Liquid Courage

by Hildred Billings

  Taste of skin and a woman’s musk. Texture of soft little hairs and the hidden folds most women didn’t even know about. Too bad the lights weren’t on. Vivian would have loved to see what this looked like. Instead, she settled on the way Kat’s face contorted in the shadows of her dark room.

  What Vivian thought was an orgasm turned out to be the precursor to what Kat really felt that night. One minute later, when it was well past the point of no return, Kat jerked so hard against Vivian’s face that all they could do was laugh again when they both finally got a hold of themselves.

  She’s the first woman I’ve really laughed with like this. If Kat could laugh during sex with her and still want to be with her? That was a win. The kind of win Vivian didn’t know she needed in the game of sex and romance.

  No amount of good humor could forbid them from coming together again, one last time for the remainder of the sweet evening. Kat retook her lover, their bodies fitting so well together that Vivian questioned whether she could truly be her own person again. Was this how destined couples felt? Warm, silly, and unafraid to be themselves, laughing or gasping in ecstasy?

  Who knew I would find this woman on a night like that? All right. That was it. Officially the last time she thought of Shari for the rest of the night.

  “What do you want, babe?” Kat murmured in her lover’s ear. “Because I’ve got a nightstand full of goodies and a whole lotta lust for you and this sexy body you inhabit.”

  “What kind of goodies?” Vivian practically climbed over Kat to get to the top drawer. “Also, I’m allergic to latex. Lucky for you, though, I carry my own latex-free condoms.” In her bag. On the other side of the room. Whoops.

  “Oh my God, a woman who brings her own condoms? You’re the best.”

  You’re the best. That’s all Vivian needed to hear. It was better than hearing pithy comments about her supposed beauty or that she was even loved. The best. Out of all the women Kat knew, Vivian was the best tonight.

  Damn straight she was.

  Chapter 11

  Kat thought she was going to die.

  She writhed like a madwoman, shouting epithets into the darkness as she reached the pivotal moment of lovemaking with Vivian. The world was dark as fatigue threatened to wipe her out. But how could she pass out now? Just because her measly body could barely process how good it felt? Because the pillow swallowed her screams and her bedding absorbed the erratic movements of climax?

  Granted, it was a good reason to pass out. But as long as Vivian kept going, Kat swore she would too!

  Who the fuck knew how many times she came, how many times Vivian came, or how often they both reached the precipice before returning to consciousness because someone giggled or made some other sound that was worthy of notice? But when freefall into pleasure abated, another began, squeezing them both to ensure that one never left the other. It was the kind of ecstasy that Kat rarely experienced with someone else. Hell, she barely knew what it was like to feel so good with friends, let alone people she had sex with! Who knew that this was the kind of bombshell lurking inside Vivian? Had any other woman been worth the agonizing wait?

  Eventually, Vivian did what she promised she wouldn’t – she begged for the fun to stop, because she was done.

  They lay side by side for a long while, their breaths synchronized and their flirtatious words muted. Aside from the aura enveloping them both, the only thing that connected them were the held hands between their bodies. Sweat threatened to slip them apart.

  “See?” Kat finally croaked when she had the strength again. “You’re damn beautiful. You officially can’t let anyone else ever tell you otherwise.” She squeezed Vivian’s hand. “I’ve never seen a hotter woman come like that before. Don’t tell me you don’t feel better now.”

  “It’s not that simple,” Vivian whispered.

  “Ah, whatever.” Kat rolled against her. Look at her. Pure sensuality. There hadn’t ever been a more gorgeous woman in this bed before. “You’re gonna spend the night, right?”

  Vivian waited a few seconds before answering. “I can stay?”

  “Of course you can. I ain’t the type to kick girls out.”

  “We gonna get breakfast in the morning.”

  “I will make you the best damn pancakes in the world.” Kat flung a lazy hand into the air, as if she flipped a pancake in a frying pan. “Legendary. And when I’m done smothering them in butter and syrup, I’ll do you next.”

  “Ewww.” Vivian snorted in laughter. “Which brings me to my next point. I usually like to take a shower before going to sleep.”

