Off of the Beaten Path

by Lizbeth Dusseau

  It was a stimulating thought and it sounded romantic, but Ashley had to face the possibility that her former boyfriend might not be on her same wave length at all. He might not have given her one thought since he left the airport several months before. Even knowing the way Jess had once cared for her, her stern professor might have written her off altogether.

  Getting to the campus, Ashley drove to the building where she expected to find Jess Barrow in the midst of work. Hoping he’d be in classes or in his office, she was disappointed to discover that Professor Barrow was not only not in the building, he was in fact, taking a sabbatical for the semester. At that very moment, he was likely on his way to a research project, that would be taking him into the wilds of the California Sierra Nevada’s. The receptionist in the office was quite helpful with the information, though it was hardly encouraging of Ashley’s plans to renew their relationship.

  “Is he going with anyone?” Ashley asked the young woman, as she was about to leave.

  “There are three graduate research assistants scheduled to be with him most of the time. Though if you know Professor Barrow, he likes these out of the way junkets. He doesn’t mind doing time by himself.”

  “Yes, I’m well aware of that,” Ashley replied. “So you think he might still be at home?”

  “Maybe. Though he was pretty anxious to get going when he left here yesterday.”

  Minutes later, Ashley maneuvered the rental car toward Jess’s hillside house. Tucked back into a wooded grove, his small home had “professor, bachelor, naturalist” written all over it. She loved the tiny place, though she’d been there just a few times. Seeing his car still in the driveway, she breathed a sigh of relief.

  It was a long journey to Jess Barrow’s front door. Her heart was thumping madly wondering what kind of reception he would give her. Making her way up the long flight of stairs, she noted that his front door was already open a crack.

  “Jess,” she called out, as she knocked. “Jess.”

  Cautiously moving into the entryway, she saw Jess kneeling on the carpet in front of the fireplace with mountain gear and his back pack strewn about the floor around him. He was still packing.

  “Ashley,” he jerked looking up at her.

  “Jess.” She smiled. “Going somewhere I see.”

  “Good guesser,” he replied. For just an instant there was a look of excitement on his face, but there was a fast fade to a more typically dour expression. He returned to his work.

  “I hear you’re taking off to the mountains,” she said.

  “Yes, another scientific hibernation,” he said, sarcastically.

  “You’re not glad to see me?” she asked.

  “Should I be?” he asked.

  “I don’t know, but I guess this was not very good timing.”

  “Depends on what you want, Ash,” he replied.

  “A relationship conversation?” she offered, hopefully.

  “Bad timing,” he agreed.

  She watched his careful packing, seeing that he had a well designed plan for where everything went.

  “How long will you be gone?” she asked.

  “Three months, maybe forever.” Jess’s cool was so unlike him, except when he was angry with her, apparently he still was.

  “Lose yourself in the wilds again, I see.”

  “Yes, that’s exactly what I’m doing, since I can’t have a reasonable relationship with a woman. You can think that if you like.”

  “You don’t have to be unfriendly.”

  He stopped what he was doing and stared up at her. “No, I suppose not,” he conceded, but nothing in his tone of voice suggested he was warming to her. He went back to his packing.

  “I wish I hadn’t left the cabin that day.” Ashley played the only trump card she had, hoping that it would get his attention.

  “Really? I’ve tried to forget that day ever happened.”

  “You aren’t giving me much breathing room here,” Ashley moaned, exasperated.

  “You expect me to,” he said. Looking up again, he stared her straight in the eye. “Think you can come back, jerk me around again, then go running on your merry way? The real problem is, Ashley, I haven’t changed my mind about anything between you and me. I’d probably play the sap and have you back again, because quite frankly, there’s been no other woman in my life, at least no other serious relationship. But sap that I am, I’ll be damned if I’ll have anything but the whole nine yards with you, the complete deal, marriage, a ring, your name Ashley Bloom Barrow, the little missus.”

  “Whoa,” Ashley took one step back, the full scale assault surprising her for the message, and the emotion behind it.

  “See, just what I figured. You couldn’t handle that much commitment, or that much love. Well, I think I can. And I’m not planning to settle for anything less. There will be woman who’ll handle it. It may take a while, but I’ll find her.”

  “In the backwoods,” Ashley snapped, a little offensive strike meant to go straight to his heart.

  Jess laughed.

  “Maybe your sources didn’t explain my trip completely. I’ve got three fresh, young and feminine research assistants coming along with me.”

  “Oh,” she replied.

  He shrugged as he looked at her. “For some reason, Ashley Bloom, you’ve made yourself into an impossible woman to love,” he said. There was no sarcastic bite to this comment, as his others had had, just a bittersweet sadness behind the assessment.

  If they had a week together, or even just a reasonable day to talk things out, they might have been able to make some headway toward reconciling. But there wasn’t even an hour. Jess was finishing the final buckle on his backpack. Everything neatly in order, he stood up and grabbed one bag to put over his shoulder, another he grabbed in his hand.

