The Beloved Son

by Jay Quinn

  “Why did you leave him?” Karl asked without thinking. Karl noted with surprise his unabashed desire to know.

  Rob seemed taken aback by the question and took a moment to collect himself. Finally, he looked Karl in the eye and said, “Come with me while I pour some wine. I’ll try to answer your question in the kitchen.” With a glance toward the bedrooms down the hall, Rob strode through the dining room into the kitchen behind the garage.

  Karl had found the kitchen had been updated and enlarged into the backyard. Here too, Sven had shown a spare hand in decor. He sat at a small old oak table with barley twist legs in one of the chairs and waited for Rob’s response without another word.

  Though they were not close, Rob had been a part of the family for a long time, so Karl felt justified in his question. The sufferance he had always allowed Rob was far greater than he imagined his father or even his mother bore him. Karl remembered that after the initial shock of Sven’s relationship with Rob had worn off, Karl had simply relegated it to a place of fact in his dealings with Sven. He’d never even discussed with Sven the fact that he was gay. There had never been any confessions or entreaties on either of their parts. Because he had always accepted Rob for who he was, he felt entitled to some explanation about what was going on between his brother and his boyfriend.

  Rob busied himself opening a bottle of red wine and shared it among five glasses waiting on the marble countertop. When he had finished, he took two glasses and joined Karl at the kitchen table. As he slid Karl’s glass toward him, he patted Gretchen, who stood panting by his side. “I haven’t really left Sven,” he said carefully.

  “But you’re not living together anymore,’’ Karl said bluntly and then added, “And Sven says you’ve been dating.”

  “You can’t exactly call what I’ve been doing dating,’’ Rob replied, “but I have had pleasant dinners with a few people, yes.” Rob took a sip of his wine and looked at Karl openly. “As for us living apart, my great aunt died and left me a rather nice condo on Palm Beach. I wanted us to move there, but Sven volunteered to take Gretchen when our friend Tommy went into hospice. My place has a no-pets rule.”

  “So you’ve separated over the dog?” Karl asked doubtfully.

  “Well, you can say the dog was the straw that broke my back,” Rob said honestly. “The past two years haven’t been easy. It appeared to me that Sven was putting many things ahead of our relationship. Your parents, work, even ol’ Gretchen here,” Rob said as he continued to stroke the happily panting dog. “I very badly wanted to take the place in Palm Beach and fix it up. Eventually I’ll sell it, but I want Sven to sell this place, too, and for us to make a move somewhere else. We have an ongoing discussion about relocating the business to New York. I have a growing client list up there, and I think Sven could be a hit with Tynnigo somewhere in Manhattan. Hell, half of our clients here have a place in the city.”

  “But Sven won’t make a move because of Mom and Dad, is that it?” Karl asked soberly.

  “Yes, and frankly I resent it,” Rob said with some heat.

  “But soon Mom and Dad won’t be putting such demands on him,” Karl said hopefully.

  Rob sighed. “That’s why I haven’t really left him, Karl. I want him in my future, but he has to want to be in it. For now, with me staying in Palm Beach, we’re not arguing, we’re waiting. I think they call it détente.” Rob looked Karl in the eye and continued. “There’s no anger between us. I love him more than I ever have, but some things need to change, for both of us.”

  Karl nodded and took a sip of his wine. Finding it surprisingly good, he took another sip and gave himself a moment to take in what Rob had told him. “Thanks for explaining this to me, Rob,” he said gently. “I know it’s none of my business, and you have to admit, I’ve never butted into your and Sven’s affairs before. I just hope you’ll give Sven time to deal with getting Mom and Dad settled in at Palladian Gardens.”

  Rob nodded and smiled. “I am giving him time. Do you think I don’t know what kind of relationship he has with your mother and the responsibility he feels for her?”

  “I heard you finally told Dad to back off,” Karl said and chuckled.

  “Look, I know he’s your father, so I apologize, but he is a total bastard,” Rob said candidly.

  “He’s never given you or Sven a break, I know,” Karl told him. “I can imagine it must be hard for you to take him as part of the parent package deal.”

