Striving for Acceptance

by B. L. Mooney

  I was taken through another couple rooms and given the rules once again before I was shown to a booth with a window and a phone. I sat down where I was told to. I looked back at the other women visiting and talking into the phones. I still wasn’t sure why I had shown up. He wasn’t anything to me as it appeared the men were to those women.

  The wait wasn’t as long as the other rooms, but it still seemed to go on forever. My mouth was dry and I looked through my purse for some gum. I looked up when there was tapping on the window. Craig smiled when I looked up at him. He looked bigger than when I saw him last. It wasn’t that he was gaining weight. It looked more like his body was finally filling out and becoming a man. His arms looked thicker and his body filled his clothing more.

  He picked up the phone and pointed to mine. I looked at it and picked it up. I was shaking. I put it to my ear to hear him take a deep breath and sigh.

  “I wish I could smell you.”

  The first statement he made to me took me aback. It wasn’t any type of pleasantries or a civilized greeting. He wished he could smell me. “Why?”

  “Do you know what it smells like in here?” He shook his head. “No, I’d much rather smell you. You’re beautiful.”

  I looked down and he tapped the window with his phone. “Hey, no looking away from me. I want to see your eyes the entire time.”

  I looked back up. He was smiling and it was contagious. I started smiling back.

  “Your husband’s a complete waste of cock.”

  I lost my smile. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “If you were my girl, and you will be as soon as I get out of here, I would fuck you all night, every night. I’d show you what a real man does with his girl.”

  My breathing got a little faster and he watched my chest. He licked his lips and motioned for me to stand up. I looked around and stood. I had on a simple and comfortable outfit of jeans and a T-shirt.

  He touched the window and licked his lips again as he looked at my crotch. “Now that’s what I want to smell.”

  I sat down, feeling my cheeks warm as I looked around. “Craig.”

  “Yes, baby. Say my name again.” He laughed when I put my forehead on my hand to hide my face. “You’ll come around. A piece of ass like yours won’t stay innocent for long. When I get out of here, you’re going to beg me to take you every way possible.” He leaned in closer to the glass. “I can’t wait to sink my cock into you. Into every part of you.”

  I swallowed. “Every part?”

  “Yes, your ass begs to be fucked.” He looked at me for a moment. “I have so much to teach you. Tell me you know how to suck cock.”

  I looked up and locked eyes with him. “I’ve done it.”

  “Show me.”

  “What?” I looked around.

  “Use your finger. Suck it like it’s me.”

  “Craig—”

  “Do it.”

  I started to say something else and he shook his head. I looked down at my hand and back up to him. He waved the phone before he started to hang it up. I stuck my finger in my mouth and started sucking. He smiled and put the phone back to his ear.

  “Come on. Show that cock you know how to take it.”

  I was slow at first but with his encouragement, I went faster. I started moaning into the phone as if I were actually sucking on his cock. A guard had come over to tell him time was up and he narrowed his eyes at me. I put my hand in my lap and looked down.

  “Hey!” Craig yelled into the phone. “You don’t stop until I say you stop, and don’t let that piece of shit fool you. He’s going to beat off to the image of you doing that when he goes home tonight.” He stood up to show me his erection through his jumpsuit. “Next time, wear something a little more revealing. I want to see your nipples through your shirt.”

  “Why do you think you reacted so strongly to his sexual advances that you felt the need to satisfy yourself afterwards?”

  I shrugged. “It was new to me. I knew things like that happened, but they never happened to me. No one wanted to see my nipples through my shirt or watch me suck on my own finger before. It was thrilling, for lack of a better word. It changed me.”

  “How so?”

  “I became more aggressive with Tom. I wanted sex and initiated it more, but he still backed off and slept in the guest room. He felt guilty for cheating on his girlfriend.”

  “Did he tell you that?”

  “No, but you could see it. There were a few times he was close to giving in, but he would always pull back and go to his room and make a phone call.”