  “Shower? We can shower.” Kat kissed the tip of Vivian’s chin. The salt of her abundant sweat definitely signaled that they should take a shower. Together. “I want to see this body of yours in the light, anyway.”

  “Funny.” Vivian propped herself up on her arm and met Kat’s gaze in the shadows. “I was thinking the same thing about yours.”

  Kat fell into a fit of embarrassed sounds and movements. She may have done most of the pursuing in this relationship, had enough sex to make her own mother blush, and seen every inch of Vivian’s body, but she was still excited to be told that she was pretty enough to be seen in her most intimate state. Vivian wasn’t the only one who could excitedly kick her feet and squeal like a girl in love for the first time.

  ***

  “What the fucking blazes has gotten into her?”

  That inquiry came from Stewart, Kat’s boss at the fish buyer down at the docks. She had waltzed in whistling and greeting her fellow coworkers with great fervor on a freezing cold Monday morning. The first boats of the day were coming into port, full of the shit that got Kat paid every two weeks. Pay day is this week! Yay! That meant paying her rent and having a little leftover to go on another sweet date with Vivian, who had woken up as early as Kat so she could race home and get ready for her office job.

  The best day… the best night of my life. Kat, drowning in her layers of winter wear and overalls so she could survive the freezing temperatures of the opened building, continued to dance where she stood.

  “Seriously, what’s gotten into her?” Stewart ripped the ticket off his clipboard and handed it to a fisherman. “Hey, Kat! You ain’t on no drugs, are you? ‘Cause we don’t tolerate that.”

  Kat couldn’t even be offended. “I’m high on life, Stewart!”

  “High on life my fucking ass. You better not be on the weed again.”

  “Not unless you’re sharing it with him,” Kat’s coworker mumbled. “Because then he’ll let you off the hook.”

  Kat grinned. “Just had a great day yesterday, that’s all. Don’t worry. I’ll be back to my usual self by tomorrow.”

  “Good night at the bar? You must’ve made thousands in tips or something.”

  “Nah. Took the day off. Went out with a girl I’ve been seeing for the past week.” It wasn’t a secret that Kat preferred women. Didn’t mean her coworkers wanted all the dirty details, but there were a few who wouldn’t give her too much crap about it. Like this guy! “You ever go out with someone and be absolutely convinced that you’re going to be married by this time next year?”

  They closed up their bins while waiting for the next vessel to finish its trek into port. “Three times now,” the coworker said. “Three messy divorces to go with it.”

  “Maybe I’ll join you now that gay marriage is legal.”

  “Gay marriage and gay divorce.” The guy shrugged. “It’s true equality, huh?”

  I’m sitting here thinking about marrying a woman I met last Wednesday. It hadn’t even been a week yet. And to think, if Vivian hadn’t come back to the bar, and if Kat hadn’t happened to have been there, last night would have never happened. It’s fate. It’s gotta be fate. Kat continued to grin like the biggest idiot in the world. She might as well have been.

  How did she make it until her official break before texting Vivian for the first time that day? “Hope you’re thinking of me as much as I’m thinking about yo
u.”

  She got a response before she went back to work. “I’ve thought of nothing else since I got here. It’s becoming a problem, because all I can think about is your pussy.”

  “Just my pussy?”

  “And your ass. You have a nice ass.”

  “Hey, Kat!” Stewart yelled across the cavernous room. “The Randy Snail is in!”

  She spent the rest of her day flirting with Vivian via text and whistling her way through work. Kat had no idea how long this serendipitous life would last, but she was content to ride high on the wave until it crested and crashed against the beach.

  The bar was closed on Mondays. Kat wanted to spend the evening with Vivian, but the sweet woman reported that she had long promised to hang out with her sister that night. “I’ll send you some selfies to tie you over,” Vivian promised when Kat was on her way home early that afternoon. “Maybe I’ll see you Wednesday.”

  A whole week since they met. Their one-week anniversary. That’s how it worked, right? Romantic!

