Striving for Acceptance

by B. L. Mooney

  I had finished the flowers an hour before I needed to and decided to grab my bag. The key had just slid into the lock when Al opened his door. He smiled at me.

  “Hey, stranger.”

  “Hey, yourself.” I finished unlocking the door but walked over to him instead of going inside. “I thought you were moving out, but I keep seeing you here.”

  “I was.”

  “I’m sorry. Things didn’t work out?”

  “I’m still seeing her, but we’re taking it a little slower now. It kind of freaked her out to have me there all the time.”

  “Why?”

  “We’re on two different schedules and I needed to be in bed way before her. It’s just going to take some adjusting.”

  “I really hope things work out for you.”

  “I’m sure they will. She just doesn’t want to keep me up at night. How’s it going with you and your guy?”

  I smiled.

  “That good, huh?” He touched my arm. “I’m happy for you, Deb.”

  “I am, too. I came to pick up my bag. He’s cleared out some space for me.”

  “Nice.” He hugged me. “I won’t keep you. Go claim your space, girl!”

  I laughed and hugged him. “Thank you for everything, Al.”

  He hugged me tighter. “It was my pleasure. I’m just glad you’re finally allowing yourself some happiness. You deserve it.”

  When I entered my apartment, I had to grab some tissues. It was an emotional day between Joseph and Al. I did deserve to be happy and that’s exactly what I was going to be. If the time came where I would be put on trial, I would deal with it. Until then, I was going to take everything Mick was willing to give me and give him even more.

  I dried my eyes and checked my makeup. I looked at my watch. “Shit!” I still had the appointment to make. I hoped they didn’t get there early. I grabbed my bag and headed out.

  I threw the bag in the trunk and went to the driver’s side. I opened the door and saw an envelope sitting in the seat. I had left the window cracked a little because it was so hot. I picked up the envelope and opened it. There was a photo of Craig in his casket. “What the hell?”

  “Don’t you remember the man you killed?”

  I turned to McCoy’s voice. “I’m not speaking to you.”

  He held up a piece of paper. “This says you have to.”

  I reached into my pocket for my phone and he drew his weapon. “Stop!” I held my hands up. “I just wanted my phone.”

  He reached in, took it and put it in his pocket. “You don’t need a phone call yet.” He put his gun back. “We’re just going to talk.”

  He put handcuffs on me again and set me in the backseat. I closed my eyes and thought of my family and Mick the entire drive to the station. I thought of the happy times over the past six months and vowed to fight to keep them going. I would not give up that fight; I just had to be smarter about doing it.

  I was pulled from the back of the car and paraded as some prize he thought he won. Once we walked through the building, several people at their desks picked up phones when they saw us head to the interview room. I wasn’t sure if it was to gossip or get help, but I’d hoped for help.

  He removed the handcuffs before he sat me down. “Let’s make this a little more productive than the last time, shall we?”

  “I have nothing else to say.”

  “You killed a man. You need to pay for that.”

  “It was self-defense.”

  “He was unarmed. It couldn’t have been self-defense.”

  “It was self-defense.”

  He took his hat off and set it next to him. “You wanted him dead.”

  I remained silent.

  “These are not new facts.”

  “Then why do you keep asking?”

  “You hated him. You wanted him dead.”

  I was silent again.

  “His family deserves justice.”

  I looked at him. “His family? He doesn’t have family.”

  McCoy looked sad. “He did have family.” He looked at me. “Everyone has a family.”

  I shook my head. “No, he told me he had no family. He was alone.”

  “Did you think he was just born into thin air? Did you think he was raised by a pack of wolves? Maybe he didn’t want you to know his family because he knew the trash you were.”

  He was just trying to trap me into saying something. I shook my head. “It doesn’t matter. I never wanted to meet his family anyway. He didn’t have to lie about it.”

  I jumped when he slammed his fists on the table. “You are the liar!”

  “McCoy! What are you doing?” Marshall barged in and looked at me. “Are you okay?”

  I nodded.

  “It’s nice of you to join us, but butt out.” He picked up the paper he had shown me earlier. “This tells me I can talk to her.”

  Marshall looked it over and looked at me. He slapped it back into McCoy’s chest. “I’ll be on the other side of that camera, big shot. Watch yourself because I will be.”

  “You act as if you’re the one fucking her instead of your son.”

  They stood nose to nose. “I’ll have your job by the time you get out of this room.”

  Another man older than both of them entered the room. “Marshall, let’s go. He’s got the papers to have her here for questioning. That’s all that’s going to happen today, but you’re interfering.”

  The smug look on McCoy’s face was more than I could take, and I looked away. It was real. He was finally getting his chance to put me away and there wasn’t anything anyone could do to help me. The door slammed shut and I closed my eyes.

  “Where were we? Oh, yes. I called you a liar. Do you have anything to say for yourself?”

  I refused to answer. I refused to look at him. He tapped on the table, trying to get my attention, but it didn’t work.

  “She’s dead now, too.”

  I opened my eyes but didn’t move any further than that. I had no idea who ‘she’ was, and I was afraid to ask.

  “Are you that heartless that you don’t want to know what happened?”

