Striving for Acceptance

by B. L. Mooney

  “I’m not doing that. It doesn’t sound very hygienic.”

  He thought for a moment. “Fine, but get dressed. We need more condoms anyway. We’ll just pick up the lube then.”

  “No.”

  “No? No!” He got in my face and grabbed my arms. “You will not tell me no. Is that clear?” He backed me up into the bedroom and shook me. “I will do what I want with your body. You belong to me now.” He shoved me on the bed.

  I pulled the covers over me. “I’m not ready for that stuff yet.”

  “I thought you wanted this!” Craig was furious. “I told you this was going to happen. Did you think I was lying?”

  “No, but I didn’t think you’d want it all at once.” I pulled the covers up more. I wasn’t used to being so bare to someone.

  “I was locked up for almost five years. Why wouldn’t I want it all when I got out? You’re so fucking stupid sometimes.”

  “I’m not saying I won’t ever do it. I’m just saying I’m not ready.”

  “I see why your husband found someone else. All you do is lay there!”

  I sat up on my knees. “I can do other things, other positions. I just don’t want to do everything right now.”

  “I told you your ass was begging to be fucked. You didn’t tell me no when we talked about it.”

  I got off the bed and started to pick up my clothes. He scrambled across the bed and ripped them from me. “I want you naked. I’ve seen nothing but cocks and balls and I want to look at tits and pussy now. You at least owe me that.” He grabbed my arms and pulled me close. “And if you can’t do that, you can be replaced.”

  “How do you feel when you have sex now?”

  I smiled and lowered my eyes. How I felt with Mick embarrassed me for different reasons, but none of them bad. I glanced up at Joseph and while he wasn’t exactly smiling, his face held a softer look.

  “So, are you dating that guy next door?” Kelly was working out better than I thought she would. She paid attention and didn’t have to be told more than once how to do something. The only thing I wasn’t crazy about was her trying to get to know me.

  “Yep. We’re dating.”

  It shouldn’t be that difficult to talk to someone, especially when she’s as nice as Kelly. It just made me uncomfortable. I didn’t have many friends, but that was my fault. I could’ve made friends anywhere I went if I had tried hard enough. I just didn’t try. I looked down.

  “I’m sorry. Did you two have a fight or something?”

  I looked at her. “No, why would you think that?”

  She went back to straightening the displays. “I ask too many questions, don’t I? I’m told to shut up a lot, so you can tell me that, too.”

  “I’m sorry. I’m not used to having anyone to talk to. My social skills are severely lacking.” I sighed and prepared myself to tell her more than I ever planned. “He’s the lease-holder. That’s how we met.” I shrugged.

  “What a great story to tell your kids!”

  Mick chose that moment to walk in, of course. “Whose kids?”

  Kelly couldn’t quite suppress the smirk she was trying to hide. “Just a friend of mine.” She glanced at me and smiled before heading to the back. “I’m grabbing some stock.”

  Mick wrapped his arms around my waist and kissed my neck. “As much as you’re blushing, I’d say you were her friend she was talking about.”

  “Shut up.” I turned in his arms and kissed him before he could say anything else.

  He moaned in my mouth. “You can shut me up anytime.” He kissed me again.

  I grabbed his shirt. “Why can’t I keep my hands off you?” I kissed him again.

  “Take a break. Come upstairs with me.”

  “I can’t.” I kissed him again. “I really can’t.” I backed away but kept his shirt bunched in my hands. “Tonight’s the bachelorette party. If I go upstairs with you, I’ll blow it off.”

  He pulled me close. “I’ve got something else you could blow.” He kissed me.

  I smiled and wrapped my arms around his neck. It was a tempting offer, but one I would have to refuse. I needed to be with Drew and the other girls. It was a special occasion. I forced myself to back away.

  “You’re a bad influence.” I tilted my head. “Why don’t you go to the bachelor party with Dennis? You were invited, weren’t you?”

  “Yeah. I was.” He pulled me close again. “I’d just rather spend time with you.”

  I backed away when he tried to kiss me. “Is something wrong, Mick?”

  “Of course not. I just wasn’t sure if you wanted me to go. I may learn things you haven’t had a chance to tell me yet.”

  I cupped his face and kissed him. “I’ve told you everything you need to know. The rest are just details. I have no more secrets.”

  “Okay. I’d really like to go, then. I didn’t think you’d be okay with it.”

  Kelly came back in just as a rock came crashing through the window. I screamed and Mick wrapped his arms around me more, turning me away from the glass front to protect me from the shattering glass and in case there was anything else coming through.

  “Kelly!” I called after her as she ran out the front door. I couldn’t reach her as she ran by. Mick had too tight a hold on me.

  He let go when he was confident nothing else was coming through and pulled away to look at me. “Are you hurt at all?”

  I shook my head and kept trying to look around him to see where Kelly went. He held my face and made me look at him. “I’m fine, but I want Kelly back in here.”

  She came back in and was out of breath. “I used to run track in high school, so I thought I could get a look at whoever did it, but I didn’t see anything that isn’t usually out there. I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be sorry and don’t do that ever again. Just let them go.” I crossed my arms. I couldn’t stop shaking.

