The Sweet Spot

by Ariel Ellman

  “Well Soy, I’ll definitely keep an eye out for a hot panochita eating tamale for you,” Sebastian promised, rising up and pulling Ani to her feet. “But right now I’ve got some unfinished business with my own mamacita and this curry chicken.” He flashed Sawyer his trademark devilish grin as he led Ani to her bedroom.

  “You guys suck! I better not hear any moaning!” Sawyer complained as Bast closed the door to Ani’s bedroom behind them with a laugh. “And don’t think that I haven’t noticed that Ani has a door to her room either!” Sawyer yelled as she clicked the TV remote on and turned the volume up.

  Ani did graciously try to keep her moaning down as Sebastian dribbled chicken curry juices down her body and licked them off, and as promised, Sebastian more than made up for the fact that he’d fallen asleep earlier. When he was finally satisfied that Ani couldn’t take another minute of his mouth on her body, he stopped teasing her and took her over the edge until she collapsed under him, boneless and satiated, with a dreamy smile on her face.

  “God, I love chicken curry,” Ani murmured, opening her mouth to the bite that Sebastian dangled over her lips.

  “So what are your thoughts for this room?” Sebastian asked Ani as they lay in bed together gazing at the blank walls that surrounded them. Sebastian had built Ani’s bedroom into the corner of the loft, tucked away in the back and enclosed cozily around two deep windows.

  “I don’t know,” Ani murmured thoughtfully as she contemplated the question. “I want something of us on the walls, something from our childhood, and something Irish. But I don’t really know what that means,” she admitted with a rueful grin.

  “Hmmm,” Sebastian replied, studying the room and mulling over Ani’s words as he stroked her hair. “Any particular colors?”

  “I want to feel like I’m surrounded by the sea,” Ani replied, snuggling up against Sebastian’s chest. “I want to feel like I’m in one of your paintings.”

  “You’re in all of them,” Sebastian murmured, tracing Ani’s lips with his fingers and lowering his mouth to kiss her softly.

  “How much of my conversation with Sawyer did you hear earlier?” Ani asked Sebastian seriously as she stared into his intense eyes.

  “I don’t know,” he hedged.

  “Bast,” Ani prodded.

  “What do you really want to know A?” Sebastian asked Ani softly, tracing her face with his fingers.

  “Are you upset that it’s not black and white for me with Jordan?” Ani whispered, “Are you upset that I told Sawyer sometimes I want to have my cake and eat it too?”

  “A, I’m in a state of shock every day that you chose me at all,” Sebastian murmured. “I may have wished for you every day that we were apart, but I never really expected you to come back to me,” he admitted softly. “I never dreamed that you would forgive me for pushing you away and that you would leave your husband and the life that you’ve built with him for me.”

  “I always knew I’d come back to you if you let me,” Ani confessed. “But I did build a life with Jordan these last ten years and we have a daughter together.”

  “I know,” Sebastian replied, gazing at Ani with an unreadable expression.

  “I choose you with no second thoughts, no regrets Bast,” Ani whispered. “But that doesn’t mean it’s black and white for me either. It doesn’t mean it isn’t complicated for me.”

  “I don’t expect it to be simple. Nothing about us has ever been simple, but I do need to know that you’re mine A. I can’t share you,” Sebastian admitted softly.

  “I would never ask you to share me,” Ani whispered in reply.

  “So you want to feel like you’re in one of my paintings,” Sebastian said, changing the subject back to Ani’s room.

  “I want to feel like I’m in the middle of the sea,” Ani declared, gazing at the blank walls and empty space.

  “I could make you a bed out of driftwood,” Sebastian offered, studying the room thoughtfully. “And a nightstand from old lobster traps.” He stared around the room, considering the space.

  “Yes!” Ani exclaimed, wrapping her arms around Sebastian and pulling him down on top of her. “That’s exactly what I want, and little glass dishes filled with sea glass and shells,” she murmured dreamily.

  “I’ll see what my dad has lying around in his shed and we can go beach combing this weekend,” Sebastian promised.

  “I have Raffi this weekend,” Ani murmured uncertainly.