  Get a grip, stupid. Kat kept telling herself that she needed to come back down to Earth, but it sounded so overrated. Was it too much to ask that she enjoy her life for once? It was one thing to make it week to week feeling good enough to get out of bed and go to work. Quite another to have something – or someone – to live for.

  Damn. She really did need to get a grip. At this rate, she would be confessing her undying love to Vivian the next time they met up, and send her running.

  You’re pussy drunk. Get over it. Maybe she would sober herself up with some take-out and downloading a new game on Steam. It had been a while since she distracted herself with computer games. Wasn’t there a winter sale going on right now? I wonder if Vivi plays video games… Damnit!

  Kat pulled her keys out when she was only a block away from her apartment. Shower, take-out, games. In that order. Maybe a beer to mellow her out.

  Someone waited for her at the top of her stairs.

  Someone she really, really did not need to see right now.

  “What the fuck?” Kat thought she was seeing the Ghost of Lovers Past lurking on her doormat. Or at least that was the kind of doom Shari usually brought in her wake. “The fuck are you doing here?”

  She remained in the middle of the stairs while Shari kicked away from the door and put her hands back in her jacket pockets. The heartbreaker was as beautiful as she had been the day Kat met her – and the day Shari broke a piece of her spirit. Those dark curls creating a cacophonic siren’s song was what had drawn Kat in all those years ago. The pouty lips, cat-like eyes, golden skin and ladylike style was what got her into bed more than once. That’s what drew every woman into Shari’s toxic clutches. Vivian had basically admitted as much. Shari represented the dreams of every lesbian who dared to believe she could have a girlfriend who looked like she stepped right out of a magazine spread.

  Shari was a little older now, but only Kat could see the differences. Nobody would guess Shari was in her mid-30s. Did that make her more sympathetic, or more pathetic? Because someone older than Kat should’ve known better than to be an epic assbutt to young women.

  Kat met a vacant stare. But it was the same stare Shari employed when she was about to castrate some poor soul beneath her heels. Goodbye, self-esteem. The wraith of demolished dreams has arrived. Of course! What perfect timing!

  “I came to talk to you,” Shari said. “Would you have some time to chat over tea?”

  Tea. Probably made her feel sophisticated. There was one place in town one would go to for “tea,” as opposed to coffee, and it reeked of Shari’s brand of affluent leanings. Yet there was one thing Kat cared more about. “How the hell did you know I’d be home around this time?”

  “Someone told me that you worked down at the docks. My brother’s a crab fisherman, so I did the math. Honestly, you should be more impressed that I remembered where you live.”

  “Hasn’t changed in a few years,” Kat admitted. “Still doesn’t explain why you’re here.”

  “I’d rather talk over drinks.”

  Sighing, Kat relented. “Will you leave me the hell alone after this?”

  “Sure. Let’s say I will.”

  They went back down the stairs and stood a body’s length apart in the alleyway. At least Shari hadn’t come by to flirt with Kat. That was evident when she kept her nosed turned up and her hands firmly in her deep pockets. Kat never had the chance to change her clothes. She must’ve stunk of dead fish.

  Fitting.

  Shari pointed out a café on the corner of the street. Kat opened the door for her. Shari never thanked her for her kindness.

  Wasn’t the only thing she never thanked her for over the years.

  Kat couldn’t even repeat what fancy “chai” Shari ordered at the register. As for Kat? She needed straight coffee to get through this. It was also the cheapest thing on the menu, and Shari could be a cheap date for all Kat cared.

  “This looks good.” Shari picked out a bistro table in the far corner of the café. They had their drinks and enough napkins to wipe up the tears Shari had given Kat the last time they had a real conversation. Remember when you told me I was disgusting? Yeah, thanks. Why am I here again? “I promise I won’t take much of your time.”

  Good. Because Kat wanted to get back to remembering Vivian and how much better she was than this train wreck with awesome hair. Vivian’s hair is better. Lower maintenance. Wash and comb, goodbye.

  “Jesus.” Shari wrinkled her nose once they were settled in. “You smell awful.”

  “If your brother is a crab fisherman, then you know what it is.”

