The Sweet Spot

by Ariel Ellman

  “She’s the chance of my lifetime!” Sebastian screamed at his best friend Tommy Flannigan. They had both gotten full scholarships to BU and were going to be roommates.

  “Bast, what’s going on?” Ani asked, coming up behind him and grabbing his arm. She could tell he had been drinking; he smelled like beer and was wobbling on his feet as he yelled at Tommy.

  “I’ll tell you what’s going on,” Tommy yelled at Ani. “He’s not going to BU with me because you can’t keep your fucking legs closed!”

  Ani was still reeling from Tommy’s words when Sebastian let out a roar and tackled his best friend to the ground. They fought like wild animals until two of their football teammates pulled them apart and got between them.

  “That’s the big plan that you refused to share with me?” Ani screamed at Sebastian in disbelief. “I won’t let you throw away your dreams for me.” She sobbed and turned to run away.

  “I’m not throwing anything away,” Sebastian protested, grabbing Ani’s arm and pulling her down onto the ground beside him. “I’m still going to BU baby,” he whispered in Ani’s hair, holding her tightly. “I’m just not going to live on campus. I’m staying here at home with you and Eva. I’m going to work with my father on the weekends and make money to pay for our baby.”

  “But you’ll miss out on the college experience,” Ani choked, overwhelmed by Sebastian’s admission.

  “Yes, but I won’t miss out on being with the girl I love and raising our daughter,” he murmured gently. “I won’t miss out on you and Eva.”

  People started to gather on the lawn, talking about the fight and Ani’s pregnancy, and suddenly Ani just wanted to get out of there and go home.

  “I want to go home, Bast,” she whispered, glancing around at the crowd of kids staring at them. “Just get me out of here, please.”

  Ani knew Sebastian had been drinking but she just didn’t think about it when he led her to his car. She just wanted to get away from all the whispers and stares.

  “Hurry up,” Ani nudged Sebastian when he fumbled with the key in the ignition. Her face burned in embarrassment and she turned away from the car window to avoid the curious stares of her classmates.

  Ani shook the memories of that night away as she stared down at Sebastian with anguish-filled eyes.

  “The accident was my fault, not yours Bast,” she whispered, tears sliding down her cheeks. “I knew you were drinking that night. I smelled it on you when you were fighting with Tommy and I still told you to take me home.”

  Sebastian rolled off of Ani and pulled her into his arms, brushing her tears away gently.

  “No baby, it wasn’t,” he murmured, kissing her eyes, and trailing his lips across her face.

  “I told them, Bast. I promise you, I told the prosecutor a thousand times that it was my fault,” Ani whispered, burying her face against Sebastian’s chest.

  “I know you did,” Sebastian replied quietly, “and that’s why I had to let you go A. You wouldn’t let me accept responsibility for what I did. In the beginning I agreed with you. I thought it was just a tragic accident and I wanted them to let me go so I could apologize and do my community service and move on. But after Raffi was killed, I realized that it could never be that simple. There are consequences to all of our actions Ani,” Sebastian whispered softly. “And my actions left a young husband and father childless and a widow. I killed our baby A, our daughter,” he whispered, his lips in Ani’s hair. “You never made me get behind the wheel of the car that night and you told me to stop twice when it started pouring.”

  “You remember that?” Ani breathed. “I don’t understand, I just don’t understand. If you can remember details like that, how could you have been that drunk? It was the rain; it was everything. It was just a tragic accident,” she whispered, realizing that she was finally cried out. Ani’s eyes were bone dry and she started to shake suddenly with exhaustion. “Oh my God, I can’t do this,” she moaned, sitting up and pulling away from Sebastian. “How am I supposed to do this?” she whispered, staring blankly into space.

  “I told myself not to come to you,” Sebastian confessed behind Ani as she blindly snatched up her clothes and began to dress. “For nine months I told myself no, but then I just couldn’t find the strength to say no anymore,” Sebastian admitted quietly. “I was so strong for fifteen years A, keeping you away so you could live your life. But when I finally got out, I realized that the only thing worth being out for was you.”

