One Summer of Surrender

by Jess Michaels

  “You are the king of the understatement,” she said with a laugh.

  He shrugged. “If there is more to say, I simply lack the eloquence to say it.”

  Celia set her cup aside and leaned forward, more serious now. “She’s lovely,” she offered. “Prettier close up than the few times I saw her at a distance.”

  Stenfax swallowed hard. “She is the most beautiful woman ever to grace this earth.”

  Celia smiled. “Rosalinde likes her, which of course is a great recommendation.”

  “Rosalinde is a good judge of character,” he said, arching a brow. “Are you going to dance around whatever it is you truly want to say?”

  She laughed. “Funny how we got to know each other better only after we decided not to marry.”

  Stenfax smiled once more. That was as true a statement as had ever been made. When he’d been engaged to Celia, he had felt absolutely nothing toward her. He’d welcomed that numb emptiness at the time and told himself he could live with it. That he would do his duty as so many men had done before and live very happily without anything more passionate or real in his future.

  Now he was glad he hadn’t sacrificed them both to the altar of that foolish mistake. If he had insisted they wed rather than release her, protect her, when she had admitted she wanted more, Celia never would have found her future with Dane. Stenfax knew very little about him, but it was evident Celia loved him and he her.

  And more to the point, Stenfax wouldn’t have had a chance to ever be with Elise again. The very idea of that cut him to his bone.

  “It’s complicated, though, between you.”

  Stenfax lifted his gaze to her. “And you call me king of the understatement. You know about our past. After all that has gone on, you even know the bits I only just learned myself.”

  “You think John told me everything?” Celia asked.

  He tilted his head. “The way he looks at you? Yes, I think he told you everything. I think he couldn’t help himself, for you two are so connected.”

  Celia leaned back in her chair. “Well, of course he did. I suppose you must be angry with her.”

  Stenfax caught his breath. No one had put it in terms of anger before that moment—even he hadn’t allowed himself to do so.

  “Angry?” he said, his voice shaking a little. “She sacrificed herself for me and my family. She ensured that Felicity wasn’t sent to the gallows. Am I allowed anger?”

  “Of course you are,” Celia said softly. “If anger is what you feel, then pretending it away does no good. You are certainly entitled to it, I think. She sacrificed herself, but I know you. You are not a man who likes someone else to arrange his destiny.”

  He clenched his jaw. And there it was. The truth he had been trying not to face, part of the truth that was keeping him from truly giving himself to Elise.

  “I…am angry,” he said, the words gaining more power when he said them out loud. “I loved her and I was not even given a chance to have a say in what she did. She didn’t trust me enough to give me the opportunity to do what needed to be done for my family.”

  Celia’s face was very still, and she nodded. “I can imagine that is frustrating.”

  “Once again, an understatement,” Stenfax said as he pushed to his feet and strode across the room to the fireplace. He clenched a fist against the mantel and faced her.

  “She lied to me. I know it was to protect me, to protect Felicity and I realize that the person who suffered most directly for that lie was her. But damn it, Celia, what can I do with that fact? How can I build a future with a person who cannot fully trust me? Who I cannot fully trust?”

  Celia stood and there was a world of understanding on her face. “When John and I began courting, you recall he was pretending to be someone else.”

  Stenfax nodded. “Yes, of course. But isn’t that different? He was doing that as a duty to his country, it wasn’t of his own choice.”

  She moved toward him a long step. “Elise was willing to sacrifice herself to a life of torture with a man who used her as a weapon against someone who had slighted him. Do you really think she didn’t do that out of duty? Do you really think she would have done it if she felt she had any choice?”

  Stenfax’s hand loosened slightly. He cleared his throat. “Then tell me, Celia, how did you overcome it when the truth came out about Dane? You obviously love him and he loves you. You married him despite his lies at the beginning. Now you are building a new life together. How did you manage to do all that?”

  Celia reached out and covered his hands with hers gently. “I did it by recognizing that my love for him outweighed everything else. I did it by asking him to tell me everything I needed to know about his past, about his life, about what had led him to what he’d done. When he surrendered all the parts of himself, even the painful ones he had never shared with anyone else, I realized he was willing to put himself in my hands. That he gave me his faith and so I could be free to do the same in return. Now, perhaps that isn’t as important to you, because you already know everything about Elise.”

  He frowned. He did know her motives, of course. He didn’t even question them. But did he really know everything he’d wanted to hear from her? Had he truly opened all the doors that were locked between then?

  “Stenfax, it is clear, just as it has always been clear, that you love her very much,” Celia said. “And any woman who was willing to do what she did for you certainly loves you. I could see that the moment she stepped out of the carriage on your arm.”

  He shut his eyes briefly, for it was like Celia was ripping a protective scab from a long held wound. The words of love had been withheld despite all Lucien and Elise had been through.

  “Will that be enough?” he asked. “This great love that couldn’t sustain us in the past?”

  Celia smiled at him, a gentle smile and a knowing one. But in this he supposed she was wiser. Considering what she and Dane had been through, he knew it.

