Asimov's SF, January 2008

by Dell Magazine Authors

  He and Emily stopped at the bottom of the stairs, looked at each other. “All right,” Emily said, walking over to pick up the plate of spice cakes I'd sampled, “we already know you had some of these. What I don't know is, how many?"

  It took me a second to refresh my memory. “Two, I think ... no, three."

  “Three? You're sure about that? Not four or five?” I forced myself to nod again, and she sighed. “Three. Wow. They must be loaded to do that to someone."

  “Loaded with what? I don't..."

  “Marijuana. The same stuff we brought with us.” Emily held up one of the cakes. “Jas tells us they're called saqis. A delicacy, intended as dessert. They're usually made with a native herb found on their own world, but it's only in recent years that the hjadd have learned that cannabis is a fine substitute. Apparently they decided that we'd like to find out how they cook with it."

  “But if...” I was confused. “Look, if they knew that these things would have that kind of effect on us, then why did they...?"

  “That's just it. They didn't know.” She dropped the saqi back on the plate, brushed her hands clean against her trousers. “Cannabis is no more potent to them than coffee is to us, which is why they enjoy it so much. But with humans, particularly in large concentrations..."

  “It's not entirely your fault.” Ted settled into a nearby armchair. “You didn't know what you were getting into. And I should've realized what was going on when you started behaving oddly even before we walked into the reception."

  “It wasn't just those things.” Now that my head was beginning to clear, my recollection of the night was starting to come back to me. “I was just feeling a little goofy going into the hall. But when I touched the paperweight ... the gnosh, I mean..."

  “Oh, crap.” He closed his eyes. “That just made it worse, didn't it?"

  “Uh-huh. You could say that.” The longer I was awake, the more I was able to remember ... and none of it was good. “Did I really tell the ... what do they call him, the chaaz'braan? ... that I wanted to eat his legs?"

  “Not exactly, but close enough.” A wan smile from Rain. “At least you lucked out in one way ... you didn't switch on your translator. The only ones besides ourselves who understood what you were saying were Jas and Fah. So it could've been worse."

  “Oh, good..."

  “Sorry, but you're not off the hook.” Ted shook his head. “None of us are. Among the Talus, the chaaz'braan is revered as a religious leader. Almost a prophet. You don't approach someone like that without much bowing and scraping ... and you were ready to dance an Irish jig with him."

  “Actually, I think I just wanted to give him a nice, big hug ... not that it makes much difference.” I paused. “Those globes, the ones that swooped down on me..."

  “They're called naya'Talus, or so Jas tells us.” Emily yawned. “Automatic sentries, intended to keep everyone in line. Non-lethal, fortunately, or you wouldn't be here. In fact, it's lucky you got out of there at all. The hjadd honor guard were ready to tote you off to whatever they call a prison before Morgan stepped in."

  “That's what Rain said, yeah.” I winced with more than physical pain. “I'm so sorry. I can't ... I mean, hell, I don't believe I..."

  “But you did,” Morgan said. “And now we're going to pay for it."

  Great. Just the person I needed to make the morning complete. None of us had noticed Morgan coming down the stairs, but now here he was, wrapping a dressing robe around himself. “Someone make coffee,” he growled, less a request than an order. When no one hopped to it, he stared at Rain until she reluctantly rose from the sofa and wandered off to the kitchen. Morgan watched her go, then turned to me. “A fine mess you've put us in. Now I'm going to have to salvage what's left of..."

  “With all due respect, Mr. Goldstein, it's not entirely Jules's fault.” Ted folded his arms together. “If the hjadd hadn't brought us a dessert made with cannabis, he wouldn't have been tempted to eat it.” He darted a glance in my direction. “Perhaps he should've listened to me, but still..."

  “Captain Harker, please don't tell me how to run my business.” Morgan plainly wasn't in a mood to listen. “What happened last night was inexcusable. Worse than inexcusable ... it was a disaster. It's only fortunate that I have some pull with these people, or otherwise the lot of us could have been imprisoned on charges of heresy."