  “Why didn’t you leave him?”

  “I didn’t want to go back home. I had nothing. All the money was his. The house was his. My name was on it, but I never paid a dime for anything to claim any of it.”

  “Why do you think he stayed with you if he didn’t want to?”

  “Guilt? I don’t know. He never intended for our lives to end up the way they did. We were content, but not happy. We settled instead of going to look for what we wanted out of life. He found his before I found mine.”

  “What do you want out of life now?”

  “I want it all.”

  “Hey.” Rachael had taken over covering my appointments again since Drew was getting her center in order and finalizing her wedding plans. I couldn’t believe my little brother was getting married in a couple weeks.

  “Hi.” I put my stuff behind the counter. “Thanks for covering. I’m going to hire someone to help soon.”

  “Thank God! I love helping you out and will continue to do so, but you’re limiting what you can do if you don’t hire help. At least hire them to take orders and run the register.” She grabbed her purse from under the counter and hugged me. “You can handle the floral arrangements on your own. I have to run, but are you coming this afternoon?”

  “This afternoon?”

  “Yeah. Drew’s doing her final fitting. You should be there.”

  “Oh, she did mention that. That was today?”

  “Yeah. It’s at two, so get Mick to help with the shop if you don’t want to close it. Mom would help, too.”

  “I’ll think about it.”

  “Don’t think. Just do it. I’ll call Mom if I have to.”

  “No, I’ll ask Mick. It isn’t going to be that long, is it?”

  “I don’t know for sure.” She smiled. “Just make him an offer he can’t refuse.”

  I smiled and shook my head as Mick walked in the backdoor. “Make who an offer he can’t refuse?”

  I jumped. “You scared me.”

  He smiled and wrapped his arms around me. “I see that. Who are you talking about?”

  “You.” I touched his face. “Drew’s final fitting is today and they want me to come.”

  He squeezed his arms around me tighter. “Go, I’ll watch the shop.”

  “I don’t have to make you an offer?”

  He laughed. “I’ll take anything you offer, but I want you to spend time with your family. I like it when you do that.”

  “Yeah, I like it, too.” I kissed him. “But if you tell them I said that, I’ll deny every word.”

  I walked in and was directed back to the room Drew was already in. Rachael and Terri hadn’t gotten there yet. It was getting easier to be with Drew, but when I walked in and saw her with her shirt off, the terror she had to go through hit me again. I closed my eyes.

  I felt her take my hand and lead me into the room to shut the door. “Are you okay?”

  “Yes, I’m sorry.” I looked at her and then looked down to her belly. “I’m sorry I ever believed that monster over you.”

  She touched her scars from the surgery she had when the doctors tried to save her baby. “I understand the pull he had on women. I don’t hate you for it.”

  “I would. I probably shouldn’t even be here now.” I started to turn, but she stopped me.

  “I’m glad you’re here. I booked this a little earlier than I needed so we could have time.”
She cleared her throat. It was obvious the way she fidgeted that she had something on her mind. “I’ve liked spending time with you lately. Even though you haven’t let me in yet or talked to me about Craig, I feel we are becoming close friends. It’s just a matter of time before you let me in.”

  She walked over to the rack loaded with dresses. “I don’t have a lot of time, though. I only have a couple weeks and I can’t wait for you to make a choice, so I’m going to push it a little. I’m going to ask you to make a choice today.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  “You can say no and we can continue our friendship as is. There will be no hard feelings. I had hoped we’d be further along in our friendship before I asked you, but I need to ask before it’s too late.”

  “You’re rambling, Drew. It’s making me nervous.”

  She looked at me and went through the rack. She pulled out a beautiful, long flowing dress. It was blue, the perfect shade for her wedding. She held the hanger in one hand and cradled the dress over her other arm as she carried it to me.

  “Will you please be one of my bridesmaids?”

  My eyes darted to hers. I was honored to be trusted with the flowers, but for her to ask me to stand up there with her and my brother after I tried to tear them apart was too much. I sat down and cried with my face in my hands.

