Arrows of Time

by Kim Falconer

  ‘I’m not worried about Jarrod.’

  ‘What, then?’

  Kreshkali levelled her eyes with her daughter’s. ‘He was trying to tell you something this morning, though admittedly not very well.’

  ‘Oh, I know!’ Rosette interrupted. ‘He’s in a twist about losing my DNA, losing the spell. Of course he would be. As I think about it now, I don’t know why I blew up. After my apprenticeship, when I take on one of my own, I’ll give it some serious thought. That could be a good time to…’

  Kreshkali gripped her shoulder, stopping her stream of thoughts. She took a deep breath, letting it out in a blast.

  ‘You’re pregnant.’

  ‘Huh?’

  ‘You’re already pregnant, Rosette.’

  ‘When?’

  ‘I thought you could tell me.’

  Maudi? Are you having a litter?

  She wrestled with an army of emotions before bursting out laughing. I certainly hope not, Dray. She continued to laugh until tears streamed down her face.

  ‘Not quite the response I’d anticipated,’ Kali said.

  Rosette was doubled over, holding her sides, alternately cackling and wincing. ‘Is that what Jarrod was trying to say this morning?’ she asked, wiping her face with the back of her hand and gasping for breath.

  ‘It was.’

  ‘For a quantum sentient—someone with access to all the words in the universe—he didn’t choose the best ones.’

  Kreshkali chuckled at that. ‘Is it Grayson’s?’ she asked.

  Rosette stopped laughing. ‘Grayson?’ She let her voice trail off. She got up, brushing the dust from her leggings. ‘I guess this was inevitable, and necessary. Actually,’ her smile deepened, ‘it’ll be fun.’

  ‘You always wanted a front row seat on humanity, Rosette, and like nothing else, having a baby is just that,’ Kreshkali said, giving her a hug.

  ‘I’m going to need to adjust.’

  ‘You’ll have time.’

  ‘And I’m going to need some help too, I guess.’

  Kali reached for her, kissing both cheeks.

  ‘What?’ Rosette asked.

  ‘Kalindi Rose, that’s the first time I’ve ever heard you ask for help.’

  ‘Probably not going to be the last,’ she said, rubbing her flat belly.

  Teg returned with a massive armload of wood and dropped it to the ground.

  ‘Did you know?’ Rosette whispered to him as she lay the fire.

  ‘It was hard not to, the way Kali and Jarrod were going on.’

  Rosette cupped her hands around the embers, blowing on them. When the flame was bright, Kreshkali sat beside her.

  ‘So how far along am I?’ she asked.

  Her mother shrugged. ‘I’ve no idea. Your body’s been frozen, you’ve been through a wash of time changes in the corridors and technically dead for days. It’s a wonder the little girl’s still with you. We’ll get Grayson to check on her DNA. We’ll know more then.’

  ‘Little girl? For certain?’

  ‘We only have daughters, Rosette. I thought I’d explained that.’

  Rosette moved to the other side of the fire ring, avoiding a plume of smoke.

  ‘You didn’t.’ Drayco, where’s Grayson?

  Her temple cat scented the air. In the workshop. Still talking.

  She jumped up. ‘Does anyone else know?’

  Kreshkali shook her head.

  ‘And can I shift?’

  ‘Of course, Rosette. You can do anything you’re accustomed to doing…but…’

  Drayco, come with me! She turned back to Kali and Teg. ‘I’ve got to go. I need to find Grayson, and Jarrod too. I’ll see you at the temple?’

  ‘I thought you were hungry,’ Teg said, but Kreshkali only smiled.

  ‘The meat isn’t so appetising; I’m craving An’ Lawrence’s Avan-chak!’

  Rosette didn’t explain further. She called on the energy of the Elementals, and felt them rush to her like a storm. Her thoughts started to take the shape of a falcon, as was her habit and training, but she altered suddenly, feeling the contours of a large black she-wolf instead. Maybe it was from spending time with the Lupins and the mind-to-mind exchange that flowed between them, but the new form came easily. It felt natural, ecstatic. She morphed into it and tore off, Drayco at her side. She ran hard, relishing the feel as the red earth turned to powder under her feet.

  This is new, Maudi.

  Like it?

  Very much.

  Me too. Race you to the fountain?

