Suckers Bite Back (San Francisco Vampires #5) (Vampires of San Francisco series)

by Jessica McBrayer

  We enter the second floor office and are greeted by a young vamp receptionist. She’s very pleasant. The room is painted in soothing colors and has some succulents planted throughout. They contrast with the soft edges of the pillows on the couches and chairs in the waiting room. I get my requisite paperwork and sit down. It’s thick and I groan internally. The first part is just the typical demographic info plus when I was turned and how. My hunting habits, where I live and with who. If I’m employed and past employers. I put down my last job and reason for leaving. A big fat fired. The rest of the packet requires that I explain my symptoms. If I am self-medicating on alcohol, brimstone or street drugs. Yikes. Never thought I’d have to put this down. I never thought I’d be at this point. By the time I’m done I have ten minutes to wait before my appointment. The receptionist takes my papers into an office where I assume Sophie will look them over before we meet.

  I’m nervous. My leg is bouncing up and down. Helena gently puts her hand on it to steady me and I give her a small smile.

  “It will be okay. She’s a lovely person, very kind and compassionate,” she says.

  “I know, I’m just nervous. I’ve always been on the other end of the crisis. I don’t know what to do here,” I explain.

  “Sophie will help guide you.”

  A tall, slender vampire comes out of the office door. She’s dressed casually but in a classic way. Long, curly ebony hair flows down to the middle of her back. She has it tucked behind one ear and is wearing beautiful silver and turquoise earrings. A multitude of delicate rings adorn her fingers. She also wears a gentle smile.

  “Hello Helena, Lily, would you care to join me?” she asks.

  “Yes.”

  I follow her through the door into a well lit room with windows from floor to ceiling. They overlook the park and where the De Young is a little further back. It’s a beautiful scene. There are several comfy chairs each with a soft chenille throw on them and pillows. Ferns fill this room. Everything about this room is soft. The art on the walls is delicate line drawings and prints in vibrant colors providing just enough edge to keep it from being boring. I pick a chair where I can see the park and still face Sophie.

  “I’m happy to meet you at last, Lily. I’ve heard a lot about you throughout the years,” she says.

  “I’m sorry but I have never heard about you until today.” I’m a bit frosty about this.

  “That’s typical of Helena. You see she turned me. She doesn’t talk about her children. But it’s my story to tell so if you have any questions you may ask me,” she says.

  “How old are you?” I venture.

  “I am six hundred and seventy.”

  “Wow. What made you want to become a psychologist?” I ask now super curious.

  “I was a midwife who was accused of witchcraft. Helena saved me. I have always been a healer. When it became appropriate for a woman to go to medical school, I went. I was a doctor for a long while.”

  “Didn’t the blood bother you?” I interrupt.

  “No, I think I am unique that way. I was able to turn off my feeding instinct when I needed to. After a long while I felt I should be doing something for my people. They didn’t need doctors but many suffered with transitioning and depression during different times in their long lives. So I went back to school and became a psychologist for vampires.”

  “You’ve had an amazing life it would seem,” I say.

  “A very fulfilling one for sure,” she says. She re-tucks her hair. “I’ve been going over your file. You are truly unique among our kind, Lily Goodwill. Do you know that?”

  “No, why?” I ask, puzzled.

  “You are a giver of life. You hesitate to take it. That is not the vampire way. I think this is a great asset to a human but could cause great conflict within a vampire. A conflict that could resonate throughout the rest of your life choices. You’re also part werewolf. More conflict.” She shifts in her chair. “How did working at the hotline make you feel?”

  “Satisfied and needed. I felt fulfilled.” I don’t even hesitate to answer. She smiles at me.

  “You have a great desire to be needed. How did being engaged with Sebastian make you feel?”

  “Suffocated.”

  “Why?”