  “So bring her,” Sebastian replied, trailing kisses down Ani’s neck.

  “It’s time,” Ani agreed softly. “I will.”

  Chapter Eighteen

  “Hi,” Jordan said, holding the door open for Ani as she stepped inside the brownstone.

  “Hi,” Ani replied nervously. “How was Nantucket?” she asked, following Jordan into the kitchen.

  “It was nice. Raffi and I got to spend a lot of quality time together,” Jordan replied thoughtfully. “I didn’t realize how much I missed having her at home every night. I guess I always just took it for granted, seeing her every day.”

  “I know what you mean,” Ani agreed softly. “Sometimes I feel like she’s grown and changed in just a day, and a weekend without her can feel like a month. I can’t wait to see her tomorrow.”

  “Wine?” Jordan asked, pouring a glass of chardonnay.

  “Thanks,” Ani replied, accepting the wine glass that Jordan handed her. As Ani took a sip from the glass she realized that it was part of a set that they had received as a wedding gift from a friend of Jordan’s from med school.

  “Have you told anyone about us splitting up yet?” Ani suddenly asked Jordan, staring at the wineglass.

  “A few people,” he replied cautiously. “My parents obviously, and my sister, Andy, Tom and Nancy.”

  “What did Andy say?” Ani asked softly, referring to Jordan’s best friend and college roommate who also happened to be their family attorney.

  “He said I should kick your old boyfriend’s ass and drag you back home where you belong,” Jordan replied quietly, holding Ani’s gaze.

  “That sounds like Andy,” Ani murmured in reply, smiling faintly at the thought of the gorgeous, razor sharp attorney who cooked like a five-star chef, played tennis like a Wimbledon pro, and looked like a professional athlete/ model. She had always had a mild crush on the charming man with beautiful ebony skin and deep chocolate eyes, and she loved to tease Jordan that she would run away with his best friend in a heartbeat if he’d have her. “How about Tom and Nancy,” Ani asked, referring to Jordan’s stuffy colleague from the hospital and his pretentious wife. “They always thought I was too young for you. Did you know that Nancy once told me I wouldn’t stay young forever and that there would always be someone younger than me around the corner?” Ani asked Jordan, raising her eyebrow at him.

  “I did not,” Jordan replied quietly, holding Ani’s gaze. “Of course that’s not what happened here is it? I’ve actually been tossed over for the younger man and not vice versa.”

  “I deserved that,” Ani whispered, putting her wine glass down and running her fingers over the granite top of the kitchen island. “We always seem to be back here in the kitchen for these talks.”

  “Does it matter where we are?” Jordan sighed, opening the containers of food that he’d bought and passing them over to Ani. “No matter what room of the house we’re in Ani, we can’t avoid the difficulty of the subject.”

  “I know,” Ani gulped, accepting a plate from Jordan. “I haven’t had Angelo’s in ages,” she admitted, spooning tortellini onto her plate.

  “He sends his regards,” Jordan replied with an unreadable expression.

  “You know I think it’s the everyday things like not going to Angelo’s together anymore that seems so strange sometimes,” Ani murmured.

  “Ani, I have to ask you something before we can go any further with this talk,” Jordan said quietly, his dark eyes somber and moist with emotion.

  “Okay,” Ani replied, holding Jo
rdan’s gaze.

  “I need to know if this thing with Sebastian is permanent,” Jordan asked, his heart in his eyes. “I realized in this last month since you’ve moved out that I’m never going to be able to move on if I hold onto even a shred of hope that you’re going to come back to me.”

  Ani stared at Jordan in shock, unable to answer him as the full weight of his words washed over her.

  “I,” she began, stopping at a momentary loss for words.

  “You were so young when we got married and you had Raffi six months later, and part of me wonders if this thing with Sebastian is just a part of your youth that you never got to resolve,” Jordan whispered.

  “Jordan,” Ani choked, her eyes brimming with hot tears as she stared at her husband.

  “A lifetime together is a long time Ani,” he murmured. “Are you sure right now about whom you want to spend it with? Because I don’t want to spend the rest of my life alone. I’ve already spent the last ten years trying to make you love me as much as I’ve loved you, and I’m not going to spend the rest of it waiting for you to come back to me.”