  She hurried to put the dress back and wrapped her arms around me. “Please don’t cry. You don’t have to do it. I’m so sorry I pushed you.”

  I surprised both of us by hugging her. “How can you want someone like me to be part of your wedding day?”

  “You’re family to me and you’ve become my friend, too. Why wouldn’t I want you to be part of it?”

  I backed away and tried to find a tissue in my purse. Drew picked up the box off the side table and handed it to me. “It gets emotional in here a lot.”

  I smiled and took a couple of tissues. “Thanks.”

  She sat next to me again. “I’d really like you to be a part of this, but you don’t have to.”

  “I want to. I do want to be a part of everything.”

  She squealed and hugged me. “Yay!” She stood up and grabbed the dress again. “Let’s try it on. I had to guess at your size, but they can adjust anything you need.”

  I’d never had girlfriends before, but it wasn’t their fault. I realized I never let anyone in. It was scary to open myself up for anyone, but I was finding the more I did, the more I found myself surrounded by those who loved me.

  I stepped on the pedestal after Drew got me into the dress and looked in the mirror. I was smiling and I didn’t even realize it. It wasn’t a forced smile. It wasn’t a smile I felt obligated to do. It was real and it felt good.

  I stepped down and hugged Drew. “Thank you for including me.”

  She hugged me back. “Thank you for allowing me to.” She pulled back a little and looked in my eyes. “We’re going to have to take the dress out a little on the top. I forgot you were hiding that rack.”

  “Hey, I still have the best tits in the room.” Rachael walked in and smiled at both of us.

  Terri walked in behind her and looked down at her own chest. “Yeah, I’m definitely not in this competition.” She shrugged. “I’ve got a great ass, though.” She turned and shook it at us.

  I looked at the three of them as they laughed and compared bodies. A year ago, I never would’ve thought I would be standing in the middle of Drew’s fitting appointment, wearing a bridesmaid’s dress for her wedding and laughing with my sister I barely spoke to. I never imagined this would become my reality—to be loved by the very people I pushed away.

  “Hey, I met your parents. It’s time you met mine. You need to meet them before the wedding.”

  Mick stopped sweeping the floor of his demolition and looked at me. “Before what wedding?”

  “Dennis and Drew’s.” I narrowed my eyes at him. “God, did you think I meant ours?”

  “No.” He sighed and came over to me, but I wouldn’t let him hold me. “I’m not sure what I have to talk to your parents about. Your dad is going to know what I do to you.” He shook his head. “I’ve done very good, but very naughty things to his little girl. I can’t handle that.”

  I laughed. “Your dad asked me if he had to worry about you being in my bed and you can’t handle my father?” I ignored the dirt he was covered in and put my arms around his waist. “Don’t worry. My dad doesn’t bring it up. If he doesn’t acknowledge it, it doesn’t happen.”

  “Ugh!” He put his forehead to mine. “I’ll go take a shower. Come join me.”

  “You’re worried about my father and yet you want to have sex an hour before we go?”

  “I thought I could keep you preoccupied.” He kissed me.

  I pulled away. “Nice try, but we’re going.”

  “Shit.”

  Mick drove to keep his mind occupied. I couldn’t get over how nervous he was, but it was fun to tease him when he gave me an opening. “What did you tell them about me?”

  “Why? You want to compare notes so you don’t give wrong answers?”

  “Wrong answers?” He sighed. “I’m just curious what type of questions they’ll ask.”

  “They aren’t going to give you the third degree.” I tilted my head to the side. “Well, my mom might because she’s excited about the restaurant.”

  “What about your dad?”

  “Oh, right. He’ll definitely give you the third degree. I just don’t know what questions he’ll ask.”

  “What?”

  “You are having sex with his daughter.”

  He was getting a little agitated. “That can stop at any time, you know.”

  I laughed. “I’m the one who should be terrified. Surprisingly, I’m actually calm about it. Maybe even a little excited.”