  You’re on!

  She took off like a shot. Drayco darted after her, chewing up the ground as he ran.

  When she saw the rooftops of Temple Los Loma glistening like an oasis, Rosette eased her pace. Drayco slowed with her, his sides heaving from the sprint. It would seem that neither death nor new life has hampered your strength, Maudi.

  She laughed. That’s because I never thought it would. She came to a halt and shifted, the exhilaration of the run coursing through her veins. Her chest rose and fell as she panted. Sweat dripped down her face. ‘I wish there were bathing pools here,’ she said. ‘I would love a swim.’

  There’s one.

  ‘Where?’

  Behind the temple. You can see it from here…to the right of the grove. Blue and shimmering.

  She shaded her eyes. ‘Oh, lovely. Not as big as Treeon’s, but no bathing pools are, unless you count the ocean.’

  There is ocean in Dumarka.

  She turned to her familiar and stroked the top of his head. ‘I miss it too,’ she whispered. She roughed his neck. ‘Come on. Let’s get to that pool and have a quick dip. I’ve dust in my eyes and grit in my teeth.’

  And then?

  ‘We find Grayson first, I think.’

  That shouldn’t be a challenge.

  ‘Meaning?’

  He’s coming this way.

  Grayson walked towards them, his long strides quickly closing the distance. He carried a waterskin. Brilliant man. She was parched.

  ‘How was the hunt?’ he asked. He directed his question to both of them, but his eyes were on Rosette.

  ‘Grand. I’m looking for a bath, though.’

  ‘The pool’s beautiful—mosaic tiles the colour of the sky. You’ll love it.’

  ‘Your mood has lifted,’ she said, taking the waterskin and drinking deeply. She poured more into her cupped hand for Drayco. ‘Show us the way?’

  ‘My pleasure.’ He looped her arm in his.

  She felt her heart swell. It was good to be with him when his mind-set was so light. He must have had a breakthrough. ‘Grayson, there’s something I want to talk to you about.’

  He put his arm over her shoulder. ‘I’ve been wanting to talk to you too.’

  She looked at his face, ready to laugh, but he wasn’t smiling. She felt a wave about to break. ‘I know,’ she said, wanting to forestall it. ‘I haven’t been too accessible, have I?’

  ‘Rosette, you’ve been dead.’

  She chuckled, but her mirth faded when he went silent. Drayco?

  I don’t think you will like his breakthrough, Maudi.

  Chills went up her spine. ‘What’s up?’ she asked, trying not to stiffen underneath his touch.

  His arm slipped off her shoulder, but he didn’t speak. She couldn’t stand the empty space between them, so she filled it with words. ‘I know I’ve been gone for some time. It must’ve been frustrating.’ She searched for other ways to say the same thing.

  ‘Frustrating?’ He took a deep breath. ‘It’s made me think deeply.’

  ‘About?’

  ‘Us.’

  ‘You know I’m not…’

  ‘Rosette,’ he interrupted. ‘You are a beautiful and amazing woman.’

  That’s never a good opener, Maudi.

  Hush, love. Let him explain.

  ‘You’re powerful, full of energy, dynamic, intelligent…Being with you was an exhilarating experience.’

  Rosette bit her
lower lip. ‘Was?’

  He brushed the hair back from her cheek as they walked. ‘You know I love you.’

  Rosette swallowed hard and kept her eyes on the path. ‘And…?’

  ‘You’re from the line of Janis Richter.’

  ‘I am. This is true.’

  ‘You’re linked to a quantum sentient, Rosette, you’re linked to the Lupins—it’s part of your brilliance, of course—but it’s making it too hard for me to be with you.’

  ‘Too hard.’ She nodded, not trusting her voice.

  ‘For almost a year, I haven’t even known where you were. When I finally found you…’ He paused, looking into the distance. ‘You were dead. As I tried to deal with that, you came back to life. Now here you are, as vibrant and enthused as ever.’ He pulled her to a stop. ‘Rosette, I can’t handle the unpredictability. I can’t handle the separations, the not knowing. It’s too much for me.’

  ‘You mean, it’s not enough.’

  ‘That too. When we’re together, you’ve business brewing; training, teaching, planning, organising. And…’

  ‘More?’ Her throat was so tight she could barely speak.