  “I have a completely different relationship with my family,” Rob told him. “We exchange holiday cards, but we don’t interact much beyond that.” He sighed and took another sip of wine. “I have given up a lot to have Sven in my life. Do you think I’d give up on him easily after twenty-six years?”

  “You two got together when you were fourteen, didn’t you?” Karl asked even though he could do the math; the reality of it beggared his imagination.

  Rob gave a small laugh. “The first time I ever saw him was at school in fourth-period math,” Rob said. “I prayed to God that if he would just give me Sven, I’d never ask him for anything else.”

  “And have you ever asked him for anything else?” Karl laughed as he raised his wineglass.

  Rob looked him in the eye and said, “You’d better be careful when you make deals with God. I should have talked with a lawyer first. I’d have added a part where he had to love me more than he did his mother.”

  Karl nodded and looked away. “Pretty soon, Mom won’t even be able to recognize him. Maybe then he’ll be able to let go.”

  “I don’t know whether I want that or not,” Rob said evenly. “I don’t wish your mother’s mental state to decline any more than it has. I’m not an asshole, Karl. I just want us to be able to move on with our lives.”

  “Rob, believe me when I tell you, I want the same thing, for both of you,” Karl said genuinely.

  Rob nodded and smiled. “So you’re not going to beat me up for messing with your brother?”

  Karl laughed easily. “I’m more likely to take Sven and shake some sense into him.”

  Rob stood up and walked over to the counter. He placed the other four glasses of wine on a tray. “Thanks, Karl,” he said sincerely. “Now I better serve this wine and get everyone together.”

  “Thank you, Rob, for being so good to him.” He was pleased when Rob smiled and grasped his shoulder affectionately before picking up the tray and walking out of the kitchen.

  Gretchen followed Rob as far as the door, then stopped and looked back at Karl expectantly. When he didn’t respond, she turned and walked back to his side and sat. She pushed his wrist up with her nose and waited for him to pet her. Karl responded by absently stroking her head a couple of times before returning his hand to the table. Once again, the dog nosed his wrist and urged him to pay attention to her.

  “You’re a pretty girl,” Karl said as he stroked the dog’s head and gently ran her long hound’s ears between his fingers, enjoying their softness. Gretchen had odd, light-colored eyes, more yellow than green, and she regarded him somberly. Karl smiled. “You look like the kind of dog Sven would have,” he remarked. Gretchen panted and yawned, curling her long tongue appreciatively.

  Karl thought of Rob’s dilemma. Sven did seem to take on responsibility as easily as others collected bric-a-brac. The dog seemed to know she was well placed here. Karl wondered what would have become of her had Sven not agreed to care for her when her master had become unable to provide for himself, much less a dog.

  Karl looked around the spare, utilitarian kitchen that was giving off promising scents of the dinner to come. While its finishes were expensive, it was like the rest of the house he’d seen so far, stripped of any excess. It spoke of an owner-occupant who had streamlined himself in such a way that he expressed his character through the quality of materials in his home, which was otherwise devoid of pretty bits and bobs or any other assertion of self. Karl wondered if Sven was so busy taking care of others that he subsumed himself in their needs, or if he
simply had become so diminished in himself that he no longer mattered. Was that what was keeping him from forging ahead with his life with Rob? Karl wondered. It was as if he didn’t really know his brother at all. What he did for others gave the clearest picture of the man himself. Karl wondered what there was under the altruism.

  Gretchen stood and barked at him sharply. Then she walked to the kitchen door and stood, looking back at him encouragingly. Amused, Karl stood and carried his wineglass to the counter. Finding there was still wine in the bottle, he poured what was left into his glass and walked to Gretchen at the door. Happily, she took off in a trot and he followed along behind her to join his family in the other room.

  Karl saw everyone sprawled on the generous cushions of the large sofa, listening to Melanie regale them with what appeared to be a story about one of her students. Her voice seemed loud over the background of smooth jazz flowing from speakers he couldn’t see. Karl noticed that Melanie and Caroline had shed the bulky sweaters they’d arrived in and had joined their hosts in removing their shoes. They all looked so comfortable. Karl became aware of how stuffily dressed he was, still clad in his father’s jacket and his own dress shoes.

