it farther up her chin. “He brought champagne. I was wearing the colorful necklace, and it made me feel different somehow...”

  A wave of agony hit Benedict. He wanted to bend over double and clutch his middle with both arms. He thought that something might have happened between Estelle and Lawrence, but had managed to convince himself otherwise.

  No wonder Lawrence had smirked about the llama. He must have thought it a feeble gift. When he bought the sunstone cuff links, he taunted Benedict, too.

  Benedict clenched his fists and imagined marching up the stairs of the Purple Heather Gallery and punching the eagle-nosed lothario in the face. But he knew that fighting didn’t solve anything. He respected Estelle too much to do something like that, but it felt like she was about to confirm his worst fears.

  “One thing led to another...” Estelle breathed. “I was confused about me and you, Benedict. I wanted you, but not the part that made me feel that I couldn’t satisfy you...”

  “You’ve always been enough for me...”

  He wanted to tell her to stop talking about Lawrence. He understood now how Gemma felt when she threw the gemstones at him. Anything to stop the words. But he had to find out what happened. There had been too many secrets in the Stone family, and he didn’t want another one spreading like fungi on a damp wall.

  And Estelle needed to tell him, too. He could see the desperation in her eyes, that she was carrying a burden. So he had to listen.

  When they said their wedding vows, they’d promised to be there for each other, for better and for worse. And if this was the worse, he had to be strong. He knew how easy it was to succumb to temptation. For you to make a decision in a few seconds that would affect the rest of your life, and other lives, too.

  He took her cup and set it on the lawn. “And now you want to be with him...?” His voice shook.

  Estelle held her hand to her mouth. “He helped with the exhibition—he told me my work was brilliant. I got swept away... All you and I had talked about for months and years was babies and children and adoption. I’m so weary of this constant longing for something we can’t have. I felt like I was in a fog, merely getting by. And when Lawrence kissed me, I tried to say no. But I was numb, and he was there, and he wanted me.”

  Benedict wanted to clamp his hands over his ears, but instead he dug his big fingers into the soil. “I understand.”

  “No.” Estelle took hold of his hand and smoothed away the dirt. “I want to tell you this, even if it’s painful for me to say, and for you to hear.”

  Eventually Benedict nodded. He screwed his eyes shut. In his mind he
saw Lawrence in the apartment, moving toward Estelle, standing behind her, reaching up and unfastening the firework necklace and placing it on the bedside cabinet before pulling her toward him. The two of them would make a fine couple, both slim, dark and artistic. Perhaps there was a chance for Estelle to have the child she longed for. Without Benedict.

  He felt a maelstrom of emotion. Anger at Lawrence, and at himself for not being honest with Estelle for all those years. If only he’d told her sooner about Charlie, then everything might have turned out differently. He was sure she’d have encouraged him to make contact and try to repair their relationship. Benedict might have got to meet Gemma as a young girl, watched her growing up and been present at those birthday parties and school plays that she’d accused him of being absent from.

  And Benedict might have been more accepting of his and Estelle’s circumstances in not being able to have children. He wouldn’t have become obsessed and driven his wife away, into finding someone else.

  “I know you’re no longer sure about us,” he said. “But it’s hard for me to hear about you and Lawrence...if you want to be with him.”

  Estelle shook her head. “No,” she said. “It’s not like that. I’ve never wanted to be with him.”

  Benedict felt the tiniest bit of optimism flicker inside him. “You don’t...?”

  “I didn’t sleep with him, Benedict.” She swallowed. “I couldn’t do it. We kissed and I wondered what it would be like. I had this voice in my head, compelling me to do it, but it wasn’t because I wanted him. It was because I was challenging my own feelings for you. To test myself. To see if I still wanted you, even though I’m a disappointment to you...”

  “Oh, god. You’ve never disappointed me...” he interrupted.

  She shook her head. “When I was with Lawrence, that weight lifted. I could forget about it for a while. I was so close to tumbling into the bedroom with him, but you’re my husband... I couldn’t do it.”

  “I don’t want to lose you...”

  “I feel that we’ve lost ourselves.” She placed a hand against her chest. “I want to be myself, Benedict. Not a version of me that can’t have children. I think you need them and I can’t give them to you. I want to hold my head up high and simply tell people that I’m child-free and okay with that. I’d have loved to be a mother, but I don’t need parenthood in the way that you do. It doesn’t define me. It’s not a bloody disease and I want to stop feeling guilty about it. I’ve not failed at anything. It’s just the way it is. I think I can still be happy.”