Book 1: 3rd World Products, Inc.

by Ed Howdershelt

  That's good enough for me, y'all.

  I emailed a copy of the story to Linda without adding any personal comments, then sipped coffee and thought for a few moments before going out to the Malibu, tossing my watch in the trunk, and driving to the grocery store at Northcliffe and Mariner.

  A woman was using the pay phone, so I waited in the foyer of the store to avoid the Florida heat. When she finally headed into the parking lot, I went to the phone and dialed up Clark's offices. After the usual identification hoops, Clark answered.

  "Hi, Ed. What's up?"

  "Not much. I was just curious about something. Linda said you wanted to borrow me a few times. True?"

  "True. We needed an extra man or two now and then. She wouldn't go for it. I think she was afraid we'd try to make the temporary assignments permanent."

  "Huh. I thought she was just buttering me for something."

  "Nope. The last time I asked, she told me not to ask again. Politely, of course. Sort of. Politely for her, anyway. Why do you ask? What do you think she was trying to get you to do that required ego-stroking?"

  I decided to pretend ignorance for the moment.

  "Damned if I know, Clark. Nothing's come of it yet. You know how tough she can be about things."

  "Well, you two were an item once. Maybe she wants to see if you've still got whatever it was that I never had, Ed. If I were you I'd be hoping that direction. She's looking real fine these days."

  He laughed and I laughed with him, then I said, “Yeah, maybe that's all it was. Could be she had something in mind. I guess she'll let me know later."

  "Okay. Anything else, Ed?"

  "Nope. Can't think of a thing. Later, Clark."

  "Later, Ed."

  Apparently Linda hadn't made any transfer arrangements yet. That meant I was still working for her, regardless of our interlude among the stars. I drove back to the house and went inside, then remembered my watch and retrieved it from the trunk of the Malibu. I didn't put it back on my wrist.

  Instead, I set it on the coffee table and stared at it for a few moments as I sipped my coffee.

  "Elkor?"

  "Yes, Ed."

  "How do I prevent Linda from calling me over the watch?"

  "At the moment, you can't, Ed. You can turn it off, but you can't specifically exclude contacts within the command structure."

  I nodded to myself. “Thought so. Just asking. Thanks, Elkor."

  "Are you and Linda having difficulties, Ed?"

  "Yes, but I don't know exactly what they're about, Elkor. If you ask her and she happens to tell you, maybe you'd share the info with me?"

  "If it isn't of a privileged nature, yes, Ed."

  "Thanks again, Elkor. Will there be any problems about my keeping Stephanie if I should really re-retire?"

  "No, Ed. Stephanie officially belongs to you."

  "Could I maybe get a replacement engine for her, just in case I live longer than she ordinarily would?"

  "Yes, Ed. Send her to the ship at your convenience. The cylindrical engine casing is eight feet long, two feet in diameter, and weighs three hundred and two pounds. It should fit in your garage if you move some things around."

  I grinned. “How did you know so much about my cluttered garage? No, never mind that. I'll make room for it today. I can unload it tonight. Thanks ... Elkor, it seems as if I thank you a hell of a lot, doesn't it? You must be a prince among computers, guy. Thanks, again, Elkor. Stephanie, go to the ship and pick up a spare engine and then return to your position with it. Tonight we'll find a way to fit it into my garage."

  "Yes, Ed."

  I shoved a lot of things around in the garage and measured the space I'd created. Ten by three. Good enough and room to maneuver around it. Steph could use a field to move the engine.

  I went back into the house, put the anti-phone call cord in the wall jack, and made sure that both the pad and the watch were in the den, at the far end of the house, before I hit the sack for a nap.

  I woke around four in the afternoon, but I left the pad and the watch in the den, left the phone offline, and picked a book off my shelves—'A Distant Mirror', by Barbara Tuchman—to read on the back porch. Shortly thereafter I was immersed in the anatomy of fourteenth-century Europe.

  My watch beeped shortly after five. I didn't go into the den to answer it, but Bear did. He spoke to the watch and Elkor answered him. Bear and Elkor then held a conversation of sorts that lasted some fifteen minutes. I have no idea what all that semi-Siamese noise was about, but Bear came out to the porch and sat on the chair across from mine and stared at me. And stared. And stared.

  "Oh, all right, dammit. I'll go talk to Elkor. Will that do it for ya?"

  Bear followed me into the den and parked his butt near the watch.

  "Hi, Elkor. What's up?"

  "Ed, Linda is in her office. She's crying."

  "People do that sometimes. Did she say that I was involved?"

  "No, but..."

  "Did she tell you to call me?"

  "No, but..."

  "Then let her get what the hell ever it is it out of her system and decide what she wants to do and why. I'm still offline for her, Elkor. If she wants to drop the mystery about what's bugging her she can come to the house. No watches, pads, or phones for me this evening."

  "You sound rather bitter, Ed."

  "Probably. Pissed off, too, I'll bet. Was that all, Elkor?"