  “I would stay and talk, Ash. I really would. But as it is,” he said, glancing at his Swiss Army watch, “I’m due to pick up Christy in about ten minutes.” He moved toward the door, passing Ashley on the way. She watched him take the long flight of stairs, and opening the trunk to his car, throw his gear in the back. Returning to the house a few minutes later, Ashley remained standing in the entryway, where she’d hardly budged, while the professor inspected his apartment, checked doors and windows as anyone would before an extended trip away. Finding everything the way he wanted it, he stood next to Ashley’s immobile form.

  “Didn’t end the way you wanted it to, did it?” he said.

  “No, I guess not.”

  “I suppose that just shows that Ashley Bloom can’t have everything she wants, when she wants it.”

  The heaviness in her heart kept her from moving, but Jess did nudge her gently. He was on the way out of the door. The two descending to the driveway together, he left her standing there as he climbed in his car and started the engine. Watching Jess back his car down the steep drive, she gave him a brief wave, as he hit the street.

  “I will be back,” he said, nodding to her from the open car window. And then he zoomed off.

  That was the best she’d do, an unfulfilling promise that the conversation they’d begun, might continue, three long months down an uncertain road.

  Chapter Fifteen

  It wasn’t such an odd thing for Ashley Bloom to go off by herself into the back country. She was an experienced hiker, an expert with a compass, and she’d spent her adult life making it a practice of handling potentially dangerous situations with a ready self assurance. She trusted herself, which was probably why she wasn’t going to be scared about this excursion. She also had a way of ignoring the possibility of danger, pretending it didn’t exist at all, as long as it was out of her mind. Backpacking by herself for a few days was going to be a trip she’d enjoy. Just the thought of being alone, with no one but Ashley Bloom to count on usually fit her style. However, this time, it didn’t fit her mood.

  She was going for love. That alone set the trip apart from anything she’d ever done before.

  When Jess drove o
ff the week before, while she watched him maneuver down the steep winding road, she stood immobile for the longest time, her feet stuck to the ground, so at one point she wondered if she’d ever move them at all. All the heaviness was like a thousand pounds about her, holding her heart and body to fixed things, to the plans she’d made in her mind, the ways she was sure things should be done, including a reconciliation with Jess.

  With her plans gone awry, she had to turn to some more creative solutions, though it took days, and her moving out of Jess’s driveway to find the answers.

  What could she do under the circumstances? she asked herself. What would make an impression on him, at least get his attention, that she was truly serious about renewing the relationship?

  There was only one solution that came to mind, and strangely it was very much like Jess Barrow, and very much like her own style. It was an Ashley Bloom take the bull by the horns kind of act, that would feel very satisfying to her even if it didn’t work out. The only thing she really hoped was that she wasn’t going to climb all the way up the mountain after him, to discover him in bed with one of those other feminine women.

  But, it wasn’t a moment for the faint of heart. Jess said he wanted it all, and after mulling over all the sticky, agonizing compromises that she might have to make, Ashley knew that love would win this battle.

  She’d never let love win before, maybe it was time to take the path of the heart, and see if she could conquer it as easily as she conquered other things in her life.

  ***

  Jess had left a complete plan of his trek into the Sierra high country with the tiny State Park office at the foothills of the Sierra trail. Staying three months, he’d need a few food drops before he’d be returning to civilization.

  Ashley, laying out her own plans with the Park Ranger had discovered exactly where he’d made his camp, a five day hike into the wilderness. A map in hand, her compass, and pack full of everything she thought she’d need for a long while on her back, she started out. Flying into the interior seemed like a much easier thing to do that making the trip on foot. By helicopter, it was less than a day’s journey. Could be a real simple drop, but that was the dramatic coward’s way. No, this was one journey she needed to take on foot, just the way Jess had.

  Four days and three nights, breathtaking vistas and sometimes strenuous climbs, Ashley let the California wilderness tranquilize a mind that had been recently wrapped in emotional agitation and mental turmoil. It wasn’t like her, not the real Ashley to be beset with the kind of torment she’d been through the last year. Men were much too hard to love. But they added to her life in ways even the pristine simplicity of the wilderness could not. Off the beaten path, anyway she looked at it, was more appealing with a man beside her.

  The nights were the loneliest time. Nighttime fell around her like a veil, obscuring everything that wasn’t right before her eyes. Except the stars, of course. Looking up, Infinity greeted her with brilliance. It seemed a righteous “amen” to the journey she was making. Instead of initiating fear over what Jess would say, she was feeling a little blessed, that she’d come to this point in her life where she could make a move, and trust that it would all work out. Even if he was screwing another woman, it would all work out.

  ***

  Ashley could almost feel herself getting closer to him. That was a pretty cheap romantic notion, she was aware of that, but it was true. After four days, she figured just another day and she’d find his camp. The temporary research station was set up along the banks of a mountain stream, between two passes, where in late summer, early autumn the weather would be wonderful for a long stay. Once Ashley was over the last pass, and scooting down the narrow hillside trail she almost felt at home, knowing that Jess had to be nearby.

  Late in the afternoon, she stopped by the stream to splash some cool water on her face. For a second, she thought she heard voices. Making her stop brief, she moved on, and just a few yards beyond, she spotted the camp.