  “You refused parole,” Ani choked, turning around to stare at Sebastian accusingly. “I held on to hope for six years despite the fact that you refused to see me or talk to me, and then you refused parole,” she murmured in disbelief. “You refused parole, so I started dating Jordan to get back at you, and then I fell in love with him Bast. I fell in love with him and I got pregnant with Raffi and we got married,” Ani cried.

  Sebastian stared back at Ani at a loss for words.

  “Do you understand what I’m saying Bast? Do you understand that I waited all those years for you and you threw them in my face?” Ani sobbed. “The accident was only part of our tragedy Bast. Your choices afterward created the rest of it.”

  Chapter Three

  It was dinnertime when Ani’s cab dropped her off in front of her brownstone and she could see the shadowy outlines of her sister and daughter walking around in the kitchen.

  “Mommy!” Raffi cried out when Ani stepped inside the foyer and closed the door behind her. Ani smiled at the sight of her beautiful daughter running toward her in her plaid school uniform with her long dark hair streaming behind her.

  “You never changed out of your school clothes,” she scolded, capturing Raffi in her arms for a hug.

  “We just got home,” Sawyer confessed, coming up behind her niece.

  “Oh yeah?” Ani replied, dropping her keys in the dish by the door and following her daughter and sister back into the kitchen.

  “We went shopping,” Sawyer admitted guiltily.

  “Shopping!” Ani exclaimed in mock horror. “What about homework?” she asked teasingly.

  “Oh we did that too,” Raffi assured her mother airily. “At Starbucks over smoothies,” she added with a grin.

  “Now how am I supposed to compete with that?” Ani protested, poking through the takeout bags on the counter.

  “You could take me to Starbucks to do homework too,” Raffi suggested impishly, snagging an eggroll from one of the bags.

  “Hmmm,” Ani replied noncommittally, ruffling her daughter’s hair with affection.

  “How did it go?” Sawyer asked softly as they unpacked the food and dished it out.

  Ani shrugged, avoiding her sister’s eyes. “It went,” she murmured in reply.

  “Are you feeling better now?” Raffi asked her mother, as if on cue.

  “The sight of your face always makes me feel better,” Ani answered her daughter with a soft smile.

  “I’m glad,” Raffi replied, pressing herself against her mother’s side and leaning her head against her shoulder.

  “Is that Chinese food I smell?” a voice called out from the foyer, and a moment later, a tall good looking man with salt and pepper hair and an athletic build strode into the kitchen with a smile.

  “Daddy!” Raffi cried out, pulling away from her mother and running into her father’s arms. “Did you save any lives today?” she asked, smiling adoringly up at her neurosurgeon father.

  “I think so,” her father, Jordan, replied thoughtfully, kissing the top of his daughter’s head and gazing contentedly at Ani and Sawyer across from him. “It doesn’t get any better than this,” he laughed. “All three of my girls in the kitchen surrounded by my favorite food? What’s the occasion?” he asked, hugging his daughter and leaning forward to kiss Ani.

  “An old friend of mommy’s came by the bakery to visit her, so Aunt Sawyer took me shopping and we got Chinese food for dinner,” Raffi announced.

  “Oh?” Raffi’s father replied, raising an eyeb
row questioningly at his wife. “Your mother actually has old friends from her mysterious past?” he teased, biting into an eggroll.

  Ani stared back at her husband silently, at a loss for words and Sawyer broke in to save her.

  “We even did homework at Starbucks,” Sawyer said with a laugh. “I think I’ve ruined Raffi forever.”

  “Homework at Starbucks?” Jordan echoed, pulling his daughter against him. “I bet you have ruined her.” He stared at Ani thoughtfully over their daughter’s head. “So what was mommy’s friend like?” He asked Raffi as he piled food on his plate and broke his wooden chopsticks apart. “Was she as beautiful as mommy is?” he murmured, gazing at Ani as he directed the question to his daughter.

  “It wasn’t a she,” Raffi corrected her father. “Mommy’s friend is a boy, his name is Sebastian,” she informed him through a mouthful of fried rice.

