Acceptance (The Chicago Defiance MC Series Book 5)

by K E Osborn

  Maybe, I won’t dream at all.

  Wouldn’t that be nice?

  But then there’s the other alternative. What if my dreams are terrifying, and I wake up, and I’ve scared the life out of her. What if I talk during my dream? What if I say something which frightens her? What if I ruin this by letting slip something from my past she doesn’t need to know or hear about? Oh shit! This could be a bad idea.

  But the idea of holding her in my arms all night long wins out over every fear I have. I’ve thought about this moment for years then berated and punished myself for thinking this way. She’s my friend, my family, but today she’s stepped into something more.

  Tonight we share the bed as a couple interested in each other.

  Chemically.

  Physically.

  Emotionally.

  In every way, we’re attracted to each other. There’s no point in denying it anymore. It’s out in the open. Now, we have to deal with it the only way we can—by seeing how it goes. One day at a time like fucking drug addicts. We’re addicted to each other. We have to start the process of trying to figure out how we fit into each other’s lives as more than what we’ve been. How this will work?

  We walk through the door of my room, I close it behind me. She sheepishly walks to the bed, then turns to look at me. “I don’t have any clothes to wear.”

  I’d prefer it if you didn’t wear any.

  “I’ll get you a shirt.” Walking over to my closet, I open it, grabbing my biggest gray shirt. I only really wear it when I’m sick because it’s comfy as fuck. It’s nice to lounge around in, but right now it’s the only thing I think Bex will feel comfortable in. Pulling it out, I walk it over to her.

  “Your sick shirt,” she mumbles. I raise my brow at her. “Who do you think comes to takes your temperature when you have the flu, Chains?” she giggles.

  I let out a small laugh handing it to her as I shrug out of my cut. She looks around the room like she’s a little confused then heads for my bathroom. I don’t say anything to stop her, the last thing I want her to feel is uncomfortable, so if she wants to change in the bathroom, then so be it.

  I, however, go about stripping in the main room, taking off everything down to my boxer briefs. It’s probably less than she’s seen me in for a long while, but I’m not about to sleep in my jeans. I will skip the awkwardness and get into bed before she has to see me. So, I yank back the covers, slide in, leaving her side of the bed open for her to follow when she comes out.

  Nerves filter through me as she takes her sweet-ass time in there. I’m fairly certain she’s giving herself a pep talk. I know how she feels, right now I’m going through a whole wave of possible scenarios in my mind of how tonight could go, but I have it planned I just want to hold Bex and sleep. No fucking funny business, it’s not what tonight is about. We’re only starting on this new phase of our relationship, and with both of us uncertain of this road we’re taking, I don’t want to throw a spike strip on the road before we’ve even begun.

  The door to the bathroom finally opens, the door hinges creaking with the slow movement as she peeks her head around the door. “Ty, can you look away?”

  I snort out a laugh. “What, are we in high school? I’ve seen women’s legs before, Bex, just come out.”

  “But you haven’t seen my legs before.”

  I raise my brow. “Bex, I’ve seen you in a bikini. Trust me, I know what your legs look like.”

  “But this is different—”

  “Just get out here, woman.”

  She yanks open the door standing there wearing only my big, old, gray shirt which barely covers her panties. My cock instantly jumps to attention. “How many times have I told you not to call me woman, Chains? God, I’m not one of the old ladies who takes the macho bullshit you bikers throw around all the damn time,” she grumbles out as she storms into the bedroom toward the bed in a huff. It’s sexy as fuck. The corners of my lips begin to tweak as she yanks the covers back further so she can slide in. “Don’t smirk at me, you’re being told off. Smirking means you’re finding my anger funny. This isn’t funny, Ty!”

  She flops back on the bed with a huff as her head hits the pillow. I chuckle looking down at her. “No. Got it! Not funny.”

  Bex folds her arms over her chest with a huff. “You’re an asshole, you know that?”

  “Yeah, I know, but fuck if you’re not adorable when you’re being a brat… woman.”