  “Oh yes. It will be more than enough, but only if you allow it to be so. You must find what it is that will make you let go of that past. Otherwise you will never be free. And that is just as unfair to Elise as it would have been for you and I to marry when we didn’t care for each other.”

  He nodded slowly. “You have given me a great deal to think about, Celia.”

  “I’m sure I have. And luckily you have a few days left to do that thinking before you wed.” She stifled a yawn. “And I think I will leave you to begin that thinking, as I am feeling the effects of travel.” She leaned in to kiss him on the cheek. “You deserve to be happy, Stenfax. And so does she. Don’t be so afraid of surrender that you throw away a wonderful future.”

  She patted his hand and then slipped from the room, leaving him to ponder her words. Leaving him to ponder everything he had lost.

  And everything he had to gain if he could only overcome the walls between himself and Elise. Walls he had erected, himself.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  In the days since her arrival at Lucien’s country estate, Elise had experienced a great many things. She felt like she was home again after a long absence, and yet she also felt like a stranger who was out of place. She felt part of Lucien’s family again, thanks to the kindness of Gray and Felicity and Lady Stenfax. But she also felt entirely alone and isolated because Lucien continued to withdraw.

  With a sigh, she pushed through the terrace doors and walked out across the stone parapet. The summer sun was warm around her, but there was a bite of autumn underneath as she walked to the stone edge and set her hands down on the rough surface.

  Being here was an odd thing. Even odder still was that less than an hour ago, she had been declared Lucien’s wife.

  His wife. That had been her dream for so long, and yet it felt like a hollow victory now thanks to the past that had destroyed their happiness. Their future.

  The door behind her opened and she turned to watch Felicity step onto the terr
ace. Her friend had a wide smile as she said, “There you are, Lady Stenfax.”

  Elise flinched. That title didn’t yet sound right, even though it had been the one she’d dreamed of holding since she was a girl and had fallen head over heels in love with her best friend’s brother. A love that had only grown rather than shrunk with the years.

  But how could she gleefully embrace her new name when Lucien was inside and that wall between them that was still insurmountable?

  She’d hoped coming here would change things between them, but it hadn’t. Stenfax had busied himself with investigation alongside Gray and Dane, while she was wrapped up in wedding preparation. It was as if they were in different orbits now, passing each other, but never allowed to touch.

  Felicity slipped an arm around her and squeezed. “It’s going to be all right.”

  Elise sent her a side glance. Her friend was putting on a strong face but she knew Felicity’s abject terror was just below the surface. Even as Gray, Stenfax and now John Dane worked together to protect her, Felicity seemed resigned that they might not succeed. That the truth might come out and destroy her.

  “I know they’ll defend you against anything that comes,” Elise said as a comfort. “But as for me…well, I don’t know if I believe it.”

  “Gray and Stenfax are certainly determined,” Felicity said with a glance over her shoulder. “And Dane is very clever.”

  Elise followed her friend’s stare and through the window she could see Celia and Dane talking to Stenfax. “You were right about Rosalinde’s sister. I like Celia, even if she did lay claim to Stenfax once.”

  “No, she never did,” Felicity said, her tone faraway. “Only you have ever done that.”

  Elise flinched at that assessment and slipped from her friend’s embrace to walk back to the wall.

  “You don’t believe it to be true,” Felicity said.

  “I don’t know anymore,” Elise admitted.

  “Well, ask Stenfax yourself, for here he comes,” Felicity said.

  Elise spun around to watch Lucien walk through the terrace doors toward her. She tensed as she awaited his arrival, awaited how he would treat her and if she could bear the barriers between them.

  “Congratulations again, Lucien,” Felicity said, moving toward him. He embraced her just a little too tightly for the sentiment and Elise saw worry line his handsome face. He erased it before he pulled back and leaned down to whisper something to his sister.

  Felicity nodded, tossed Elise a knowing smile and then went into the house. Elise’s heart stuttered as Stenfax now strode toward her, his gaze focused firmly on her. When he reached her, he caught her hand and lifted it to his lips.

  “Have I told you today just how lovely you look?”

  Elise blushed. “Not in so many words, but when I rounded the corner into the parlor where we wed, your eyes got rather large. Though to be honest, I wasn’t certain whether you liked what you saw or were considering making a run for it.”

  A rare smile broadened over his face. “I was not considering running, I assure you.”

  “No?” She drew a long breath. She didn’t want these walls between them forever. And maybe, just maybe she could start to tear them down after all. She threaded her fingers through his. “I am surprised to hear you say you didn’t consider escape.”

  “You think I wish to escape you?” he asked, his smile falling and his tone becoming serious.

  “How can I not, Lucien? This marriage was thrust upon you, I know it was your honor that dictated you wed me rather than a real desire.” He opened his mouth, but she moved forward. “Oh, please, let me finish.”

  “Go ahead.”

  “I appreciate the protection, please don’t misunderstand. But there is so much we’ve left unsaid. So much between us from before, from now. I hate to start with so much in the balance.”

  She waited for him to respond, to deny what she said or to walk away like he had been doing throughout the time of their short engagement. Instead he nodded slowly.