  “Come sit, Karl,” Sven encouraged him, shifting from Caroline’s side to make room on the sofa.

  “I think I want to get rid of this jacket and take off my shoes,” Karl told him. “I feel like I’ve just gotten home from work to find a beach party going on.”

  “By all means,” Rob told him. “Make yourself at home.”

  “Come with me,” Caroline said as she unfolded her legs from under her and stood with quick grace. “I’ll show you to the guest room.”

  Wordlessly, Karl gave her a small smile and followed her to a door midway down the hall. Caroline walked in, turned to face him, and took his wineglass as he stepped inside. She sat both their glasses on the nightstand as he took off the jacket. Taking it from him and laying it over a nearby chair, she asked, “Are you okay? You seem sorta lost.”

  Karl opened his arms and stepped toward her and enfolded her in a hug. “I’m so glad you’re here,” he whispered as he laid his cheek on the top of her head.

  Caroline returned his hug and, taking his hand, led him to the edge of the bed, where they sat. “Has it been rough?” she asked as she searched his face.

  Karl bent to undo his shoes and free his feet from his socks. Fortunately, he noted, his feet were relatively fresh. With his face hidden from view, he answered, “Mom had a very bad spell today. It was really unnerving.”

  As he sat up and looked at her, Caroline asked what happened. Briefly, Karl gave her the unvarnished facts and sighed. “I had a gut feeling that something was off before I left,” he said. “You remember?”

  Caroline nodded. “Still, when you come face-to-face with it—the ugliness of it—it’s tough.”

  Karl took her hand and squeezed it. “I don’t know. I just imagine Dad and Sven dealing with this for the past several months, and I feel guilty. Even though I know there’s nothing I could have done. It’s just so horrible saying good-bye to her while she’s still alive.”

  “Don’t look at it that way, Karl. You can’t. You’ll make yourself crazy. You have to treat this as a really great opportunity to visit with your mother—and father—and let them know how much you care about them. That’s what this is about,” Caroline concluded confidently. “You hear me?”

  Karl nodded and said, “I hear you.” He smiled at her and said, “You know me, I want everything neat and solvable, with as little fuss as possible. I just find myself in a place where my usual detachment isn’t working. And there’s nothing really for me to solve. Dad’s taking care of everything, and his plans are excellent.”

  “The place you said you were going to visit? Where your folks are moving into—did you go?” Caroline asked him.

  “Yes. I got the grand tour today,” Karl told her. “For what it is, it’s the top of the line. I could even picture you and me living there if, you know, the situation warranted it.”

  “Well, that’s good news, then,” Caroline said, and nudged his shoulder. “But hopefully, that’s a long time off in the future for us.”

  “Thank God,” he said, honestly grateful to a god he claimed didn’t have any personal regard for him.

  “And how’s Sven in all this?” Caroline pressed him carefully.

  “To Mom and Dad, he’s an angel. Patient as hell—I don’t think I could do what he’s doing. But I’m a little worried about him,” Karl admitted as he lowered his voice and looked toward the door. “You know, Rob just told me they’re not really splitting up. They’re just taking some time apart. Sven’s been so focused on looking after Mom and Dad, it’s really interfered with his personal life.”

  Caroline nodded and stood. She pointed at something on the bed and said, “Sven is the most considerate person I know. Look at the box of chocolate truffles he left on the pillow.”

  Karl glanced, at the elegant little box and smiled. “I told him you were craving chocolate these days. Looks like he listened.”

  “Well, I thank him, and I thank you for thinking of me,” she told him with a slight bow of her head. Taking his free hand, she urged him up and off the bed to stand. “I think Sven and Rob are going to be alright,” she whispered. “Now, you cheer up. Your Caroline’s here now, and you don’t have to deal with all the feelings stuff on your own.”

  Karl looked her in the eyes and nodded shyly, then turned to retrieve their wineglasses from the nightstand. He quickly checked the rims for lip gloss imprints and handed her the telltale glass. Together they returned to the living room to join in the conversation there.

