Striving for Acceptance

by B. L. Mooney

  “I need to call someone. That was a hard fall.”

  He just held my hand and continued to take slow, steady breaths. It was awkward and calming to hold his hand. After feeling the gun and the disgusting touch from Craig again, holding hands with Mick was Heaven.

  “I’ll be fine.” It was slow and quiet, but he spoke.

  “I really think you should see someone.” I reached my other hand up and felt his head. “You could have a concussion. You need to get it checked out.”

  He closed his eyes. “I’ll be fine, but could you get my phone on the box over there, please?”

  “Sure.” I felt him squeeze my hand before he let me go to get the phone. “I’ll be right back.”

  I watched him for a second before I walked back to him. He looked hurt, and I didn’t understand why he wouldn’t let me help him. Maybe it was a pride thing. Maybe he didn’t want to let me know just how much he was hurt. I hoped he called someone he trusted to help him if he wasn’t going to let me.

  I squatted down and handed him the phone. “What can I do?”

  “Thanks for checking on me and for getting my phone.”

  I looked down. I was just dismissed. I nodded and went back to my shop as he started to text someone. Maybe he hurt his back. I would’ve helped him up. I wanted to help him. I couldn’t blame him for turning me away, though. I probably wouldn’t accept any assistance from him if I could help it, either.

  It was a long day thinking about Mick and how hurt he was. I was happy to see Blake had come over but grew concerned when Maria came later and still hadn’t left. It wasn’t my problem, though. Mick didn’t want my help.

  I took my apron off as I walked to the front door, but it opened before I got there. My heart sank when I saw it was Maria. Something had to be wrong.

  “I’m glad I caught you before you left.”

  “Yeah, I was just getting ready to lock up.”

  “What are your plans for tonight?”

  I narrowed my eyes. “Why?”

  “Mick shouldn’t be alone. I’m not sure how hard he fell, but—”

  “Then he should be in the hospital.”

  “You know how stubborn he is.”

  “Then he can go to his parents.”

  “I don’t think the stress would be good for him.”

  “Why me?”

  “Because you know him best.”

  I scoffed. “I don’t know him at all.”

  “You know him. It has nothing to do with the job he used to do.” She stepped forward. “You know him. You’ll know if something seems off. You’ll know if he needs help.”

  I looked at my apron. “He won’t want me there.”

  “If you showed up, he won’t be able to let you go.” She took another step forward. “Or is that what you’re really afraid of?”

  I looked at her. “I was with him after I heard the crash. He didn’t seem to want my help.”

  “You’re right. He doesn’t want your help. He just wants you.”

  “Look, I’m sure you already know everything that happened between us and why we’re not seeing each other. I don’t think it would be a good idea. Besides, why aren’t you guys staying with him if it’s so important?”

  “I would, but my parents came into town. I left them to come here. I really can’t stay.”

  “What about Blake?”

  “I don’t trust him to actually watch him. He’s a little bit of a man-child.”

  I smiled. “They all kind of are.” I looked at my watch. “I’ll go up, but if he kicks me out, it’s your problem.”

  “Deal.”

  I took the stairs a little slower than I used to. I was afraid he’d be stubborn and not accept the help. I was almost up to the last step when Maria yelled at Blake.

  “What are you doing? You’re supposed to be watching him!”

  I walked a little faster to see why she was so upset and saw Mick asleep on the sofa. Maria walked over to Mick and touched his arm. He sat up and opened his eyes. Our eyes locked and I held my breath.

  “Hey.”

  I took a couple steps in. “Hey.”

  Blake and Maria looked between Mick and me a few times and Maria grabbed her purse. “Now, don’t let him go to sleep for a little while. I need you to talk to him and see how he responds.”

  “Okay.”

  “Give it another two hours and then he can sleep, but if something’s happening in that brain of his, the responses will let us know.” She turned and looked at him. “Of course, a visit to the hospital with actual equipment to monitor for bleeding on the brain would be the preferable way to go, but not for Mr. Tough Guy over here.” She looked back to me and smiled. “Good luck.”