  Her eyes snap to me in a hard glare as she goes to say something in retort, but I’m too quick for her as I lean down, pressing my lips to hers to calm her storm. She grumbles against my lips, pushing against my chest with her open palms, but her mouth does the opposite, opening and letting my tongue in to dance with hers as energy swarms all around us. Her pushing hands turn into caressing touches as we kiss slowly, almost passionately, for the first time. My cock throbs, wanting her, needing her, but tonight is not about this. Tonight’s about sleeping as I gather my thoughts, pulling back, resting my forehead on hers staring into her eyes.

  She exhales narrowing her eyes at me. “You don’t play fair, Chains.”

  “But, isn’t it much more fun this way?”

  “Mmm… perhaps. But for now, this party is over. I need sleep.”

  “Me, too. It’s been a big day… and Bex?”

  She looks at me raising her brow. “Yeah?”

  “Thank you for staying, it means more than you know.”

  Her lips turn up brightening the dimly lit room. It warms my heart as I take in her features. She’s a breath of fresh air, and I’m relieved we’ve gotten to this place. Scared, terrified, anxious, but relieved we’ve finally given in.

  The future—unknown.

  The reaction of our parents—unknown.

  The reaction of the entire club when we finally come out—unknown.

  There’re so many unknowns, but for tonight, tonight I’m going to celebrate this small step forward and hope it doesn’t send us a thousand steps back.

  I lay on my back as she cuddles into my chest. It’s a strange feeling, but I like it nonetheless. Wrapping my arms around her, I hold her tight to me as her head rests between my chest and shoulder. She fits in there perfectly. Bex reaches out flicking off the bedside light as the room shifts into darkness. I love this feeling—her, in my arms—I’ve wished for this a million times.

  Maybe wishes do come true.

  “Goodnight, Ty.”

  “Night, Bex.” I turn my head kissing her hair, finally feeling a sense of calm as I close my eyes. I haven’t felt like this going to bed—ever.

  Maybe tonight will be different.

  Maybe tonight I will finally be able to rest.

  BEX

  A lurch makes me open my eyes. I’m hot as a sticky sensation covers my skin. Blinking to try and gain my bearings, a muffled moaning makes me look up to see Chains thrashing his head about from side to side. I look down and notice my gray shirt is covered in his sweat. It’s why I’m so hot and sticky. I sit up turning to flick on the side light as he continues to mumble and moan.

  He’s having one of his nightmares. Tension rolls through me as I gnaw on my bottom lip. The pain in his face, the way his brows are scrunching, his lips are tense while every muscle clenches throughout his entire body. I move some hair behind my ear wondering if I should try to wake him, but I know the stats. If you wake a person who has a night terror, it can be dangerous for you as well as them. I have to let this ride out as hard as it is for him and for me to watch.

  His hands clench onto the bedsheets as his hips bounce up like he’s in pain as his face contorts. He lets out a groan, but it’s a pain-filled groan. My breath catches as he begins to whimper. My hand races to my mouth as tears flood my eyes.

  “Stop! Please, stop,” he moans.

  I sniffle. I want to touch him. I want to take his pain away. But I know any movement could startle him awake—he could end up hurting himself or me or both of us.

  His body contorts a
gain as he groans. “It hurts, please, stop.” His hips bounce up again as I let out a small sob watching his body deform in agony. “Ahh…” he moans as I see a tear escape his clenched tight eyes, rolling down his bright red face. I break out in a river of tears. I know I can’t help him as I look away, my heart racing in my chest. I feel sick. I know what he’s dreaming about, the torture they’re putting his young body through. Why grown men would do this to an innocent boy is beyond me.

  “No, not Luc. I’ll take it,” he yells, his arm thrashing out, smacking me so hard I almost fall off the bed. I grab the headboard, hanging on as he grips hold of my shirt tightly. I pant hard for breath as his body jerks off the bed, almost convulsing in his pain.

  I burst out crying. I’d heard his night terrors from my bedroom, but I only once ever witnessed it, then never again after he sent me out. I knew they were bad, but I didn’t know they were still this terrible.

  “Please, I can’t take any more,” he calls out, sweat pouring off him as his grip on my shirt tightens.

  I pant for breath so fast I feel dizzy.