  ‘There’s Jarrod.’

  ‘Jarrod is my…’

  Grayson put his fingers over her lips. ‘Let me finish, please. I know who Jarrod is to you. I know what your work is like. You’re a free spirit with interests and intentions in all four directions. I respect that. I admire it. I adore it.’ He pulled her into an embrace. ‘I just can’t live with it,’ he whispered into her ear.

  The tears she had so carefully contained filled her eyes and overflowed, running down her cheeks.

  Maudi?

  It’s okay, Dray. I’m okay. She took a deep breath and tightened the embrace, crying into his neck. He held her for some time before she straightened and wiped her eyes. ‘You’re right, of course,’ she said. ‘My life is unpredictable and it’s not going to settle down any time soon.’

  ‘I would never ask you to live differently for me.’

  She nodded. ‘I know. I wouldn’t anyway.’

  ‘Friends?’ he said, holding out his hand.

  ‘Of course.’ She gripped tight. ‘We’ll always be connected.’

  They walked down the path, the carpet of flower petals rising with each footfall. Drayco pressed against Rosette’s thigh and she stroked him. When they reached the courtyard, she let go of Grayson’s hand. ‘I’ll find my way from here.’

  ‘I can take you. I’m through for the day. I can…’

  ‘I’d like to be alone.’

  He nodded. ‘I love you.’

  She leaned in and gave him a lingering kiss. ‘I love you too.’

  Before her tears had a chance to rise again, she turned and headed for the pool, Drayco beside her. She followed the tiled pathway around the temple hall and up newly laid steps to an open breezeway. From there she could see the bathing pool, a deep turquoise like the lagoons of Rahana Iti. The reminder made her eyes fill again.

  Maudi, you didn’t tell him about the litter.

  ‘It wasn’t the right time.’

  Her familiar sneezed. I would say the right time has passed, then.

  ‘I’ll tell him. Just not now. And, Drayco of the Dumarkian Woods, it’s not going to be a litter, so please stop using that word!’

  He pushed his head into her leg. Are you all right, Maudi?

  ‘If you call having your heart broken “all right”, then yes, I’m perfect.’

  Your heart is well and healthy, Maudi. It’s your emotional body that’s churning.

  She smiled. ‘You’re right. I’m fine,’ she said. ‘I’m alive, swamped with feelings and I’m going to have a baby. My heart is certainly not broken. It is rich and full and complete. Let’s swim.’

  They trotted down the steps and through the curly iron gate that led to the pool. By the time she reached the edge of the water, she’d stripped off her clothes, flinging them to one side. Together with her temple cat, she dived into the deep end, swimming underwater for as long as she could before breaking the surface to take a gulp of air and then plummet down again.

  Jarrod watched from the breezeway. The sun was sinking behind the hills, turning the landscape an even deeper red. Rosette floated on her back, her eyes closed, her hair surrounding her like a kelp garden. Drayco lay on the edge of the pool, one paw dangling in the water, his black coat glistening.

  Feel like some company? Jarrod asked, sending the thought directly to her mind.

  He didn’t want to intrude on her tranquillity. They hadn’t fought like this morning since Lividica when she lived on the Matosh Estate. Those arguments had been mostly over his brother Liam. It felt like lifetimes ago. He hadn’t known who she was then, but he’d loved her just as deeply.

  She didn’t open her eyes, but he saw her smile. I’ve always been able to out-swim you.

  He laughed. I wasn’t thinking of a competition.

  Why would you, when you know I’d win?

  He entered the gate and pulled off his shirt. ‘How’s the water?’

  ‘Come feel for yourself.’ She rolled onto her stomach and duck-dived.

  He stripped off the rest of his clothes and crouched by the edge of the pool, dipping his fingers into the water as it lapped the blue tiles. It was some time before she surfaced again. ‘And how was the hunt?’

  ‘Jarrod, stop being so solicitous and jump in. I won’t bite.’

  He slipped into the pool and immersed, watching her swim. He could see as well under the surface as he could above and the sight of her made him laugh, releasing a lungful of bubbles. She looked like a mermaid from a fairytale, her long black hair streaming behind her as she dolphin-kicked towards him. It undulated around her waist when she broke the surface again, gasping for breath. They swam together towards the steps at the shallow end of the pool.