  “Don’t speak with your mouth full,” Ani scolded her daughter gently, looking away from her husband’s probing gaze.

  “Sebastian,” Jordan repeated, filling up his pancake with shredded moo shoo chicken and dribbling sauce over it.

  “He’s a childhood friend,” Ani murmured uncomfortably, finally raising her eyes to meet Jordan’s gaze.

  “Well I’m full!” Sawyer pushed her untouched plate away from her. “I’ve got to run, but I’ll see you in the morning at the bakery right A?” she asked, meeting her sister’s eyes questioningly across the kitchen island.

  “See you in the morning,” Ani echoed, staring back at her sister as a thousand unspoken words passed between them.

  Jordan watched his wife and sister-in-law silently as they stared at each other with haunted expressions. He sighed in defeat as Sawyer stopped to kiss him good-bye on her way out, casting him her familiar apologetic smile as she hugged him good-bye. He was used to the sisters’ secrets by now, used to the heavy quiet that fell over them as they held silent conversations with their eyes. Jordan had been married to Ani for a little over nine years now, and had spent the year before that pursuing her in a whirlwind courtship. But Jordan was struck in that moment with how little he actually knew about his beautiful, guarded wife.

  In the beginning he had found her reserve alluring, amazed that a twenty-two year old girl could have such depth, such mystery about her. He was convinced that he would tease her secrets out of her once they were married, but as he stared at the woman standing before him ten years later, he realized that he was no closer to learning her secrets now than he had been all those years ago.

  Jordan continued to stare at Ani across the kitchen island as if memorizing the details of her face, and he was suddenly struck with a desperate yearning to gather his wife in his arms and never let her go.

  “I’m done eating, can I go watch TV?” Raffi asked, pushing her empty plate away from her.

  “Yes,” Jordan murmured, not taking his eyes off of his wife. “Ani, you know that you can trust me with anything right?” he whispered to her once Raffi left the room.

  Ani nodded, blinking back the tears that had unwillingly begun to fill her eyes.

  Jordan walked over to her, reaching out and pulling Ani into his arms. He buried his face in her hair, marveling as he always did at the soft golden strands. His wife had the most amazing hair, soft and light as corn silk, and her eyes, a deep ocean blue that Jordan could lose himself in forever. Jordan felt Ani’s hot tears on his neck and wished desperately the same thing that he wished a million times since he’d first laid eyes on her. He wished he had known her his entire life. He could never figure out why, but he’d always felt that if he’d known her forever, known the girl that Ani was before she’d become the woman he’d met, that she would belong to him completely in a way that she never had.

  “Trust me with your secrets,” Jordan coaxed, trailing kisses in Ani’s hair. “There is nothing I can’t take,” he whispered tenderly against her ear. “There is nothing that will ever make me love you any less.”

  Ani gasped at those last words and pulled out of Jordan’s arms as if she’d been burned.

  “I can’t breathe,” she choked, doubling over and taking deep gulping breaths.

  “You’re having an anxiety attack,” Jordan replied in resignation, switching to doctor mode as he sat Ani down on a kitchen stool. “Slow even breaths,” he coached, regulating Ani’s breathing and wondering fleetingly what it meant that his declaration of love had caused his wife to have a panic attack.

  Chapter Four

  “Muffins and scones are done,” Sawyer called out softly to her sister when she walked into the bakery at four-thirty the next morning. It was still pitch black outside, a cool, moonless morning with only a sprinkling of stars lighting the sky.

  “Sorry I’m late,” Ani offered weakly.

  “I can’t believe you’re even standing, A,” Sawyer murmured, pulling her sister into her arms. “What did you say to Jordan? Did you tell him about Sebastian?” She released her sister and searched her face with compassion-filled eyes.

  “No,” Ani replied quietly. She pulled an apron on and walked over to an empty mixer in the corner of the room, pulling butter and lemons out of a bag that she set on the counter.

  “What are you making?” Sawyer asked her sister curiously. They never made anything with lemons and she had already laid out all the ingredients for the day’s baking.