  His head snaps to the side to face me like he was slapped in his dream. He gasps, then suddenly sits bolt upright. His grip on my shirt tightens as he uses all his force to push with all his might. I squeal as I’m forced backward out of the bed. I tumble, my arms and legs flail as my head slams into the bedside table as I go down. The impact making my head crack, my neck jars as I slam onto the floor. I moan out in pain as I lay on the floor dazed, but still with it as I open my foggy eyes to see Chains slowly look over the edge of his bed.

  “Oww, shit!” I murmur trying to sit up, but I fall back to the floor.

  Chains pants for breath looking completely out of it as he scrambles from the bed onto the floor on his knees by my side. “Shit, Bex! You’re really here?”

  I wipe the leftover tears from my face as he helps me try to sit up. My head’s throbbing as I take in some deep breaths to stop me from throwing up. “Yeah. I’m really here, Ty.”

  He sniffs, rubbing his face like he’s still trying to wake properly as he takes in the scene in front of him. “Fuck! Did I push you off the bed?”

  I wince. “Kinda.”

  His eyes widen as he checks around the back of my aching skull. “Fuck, you’re bleeding. Shit! I hurt you. Fuck! Bex, fuck!” His panicked face tells the story going through his mind. So, I reach out running my hand over his red hot and pasty cheek.

  “I’ll be fine, slight concussion. I’ll get Foxy to suture me up.”

  He stands starting to pace the floor, his breathing fast and uneven as he runs his hands through his hair. “Fuck! I can’t believe I hurt you.” He turns back to face me. “You have to believe me, Bex. I would never—”

  “Stop! I know. I know you didn’t mean to do this. Honestly, I’m fine, Ty. Please, come back down here.” I pat the floor beside me. He winces like he’s almost scared to come anywhere near me. Like he’s petrified even though he’s not dreaming any more that he might still hurt me. “You’re not going to hurt me, Ty. Stop being a pussy and get down here.”

  He lets out a huff sitting on the floor next to me, his haunted eyes staring into mine. “Bex…” His wavering voice sounds so full of emotion.

  I reach out grabbing his hand. “I know, it’s fine. You have nothing to be sorry for. I know you didn’t mean it. But, Ty, those dreams, I don’t think you realize how bad they are.”

  His eyes glisten, but they don’t overflow. “I go back there, every… damn… night, Bex.”

  Exhaling, I lean forward pressing my forehead to his. “I know that now. I’m gonna get you some help to try and stop them or at least ease it. Do you trust me?”

  He sniffs. “Always… I’m so fucking sorry I hurt you.”

  “Just a scratch. I have a feeling if I’m going to be with you that this is very minor in comparison to what could happen.”

  Ty’s eyes widen. “It’s not a scratch, it’s still bleeding.” He presses a rolled up shirt to the back of my head as he looks into my eyes solemnly. “I’ll never hurt you, Bex.”

  I shake my head. “No, not you. But you’re a part of an MC. If you’re the woman of a biker, it comes with risks.”

  He pauses. “So, you’re my woman?”

  “Let’s just take this one day at a time.”

  He nods. “Let me get you to Foxy.”

  “I gotta put on some pants.”

  He weakly smiles. “Me, too.” He leans in kissing my forehead, then lifts me up off the ground in a cradle pose. I love, even after what he’s just been through, he’s taking care of me. I should be looking after him right now, but he’s going out of his way to make sure I’m okay in this. He might act all broody and tough, but deep down Chains is a gentle giant, and to me he’s all I could ever want or need. Warts and all.

  He carries me over to his bed setting me down. My head’s pounding as I look up at him, it’s only now that he stands back, I truly get to take in the sight before me—Chains, practically naked. He’s only wearing a pair of boxer briefs, everything else is on show. His thick thighs, his broad shoulders, but it’s his chest and stomach that really take my breath away. Not from the amazing set of toned abs which he sports, but from the crazy amount of scars littering his skin. I’ve seen them before, but the way they’re highlighted with the sheen of sweat right now makes this all too fucking real.