  ‘Why weren’t you direct with me this morning? You could have just said, “Good news, Rosette, you’re pregnant and my future’s assured”.’

  He leaned his head against the edge, closing his mouth to keep out the sloshing water. She was still a little angry. ‘I wanted to see how you felt about it conceptually first, before I disclosed anything. Test the water, as it were.’

  ‘Oh, such metaphors.’ She splashed him, but as he wiped his eyes, she smiled. ‘I didn’t make it easy for you, did I?’

  He pulled her into an embrace. ‘You never did.’ He kissed her. ‘How are you feeling about it now?’

  ‘I’m thinking more than feeling, to be honest. Keeping it light.’ She buried her face in his neck.

  He stroked her wet hair, then slipped her whole body into his lap and cradled her like a child. ‘Grayson?’ he asked, his voice barely audible.

  ‘We’re going separate ways.’

  ‘Are you okay with that?’

  She slid from his arms and swam away, doing a lap underwater before she returned to him. ‘There was never any commitment.’

  ‘Doesn’t really answer the question, Rosette.’

  She sighed. ‘I hadn’t seen him in a long time. And I hadn’t thought about it much. I’ve had more urgent things on my mind.’ She leaned her head back, her hair floating over her breasts, her legs stretched out in front of her.

  ‘Did you tell him?’ Jarrod asked.

  She rolled onto her belly, tracing the turquoise-veined tiles with a fingertip. ‘I didn’t get the chance to say anything.’

  ‘You mean you didn’t take the chance.’

  She splashed him again. ‘The thing is, Jarrod, I’m not even completely sure it’s his.’ She looked away.

  ‘Really?’

  ‘I’m missing some pieces, as it were.’

  ‘How so?’

  ‘I’ve been gone a year of his time, no idea how long of mine. Unless I’m gestating an elephant, it doesn’t add up.’

  ‘Shane?’

  ‘I don’t think so. I don’t remember anything like it, but we were in a strange time loop. I don’t remember everything
that happened.’

  ‘Selene reacted strongly to you.’

  ‘Most women do.’

  He chuckled.

  ‘Does it matter, in any case?’ she asked.

  ‘You mean genetically?’

  She nodded, swishing her hand through the water to make small waves.

  ‘The Richter-Paree blood dominates. It doesn’t really matter too much who the father is in that sense, as long as there is genetic compatibility.’

  ‘The Richter line is from Earth, but my father’s Gaelean. That seemed to work fine for me.’ She rolled over, frowning. ‘Where is he?’

  ‘Who?’

  ‘An’ Lawrence, of course.

  ‘An’ Lawrence?’

  ‘Jarrod, stop repeating. Where is the Sword Master of Treeon Temple and Temple Los Loma? Why isn’t he here?’ She narrowed her eyes. ‘What aren’t you telling me?’

  ‘Nothing, really.’

  ‘Then tell me where he is!’

  Jarrod swallowed. ‘There was some confusion in the corridors between Nell of another world and Kali.’

  She sat on the steps, crossing her arms. ‘Are you purposely trying to keep me in the dark?’

  ‘Not at all.’ He explained An’ Lawrence’s sudden departure.

  ‘So he dashed back into the portal when he realised Nell was not our Nell?’

  ‘Apparently.’

  ‘But Teg found Kali. Rescued her from a very different Treeon, and some falconer who thought to add her to his bevy. He told me about it today.’ She pulled her hair back from her face, wringing it out and twisting it on top of her head. ‘Can you imagine that? Kali on some hunter’s forearm?’

  Jarrod shook his head.

  ‘Finish the story.’ She smiled. ‘Where’s An’ Lawrence now?’ She stood, pulling him up with her. ‘Hopefully he’s in the kitchens, cooking up a feast. I’m longing for Avan-chak.’

  He gripped her hand and followed her out of the pool. ‘We don’t know,’ he said.

  ‘What?’

  ‘That is, we aren’t sure.’

  ‘You’re saying he went through the portal and hasn’t returned?’

  ‘He hasn’t returned yet.’

  She dropped his hand, swiping water from her arms and chest. ‘We have to find him.’ She shook out her leggings and stepped into them.

  ‘Kali and I are going in the morning. We’re just settling things here first.’