  “I still love you Jordan, but I would never ask you to wait for me. I spent the last fifteen years waiting for Sebastian,” Ani admitted softly, closing her eyes as Jordan winced at her words. “I’ve loved Bast since I was a baby. My earliest memory is of him standing over my crib trying to help me climb out while his father bartered with my mother in our kitchen over a lobster she wanted to buy for my father’s birthday dinner. He’s a piece of me,” Ani whispered helplessly as Jordan closed his eyes at her words.

  “Then I want a divorce,” Jordan choked, opening his eyes and staring at Ani in anguish. “I don’t want a trial separation or any of that crap. I want a divorce now.”

  “Of course,” Ani choked back, not bothering to try and hold back the flood of tears that poured out of her eyes.

  “I spoke to Andy about it. If you think we can do this simply and amicably, he can handle the whole thing, or you can get your own attorney and we can go that route,” Jordan said quietly, picking his wineglass up and taking a large swallow.

  “I don’t want your money Jordan,” Ani murmured, her face heating up. “And I don’t want a big custody battle either. But I insist on dual custody of Raffi without restrictions. I won’t allow you to threaten or intimidate me with Raffi like you did in the bakery the day you met Sebastian.”

  “I have no desire to take Raffi away from you Ani,” Jordan sighed. “And of course the bakery is yours too.”

  “Thank you,” Ani choked, taking a gulp of her wine. “ I wouldn’t have it if you hadn’t given me the money to start it, if you hadn’t believed in me.”

  “I wouldn’t dream of fighting you for the bakery or Raffi or anything. But the brownstone has been in my family forever and my parents would have a stroke if I gave it to you,” Jordan admitted with a weak smile.

  “I would never ask for it,” Ani murmured back.

  “So what Andy suggested is that we come in and meet with him. If there seem to be any conflicts, he can give you a list of attorneys you can check out for yourself and we can have separate representation, or if we’re in agreement on everything, he’ll just draw up the papers for us,” Jordan said quietly.

  “Okay,” Ani replied, lowering her eyes to the kitchen island and tracing the wet ring from her wine glass with her finger.

  “How’s the loft coming? Are you all moved in?” Jordan asked.

  “Yes, we moved in this weekend,” Ani answered carefully.

  “And it’s just you and Sawyer?” Jordan asked with an unreadable expression on his face.

  “Sebastian is not living with me Jordan, but he is in my life and he will be at the loft off and on,” Ani sighed. “If this is going to be an issue just tell me now and I’ll save us both the trip to Andy’s office and hire my own lawyer tomorrow.”

  “I don’t know,” Jordan admitted seriously. “I don’t want my nine-year-old daughter alone with any grown man.”

  “I understand that,” Ani conceded. “And I think the alone thing is something that we can address in the future after we’ve all had time to get to know each other, but I’m not going to keep her away from Sebastian when I’m with him, and I won’t ask you to keep her away from anyone that you might date.”

  “Fair enough,” Jordan replied, his eyes dark and unreadable.

  “So when do you want to meet with Andy?” Ani asked.

  “He’s free tomorrow at noon,” Jordan replied quietly.

  “Do we already have an appointment?” Ani asked, raising her eyebrow.

  “If we want it,” Jordan answered simply.

  “I’ll see if Sawyer can watch the bakery for the me,” Ani agreed.

  “There’s still a lot of your stuff here,” Jordan murmured, pushing his untouched plate away and standing up. “Do you want to go over what you want now?”

  “Okay,” Ani replied uncertainly. It was obvious that Jordan wanted her out of his life and she completely understood it, but it was also hard to walk around the brownstone with her husband and point out things from their last ten years together that she wanted to take or leave behind. “Jordan,” Ani choked, finally interrupting him when he stopped in front of a painting that she’d picked out in Italy on their honeymoon. “I can’t do this with you,” she admitted hoarsely. “Can I come back when you’re not home and see what I want? I won’t take anything without asking you first. I could give you a list or something, but I just can’t do this with you.” She choked back a sob.