  “I’m not heartless.” I looked at him. I didn’t want him to think I was afraid of him. I was terrified of the situation I was in, but pity was all I felt for the man in front of me.

  “You killed her, as well.”

  “What?” I sat up and shook my head. “I’ve killed no one.”

  “That’s a lie now, isn’t it? You killed Craig and have said so in this very room. I have you on tape saying it.”

  “I’ve killed no woman.”

  He looked sad again. “The stress of you going free killed her. If you had just taken responsibility for your actions that night, she would’ve been able to live with it.”

  “Who are you talking about?”

  He flipped a different photo at me from the file he had. It was the woman who set my display on fire. “Elaine Sullivan. She was Craig’s grandmother. She loved that boy and was excited he was going to be released. You killed him before she got to hold him again.”

  “She set my place on fire.”

  “Yes, I know. She’s also the one who threw the rock in your window and disrupted your deliveries. I had talked to her about that.” He shook his head. “I should’ve taken her in, but she was distraught as it was. I didn’t want to add to her health problems. You were doing that enough. What bothers me the most is that I was able to protect you as I’ve sworn to do. I got her away from you, but she died without justice for her grandson.”

  “I don’t understand. Why do you care about her?”

  “Why did I care about her? Do you have no compassion for anyone else?” He shook his head. “No, I don’t imagine you do. You can live with the fact you killed a defenseless man.”

  I closed my eyes and shook my head. “That isn’t what I meant.”

  “Do you know how many young men are killed every year? Do you know how many family members suffer because there is no justice
for these deaths? Of course, you don’t. Your family was perfect and you still took that for granted.”

  “Craig was not an innocent bystander in this. You’re making me out to be the villain and him the saint. He was holding us hostage! He was going to kill us all!”

  He slammed his hands on the table and leaned into my face. “But he’s the one who’s dead! You’re alive!”

  “As it should be!”

  “That’s exactly what a killer would say!” He cracked his knuckles and took a deep breath. “My father was killed. Did you know that?”

  I sat back and shook my head.

  “His killer lived a happy life while my grandmother and I suffered the loss of my father. She fought and begged for justice for her boy and never got it. We still don’t have it.” McCoy shook his head. “My family was shut out every time she tried to talk to someone about his case. She fought for justice, but it didn’t do anything except send her to an early grave. I swore when I took this job I would never see a killer go free again.” He looked in my eyes. “She may not have lived to see you behind bars, but I will keep my promise to her and get justice for her grandson.”

  The door opened again, and this time a young blonde woman with a briefcase walked in. “Detective McCoy.” She nodded his direction and turned to me. “Ms. Brooks. My name is Deidra Alexander. I’m the Assistant District Attorney assigned to this case.”

  I nodded but said nothing. My grip on the chair tightened, but I didn’t want to seem nervous so I forced myself to let go and place my shaky hands in my lap.

  “Detective McCoy is convinced you should be in prison for the death of Craig Sullivan. I haven’t made that determination yet.”

  I looked at her but still said nothing.

  “Well, that isn’t going to get us anywhere, is it?”

  “I have nothing to say.”

  “I think someone in your situation would have a lot to say.” She sighed when I remained silent. “I understand your hesitation to speak of the incident. I do. However, if you’d like to clear this up, I’ll need to ask you a few questions.”

  “You may ask anything you’d like, but it doesn’t mean I’ll answer.”

  She opened her briefcase and pulled out a file. “Okay, then.” She opened the file and looked through it. “Let’s cut to the chase, shall we? Did you or did you not shoot to kill Craig Sullivan.”

  “Not.”

  She looked at me over her glasses. “No? You didn’t shoot Craig Sullivan?”

  “I did, but not to kill. You asked if I shot to kill him. That answer is no.”

  She went back to her paper. “Did you or did you not engage in sexual acts with Craig Sullivan before his death?”

  “I did.”

  “Did you or did you not know you were in his girlfriend’s home? The home of Drew Clayborn?”

  “I didn’t know until she showed up, but they weren’t together.”

  “Were you jealous of their relationship?”

  “No. There was no relationship to be jealous of.”

  “How did he end up in her apartment?”

  “He beat the hell out of my brother and took her key.”

  She looked over her glasses at me again. “Were you a witness to that?”

  “No. I was told that later.”

  “So, when you shot him, you had no idea what he had done to your brother?”

  I shook my head. “I knew he got the key from Dennis because Drew told me, but it wasn’t until Dennis came in later that I saw the extent of the harm he’d caused him.”

  “Let’s get back to the sexual activity. Isn’t it true that you were engaged in sexual acts with Craig Sullivan as your brother came in?”

  “No. We had just finished and were getting dressed.”

  “So, you agreed to have sex with a man who was holding you hostage. Explain to me how that works.”

  “It was me or Drew. I’d put her through enough when I didn’t believe her about how evil Craig was. I wasn’t going to make her go through being raped on top of what she’d already been through.”

  The look on her face was puzzled, but she shook it off. “Wouldn’t it be a better description to say you were jealous and didn’t want to give her that moment with him?”

  “Not at all. I tried to leave when I found out it was Drew’s place.”

