by Ariel Ellman
Ani stared back at Jordan silently, her eyes wide with shock.
“Answer me,” Jordan demanded, reaching out a hand to grab Ani’s arm.
“Touch her and I’ll fucking kill you,” Sebastian said quietly from behind him.
“I’m sure you would,” Jordan replied scathingly. “Want to earn another teardrop for your face?” he taunted, turning around and leaning in to Sebastian.
“Yes, I do,” Sebastian replied in a deadly voice. “So give me a reason,” He stepped forward and closed the space between him and Jordan until their chests were touching.
“Sawyer, take Raffi home with you now,” Sebastian ordered Ani’s sister quietly, not taking his eyes off of Jordan’s face.
The mention of his daughter’s name snapped Jordan out of his rage and he spun around in horror to face his shaking daughter.
“Oh sweetheart,” he whispered, stepping forward and pulling Raffi’s trembling body away from Ani. “I’m so sorry you saw that,” he choked, pressing his lips into her hair. “Don’t cry.” He scooped Raffi’s sobbing body into his arms. “I’m taking you home. I’m taking you out of here,” Jordan murmured, walking away from Ani and Sebastian without a backward glance.
“No,” Ani cried, suddenly finding her voice as she stepped forward and tried to tug Raffi out of Jordan’s arms. “I’ll take her,” she whispered, pressing her face against her daughter’s shaking back.
“I’m closing the bakery,” Sawyer choked, grabbing a black sharpie and scrawling the words ‘Closed for Family Emergency’ across a sheet of parchment paper.
“Let go Ani,” Jordan said firmly. “I’m taking Raffi home with me.”
“No,” Ani wailed, trying to pry her sobbing daughter out of her husband’s arms. “Just let me take her Jordan. She needs me right now, she needs her mother.”
“If you think I’m going to leave my daughter with you and your ex-con, you’ve lost your mind,” Jordan told his wife quietly. “I’m taking Raphael home with me, and I can promise you this Ani, no judge will let you have her with a convict around,” Jordan whispered in Ani’s ear before he walked out of the bakery.
“Oh my God Ani,” Sawyer breathed when she came back into the kitchen after taping the closed sign on the door. “It’s going to be okay,” she whispered, gathering her shaking sister into her arms.
“He said he’s going to keep Raffi away from me,” Ani whispered in disbelief as she collapsed on the floor.
“I’ll kill him first,” Sebastian said quietly, dropping down on the floor beside her.
Ani stared at Sebastian in disbelief, trying to process everything that had just happened.
“Jesus Ani,” he whispered, running his hand over his head.
“I’m going to go talk to him A,” Sawyer said, grabbing her keys off the counter and heading for the door.
“Don’t you dare,” Ani said quietly, stopping her sister in her tracks. “This is not your fight Soy, it’s mine,” Ani declared quietly, rubbing her hands across her face as she tried to restore the blood to her cheeks. “I can’t believe he threatened to keep Raffi from me,” She repeated again in shock. “He has no fucking idea who’s he tangling with if he tries to take my daughter away from me.”
“Ani, stop,” Sawyer cried, sinking down to the floor beside her. “This is Jordan we’re talking about A. Jordan,” she whispered, lifting her sister’s face up to meet hers.
“Yeah, he’s a hell of a guy,” Sebastian muttered beside them.
“Stay out of this Bast!” Sawyer yelled, turning her attention back to her sister. “Look at me A,” she pleaded when Ani turned away from her probing gaze. “Look at me and tell me you don’t understand how Jordan feels right now. Tell me what he’s supposed to think, how he’s supposed to feel when you’ve refused to tell him anything all these years.”
“I don’t know,” Ani replied helplessly, turning away from her sister to stare into Sebastian’s serious eyes. “I don’t know anything anymore.”
“And you,” Sawyer turned on Sebastian suddenly. “Threatening to kill him? Really Sebastian? That was fucking helpful,” Sawyer yelled in exasperation.
“It wasn’t an empty threat,” Sebastian replied quietly, staring over Sawyer’s head and into Ani’s eyes. “If he hurts one hair on Ani’s head, I’ll rip his heart out and use his blood to tattoo the teardrop onto my face.”