  “We have living wills,” Rob was telling Melanie as Caroline and Karl settled themselves with the others on the sofa. “Sven knows how I feel about becoming a vegetable or being kept alive when it’s no longer viable, and so he’s got my power of attorney for health matters.”

  “Well, Drew knows where I stand on those things,” Melanie responded. “After that dreadful Terri Schiavo case down here in Florida, we talked about it. But things are different for us because we’ll be married. It’s a shame you and Uncle Sven have to get all those special documents. It must have cost a fortune in legal fees.”

  “What are we talking about?” Caroline asked cheerfully.

  “We’re talking about what we’d do if we were faced with what Grandmere is going through,” Melanie answered with a glance at her father. “I don’t think I’d stick around for the inevitable. I’d just quietly find a way to end my life.”

  “Mom’s faith won’t allow that,” Sven answered gently. “She’s very firm in her resolve to deal with whatever comes. She’s very devout. We’ve discussed it, and she feels she can’t go against her religious beliefs.”

  “You’re still a practicing Catholic, Uncle Sven—what would you do?” Melanie asked bluntly.

  Sven took a sip of his wine and thought for a moment before he answered, “Well, having already reconciled myself to being gay and Catholic, it’s not too big a step for me to reconcile my beliefs about ending my life. I think God deals with each of us individually. I don’t have a problem bending the Church’s rules a bit further to include suicide.”

  “You’re good at that, Sven. But sooner or later you’re going to bend that Catholic Church so far it’ll snap.” Rob laughed.

  “Well, I can’t justify bankrupting us just to buy a few more weeks or months of living in terrible pain, or not even knowing I’m in the world,” Sven said evenly. “Science has gone far in the direction of prolonging life, and at a huge cost. I’d rather go ahead and check out, leaving you with the money,” Sven told Rob.

  “How do you feel about it, Dad?” Melanie asked her father.

  “Is there any more wine?” Karl looked around the group. “Can I get anyone any more wine?”

  Everyone laughed at his obvious ducking of the question, except Melanie. “Seriously, Dad,” she insisted. “I hope it’s not for ages, but one
of these days I’ll need to know how you feel about terminal illness and end-of-life questions. I’ll be the one responsible for you and Mom.”

  Karl glanced at Caroline, who responded with a slight nod. Karl leaned back into the sofa’s cushions and smiled at his daughter. “Your mother and I have living wills, Mel. Neither one of us wants to be kept alive past a reasonable point of no return. What that point is, we’ll figure out when we get there. I mean, if either of us has the option for chemo or radiation with a reasonable expectation of living a decent life afterwards, we’d do that. Right, dear?”

  “That’s right, Mel. Wt would. But if we were to have a heart attack or a stroke, our living wills say let us go,” Caroline told her daughter simply.

  “Really?” Melanie asked, stunned. “I mean, I’m glad to hear you’ve taken care of this for me, but I didn’t expect you to feel the same way I do.”

  “Well, we do, dear,” Caroline assured her. “Now can we change the subject? This excellent wine your Uncle Rob is pouring is too good to waste on such a sad subject.”

  “I think that’s my cue to open another bottle. Do we have time for another glass before dinner, Sven?” Rob asked as he stood.

  “We’re having lobster bisque and a salad,” Sven told him. “It won’t take long to finish up and serve. But I imagine you guys must be getting hungry. I’ll get us something to nibble on while we have another glass of wine.

  “Sounds good,” Karl told him. “Can we give you a hand?”

  “Nope,” Sven said as he stood to join Rob. “You guys stay put and we’ll be right back.”

  As Sven and Rob made their way to the kitchen, Gretchen climbed onto the sofa and settled in with a deep sigh. “Well, make yourself at home, missy,” Melanie said as she leaned over to stroke the dog’s neck.

  “She’s a beautiful animal, isn’t she?” Caroline said approvingly.

  “Yes she is,” Karl said and grinned. “Who do you think she looks like, Sven or Rob?”

  “You’re terrible,” Melanie said as she stroked the dog’s side.

  “I don’t know, they say people look like their pets,” Karl teased her.