  “I agree, Elise,” he whispered. “We must talk it out at last. Let’s sneak away, just us, and do that.”

  Elise stared up at him. She couldn’t read his expression and that frightened her, especially after the chaos of the past few weeks. “Won’t the others notice our absence?”

  “In such a small party, of course they will,” he said, taking her hand. “But Felicity will explain. Now come, we have much to do if we are to resolve things between us at last.”

  She frowned at his turn of phrase. Resolve things between them at last. The idea was not very comforting. After all, he could have many plans for their future that weren’t going to end happily for her. Many couples in Society lived separate lives.

  “You tremble,” he whispered.

  She nodded. “I do.”

  His expression softened. “Come on.”

  He tugged her forward gently, toward the winding staircase that led from the terrace to the garden below. He took her on a side path that led back to the front of the estate and to her surprise, a phaeton was waiting there for them. He helped her up, said a few soft words to the groom who waited there for them, and then climbed up beside her.

  They rode off together, not toward the main gate of the house, but farther into the estate, down pathways she had last traveled as a girl when she came here with her family. She might have enjoyed the trip through her memories if she wasn’t so afraid of the outcome.

  Stenfax, on the other hand, seemed entirely at ease. He even whistled as they rode on and on, through twisting lanes, past the manicured lawns and into the quiet, wooded depths of the estate.

  After twenty minutes on the lane, he rounded a curve and a cottage rose up ahead of them. It was a beautiful place, faced with large, round river stone. Smoke curled up from the chimney, welcoming them there.

  “Your father’s old hunting lodge?” Elise said softly.

  He cast a side glance toward her. “Yes. It’s been closed up for years since I never have time for sport anymore. But I’ve had reopened and aired out for a new purpose.”

  Her heart sank, but she said nothing as he parked the vehicle and came around to help her down. She stared at his hand reaching toward her, then back at the house.

  “You are frowning,” he said softly. “You don’t like it?”

  She cleared her throat. “I-I’m sure it’s lovely. But please just tell me, don’t try to make it a pretty thing.”

  His brow wrinkled. “Tell you what?”

  “Is this where you’ll…put me? I know this marriage has caused a scandal and with everything between us, I can hardly expect that you wouldn’t want to send me away to the country. I’m sure the cottage is very nice and I’ll—”

  He held up a hand to silence her. “You believe I’ve had the cottage reopened in order to banish you to the countryside and protect my hide?”

  When he said it like that, she hesitated. “I don’t know. It isn’t like you, I know that. But things between us have changed so much since the truth came out.” She bent her head.

  “Take my hand,” he said.

  She lifted her eyes and found him reaching for her again. With a sigh, she did as he asked, rocked by the electricity between them as he helped her down. He said nothing as he drew her forward and opened the cottage door.

  She caught her breath. There were flowers throughout the space, her favorite pink roses, bright yellow marigolds, even fragrant lavender. A fire burned brightly, with wine and two glasses set up beside the rug spread out there.

  This was not a prison. It was a hideaway. She looked toward him. He took a long step forward and cupped her cheek.

  “Faith, Elise. Have a little.”

  She shut her eyes as his thumb moved across her skin. Once more she hadn’t trusted him, just as he had accused her of over and over. Once again she had proved that the wall between them was one she had earned.

  She bit back a sob of disapp
ointment and forced herself to look at him. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.

  He shook his head as he closed and locked the door behind them. “The groom will follow down in a bit and stable the horse. I just wanted a place for us. A place for privacy, since the main house is brimming with people and plans. I wanted to be able to talk to you.” He moved forward again and crowded into her space. She welcomed it. “I wanted to be able to do more than talk to you.”

  She began to shake. Out of need, yes, but also out of something more powerful. Her love for him shook her and her realization that at last he wanted to hash things out with her. This was her chance, perhaps her last chance, to set things right after so much wrong.

  “Which would you like to do first?” she whispered.

  A half smile tilted his face, and then he bent his head and his lips moved over hers. At first he was gentle, just brushing his lips back and forth. She melted against him, clinging to his lapels with both hands as his lips parted and he devoured her with all the passion that had been held aside for the past two weeks.

  She arched into him, feeling his hardness, feeling him shake with the power of his need. Feeling everything else drop away, if only for a moment.

  At last, though, he withdrew, staring down at her with dilated pupils. “I think talking first would be best. Once we start the other, I don’t intend to stop for a very long time and it will only confuse the issue.”

  She was both disappointed by his physical withdrawal and anticipating his emotional one. Perhaps that was what inspired her to burst out, “You’ve been holding back from me, Lucien and I know—”

  He lifted a finger to her lips and pressed gently, silencing her. “Shhh. Let me speak a moment. Please.”

  She fought to find that trust he requested, required and remained silent.

  He drew away and looked her up and down. “I have watched you in the past few days, so calmly facing everything difficulty, so beautifully handling all that has been thrown at you.”

  She swallowed. His voice was so…gentle. She hadn’t heard that gentleness from him in years. It almost broke her, but she managed to stay composed. “I’ve done my best,” she said.