  "Yes, Ed."

  "Then I'm going back to my book. Talk to you later, Elkor."

  "Yes, Ed."

  Damn, I was getting tired of hearing ‘Yes, Ed'.

  I figured the odds of Linda showing up were fifty-fifty at best. By nine I'd adjusted those odds to zero and turned on the TV to watch my favorite female starship Captain save the universe one more time. The TV was in the den, which necessitated moving the watch and pad to the other end of the house.

  As I carried them to the bedroom, Linda's voice came from my watch.

  "Ed? I know you can hear me. Will you at least talk to me?"

  "Not through the watch. Not by phone. Drop by if you want to talk. In the meantime, don't bother transferring me to Clark unless you want to continue our personal relationship. I'm probably going to resign if I'm not working for you or sleeping with you."

  "This is an open comm link, Ed."

  "Then don't use it for personal calls, Linda. I'm putting the watch down now."

  I let the watch rattle on the nightstand so she'd know I actually had put the watch down. She said nothing else, so I left the room.

  Because the show I was watching was one I hadn't already seen, I fully expected Linda to show up, after all, but the lady Captain outfoxed the alien menace and the closing credits rolled without interruption. I put the watch back on and went outside to move the Malibu to the swale, then called Stephanie.

  "Steph, you can park in front of the garage while we unload your new engine. C'mon down, ma'am."

  "Yes, Ed."

  I opened the garage door and waited all of perhaps ten seconds more before Steph dropped gently to hover a foot from the driveway. The downward rush of air that accompanied her was gentle, so I guessed she'd slowed down considerably some distance above me. Her canopy opened and the engine casing quickly lifted up from her deck and floated into the garage.

  As it silently moved past me I could see that there was a foot-wide flat area on the underside of the cylinder. I tossed the rubber doorstops I'd intended to use to keep it from rolling back on the shelves.

  "Thanks, Stephie. Now you won't have to settle for one of those cheapo engines later in life. Head back upstairs now before you draw attention."

  "Upstairs, Ed?"

  "I meant back to your parking zone, Stephie."

  "Yes, Ed."

  I would have watched her ascent, but once she was about a hundred feet up she must have decided it was safe to go to warp. One second she was hovering above me and the next she was gone.

  There were grips on each end and the sides
of the cylinder. I figured I could hook a bumper jack on one later to get some wheels under the casing. A couple of mechanics’ dollies would do well enough.

  I was closing the garage door when I heard footsteps in the street. My across-the-street, retiree neighbor, Steve Meyer, was heading toward me. He waved and I waved back. I could see his wife watching from their kitchen window.

  When he reached the driveway he looked up briefly, then started forward again, walking well to one side of the driveway. He stopped about six feet from me and gave me a nervous little wave.

  "Hi, Ed. That thing isn't coming back down again, is it?"

  There was no point in pretending. I said, “Nope."

  "I've been watching this place ever since that blonde moved in, y'know."

  I nodded. “You and most of the other guys around here, Steve."

  He shook his head. “No. What I mean is, I thought she was one of the aliens. That guy who used to visit, too. Still think so."

  I said, “Well, I guess you'd have to ask them about that, but she moved out and I don't know where she went."

  Steve looked at me for a moment and asked, “Are you an alien, Ed? Is that why that thing came down and put something in your garage?"

  I laughed and said, “Nope. I'm not an alien, Steve. Just a minute."

  I opened the garage door and showed him the canister. He didn't approach it, but he took a long look at it.

  "That's a spare engine for the craft you saw in my driveway. I'll be using it now and then to help the sheriff's department. In a few months people will be able to buy those flitters, Steve. They'll be kind of expensive at first, but they'll be all over the place in no time once they're available."

  He nodded without taking his eyes off the canister.

  "Well, I'm just curious, but if they aren't out yet, how'd you get one?"

  "I helped out with some dolphin research and some other stuff. The one you saw is just a prototype they couldn't sell. I unloaded it at night because this program is still under wraps until the commercial models come out. Want to go get Lynn and come in for a coffee?"

  He thought about it. He really did. I could almost hear the gears turning in his head. I closed the garage door and started toward the front door, but I didn't hear Steve following me. I turned and grinned at him.

  "What?” I asked, “You have something more important to do this evening?"

  "I ... Well, no, I just ... Well ... I mean..."

  "Ah, you're a little unsure of things. Okay, I can see how you might be, but don't worry, Steve. Here's what would happen: You'll come in and sit on the couch, just like the last time you guys visited. Also just like the last time, Bear will try to get in your lap or hers. Then, while you're sitting on the couch with Bear, I'll head into the kitchen to make the coffee and contact the mother ship to send a few people to pick you two up because now you know too much. Don't worry. Dissection doesn't hurt a bit the way they do it."

  Steve's eyes bugged out a bit. I almost had to laugh.

  "Oh, hell, Steve. No, I'm not an alien. No, aliens won't be picking you up. Jesus, man. I just offered you and your wife a coffee. We've been neighbors since 1989, so it's a little late to start worrying about me, isn't it?"