  “Look...” I stopped myself and tried again. “I'm sorry for what I did. I was out of line, and I apologize for that. But since my translator wasn't on, no one except Jas and Fah knew what I was saying. And if that's the case, so far as the Talus is concerned, all I did was make a fool out of myself.” I shrugged. “Big deal."

  Morgan scowled at me. “Do you seriously believe that's all you did?” he asked, then shook his head in dismay. “No, of course you do ... you're so dumb."

  “Now, that's uncalled for...” Emily began.

  Morgan ignored her. “The chaaz'braan isn't just a religious leader. Among his own people, he's considered to be a deity incarnate ... or rather was, because he's the sole surviving member."

  “He is?” I blinked. “How...?"

  “Before the destruction of their home world, the askanta made sure that the chaaz'braan wouldn't perish along with the rest of them.” He held up a hand before any of us could ask the obvious question. “It's a long story, and I'm not sure I understand all the details. What little I know, I got yesterday from Fah, as small talk during our negotiations. Suffice to say, though, that the chaaz'braan single-handedly managed to preserve that which the askanta valued the most ... their religion. Since then, Sa-Tong has been embraced by most of the Talus, with the chaaz'braan himself revered as its prophet."

  “Like Jesus, you mean,” Emily said. “Or Mohammed."

  “More like Buddha, I think, but you get the general idea.” Morgan looked at me again. “So when you pulled that stunt last night, the Talus didn't need to understand what you were babbling ... they were offended all the same."

  “Then we'll offer a formal apology,” Ted replied. “I think some of us did so last night, but it can't hurt to do so again."

  Morgan sighed in exasperation. “Yes, we can do that ... but I'm not sure how much it will help. One of the main objectives of this mission was to convince the Talus that humankind is mature enough to join them. If they believe we're just a bunch of heathens..."

  He was interrupted by a bedroom door slamming shut. Everyone looked up to see Ash shuffling across the gallery, heading for the stairs. He seemed to be barely awake, and I assumed that he was hungover again, but before Morgan could continue his harangue, Ash cleared his throat.

  “Doesn't matter,” he said. “The fix was in from the beginning."

  “Pardon?” Emily turned toward him as he walked downstairs. “What do you mean by that?"

  “I don't think it was an accident that Jules got stoned.” For once, Ash appeared to be clear of eye and lucid of tongue; as he came closer, I noticed that the reek of bearshine that normally surrounded him was absent. “Nor was it a coincidence that saqis were delivered here just before the reception. In fact, we were all supposed to eat them."

  “Of course we were.” Morgan gave him a patronizing smirk. “It's common courtesy of the hjadd to feed one's guests before a formal event, so that they won't be hungry later on. You're not telling me anything I don't know already."

  “Morgan—” Ash stared straight at him “—shut up."

  This came not as an insult, but as a direct command. Morgan started to say something, then abruptly went silent. Almost as if Ash had said something to him that only Morgan could hear. I recalled a comment Ash had made yesterday, when he'd said Morgan wouldn't fire him because he belonged to the Order of the Eye: we've got too much on him. I didn't know what he'd meant by that ... but apparently Morgan did, because he went as dumb as he'd accused me of being.

  “There ... that's better.” As the rest of us glanced warily at one another, Ash went on. “As I was saying ... maybe it's hjad
d custom to send food to guests, but I doubt they were ignorant of the fact that marijuana has a strong effect upon us. Particularly when ingested in large quantities ... more potent that way. After all, Morgan shipped quite a few pounds to them long before we came here. A sample, so to speak. So they've had plenty of time to study it."

  “Well ... yeah, that's true.” Ted rubbed his chin. “But that doesn't necessarily mean they deliberately tried to ... um, dose us.” He paused. “Besides, didn't you tell us that you couldn't read their minds?"

  “I can't understand what they're thinking, no ... but I can sense their emotions. So I can tell you that, just as I figured out that Jules was stoned before the rest of you did, I also picked up that Fah was particularly satisfied by his behavior. Jas was appalled, to be sure, but the chaaz'braan was more amused than insulted...."

  “He was?” That came as a surprise to me.

  “Oh, yes.” Ash favored me with a smile. “He had no idea what you were saying, of course, but it helped that you were wearing a sha, and that its patterns showed you to be nothing more than a harmless little chucklehead.” He shrugged. “So the chaaz'braan just thought you were funny."