  “I don’t need a list,” Jordan sighed wearily. “As long as it’s not a family heirloom, you can take whatever you want.” He turned away from Ani and walked over to the library window. “I’m gone all day during the week, come whenever you want,” he murmured, staring out into the darkness.

  “Thank you,” Ani whispered, staring at Jordan’s back sorrowfully.

  “Good-bye Ani,” Jordan said quietly from the window, keeping his back to her.

  “Good-bye Jordan,” Ani whispered, turning and walking away.

  When Ani returned to the loft after her talk with Jordan, she kicked off her shoes and went into the kitchen to make herself a cappuccino with cognac and honey. It was a nightcap recipe that she and Sawyer had discovered when they were searching for fun twists on cappuccino recipes after Bobby gave them the machine.

  “Oooh, are you making an After Hours Cappuccino?” Sawyer asked, padding into the kitchen in her robe and bare feet.

  “Yup,” Ani replied, liberally pouring the cognac and honey into her cappuccino and sprinkling cocoa powder on top.

  “Must have been some talk with Jordan if you’re pouring half the bottle of cognac into your coffee,” Sawyer observed, taking out a cup to make one for herself.

  “He wants a divorce,” Ani replied, sipping her drink as she leaned against the counter and watched her sister pour milk into the cappuccino machine.

  “And you don’t?” Sawyer replied, raising an eyebrow at her sister.

  “Of course I do, there are no other options,” Ani replied softly. “But that doesn’t mean it wasn’t strange hearing him say the words. We’re meeting with Andy tomorrow to hash out the details.”

  “Oh my God Andy, now that is one hot man!” Sawyer murmured appreciatively. “He would make an incredible woman. That dark skin and those deep brown eyes, they’re like pools of chocolate. And that feisty personality? I can’t believe I’ve never asked, but does he have a sister?”

  “He does actually,” Ani laughed. “But she’s definitely straight. She dated one of the doctors in Jordan’s practice for a while, another seriously hot guy that I considered leaving Jordan for,” she joked. “You think Andy is hot, you should have seen this guy! Over 6 feet, built like a linebacker, beautiful dark skin, and talk about eyes like pools of chocolate,” Ani sighed. “He used to play college football, then he volunteered for Doctors Without Borders after med school before specializing in neurosurgery. I can’t believe Andy’s
sister broke up with him actually. We double dated a few times with them and Jordan used to tease me to control myself before we went out with them.” Ani smiled faintly at the nostalgic memory as she took another sip of her drink.

  “So, I’ve noticed that you don’t have a problem using my cappuccino machine even though you always give me shit for accepting it from Bobby,” Sawyer observed wryly, gazing at her sister as she sipped her drink.

  “First of all, it was a housewarming gift, so technically it’s half mine,” Ani replied, giving her sister the finger, “and secondly, you know damn well you shouldn’t flirt with Bobby. All straight boys secretly think that lesbians are just going through a stage and will eventually come to their senses and want a dick in their life. Does he even know that you’ve never been with a guy?” Ani raised her brow at her sister.

  “Actually I have been with a guy, twice,” Sawyer replied quietly, walking over to the couch with her drink.

  “Really?” Ani asked in surprise, following her sister to their couch with the bottle of cognac in her hand.

  “I was curious the first time,” Sawyer admitted with a shrug. “It was in college, with the pizza delivery guy.”

  “Of course you fucked the pizza delivery guy as your test case,” Ani exclaimed, shaking her head at her sister. “And the second time? Was the delivery boy good enough to spark your interest, or was he so bad that you had to see if he represented all hetero sex?” Ani teased her sister.

  “It was Bobby,” Sawyer admitted softly.

  “You slept with Bobby?” Ani choked, spitting her cappuccino out all over the front of her t-shirt. “Jesus Christ Soy, when? I can’t believe you never fucking told me!” she exclaimed, glaring at her sister, as she held her shirt away from her chest.

  “Well I haven’t exactly had the opportunity to tell you,” Sawyer murmured, getting up and grabbing a dish-towel for Ani.

  “What the hell does that mean?” Ani asked, accepting the towel from her sister and dabbing at her shirt. “How recent was this Soy? Last week, since we’ve moved in or before that?”