  Blake stared at the ceiling with his head back and mouth open. “How long are your parents staying this time?”

  “Just a couple days.” She hit his belly as she walked past him. “Call me if you guys need anything. Come on, Blake.” She walked out and Blake followed, still looking at the ceiling.

  I watched as the door closed and felt as if the room shrank by half. It was uncomfortable to be alone with him. I looked to the ceiling myself and took a deep breath before turning around. “So.” I turned to see Mick sleeping. “Oh, no you don’t.” I went over and sat next to him. “Hey, wake up.”

  “Sorry.” He sat up. “I sleep when I’m sick or hurt.”

  I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to talk to him about. We never really did the small talk thing when we were sleeping together.

  “Does Blake not care for Maria’s family?”

  “No, he likes them.” He turned his head toward me. “He just can’t have sex while they’re here.” He smiled.

  “Oh.” I grinned. “I’m sure that would put a damper on things.”

  “I think I’d find it kind of exhilarating. Well, with the girl’s parents. I don’t think I could have sex if my parents were close.”

  “Of course not.” I shook my head. “Have you eaten? I’m not as great as you, but I’ve been known to handle myself in the kitchen.”

  “Maybe later. You can help yourself to anything you want, though. I’ve got a ton of leftovers.”

  “Oh, did you have a party?”

  “No. I experiment when . . .” He cleared his throat. “The demo is kind of stressful, and I try new recipes when I need to find my balance again.”

  I looked down. “I’m sorry.”

  He tapped my leg with his finger. “What are you sorry for?”

  “I’m sorry for making you unbalanced.”

  “I don’t think I did a great job of keeping you balanced, either.”

  “Thank you for making the spaghetti.”

  He smiled. “You didn’t have much to work with.”

  I placed my head on the back of the sofa and looked at him. “Why did I need to shop? I always ate over here.”

  He mimicked my pose and laced his fingers with mine as he looked at me. “That’s true. I enjoyed cooking for you.”

  I accepted his hand and closed my fingers around his. “What are we going to do?”

  “About what?”

  I raised our joined hands. “I don’t want to hurt you or your family any further.”

  “Why do you think you would hurt us?”

  “You can’t date a murderer.”

  He squeezed my hand. “I don’t believe you are.”

  “Whether or not I did it in self-defense or if I wanted him dead, it doesn’t look good for your friends and family.”

  He looked away. “I don’t think we should talk about this tonight.”

  “You’re right. I don’t want to upset you. I’m sorry.”

  He looked at me and brought my hand to his lips. “I’m not upset. I know you didn’t kill that man because you wanted to. I know you saved yourself and your family.” He kissed my hand.

  “There’s something you’re not telling me.”

  “I think Blake and Maria stopped somewhere to have sex.”

  I
tried to take my hand back, but he held on. “If you want me to stay, you need to be honest with me. My trust is still a little shaken by your admission.”

  “I can’t chase you tonight. I hurt. If we talk about this, you’ll leave and not hear me out.”

  “I will hear you out, but you have to be honest with me.”

  “I’m looking to clear your name officially.”

  I tried to take my hand back again. “You’re going to get me arrested.”

  “No, I’m not. The officer on the case isn’t closing it for some reason, but my father—”

  “You told your parents already?”

  “Yes. I’m no longer on the force to look for info myself, and Blake would’ve made a mess of things. I needed help.”

  “I’ve never done that before.”

  “What? Asked for help?”

  I looked at him. “Funny. I meant have sex in the car.”

  “Oh.” He was silent for a moment. “So, you’re finished talking about it now?”

  “You’re right. I’m going to walk out if we keep talking about it. I’ll walk out on you when you can chase me and see if you can catch me.”

  He smiled. “I’ve never had sex in a car, either.”