“Jesus fucking Christ,” Sawyer exhaled.
“What else can you expect from a stone cold killer like me?” Sebastian taunted, “What else can you expect from someone who proudly wears the markers of the people he’s murdered on his face?” Sebastian mimicked Jordan’s words coolly, staring at Sawyer with a challenge in his eyes.
“Oh grow the fuck up Bast!” Sawyer exclaimed. “You’re not in high school anymore, this isn’t a pissing contest between you and a guy from your opposing football team who’s sniffing around your girlfriend! For the love of God, Ani, tell Bast that Jordan would never hurt you!”
“He threatened to take Raffi away from me,” Ani whispered in reply instead.
“Well there you have it,” Sebastian murmured, his eyes flickering dangerously as he held Sawyer’s gaze. “And just for the record Soy, I’m painfully aware that I’m not in high school anymore,” Sebastian said quietly. “I was lying on a bed in the prison infirmary beaten to a bloody pulp on the day of high school graduation.”
“That’s not fair,” Sawyer whispered weakly as her eyes filled with helpless tears. “How am I supposed to win against playing the prison card?” she muttered in defeat.
“Come out on the boat with me today A,” Sebastian said quietly, turning away from Sawyer and lifting Ani’s hand off her lap and entwining her fingers with his own.
“Okay,” Ani agreed, blinking back the tears that never seemed to end.
“Are you two insane?” Sawyer asked in disbelief, staring back and forth between her sister and Sebastian. “We’re in crisis right now. I just closed the bakery for a family emergency and you two are going fucking fishing?”
“It’s lobstering, not fishing,” Sebastian corrected quietly, pulling Ani up off of the floor. “And we need to go. I’m supposed to meet my dad at the dock at dawn.”
“Out on the O’Reilly boat with your dad again…..” Ani murmured, shaking her head in wonder. “Just like when we were kids.”
“Well not like all the times,” Sebastian whispered huskily, drawing Ani into his arms. “Not with my dad around today…”
“I lost my virginity on the O’Reilly,” Ani murmured to Sawyer, staring at her sister over Sebastian’s shoulder as he held her pressed in his arms.
“Great! First the prison card and now the virginity card,” Sawyer sighed, throwing up her hands. “I give up A. You’re right, it’s your mess not mine. It’s always been your mess and I can’t deal with it anymore,” she confessed sadly, turning away and walking out the door of the bakery.
Chapter Nine
Ani and Sebastian were silent, each lost in their own thoughts as they climbed into Sebastian’s truck for the drive down to the harbor to meet his dad at the dock.
“I remember those,” Ani breathed in amazement as Sebastian tossed rubber coveralls, boots and gloves off of the passenger seat and into the bed of his pickup truck.
“I have Raffi’s for you,” Sebastian said, bending forward and brushing his lips across Ani’s in a gentle caress. There was a peacefulness about Sebastian, and a calm that was evident in the set of his shoulders as he checked over their gear and climbed back into the truck. A soothing energy radiated from his entire body, blanketing them in its warm buzz.
“Your dad saved Raffi’s gear?” Ani asked Sebastian softly as he drove them down to the dock.
“He saved everything for me,” Sebastian replied quietly. “He bought his uncle’s lobster permit from him when he was ready to retire and transferred it into my name so it was waiting for me when I got out.”
“How do feel about it all?” Ani asked carefully.
“How do you feel about lobstering again?”
“I love it,” Sebastian answered thoughtfully. “I love the honesty of the sea and the rewards that she offers in return for my labor. I love the mixture of the ocean’s savagery and its frailties. I love the quiet solitude,” he whispered, raising Ani’s hand to his mouth and brushing his lips across her knuckles.
“What’s it like being out on the boat with your dad again?” Ani asked, scooting closer and resting her head on Sebastian’s shoulder.
“It’s great,” Sebastian replied, his voice hoarse with emotion as he dropped Ani’s hand and slipped an arm around her to pull her closer.
“Do you ever talk about Raffi?”Ani asked softly.