  He glanced at me a couple of times. “Excited?”

  “Yeah, why not?” I pointed to the driveway. “That’s us.”

  He parked the car and sat in the seat, breathing. “I’m not terrified, by the way.”

  “You could’ve fooled me.”

  “I’ve never done this before.”

  I put my hand on his thigh and squeezed. “You’ll be fine. What’s gotten into you, though? You were so excited about this.”

  “Carl told me your parents hated him. He’s so much more successful than I am. I don’t have as much to offer.”

  I laughed. “Carl’s just messing with you. He tried to go after Drew, and my mother did hate him then. They approve of him for Rachael.”

  He gave me a puzzled look. “He dated Drew?”

  “He tried. Amy attended Drew’s daycare and Carl was . . . somewhere between smitten and obsessed. It’s fine now. He couldn’t be more in love with Rachael and they love him now.”

  He got out of the car and slammed the door. “Did he go after you? Because I’ll kill him.”

  I put my hands on his shoulders when he came around the car. “No. I took care of Amy for a while until I got the shop up and running, but he had already fallen in love with Rachael by the time I met him.”

  The front door opened just as I kissed him and he backed away. I laughed and took his hand to lead him to the front door. I stopped when Rick appeared in the doorway. He was the one person I hadn’t started to mend things with yet.

  I started walking again. “Hey, Rick. I didn’t know you were back in town.”

  “I’m not really. I’m heading out again in the morning.” He looked at Mick.

  “Oh, this is Mick. Mick, this is my brother, Rick.”

  He held his hand out to Rick. “It’s nice to meet you.”

  Rick looked at it and took his time accepting it. “Just so you know,” he pulled him close and spoke lower, “I will kick your ass if you hurt Deb.”

  Mick nodded. “Yeah?” He slapped Rick on the back of the shoulder. “That’s a two-way street, buddy.”

  Rick stood up and looked him over. He turned to me and gave me a bear hug, lifting me off the groun
d. “Deb’s got herself a boyfriend!” He let me down and turned into the house. “Deb and her boy toy are here!”

  Mick looked at me as I shook my head. “He used to do that stuff to Rachael, but he never teased me like that. Of course, I never brought anyone home.”

  I walked Mick inside and continued to hold his hand when we entered the living room. My father was reading the paper, but he put it down when I cleared my throat. “Dad, this is Mick. Mick, this is my father, Dennis.”

  “Dennis Sr., but you can call me Mr. Brooks.”

  Mick nodded and held out his hand. “It’s nice to meet you, Mr. Brooks.”

  My father shook his hand and went back to the newspaper. I narrowed my eyes. I thought he would’ve given him a little more attention. He’s the one who wanted him over. I shook my head and pulled Mick to the kitchen. I knew he would be calm there.

  “Mom.” She was checking the pots on the stove but turned around when we entered. “This is Mick. Mick, this is my mother, Gloria.”

  My mother beamed and headed straight for the hug. Mick hugged her back. “It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

  My father appeared in the doorway. “You’ve already got my firstborn; you don’t need to take my wife, too.”

  Mick stepped back quickly and looked at me. I shook my head. “Mom, is there anything I can do to help?”

  “No, it’s all under control.”

  “It smells wonderful, Gloria.”

  “Her name is Mrs. Brooks.” My father was still hovering around the kitchen.

  “Dennis, stop it. Gloria is just fine.” She went back to the stove. “I’m sure it isn’t the fare you’re used to, but I’m happy to have you at my table.”

  Mick walked over and looked at the food on the stove. “It looks fantastic.”

  I took my father’s arm and led him to the hallway. “What’s the matter with you? You wanted him to come over and now you’re giving him a hard time.”

  “Yes, I am. I should’ve given Tom a hard time when he was over, too.” He walked back to the kitchen.

  “Boo!” Rick came up behind me and poked my sides, scaring the shit out of me. I screamed.