  I looked at him. “Really? I figured a Casanova like you would’ve, at least in your younger years.”

  “Well, that’s the time most people do it because they have no place to go, but being the son of a cop limits what you think you can do.” He turned to me. “What’s your excuse?”

  “Babysitting.” I put his hand in my lap and hugged his arm as I scooted closer to him. “I had to watch my siblings. I know it sounds petty, but that’s really the big wedge between my family and me.”

  “I want to listen if you ever want to talk about it.”

  “Maybe sometime, but not tonight. What else did you not do when you were younger?”

  “I didn’t do a lot of underage drinking. I’ve never taken any kind of drug which wasn’t prescribed to me, and I’ve never snuck out.”

  “Wow. I almost dated a choir boy.” I laughed.

  He tilted his head toward me. “There’s still time.” He leaned in and watched my lips.

  I started to lean in, but then I placed my hand on the side of his face and rubbed his lips with my thumb. “We need to talk before we do anything beyond friendship.”

  He sat back up and nodded. “You’re right.” He looked at me again. “So, what are your biggest missed moments?”

  “I’m not sure that would keep you awake.” I laughed.

  “Why not?”

  “It’s just girl stuff.” I sighed when he wouldn’t stop looking at me. “I didn’t have the friendships most girls do in school. Or at least the friendships I always saw on television. I didn’t complain to anyone about my period, talk to anyone about who I had a crush on, or have anyone to pass notes with during class. I did my homework in class most of the time and aced all my classes.” I looked at him. “I was a nerd.”

  He looked straight ahead. “I’m dating a nerd?”

  I nudged him. “I said I was a nerd. Get it right.”

  “I did.” He smiled and turned his head to me when I realized I didn’t correct the dating part of his comment. “I’m so dating a nerd.”

  I smiled and looked at my lap. “We still need to talk.”

  “I know. We will.” He leaned over to whisper. “Tell me who you have a crush on.”

  I laughed and shoved him. “If you’re going to make fun—”

  “Who’s making fun?” He smiled. “Tell me you missed me.”

  I shrugged. “I missed your cock.”

  He leaned over again and whispered. “I missed all of you.”

  I tried to hide it, but I couldn’t stop the smile or the blush. I looked in his eyes. “I missed you, too.”

  His smile grew and he kissed me. “Will you go out with me?”

  I touched his face. “Yes, but we need to talk first.”

  He put his forehead against mine. “Okay. We’ll talk when I can chase you.”

  I didn’t get much sleep when I stayed at Mick’s. I was too afraid to fall asleep. His stubbornness about not going to get checked out had worried me all night.

  I was more energetic than I thought I would’ve been. It was probably because we were talking again. Hanging out with him was one of the best nights of my life. We were able to talk without trying to keep certain things secret. The fact his father was looking into things concerned me, but I wanted to focus on the time I had with Mick. If they came to arrest me later, I’d deal with it. At least I’d have memories to keep me company in prison.

  I’d agreed to have dinner with my parents once a week. We needed to start mending our relationship, as well. I did love my parents. I just wished I could’ve spent the evening with Mick again instead.

  I grabbed the fresh flowers I had brought with me off the passenger seat and headed inside. I walked in and took a deep breath. The smell of my mother’s cooking was something I missed after the shooting, and I was happy to smell it again. If anything, that’s what told me my mother was on the road to recovery, too.

  I walked in the kitchen and smiled when I saw my father behind my mother, holding her. I laughed when she slapped his hand. He always tried to sneak a taste while she was cooking.

  My dad turned to me and shook his hand. “She’s still got a mean slap.” He smiled. “You look beautiful.” He came over and hugged me.

  It stunned me, but I hugged him back. “Thank you.”

  My family was an affectionate family, but they all knew I didn’t care for it. I’m not sure I ever really disliked it or if it was just more of my resentment coming out. I tried to separate myself from my family and succeeded. I hugged him tighter.