  “I don’t know. He was very protective. I never had to make choices, he made them all. If he could. For my wellbeing. Because he loved me. He loved me so much I was over flowing with it but couldn’t reciprocate. I could show him I loved him but I couldn’t take charge or make him feel needed like he wanted me to and he never ever made me feel needed.” Boy, I had never looked at from this perspective.

  “How about Aidan? How did his love make you feel?” she asks while she is making notes.

  “Hmmm, he is more difficult. It felt wild and clandestine. It was magickal because he is. But I was always telling him no because I was with Sebastian. I always felt guilty. There was always guilt involved when Aidan was around. He loved me so much and for the longest time I couldn’t return it. Then when I did, I knew I was breaking Sebastian’s heart and that led to my heart breaking and more guilt. It was so messed up that I decided I needed space from both of them. That’s only making all three of us miserable. But I didn’t know what to do.”

  “In the meantime you were bitten by a werewolf. How do you feel about that?”

  “Some parts are awesome. I could do without the blood lust, though. It’s the only time I take blood that I don’t feel guilty. There’s that word again. Some days I feel consumed with guilt.”

  “How does that make you feel?”

  “Desperate, hopeless and isolated. I feel like no one can really love me because I am a bad person.”

  “So then you got fired,” she prompts.

  “I got fired. The only thing I had left that made me feel worthwhile, and like a contributing member of society. When that was gone, oh was I a mess. I went to the first bar I could find and lured the drunkest man I could find. Practically blood-raped him and stumbled home. I just wanted the numbing it would give. Then who of all people finds me at the door but Sebastian and he tries to pick me up being all sweet and all I can do is yell and swear at him. I was so angry. So he calls Aidan, which in retrospect I know had to cost him to admit defeat. Aidan pops in and I do the same to him.”

  “Who finally helped you, because I imagine you could barely walk,” she asks.

  “Helena. I will always let Helena in.”

  “And the next day?”

  “I smelled that Sebastian had been in my room watching me sleep again. He did that sometimes. But it really pissed me off. I know I was probably still a little drunk. I got dressed and went down stairs and he was with Nico, a gorgeous French model. He decided to date again. I had finally pushed him away. For good,” I say. Then I lose it and start sobbing. I continue even though I’m sure she could barely understand me while I cry.

  “The next day I talked Liam and Andrew into getting drunk with me. I dressed in leather pants and a corset blouse. Sebastian told me not to dress that way of course and I told him mind his own business. Aidan begged to go with me to protect me. And Julian wanted to help with the boys since it was their first time. I agreed to all that reluctantly.” I grab the blanket and pillow and snuggle with them.

  “It went perfectly with Liam and Andrew. They shared a meal and had a nice little buzz going. They had fun. Then I announced that I was going to The Devil With You.”

  “The Demon bar?” Sophie asks.

  “Yep. I didn’t know what I was getting into but I knew I wanted to be reckless. Aidan insisted on going with me. I told him he may not like what he saw. He didn’t care,” I say as I shake my head for emphasis. “Julian took the boys home and Aidan popped us over there.”

  “As soon as we went inside the owner of the club started hitting on me. Aidan wanted to check him out so he went outside to make a phone call but I guess he really transmanifested over to our friend Diel’s house.”

  “Sidiel, the Duke?” S
ophie asks as she is madly scribbling.

  “Yes. While Aidan was gone, Mark, the owner, whisked me away to a private room and got me a hunk of drunk demon flesh to drink from. Then he asked me if I want to have a good time while nuzzling my neck.” I look up at Sophie. I desperately want her to understand me. “It felt so good to have a man interested in me and to touch me again. No strings attached.”

  “I can understand that,” Sophie says.

  “I told him yeah, I wanted to have a good time the next thing I know we were on his motorcycle driving to his house. He kissed me a little bit and asked if I wanted to try some brimstone. I was so out of it. I asked what it would do to me and he said the other vamps he knew that used it said they felt enlightened. That sounded good to me so I said yes. I sat in his lap and snorted a line. I remember feeling like was floating. I guess he was undressing me but I don’t remember that. Just the floating and then I woke up with a terrible headache three days later.”