  Whip marks, burn marks, healed bullet holes, old stab wounds—his torso is a cacophony of torture, an artwork of abomination. It’s hitting home how much pain he went through, how much torment he still endures every night of his life. He punishes himself by getting hurt because he feels he isn’t worthy or to numb the pain—maybe both. Either way, Chains, my best friend, now the man I’ve fallen for, is suffering. I need to help him. Somehow. Someway.

  Luc being here could be a way to help him.

  I need to find a way to bring Luc to our side.

  I have to do this for Ty.

  To start mending this broken boy in front of me.

  Help him become the strong, capable man I know he is.

  He bends down, kneeling in front of me. “Do you want me to call Torque so he can bring Foxy here, or do you want me to take you over there?”

  Licking my lips, I take the shirt from him holding it to my scalp thinking this through. If Torque and Foxy come here, it could wake some of the other brothers. If we leave, we can explain this better at their house. I’m not sure I’m ready for the entire club knowing I slept in Chains’ room just yet until we can explain everything. “Let’s go to them.”

  He walks over to the bathroom, flicks on the light switch. I watch him, paying close attention to his tight ass in those sexy briefs as he steps back in with my clothes. “Do you think you can manage getting dressed? I can help if you’re too dizzy? I won’t look, I promise.”

  For a heathen, he sure is a gentleman. “I’m okay, I think, just get yourself dressed.”

  He turns around then walks to his jeans with his back to me.

  Placing the bloodied shirt on the bed, I start to pull off the gray shirt I’m wearing which will leave me in my bra and panties. As I pull the shirt off, it catches on my sore head. “Ow, fuck!” I murmur dropping the shirt to the floor as I wince in pain.

  Chains turns dramatically as he looks at me in concern, then his eyes open wide as he takes in the sight. Me sitting on his bed, wearing only a matching white lace bra and panty set. I watch his cock twitch in his briefs, but he quickly turns back around as he reaches for his shirt. “Sorry. Are you okay? Is your head okay?”

  “I’m fine. Just the shirt scrapped my wound on the way off.”

  “Need me to do anything?” he asks shrugging his shirt over his head, then reaches for his cut.

  “Help me get dressed. I’m feeling a little woozy,” I admit.

  He spins fast, striding to me without hesitation. He doesn’t look over my body like any other man would, he looks into my eyes. “What do you need? Water? Painkillers?”r />
  I exhale. “No. Just get me dressed, please.”

  He picks up my shirt, gently sliding it over my head making the hole much bigger than it needs to be to avoid my scalp. Chains slides it over my torso as he grabs my jeans then runs each leg through. I go to stand, wobbling slightly as I fall into him.

  He catches me instantly, his arms wrap around me comfortingly. “I got you.”

  I look up at him. “Yeah, you do.”

  He hoists my jeans into place, then swoops me into his arms. “C’mon, let’s get you to Foxy. Where’s your car keys?”

  “Bag,” I tell him.

  He swoops my bag up in his hand as he walks me out of his room then down the eerily quiet hall. It’s dark, I don’t think I’ve ever been here at this time of night—well, awake and here at this time of night. I’ve slept here before but in a spare room. I’ve definitely never been sneaking around the hall.

  We make it into the clubroom. It’s lit dimly by a single wall light, just enough to keep a dull glow in the room so you can see where you’re walking but not enough so anyone can make out who we are if anyone came in. Chains continues to carry me through the space and walks me out of the door. The cool air smacks me in the face as we head straight for my car. My fingers gently play with his hair as he carries me bridal style.

  We get to the car. I pull my bag from his hand, getting out my key. Pressing the button, a beep echoes through the compound making me jump slightly as Chains looks around.

  “You going somewhere, Chains?” a voice calls out from above but behind us.

  “Yeah, Gatekeeper, gotta take Bex to a medic. She’s hit her head,” Chains calls out not even looking at him as he pulls open the passenger door, sliding me in.

  “Look after yourself, doc,” Gatekeeper calls out.

  “Thanks,” I reply as Chains closes my door then walks around to the driver’s side and slides in.

  He starts the car looking at me, then shoves my shoulder. “Hey, stay awake.”