  “Lemon bars,” Ani whispered softly in reply, keeping her eyes lowered as she measured out the flour by memory and dumped the butter into the mixing bowl. Sawyer stared at her sister helplessly, knowing there were no words that she could say to ease her pain.

  “Remember when the coach called you at home to tell you not to bake any more lemon bars for Bast?” Sawyer asked softly, choking on a strangled laugh that was half a cry as she joined her sister at the counter and began to squeeze the lemons for her.

  “How’s Nicki?” Ani asked her sister, changing the subject and deliberately ignoring her comment as they stood together at the counter mixing flour and butter and squeezing lemons.

  “She’s good,” Sawyer replied, sliding a jellyroll pan over to her sister to press the crust in. “A little feisty,” she added with a mischievous grin.

  “Just how you like your girlfriends,” Ani grinned back at her sister, and Sawyer almost wept at the sight of the smile on her sister’s face.

  “Whatever you’re feeling A, whatever you’re going through, it’s okay you know,” Sawyer said softly, reaching out for her sister’s hand. “You’re allowed to be a wreck right now.”

  “I can’t talk about it, Soy,” Ani replied, pulling her hand out of her sister’s grasp. “If I talk about it I’ll break, and I need to be strong for Raffi.” She slid the lemon bar crust into the oven to brown and walked back over to the counter.

  “Wow, we’re making lemon bars and mum’s plum cake today?” Sawyer declared, raising her eyebrows at her sister as Ani began to pull cans of plums out of her mysterious grocery bag. “Are you sure you don’t want to talk about it?”

  Ani held both of her middle fingers up to her sister in reply and marched over to the coffee pot on the counter and poured herself a cup of coffee.

  “Sebastian’s smell is starting to fade from my skin,” Ani finally whispered softly, taking a gulping swallow from her hot coffee.

  “You’re lucky, I can’t get the smell of Nicki’s cooch off of my fingers to save my life!” Sawyer replied, shooting her sister a cheeky grin.

  Ani choked on her coffee and gasped as she snorted the hot liquid up her nose in a wild laugh.

  “Oh Soy, how I love you,” she cried, her voice thick with emotion.

  “Of course you love me, who else would come here at three in the morning to bake with you?” Sawyer replied with a saucy grin.

  “Please, you come for all the baked goods you steal,” Ani teased back. “I think you’ve wooed your past three girlfriends with pastry from my bakery,” Ani accused.

  “Hmmm, well you’d be amazed at the things I can get a g
irl to do for a taste of your brown-sugar cream-cheese frosting,” Sawyer replied with a devilish wink.

  “Ewww, I don’t even want to know!” Ani protested, holding up her hands to ward off any further details of her little sister’s sordid lesbian sex life.

  “Remember the girl before Nicki, the blond soccer player with those amazing legs? Well you wouldn’t believe what she was willing to do….” Sawyer teased, her voice trailing off as she made lewd gestures at her sister with her tongue.

  “Gross Sawyer! Stop! You are seriously scarring me for life,” Ani protested, closing her eyes to her sister’s antics with a laugh.

  “I don’t know, I kind of want to hear more details about the blond soccer player,” a familiar husky voice broke in from the doorway behind them.

  Ani opened her eyes to Sebastian’s voice and stared at him helplessly as all of her resolve crumpled, and she started crossing the room to close the distance between them.

  “I’ve always had a thing for blonds,” he murmured, pulling Ani into his arms and brushing his lips against hers.

  “I don’t think my soccer player was your type of blond,” Sawyer laughed as Sebastian held Ani against his chest tightly.

  “So true. This is my only type of blond,” Sebastian replied softly, locking gazes with Sawyer across Ani’s head.

  “Oh Bast,” Sawyer choked out, her eyes filling up as she gazed back at him. “We missed you so much.” She crossed the room and wrapped her arms around Sebastian and her sister. “You have no idea what it was like, those years after you went to prison,” she sobbed, finally letting out the emotions that she had been holding back since she’d walked into the bakery yesterday and seen Sebastian sitting on the floor.

  “Well it was no picnic inside…” Sebastian teased, swallowing back his own emotion as he slipped his arms around Sawyer and held her and Ani against his chest.