  “Sounds like quite a week you’ve had,” Sophie says. She looks me in the eyes. I don’t want to meet her eyes. “Lily, look at me.” I look at her. “Lily, you stumbled. It happens. What do you want to do now? How do you feel about all this past week’s behavior?”

  “I feel ashamed of myself. I also feel like doing some of it again. I know that sounds terrible, especially since it makes me feel guilty and ashamed but I just long for the numbness,” I plea, hoping she understands where I am coming from.

  “I think that’s understandable. Let’s talk about you feeling ashamed. What are you of ashamed of?” she asks holding out her hands.

  “That I’ve let everyone down with my behavior, that they will think less of me because of it. I’ve always been the perfect little sister. Now I’m the disappointment,” I say.

  “Has anyone told you that you are a disappointment?”

  “No, but I know they must be thinking it.”

  “I know Helena is worried about you. She’s crazy for you and sick that she did something to push you into this,” Sophie says.

  “That’s just not true! Helena had nothing to do with me feeling this way. I had everything to do with it. It’s all my fault. I have to tell her.”

  “In a minute if you want we can invite her in and you can tell her yourself,” Sophie says.

  “I would like that.”

  “Now back to you feeling like a disappointment. Are you disappointed in yourself, Lily?”

  I have to sit back in my chair. This is an Ah-ha moment for me. I’ve been so worried about what everyone else feels that I lost touch with myself. I am a little disappointed in myself and angry at myself and I feel sorry for myself. I’m truly angry. Really, really angry at everything.

  “Yes, but I realize that I am angry too. Angry at myself but also just plain full of rage. So much I don’t know what to do with it.”

  “So you’ve turned to alcohol and drugs as an escape from all this rage boiling inside of you,” Sophie explains.

  “Yes. Although I didn’t know I was doing it.”

  “It’s quite common. What’s not common is having a vampire figure it out about themselves so quickly. You are a very mindful vamp, Lily. I think we can work together well. Would you be interested in coming back?”

  I look over at the clock and realize two hours have gone by. Geesh, I’m going to get billed big time, but I nod at her. This has started to lift some heavy chains off of me. I still feel like I’m drowning in them but a few are gone now and I know this woman has the key to the lock.

  “Can we ask Helena in now?” I ask.

  “Of course.” She smiles and steps out to do that.

  Helena comes in vampire mode. Her brow is creased and she is not the carefree Helena I am used to seeing. I now know I have put her through the ringer. I have to apologize.

  “Helena, I’m so sorry for causing you so much trouble.”

  “Sshhh, Lily. I love you, like you were my own. You aren’t trouble. I’ve worried out of love,” she says as she smoothes my hair off my forehead.

  “I want you to know that you’ve had nothing to do with me going down this dark road. It’s been about love and sorrow and now it’s turned into anger and I don’t know what to do with it. I’m so full of it I just want to make it go away,” I say.

  “Oh, dearest, it doesn’t work that way. But I’m sure Sophie can help you with that. I know of something else that will help. I found a vampire kick boxer trainer. He’s got all the equipment magickally reinforced. I was going to look into it to work out some of my frustrations. Now I will have a partner. It will be a great way to take out some of that rage.” Helena looks to Sophie for affirmation and Sophie nods enthusiastically.

  “Okay, but we’ll have to do some shopping for outfits,” I say because I know that will make Helena smile. And it works.

  “There’s my girl. We’ll go shopping right now. First class is tomorrow evening. When do you want to see her again, Sophie?” Helena asks.

  “If it’s alright with you, Lily, I would like to meet every two days right now. So could you make some appointments with Aurora, my receptionist? She runs my life. She’ll squeeze you in so it might not be a regular time and days yet, is that okay?”

  “Yes, whenever. My schedule is pretty free right now. Oh, except for kick boxing,” I say and smile.

  “You’ll love it,” Sophie assures me.