  “What a relief,” I said dryly.

  “Nonetheless, Fah was satisfied by your performance ... and disappointed that the rest of us weren't in the same condition.” Ash turned to the others. “Again, do you think it's a coincidence that each of our chairs had a gnosh waiting for us? I can't be sure, but I believe that was Fah's idea as well. Sort of stacking the deck ... trying to make sure that everyone would be good and messed up by then time the chaaz'braan made his appearance."

  Morgan coughed loudly, and Ash glanced at him. “Yes, Morgan ... Fah does have a reason to want this mission to fail. Unlike Jas, heshe doesn't like humans very much. I can't tell you why, but what I get from himher is a vague sense of distrust and fear. Heshe would rather see us go away and never return ... and that's probably why heshe tried to set things up so that we'd embarrass ourselves in front of the entire Talus."

  “But it didn't work, because no one except Jules had any saqis.” Emily nodded. “Makes sense ... but why didn't you warn us about Jules?"

  “I thought it was just about Jules doing something stupid, that's all.” Ash shook his head. “I didn't really put two and two together until we were in the Great Hall ... and by then, it was too late to do anything about it."

  “Well...” Ted scratched the back of his head. “Not a hell of a lot we can do about it now. What's done is done. All we can do is offer apologies, then pack up and go home."

  He stood up, stretched his back, then headed for the stairs. Rain was coming down from the gallery, carrying a tray laden with mugs of hot coffee. “Thanks,” he said as he took one from her. “I'll call Ali, tell him to prepare the ship for departure. Once we hear from Jas, I think we can be out of here in—” he glanced at his watch “—a couple of hours or so. That okay with the rest of you?"

  That was the moment Jas chose to show up.

  * * * *

  X

  Speak of the hjadd, and heshe appears.

  By now, we should have become used to aliens suddenly materializing in our midst. All the same, Mahamatasja Jas Sa-Fhadda's arrival was so abrupt that Rain yelped and nearly dropped her tray. A mug toppled over the side and fell to the floor, spilling hot coffee across the carpet. None of us paid attention. If Jas was here, it could only mean trouble.

  “I've come to relay a message from the High Council of the Talus,” Jas said, without so much as a salutation. “It has convened to discuss the events of last night, and has settled upon what it considers to be an appropriate decision."

  By then, Ted had recovered himself. Stepping closer to the holo, he extended his hands. “We've been talking it over ourselves. First, I'd like to offer our most sincere apologies for our conduct.” He glanced at me, then went on. “Particularly that of my crewman. His behavior was uncouth, and we realize how much it must have insulted the chaaz'braan, along with everyone else who was present at the..."

  “Be quiet.” Jas's fin rose to its full height, a clear sign that heshe was irate. “Captain Harker, we fully comprehend the nature of this situation. Although there is no question that Mr. Truffaut was rude, the Talus also recognizes the fact that he was not totally responsible for his actions."

  “Then you know about the saqis?” Despite Jas's demand that he remain quiet, Ted seemed determined to defend me. “If that's the case, then you should also be aware it has a certain narcotic effect upon our people."

  “Yes, we do, just as we have come to learn that Hahatahja Fah Tas-Saatja deliberately included saqis with your meal with the intent to subvert the reception.” Hisher fin slowly lowered itself as Jas's right eye twitched in my direction. “Fah has been opposed to the hjadd negotiating a trade agreement with your race, in the belief that the Talus should not formally recognize a species that has only so recently achieved interstellar travel."

  “Yeah, well, gee,” Emily murmured. “Two hundred and eighty years is such a short time."

  Ted gave his wife a stern look, but Jas appeared not to have noticed her sarcasm. “As a result, Hahatahja Fah Tas-Saatja has been removed as trade delegate to your people. Heshe will have no further contact with you, and heshe will also be punished in accordance with hjadd law. We offer our own apologies for this unfortunate occurrence."

  Morgan coughed again. He seemed to want to say something. From the corner of my eye, I saw Ash nod once in his direction. Apparently that was enough to release Morgan from whatever psychic voodoo spell Ash had put on him, because he stepped forward. “Thank you, Prime Emissary. I hope this incident won't affect any trade agreements our races may..."