“Sometimes,” Sebastian murmured, “and sometimes we don’t talk at all, but even in the silence he’s with us. I feel him out there A. I feel him when I’m hauling the pots up onto the boat and in the sea spray against my face.”
“Raffi always said he could feel all the generations of the O’Reilly men with him when he was hauling lobsters out of the sea,” Ani whispered, trailing her fingers across Sebastian’s face and resting them on the teardrops beneath his eye. “I’m sorry about what Jordan said to you.”
“Don’t be,” Sebastian replied quietly. “Sawyer was right you know. He is the innocent one in all of this. I would want to rip my head off too if I was him.”
“I don’t know what to do Bast,” Ani confessed, turning her head into Sebastian’s neck and burying her face against the letters of her name.
“We’re here,” Sebastian murmured, ignoring Ani’s admission as he put the truck into park.
“Ani Mackenzie,” Sebastian’s father called out in wonder as he looked up from the bin of bait he was dragging onto his boat.
“Actually it’s Winthrop now,” Ani admitted softly, walking over and into Sebastian’s father’s hug. “You got a new boat,” she observed, staring at the name Raphael that was painted on its side in a vivid emerald green.
“It was time,” Liam O’Reilly declared, pulling a glove off and running his hand across the dark beard that covered his sea-weathered face. He was only eighteen years older than Sebastian, and at fifty-two, he could have easily been mistaken for Sebastian’s older brother instead of his father.
His body was lean and strong, and as he hauled the bait onto his boat, his arms rippled with years of hard earned seaman muscle. He had the O’Reilly green eyes and the same dark hair as Raffi. As Ani stared at him, it suddenly occurred to her that he was only five years older than Jordan, and he looked exactly the way that she would have expected Raffi to if he had had a chance to grow up. Black Irish, Ani’s mother used to call the dark haired, pale-faced, freckled combination that Ani’s own father had too.
“Don’t fall in love with the Black Irish,” she used to tease her daughters, “they’re nothing but trouble.”
“I fell for the blond one and it didn’t work out too well mum,” Ani whispered to herself as she stepped back and took in the new boat.
“I have a daughter named Raphael,” she told Sebastian’s father softly as Sebastian unloaded their gear from the truck and started to suit up in his rubber coveralls, boots and gloves.
“Yes, I know,” Liam murmured, studying Ani thoughtfully.
“She’s beautiful,” Sebastian called from behind them. “She has her mother’s eyes.”
“It wasn’t Ani’s eyes that you were always following around like a pup in heat,” Sebastian’s father teased his son, shoving his glove back on and leaning back down to finish dragging the bait onto the boat.
“Mr. O’Reilly!” Ani exclaimed, her face turning red as Sebastian joined in his father’s laughter.
“Ha, You’re a married woman now Ani, and a mother to boot. I think you know exactly what I’m referring to,” Sebastian’s father teased with a warm twinkle in his eye.
Ani joined in his laughter as Sebastian tossed her Raffi’s old coveralls and boots.
“Oh she knew what I was chasing after back when she was thirteen too,” Sebastian assured his father as Ani swatted him with a glove.
Ani sat on the boat all morning, watching Sebastian and his father work side by side in harmony, hauling up traps and weighing lobsters. They banded the legal ones and passed them to Ani who dropped them into the holding tank on the boat. Then Sebastian and his father dumped the illegal lobsters and occasional crab or fish back into the sea and re-baited their traps before lowering them back into the ocean.
No words were necessary as the three of them inhaled the sea air and exchanged occasional glances across the deck of the boat. There were no words needed to convey that Sebastian belonged here, that he felt free and at peace here on his father’s boat in the middle of the sea.
“So tell me about your Raffi,” Sebastian’s father finally said, breaking the silence as they all sat down at midday to take a break.
“She’s amazing,”Ani murmured, her eyes lighting up at the thought of her daughter. “She plays the violin and she loves to help me out at the bakery on weekends. She’s already creating her own concoctions, including a banana peanut butter disaster that she tried to pass off on a customer when I wasn’t looking,” Ani laughed.