  A single woman sitting on a rock was working at a small table, logging research data.

  “Hello!” Ashley called to her as she approached.

  “Hello to you,” the woman answered with a smile.

  “Is this Jess Barrow’s research station?”

  “It sure is. We hardly expected company so soon,” the woman replied.

  “Just passing through,” Ashley said. The brunette woman with a plain soft face looked like a female version of Jess, amicable, professorial and a little stodgy. Was she the fresh feminine one he’d been referring to?

  “You did want to see Jess?” the woman asked.

  “I suppose so,” Ashley said.

  “Kind of a long way for an afternoon’s visit.”

  “I like the wilds,” Ashley said. “Mind if I find a place to set my gear?”

  “No problem. We’ll love the company. Jess is out for a few hours, should be back by say six, while there’s still light.”

  There was nothing Ashley liked better than laying back against the earth, peering through the tall trees into a blue sunny sky, letting a ray of sunshine catch her face, so she could feel the natural warmth on her skin. After the long distance, five long days, and dozens of sore muscles, she was ready for a few days doing little more than this.

  “Goddammit, what the fuck are you doing here!” The voice interrupted the perfect serenity of the moment. Ashley eyes fluttered open, and she stared up at Jess looking down at her. He didn’t look pleased.

  “Hi,” he said.

  “What the fuck are you doing here?” he repeated.

  “That’s a fine way to greet me,” she said, sitting up, noting that his expression hadn’t changed since the last time she’d seen him. Stern, dictatorial and very cool. “I take this trip just to see you, and I get that kind of welcome?”

  “You came alone?”

  “You see anyone with me?” she said, looking around, a little gentle mockery thrown in to lighten his irritation.

  “Damn it, Ashley Bloom, you’re the most exasperating woman.”

  “You’ve said that before,” she noted.

  Jess squatted in front of her, so he was no longer towering over her, and they were eye to eye again. He reached out and put his hand behind her neck, and held it, letting the grim expression really register. The affection and cool sternness in the same instant told her enough. He was glad to see her, though he wasn’t going to admit it to her right off.

  “Why in God’s name did you do this?”

  “Because I wanted to finish our conversation, and I didn’t want to wait three months. Good god, you could fall in love with one of these woman in three months, and I’d be left hanging out with a bunch of words, too dated to bother with.”

  Jess dropped his hand, and chuckled at her.

  “What’s so funny?” she asked.

  He laughed a little more.

  “C’mon, what are you laughing about?”

  “Jane, over there,” he pointed to the woman that had greeted her on her arrival, “and Christy are lesbians, lovers. And Kat Spaulding is an twenty year old student. I’m not playing with her on a bet. Besides, she’s on this trip to get over her boyfriend.”

  “That’s the worst kind,” Ashley said.

  “She thinks of me as a father.”

  “That’s worse yet. Now, I’m really glad I came. Unless you already have something to confess?”

  “No confessions, Ash, except I’m pissed as hell that you made this trip all by yourself. Do you have any idea how dangerous it is walking into wilds like this, alone! Never, even when you were cruising your plane over South American rebels, have you done anything so stupid.” The more he thought of it, the more upset he got. “Dammit! You’re a foolish woman!” His eyes flashed again. But this time, all that flash and spark was going straight where it belonged.

  “You’re angry.”

  “You’re damn right I am. Do you have any idea what kind of risks you took?”

  “I didn’t think of t
hem.”

  “You never do, do you? You just get some crazy notion in your head that you’re going to take on the fucking world and then go charging in without the least consideration of what might happen!”

  “I suppose I don’t. Not when there’s no one to care about me. If there was, then I might be more cautious,”

  “Well, you won’t get away with this one without your just desserts.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” she asked.

  “You ran into someone that cares, and you know damn well you did. I have a big wide leather belt, and you and me, and the belt are going to get together for the punishment of the decade. And if you’re not absolutely submissive, I have good mind to add a few cuts from a nice tender sapling to your behind. You won’t want to hike anywhere after I’m done with your butt.”

  “I can’t be absolutely submissive,” Ashley reminded him.

  “That’s what the belt’s for,” he said.

  Ashley smiled.

  “And what are you smiling about?” he asked, angrily.

  “I think you’re loving me, maybe,” she tried the cautious guess.

  “Loving you is the only reason why I’d be spanking you,” he said.

  She smiled again. “Then, don’t you suppose we should finish our “conversation” first?” she asked.

  “That’s easy, won’t take a second.”

  “It won’t?”

  “I was clear the day I left.”

  “About commitment, everything, rings, marriage, the “little missus” stuff?” she said with a wince.

  “Maybe, I was little far gone on that one,” he conceded.

  “But, it’s okay, Jess. It really is. I want the relationship you want. Everything.”

  “Everything?”

  “Everything,” she repeated. “As long as it’s with you. You understand me. At least, I think you do …”

  “Ah, I do understand you, Ashley Bloom. And I also understand what’s going to happen right now.”

  “Yes …?”

  “You’re going to march your nasty ass into the woods in front of me, and we’re going to take care of one very necessary chastisement.”