  I leave her office and the lovely Aurora helps me schedule enough appointments for the next month. I leave with Helena chattering about where to find athletic clothes and whether we should match or not. I carefully roll my eyes. I am so not in the mood to shop. I never thought I would say that. Yikes.

  We head over to Fillmore Street and to Athleta and clean them out. I have to admit I am starting to cheer up. Helena is contagious. I love the idea of the classes in Athleta, too. It’s a genial atmosphere.

  When we get to the manse, Julian is home and so is Sebastian, or at least his car is. Doesn’t he work anymore? I hope Nico is gone.

  “Take a deep breath to loosen your muscles. I know you don’t have to breathe but it does something to our neck and back muscles when we do. Try it,” Helena suggests.

  “Wow, I can feel everything relaxing. Not as good as a back rub but it works in a pinch. Thanks Helena,” I say and give her a kiss on the cheek before we get out of my little car. We walk to the back to get our bags. When we walk into the manse Julian is waiting for us and kisses each of us. I leave my bags at the bottom of the stairs and think about searching out a really good cup of coffee.

  I hear Sebastian come up behind me. He looks nervous.

  “Lily, can I help you with your purchases?”

  “Where’s Nico?” I ask.

  “She’s at a photo shoot. Merde, I don’t really care where she is.” He shakes his head and rubs a hand across his eyes. I pause at this. “Please, I would really like to help you with your bags.”

  “Okay, that would be nice,” I say.

  He picks them up and we walk up the staircase together and to my room. When we get inside, he shuts the door. I turn, surprised.

  “Lily, I want you back,” he says hoarsely.

  He grabs me then and kisses me soundly. When we come back up for air he says, “Diel dropped this by while you were out. It’s the contact information for that Mark character. He said he was obligated to give it to you but said if he were you he’d stay the fuck away from him. I concur.”

  He hands me a white business card and walks out of the room.

  12 AIDAN

  Raging through the hot winds of the desert, being free as a spirit, weightless and thoughtless, did wonders for my mind and soul. I’m thinking clearer than I have since I tried to jump off that damn bridge in San Francisco and was entranced by a beautiful vampire. I don’t regret a moment of the past but I feel like my heart is now free to move on. It’s been unlocked. Finally. I know my love for Lilith is so deep not even the cleansing fire winds could eradicate it, but it’s now manageable. If I still want to pu
rsue her, well then I’m in for the long haul. It’s something I have to think on.

  I find myself back in San Fran dressed in jeans and a lightweight sweater, sitting out in the sun at a coffee shop in the early morning. Something I haven’t done since I met Lilith. Again, another chain lifted. I am soaking up the energy and sunshine, people watching when the glimmer from a silver bangle catches my eye. I lazily look for its source. What I find makes me lower my sun glasses.

  An ebony goddess.

  Her energy is pure and sparkles with good intent and faith and love and honesty. A lot of what had drawn me to Lilith. She has beauty inside and out. What a marvel. Human too. But do I want to engage in conversation let alone anything else with a mortal? Their lives are so short. It’s tragic but powerful.

  I taste her energy and almost fall off my seat. It’s so pure.

  I get up and walk to her table. She’s sitting alone drinking some tea. My shadow falls across her and she looks up. I take my sunglasses off so as not to be rude.

  “My name is Aidan, may I join you this morning?”

  “Aidan, you’re in luck. I’m feeling a little self-conscious sitting here by myself so, yes please join me,” she answers in a honey-sweet drawl. Atlanta maybe.

  “Georgia?”

  “Yes! That’s very good,” she says smiling wide showing off a stunning smile. I sit down next to her so that we both face the street. A fleeting image of Lilith flashes through my mind. Guilt fills me and I almost make my excuses.

  “I’m sorry, I’m not so good that I can guess your name,” I say and wink at her. She blushes.

  “Where are my manners? My name is Manda Hightree, but for work I just go by Manda.”