“And what about your husband, Raffi’s father?” Liam asked, gazing at Ani and his son thoughtfully as Sebastian slipped an arm around Ani and drew her close. “What’s he like?”
Ani’s mouth went dry at the mention of Jordan and she took a sip of coffee from the thermos that Sebastian passed her.
“He’s a great guy,” she whispered, looking down at the thermos in her hands. “He’s a pediatric neurosurgeon and a wonderful father.”
“I’m glad to hear that you found someone and had another child Ani,” Sebastian’s father said softly. “It was what Sebastian always wanted for you,” Liam pointedly reminded his son as he stared at him. “That’s why he refused to see you all those years that he was in prison; he didn’t want you to waste fifteen years of your life waiting for him.”
Ani looked up and met Sebastian’s father’s brilliant green gaze.
“But he’s out now,” she whispered back.
“Yes,” Mr. O’Reilly agreed. “And you’re a married woman with a child,” he replied quietly, holding her gaze. “Don’t you two think it’s time you let each other go?”
“Is that true Bast?” Ani whispered. “You didn’t want me to wait for you? You don’t want me now?”
Sebastian stood up and walked over to the edge of the boat, staring out at the sea.
“My father’s right,” he murmured, closing his eyes against the wind and relishing the feel of the sea spray on his face. “I didn’t want you to wait for me because I wanted you to go on with your life. But that doesn’t mean that there wasn’t a day that went by that I didn’t yearn for you by my side.” Sebastian confessed softly. “It doesn’t mean that I don’t wake up every morning wishing that you are lying beside me now. I understand that Ani’s not mine to have anymore da.” Sebastian turned around to face his father. “I understand the consequences of everything that happened between us. I’ve lived with them for over fifteen years. But I still hope for her each night when I lay my head down on my pillow, and each morning when I wake up and start a new day.”
“And you a leanbh?” Sebastian’s father asked Ani gently, addressing her with the Irish term of endearment for my child.
“I moved on like everyone wanted me too,” Ani choked through the tears that poured out of her eyes and streamed down her cheeks. “I married a wonderful man and had an amazing daughter with him, but I’ve never been able to let go,” she confessed, weeping with the relief of finally admitting it out loud. “I also go to sleep every night wishing that Sebastian was lying beside me, and I wake up every morning with a tiny spark of hope for him buried in my heart.”
“This is all ballax,” Sebastian’s father sighed, shaking his head at Ani and Sebastian hopelessly. “You can’t go around sleeping with another man’s wife Bast. She’s not your
Ani anymore. She’s the mother of another man’s child. Mind yourself,” Sebastian’s father cautioned his son. “It’s against God, it’s against The Church, it’s against your heart.” He rose up and placed his hand on Sebastian’s shoulder. “You waited so long for your freedom Sebastian; don’t imprison your soul.”
“Ani, a stór,” Sebastian’s father addressed Ani tenderly, “I know you love my son. I watched you trail after him when you were just a little thing. I held your hand in the hospital when the child you created together bled out of you. I heard you screaming on my porch when I refused to come back to Sebastian’s trial after Raffi died,” Liam said quietly. “I watched you walk home from the bus stop every weekend brokenhearted because my son refused to see you in prison. But is this how you want him, love?” he asked Ani, taking her shaking hands in his own and staring at her with his heart in his eyes. “You have to choose a leanbh, you can’t have both or you’ll end up with none.” He leaned forward and placed a tender kiss on Ani’s forehead.
Ani and Sebastian returned to their work at a loss for words after Sebastian’s father’s speech, and when the boat finally docked, they headed for Sebastian’s truck and spent the ride back to his apartment in silence.
“A,” Sebastian began when he finally pulled the truck to a stop in front of his apartment.
“I can’t,” Ani whispered, holding up her hand to stop Sebastian from speaking. “Whatever you’re going to say, I can’t take it. Whatever we decide, I can’t take it,” she cried hopelessly, throwing the truck door open and running out.
“Ani!” Sebastian yelled, jumping out of the truck and running after her. “Don’t run away,” he whispered, pulling Ani into his arms. “Don’t run away from me. Stay with me tonight. Wake up with me in the morning.”