  “Be quiet.” Jas's left eye rotated toward him, and Morgan reluctantly shut up again. “Nonetheless, a grave insult has been made, not only to the dignity of the chaaz'braan, but also to the Talus as a whole. Regardless of the causes, there are many within the High Council who have come to believe that humankind is not mature enough to conduct trade or cultural exchanges with other races, and that it may be in our best interests to isolate ourselves from your species."

  Morgan's face went pale. “Prime Emissary, please..."

  Jas's throat sacs bulged, hisher eyes becoming narrow as they turned once more toward Morgan. "Do not interrupt me. I have not finished.” Ted glared at Morgan, and he went silent. "I have spoken on your behalf, explaining to the High Council that your party was insufficiently indoctrinated to the customs of the Talus, including proper social protocols within the Great Hall. After great deliberation, the High Council has decided to give humankind another chance..."

  “Thank you,” Ted began. “We appreciate..."

  "...provided that you make amends."

  Oh, crap, I thought, here it comes. I found myself remembering the dire fate that I'd imagined awaited me within the Great Hall. The rack, the cat o’ nine tails, the iron maiden ... the hjadd must have some way of dealing with heretics.

  “The Talus has a task we wish for you to perform,” Jas continued. “One of great importance that, if successfully completed, will be of great benefit to all the races of the galaxy.” Heshe turned toward Ted. “Captain Harker, you are already familiar with one aspect of this assignment, from your earlier encounter with my kind. I am sure that you will remember Kasimasta ... what you'd call the Annihilator."

  Ted's mouth dropped open. He stared at Jas in shock, stunned by what heshe had just said. “Yes, I remember. What about it?"

  “We want you to rendezvous with it, with the purpose of undertaking a scientific survey. Your vessel will be provided with the proper coordinates for a hyperspace jaunt that will take you to a system Kasimasta has recently entered, along with an automatic probe that you will deploy within its estimated trajectory. Once this probe is in place..."

  “I'm sorry, but the answer is no.” Ted shook his head. “I'm sorry, Jas, but I can't do that. My ship is a freighter, not an exploration vessel, and my crew hasn't b
een trained for this sort of mission. The risk is much too great."

  Jas peered at him. “Captain Harker, I believe you do not fully understand your situation. If you refuse to accept this mission, the High Council will have no choice but to sever all contact between the Talus and your race. That includes diplomatic ties with the hjadd."

  “I understand the situation completely ... and the answer is still no.” He hesitated. “If you wish to return to Coyote, you're more than welcome to join us. No doubt you'll want to break the news to your staff, perhaps even close down your embassy. But I'm not about to put my people in harm's way simply for the sake of atonement."

  “You can't do that.” Morgan's voice quivered with fury; for a moment, I thought he was going to stamp his feet on the floor. “The Pride belongs to me. If I tell you..."

  “Mr. Goldstein, you may be the ship's owner, but I'm still its captain. When I say we're returning to Coyote, that's exactly where we're going to go. You're just going to have to find another way to make money.” Ted looked at Jas again. “My decision is final. Sorry, but that's just the way it is."

  Jas didn't respond for a moment, although hisher throat sacs throbbed and hisher fin stood fully erect. “As you will, Captain,” heshe said at last. “I trust that you still intend to depart Talus qua'spah today?"

  “As soon as possible, yes."

  “Very well. We have already taken the liberty of refueling your ship and its shuttle."

  “Thank you. I..."

  "I will meet you at your ship in an hour.” Without another word, Jas vanished.

  “Harker...” Morgan began.

  “Don't start.” Ted held up a hand. “If you want to fire me, I understand perfectly. Perhaps you'll be able to find another captain and crew willing to undertake this mission. But I'm not risking our lives just so that you can corner the market on alien knick-knacks."

  Morgan was livid. Hands balled into fists, he took a menacing step toward Ted ... and stopped when he apparently realized that Harker could paste him across the carpet. “You're making the biggest mistake of your life,” he muttered instead. “Better hope you've made plans for early retirement."