  “Well, I wanted to give the cops some info when they came out.”

  I looked at Mick with eyes wide, silently begging him not to call. He already had his phone out and shook his head. “We have to report this.”

  I closed my eyes and whispered, “I just want it to go away.” I looked at him. “I’ll pay for the window.” I started to walk over to pick it up but he stopped me.

  “You can’t be serious. I’m calling this in.”

  “It was probably just some kids.” I started to pick it up again.

  He threw me over his shoulder and took me to the storage room. I started beating his back. I wanted down. He wasn’t going to let me go, but I wasn’t going to give up trying to get down. Then he smacked my ass.

  “Stop it!” He finally put me down. “This is for your own good.”

  I shoved him. “Don’t ever hit me again.”

  He stepped forward. “That works both ways. It’s okay for you to shove me and beat on me, but I can’t smack your ass to get you to behave?”

  “I’m not a child!”

  “Then stop acting like it! An adult would call the cops. An adult would want to know the identity of whoever is hell-bent on doing this shit to you.”

  I turned my back to him and put my face in my hands. He tried to turn me to him, but I fought him. I wanted nothing to do with him if he couldn’t understand my fear of the police. If he called them, they’d be crawling all over my store.

  I gave up the fight and buried my face in his chest. I clung to his shirt. I never wanted to let him go. I felt him pull his phone out again but didn’t stop him. I wrapped my arms around his waist when he started talking to his father. He held me until they showed up.

  “It’ll be okay. My dad will call it in and be able to control who gets the info more than the switchboard. It won’t be kept a secret, but at least we know it’ll be guys coming out who only want to help. Okay?”

  He tilted my head up to make me look at him. I nodded and clung to him again.

  Marshall was all business when he came through the door. He looked different in his suit, but at l
east it wasn’t a uniform. I had to look away when the uniformed officers came in. Mick assured me everything would be all right, but I was still fearful of the threats of prison.

  “I’ll get the evidence I need, and I will come back for you. It may not be today. It may not be tomorrow, but before I lay my shield to rest, you will be in prison with the other murderers.”

  “Excuse me.” I ran to the bathroom and shut the door right before I got sick. I reached up and flushed it away but stayed where I was. I still wasn’t feeling well.

  The door opened and I assumed it was Mick. It wasn’t. “Here.” Marshall reached down and handed me a mint. “This will settle your stomach.”

  I took the mint and slid backward to rest my back against the wall. “Thanks.”

  “I hear you’ve got a bachelorette party tonight. Is that right?”

  I popped the mint in my mouth. “Yes.”

  He came over and squatted next to me. “This is for Drew Clayborn?”

  “Yes.” He may have been Mick’s father, but he made me nervous. He was still a cop. “Do you think I should skip it?”

  “No.” He looked at me. “I want a list of where you’re going. I’ll make sure you never see anyone, but I want you protected.”

  “For a thrown rock? I think that’s a bit excessive.”

  “You’re my son’s girl.” He stood. “Just get me the list.”

  I kept looking over my shoulder everywhere we went. If we went some place new, which wasn’t on the list, I was instructed to text the location. Marshall was right when he said I wouldn’t know they were there. I never saw anyone, no matter how much I looked for them.

  “Are you okay?” Drew scooted closer to me when Rachael and Terri went to the restroom. Her co-workers from the center had all bailed an hour before. It was just us four left.

  “Yeah, I’m good.” I smiled. It was her night and I was ruining it by being paranoid.

  “You just seem really quiet. I thought after the other girls left you would’ve loosened up a bit. Did you and Mick have a fight?”

  I shook my head. “No. Nothing like that.”

  “So, something did happen. Was it with Kelly?”

  I reached over and covered her hand with mine. “We’ll talk about it tomorrow. This is your night.”

  “I don’t want to put you on the spot, but would it be okay if we moved the party to your place? Now it’s just us four, I’d rather drink and talk in private. Dancing is fun for a group, but I’d rather just spend the rest of the night laughing.”

  I smiled. “Of course we can, but why my place?”

  “You’re the only one whose other half still has an apartment. Eventually, all the guys will come home from their night and if we go to one of our places, they’ll show up. This is still girls only.”

  I nodded. “Got it. We can leave whenever you want.”

  The limo dropped us off after taking us to a liquor store and a few other places to get food. He seemed relieved we let him go. We didn’t plan on going anywhere until the next morning.

  I was sure we had woken up half the apartment building as we walked up the stairs, but the only one I felt bad for was Al. I knew he had to get up early, and we should’ve kept it quiet on my floor, but he didn’t seem too upset when he opened the door and waved. I smiled and waved back. I missed him.

  “You miss who?” Terri asked me as soon as I locked the door.

  “What?”

  “You just said you missed him. Who are you talking about? That guy down the hall?”

  “I said that?” I started laughing. “Oh, shit. I drank more than I thought. We need to get water going or we’re going to hurt tomorrow.”

  “I know I’m behind on everything, but I thought you were madly in love with someone else.”

  “Madly in love?” I shook my head. “Now that I know I’ve never said. Al was someone who helped me through a rough time.” I couldn’t stop smiling.