  “It was more difficult to notice outside.”

  “Bother you? I could scoot closer.”

  Shari didn’t respond to that. “I wanted to ask you a question. But first, I wanted to say that I do remember you now. We dated a while back, didn’t we?”

  “Dated? Honey, as far as I know, I was your damned girlfriend for about two months. We went out every weekend and sometimes on Tuesdays, because I had them off and you needed something to do when you got off work early.”

  “That so?”

  “You really don’t remember those details?”

  “No. But after I bumped into you at the bar, I did some digging into my albums and found some old pictures of you. You don’t look that different, by the way.”

  “Neither do you.” It was the truth. Both Kat and Shari could have instantly been transported to five years ago, and nobody would notice anything different. Décor in here might have been different, but we would have been the same. Except for Kat. She was a little more idealistic five years ago. “You had to look me up in your albums, though? I knew you were from another planet, but damn. Jugulate me while you’re at it.”

  “I’ll pretend you didn’t say any of that.” Shari tossed her curls out of her way. “Honestly, I’m only doing this because it’s dawning on me that I should before I don’t have any more time.”

  “What?”

  Shari gritted her teeth and finally removed her hands from her pockets. In her fist was a piece of paper with a long, complicated Latin phrase scrawled by a doctor’s rough hand. “I’ve got this. I’ve had it for years, but it wasn’t diagnosed until a couple of years ago. Don’t know how much more time I’ve got, either. Don’t believe me? Look it up. You’ll find the Wikipedia article and some links citing my name as a popular study subject. It’s why I don’t remember people and have trouble seeing similarities between pictures and real life. Only reason I remember you after seeing those photos is because your appearance hasn’t changed much. If you had grown out your hair or gained weight, I wouldn’t have a clue who the fuck you were. Names mean shit to me.”

  “Whoa, whoa.” This was a bigger wake-up call than the coffee cooling on the table. “Hold the fuck on. What is this exactly?” Kat held up the piece of paper. She didn’t dare try to pronounce the word or copy it down into her phone.

  “It’s a degenerative disease of the brain
. It’ll slowly get worse and worse until I can’t even remember my own life.” Shari shrugged. “Doctors say it might be another ten years, but definitely before I’m fifty. Shit, huh?”

  “Does this same disease make you a bitch, too? Or was that always the case.”

  She shrugged again. “Guess I’m a bitch.”

  “Glad you admit it, because for a moment there I thought you were blaming your eternal rudeness on some brain disease I had never heard of.”

  “I’m sure it’s a character flaw of mine. I have no idea. I barely remember what I did last year, let alone five years ago.”

  “How about last week? Do you remember Vivian?”

  “Who?”

  Kat brought up one of the safer selfies sent to her over the past few days. “Her.” She showed Shari the picture. “You were on a date with her last Wednesday, and you were so nasty that she was pretty messed up afterward.”

  “Oh. Sure. I remember her. She’s cute.”

  “Cute? You told her she was too skinny to be attractive, and accused her of intentionally cat fishing you with old photos. She was sick, too. Made her lose a bunch of weight, and she’s really self-conscious about it. You tapped right into her worst nightmares.”

  “Sorry. I remember her picture, but I only vaguely remember the date. Forgive me, if you feel like it.”

  “It’s not my forgiveness you should be begging for. Vivian’s the one who was left crying after you were done with her. I just had to witness it.”

  Shari’s meticulously groomed eyebrows raised up her forehead. “So why do you have cute pictures of this girl on your phone? Let me guess. You swept in and cheered her up after I was done with her, as you put it. Touching. You got my scraps and a convenient way to pick her up. You’re the hero she never asked for.”

  “So does this disease make you forget the crap you literally just said, or are you aware that everything you say is foul and dumb?”

  “I’m aware.”

  “You really don’t give a fuck, huh?”

  “Maybe under other conditions I would work to improve my character, but I’ve long stopped caring. I only have so much more life ahead of me. It’s hard enough to remember good things. Bad things? I’ll say I’m sorry, but there’s no guarantee I’ll mean it.”