  “You tried to leave?”

  McCoy spoke up. “All that matters is she stayed and shot him. She made Drew’s life Hell because she was jealous of her and pissed she’d sent Craig to prison.”

  “Detective, please stay out of this. I want the entire facts.” She looked at him. “Facts you obviously left out.”

  He stood and started to pace behind her.

  “Now, what happened when you tried to leave?”

  “Oh.” I put my hand up and braced myself against the headboard. Craig was unstoppable. I suspected he picked up something to help him keep his stamina, but I didn’t mind. “Oh, right there. Please, keep doing that.”

  I heard the door swing open and hit the wall. “What the fuck are you doing in here?”

  We had several close calls over the last twenty-four hours of getting caught in the act, but no one had actually done it until then. The thought that someone was watching us should’ve had me scrambling to cover myself, but instead it excited me even more and pushed me over the edge. Craig rolled over after he was finished and I was trying to catch my breath. I looked up and locked eyes with Drew. I covered myself with the sheet.

  “You have got to be kidding me!” She looked back and forth between us. “I want you both out. Now!”

  She started to leave the bedroom, and Craig ran after her. He grabbed her and turned her around. “Where do you think you’re going? You know what they say: two’s a party, but three’s more fun.”

  She tried to get away from him. “No one says that but you. Let me go.”

  He pulled her close to his face. “Oh, I’ll never let you go.”

  It was Drew’s apartment? I shook my head. “Craig? You knew she lived here?”

  Craig turned to me with a smirk. “Of course I knew. How the fuck do you think an ex-con could get an apartment like this so soon after getting out?” He turned back to Drew with a pretend whisper. “I’m not keeping her around for her brains.”

  I got out of bed with the sheet wrapped around me and picked up my clothes. I was an idiot to think he wanted me. Of course, he’d go back to Drew once he got out. I always told my brother she would take him back. Why didn’t I take my own advice and steer clear? “You’re an asshole, and you two deserve each other.”

  Craig pulled Drew with him as he stormed over to me. “Who the fuck told you to get dressed?”

  I dropped the sheet. “I did.” I reached down to put on my underwear, and Craig backhanded me. I lost my balance and hit my head on the nightstand. When I landed on the floor, I didn’t move. My head throbbed and I was too scared. I laid there as if I were passed out.

  I opened my eyes and I was back in the interview room. I laid my forehead on the table. I could hear ADA Alexander looking through her papers. “There’s nothing in here in regards to this.” She turned to McCoy. “You said she got that injury when she put the gun to her head and was stopped before she fully shot herself.” She started to pack up her file.

  “The injury is inconsequential.”

  “How can you say that? It proves she was a hostage and not allowed to leave. This is clearly a case we will not win.” She closed her briefcase to make her point. “Whether or not you believe she pulled the trigger because she wanted to is inconsequential.”

  “If that is inconsequential, we should be out of jobs. Taking someone’s life because you want to is, by definition, murder and is exactly what I’ve sworn to protect citizens from. It’s what you’ve sworn to protect them from, as well.”

  “Yes, but I won’t waste my time on a case which is set to fail. You won’t find a jury who would be willing to convict this person of this crime. It’s a wast
e of taxpayer money.”

  He slid her briefcase off the table. “You are a waste of taxpayer money!”

  “You can yell at me all you want to, but I will not change my mind.”

  “It’s time someone pays for this man’s death. And if you aren’t going to help me, you just become part of the problem.” I sat up when McCoy grabbed a chair and shoved it under the doorknob.

  “Are you crazy?” She looked at the camera. “You do realize they are watching this. If you don’t let us out of this room this instant, you will find yourself defending your own criminal case. Of that, I can assure you.”

  “I hope they are. They’re about to hear Deb’s confession.” He turned to the sound of someone knocking on the door.

  “McCoy!” The voice through the door was the same as the older cop who’d come to get Marshall out. I hoped he could talk some sense into him. “Open the door, son. We’ll get to the bottom of this together.”

  “People have been hurt, Captain. Innocent people have had to die alone from the pain this woman has inflicted.”

  “I understand you feel that way, but why allow the city to go without a good cop because of her? Don’t do this to yourself.”

  He started laughing. “A good cop.” He took his badge out and looked at it. “A good cop would’ve been able to put a murderer behind bars.” He threw his badge on the table. “It’s over for me, but I will get your confession before leaving this room.”

  I shook my head. “No, I’m not confessing.”

  There was pounding on the door and a lot of yelling.

  The ADA tried to get his attention back on her. “Getting a confession this way won’t stand up in court. Don’t be dense.”

  He took out a gun and pointed it at her. “Shut up!” He took another gun from behind his back and slid it toward me. “Come on. Take it. Be the hero again and save everyone.”

  I looked at it and crossed my arms. “No.”

  “Isn’t this what you do?” He slid it closer to me. “Don’t you defend yourself and others? You’re a hero, right?”

  I shook my head.

  He pointed the gun at me. “Now you’re not a hero? Please, help me get this straight.”

  “McCoy, you’re not going to do anything here.” The ADA was desperately trying to buy time for the others to get into the room, but he wanted nothing to do with her.