  “What did happen between you and Al?” Rachael handed me a bottle of water. “I know you slept together a lot, but that’s all I know.”

  “That’s all we did.” I took a long drink of the water.

  “Go girl.” Terri popped my arm as she walked by.

  “Yeah, but how did you even start it? I’ve always been curious.”

  “I told you. I was waiting for you to come home and he showed up first.” I took the bags of stuff we bought to the kitchen.

  Rachael followed. “So, you just decided to have sex with him?”

  “I may have been upset.”

  Rachael didn’t drink more than a glass or two of wine and she rarely had shots as we did that night, so when she started asking more personal questions, I knew it was the alcohol talking and let it go. However, it was starting to get on my nerves.

  “So, having sex with a complete stranger would’ve made you happy?”

  I tilted my head in thought. “Actually, it made me very happy.” I smiled.

  “You are impossible to get to know!” Rachael stormed off to the living room to be with Drew and Terri. We had our struggles building the relationship we finally had, but I thought we had been doing pretty well. Apparently, she didn’t.

  I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Maybe I was keeping things a little too guarded still. I walked out to the living room to see Rachael pouting on the sofa. Drew and Terri were in quiet conversation, but they knew something was up and stopped talking when I came in. I decided it was time to trust the women who trusted me with their secrets.

  “You can’t do this to me.” I knocked on the door again. “Please, be home. I have nowhere else to go.”

  I turned and slid down the door, hugging my knees and burying my face in my arms. I started rocking. I heard the sound of boots walking toward me. Rachael didn’t wear boots, so I didn’t bother looking up. I just tucked myself into a tighter ball to get out of their way. Only, they didn’t keep moving.

  “Move along, asshole.” I didn’t bother looking up.

  “You really shouldn’t judge people you’ve never even seen. For example, I could think you’re a homeless person who’s waiting to prey on the kindness of the chick who lives here. Or, I could think you’ve had a really bad day and need your friend.”

  “Every day is a bad day. Nothing special about this one.”

  “There could be.” He sounded closer as if he squatted down next to me. “Maybe you could make a new friend today and wait in his apartment until your friend gets home.”

  I lifted my head just a fraction to see the man who was talking to me. His eyes were close to mine. It startled me and I sat up, pressing my back against the door.

  “There you are.” He smiled. “It’s nice to match the face to the back of the head.”

  I narrowed my eyes. “What do you want?”

  “Just good conversation and maybe a new friendship.” He stood up when I didn’t say anything. “Okay, then. You’re the one out here upset you have no place to go. I’ve got a place.” He pointed to his open door. “I’m heading back to it, but if you change your mind, just knock. I’ll let you in.”

  “You could be a murderer.”

  “You see, the way I figure it is I’m the one who should be worried.”

  “How so?”

  “The only thing that matters is that I’m not worried. I’m welcoming you into my home to wait on your friend. It’s your decision where you wait, Deb. I’m just giving you an option.”

  He turned to leave and I jumped up. “How do you know my name?”

  “I would assume a lot of people know your name.” He got to his door and turned to me. “My name’s Al, by the way.” He shut his door.

  I watched his door for a few minutes, but it was driving me crazy wondering how he knew my name. He had to have heard what I’d done to Craig, but why would he invite me into his home? I started walking toward his door.

  It took only a moment for him to answer when I knocked. He smiled when he looked at me. “Are you ready to come in?”r />
  “How do you know my name?”

  “I work at a radio station and the news is part of my morning routine. I’ve known who you were the second you started coming here.”

  “And you still want to invite me in?”

  He opened his door wider. “Of course.”

  I looked in but didn’t see anything unusual in his apartment. I turned back to Rachael’s door and debated where to go. I looked at Al again and stepped inside.

  “Are you hungry?”

  I shook my head and looked around.

  “Well, make yourself at home. I’m going to get started on my workout.”

  “Why are you being nice to me?”

  He smiled. “I think you’ve had enough people being mean to you. I think you need someone to be nice to you for a change.”

  “How much do you know?”

  He rubbed his chin and looked at me for a moment. “I know a woman like you would be hot as Hell in the sack.” He placed his hands on my hips and pulled me to him. “As long as you have the right lover.”

  I swallowed. “What’s the right lover?”

  He put his lips close to mine. “The one who’ll treat your body as a temple instead of a toy.”

  “Didn’t you worry about him being crazy?” Terri was in shock.

  “Honestly, I didn’t care. I just didn’t care what happened to me back then.”

  “When did the sex start?” Rachael still was asking personal questions.

  “That night.” I looked at all of them. “I’ve never had the experiences you all probably had growing up. I’ve only slept with a handful of guys and none of them taught me anything. Al taught me things.” I started looking at my fingernails.

  “You’re still bothered by what Craig said, aren’t you?” Drew didn’t take her eyes off me the entire time I talked about Al.

  “What did he say?” Rachael sat forward. “Whatever it was, it was probably a lie.”

  “He told me I was lousy in the sack.”

  Rachael scoffed. “The way Mick looks at you, I know that isn’t true.”

  “What do you mean?”