  My mother turned and watched us. I think she was just as surprised as I was. She recovered and went back to her cooking. “That was great timing, kiddo. It’s almost done.”

  I kissed my dad’s cheek and let go to find a vase. He went to the living room. “Where do you keep your vases?”

  “Oh, there might be one under the sink, but if not, it’s probably in the basement.”

  I grabbed a tall glass out of the cupboard and filled the bottom with water. “This will do. I’ll bring a couple vases next time.”

  “They’re pretty flowers.”

  “Thanks.” I started to take them to the living room and stopped, placing them on the kitchen table instead. “You spend more time in here and Dad couldn’t care less about flowers,” I explained.

  “How are things with the shop?”

  “They’re okay. It’s still new, so I haven’t built up the traffic I want yet, but it’s good. The sale Drew suggested actually helped a lot.”

  “You two are spending a lot of time together.” She started turning the burners off on the stove.

  “Yeah. Joseph suggested it.” I shrugged.

  She turned to grab a dish off the counter and stopped in front of me. She held my face. “You look happy.” She hugged me.

  My arms couldn’t move at first, but I managed to wrap them around her. I squeezed her tightly. “I do?”

  “Yes. I’m so proud of you for going after your dreams. I’m so proud you’re living your life. I’m so sorry I didn’t do more to encourage that.”

  I put my face in the crook of her neck. “Mom.”

  She pulled back and held my face. “I want to encourage you now.” She looked in my eyes for a moment and let go. “I’m sorry. You’ve been doing a great job on your own. You probably don’t need your parents to meddle now.”

  “Actually, that would be really nice. I don’t think you’re ever too old to want encouragement from your parents.”

  She smiled and nodded. “Well, let’s eat before the food gets cold.”

  We moved everything to the dining room and Dad took no time coming in when called. It was safe to say he was hungry. Mom left for a moment, and I looked around to see what we forgot but didn’t see anything. I smiled wh
en she brought my flowers in and set them on the dining room table.

  “I’ll move them back when we’re finished.”

  I nodded.

  It was a peaceful dinner without the awkwardness I’d felt before. I wasn’t sure what the switch was, but something had shifted. Maybe it was me. Maybe it was them. I didn’t care what it was. I was just happy it was there.

  My father cleared his throat. “So, are you going to talk to us about him?”

  I narrowed my eyes a little and looked between them. “About whom?”

  “The guy you’re dating.”

  I started coughing. The drink I had just taken went down the wrong pipe while my father continued to eat as if he said nothing at all. “Who said I’m dating anyone?”

  “It’s written all over your face, sweet pea.”

  “Maybe I’m just happy about the shop.”

  “You’ve had the shop for a while now. This is more. As your father, I need to meet and approve of him before it gets too serious.”

  I raised my eyebrows. “As my father?”

  “Yes.”

  “You didn’t meet Carl before Rachael got serious with him.”

  “Your mother met Carl.”

  “And she hated him.”

  My mother sat up. “Now, I don’t think I would use that word.”

  “It’s okay, Gloria.” My father held her hand. “You did hate him, but he was all wrong for Drew. He did horrible things, trying to break Drew and Dennis up. He didn’t succeed, though, and he’s now with the woman who is right for him.” He turned back to me. “And Rachael looked a lot like you looked coming in the house tonight when she was dating Carl.”

  I looked down to my plate and mumbled, “I don’t think what they were doing was dating.”

  “Regardless of how they defined it, you can’t deny she was happier when spending time with him.”

  “That’s true.”

  “So, when do we get to meet the guy you’re spending time with?”

  “There’s a lot we need to talk about before we start dating.” I looked at both of them.

  My mother chimed in. “You’ve told him about Craig?”

  “No, not exactly.” I started to push the food around on my plate. “You’re right. I was spending a lot of time with someone.” I looked at both of them. “He used to be a cop. His father still is and Mick wants to clear my name.” I looked back down. “Officially.”