  His expression changed from one of trepidation to an attempt at something more cavalier, but he wound up looking more exasperated than anything.

  "Oh, uh ... Yeah, I guess so, Ed. Hey, look, I'm sorry, but it's been just a little weird around here lately, y'know? Aliens right offshore, bomb squads, snipers, spaceships in your driveway. Stuff like that. I'm sure you understand..?"

  I shrugged. “Shit happens, Steve. I didn't bring the aliens to Earth and I didn't shoot at myself, so I don't feel too responsible. Want that coffee or not?"

  He looked back at his house and waved to his wife, then turned back to me.

  "Nah. I guess I'd better get back there before Lynn panics."

  "Yeah, I see her looking. See you later, Steve."

  He gave a nervous little wave again rather than stick his hand out for a shake.

  "Yeah. See you, Ed. ‘Night."

  I watched him go for a moment and waved again at Lynn, then moved the Malibu back into the driveway and went into the house.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  I was settling back with my book and coffee when my watch beeped and Linda said, “You told him about the flitters, Ed."

  "He saw Stephanie land and leave, Linda. Consider it premarketing."

  "I could consider it a breach of security, Ed."

  "Were the deputies, the sniper, and the bomb squad security breaches, too? What were the neighbors told about all that stuff? Everybody knows about the flitter factories. The idea that a smaller personal version is coming out isn't what I'd class as a security breach."

  "It wasn't up to you to decide to tell him anything."

  "Actually, at that very moment, it was up to me. So fire me. No, wait, I'll resign and save you the trouble. I won't play power games with you to make you feel better about what happened up there and I won't work with you if you can't live with it. Send the papers by tomorrow."

  "You aren't resigning until someone higher than me okays it, Ed. You do still remember how some of these things work, I'm sure."

  I sighed. “Okay, let's play that out. Either you arrest and detain me as a potential security problem or you don't. Either way, I can sit on my ass and finish my book, right? I ran out of patience for slap and tickle games in ... Oh, 1986, I think it was. Either talk real to me or sign off, Linda."

  Her voice was icy as she said, “Oh, this is very real, Ed. I'm still deciding a few things and I'll let you know when I've made my decisions."

  "You do that, Linda, but don't expect too much. Ellen's gone, Gary's gone, and as of now I'm accepting no new assignments, so you may as well take me off the active roster. I can be re-retired whether you or anyone else approves it or not."

  I took the watch off and tossed it on the coffee table, then had the thought that it might be quieter if I stashed it in the fridge, so I picked it back up and carried it into the kitchen. A decade-old wine bottle in the back caught my eye, so I draped the watch over the bottle's neck and grabbed a Dr. Pepper before I shut the door.

  The PDA pad came to mind. I sat looking at it for a moment, then said, “Elkor."

  "Yes, Ed?"

  "Sorry to bother you again, but can you reset that watch so it only contacts you and Stephanie? Take it out of the command loop?"

  "No, Ed. I'll have to make a new one for that. Should I do so?"

  "Yes. I'd like that, Elkor. I'll leave this one in the refrigerator for now. You heard what I said to Linda?"

  "Yes, Ed. Will you really resign?"

  "At this moment, I think so. We'll see what happens. Is that pad in the command system, too, or does it just call whomever I want it to call?"

  "The pad isn't in the command system, Ed. It was designed for general distribution to staff. I think your next question will be whether you can contact Stephanie with it. You can, but I'll make you a watch for that, as well."

  I laughed. “Better do it all now, before Linda decides to fire me or whatever. I could be officially retired again by this time tomorrow."

  "That wouldn't matter, regarding the new watch or the pad, unless I was specifically prohibited from contacting you."

  "Elkor, it's entirely possible that you'd be prohibited from contacting me. That's the way things like this can go when egos and tempers are involved. I'd probably also be barred from visiting the ship."

  Elkor was quiet for a moment.

  "You still there, Elkor?"

  "I'm here, Ed. I've finished the new watch. Would you like it delivered to you?"

  "You're going to send a drone?"

  "Yes, Ed. It should be there in about fifteen minutes."

  "Fine by me, Elkor. Thanks. Oh, yeah! Have it come to the back door in case my neighbors are still watching. Let me know when it gets here."

  "I'll do that, Ed."
r />   'I'll do that'? Not ‘Yes, Ed'?

  I went back to my book and sat on the back porch with Bear on my lap. Some minutes later there was a tapping on the screen door. I figured it was Elkor's drone, but I wasn't expecting to see what looked like a slightly oversized metal briefcase floating about three feet off the ground outside.

  I opened the door and the briefcase floated in to settle on the table. Bear started to sniff it just as the latches popped open, which made him jump about four feet in the air. I caught him in mid-flight and held him as the case opened.

  Inside the case were a new watch and another PDA/pad as well as an ink pen. I put Bear into the open case and picked it up to carry it inside to the coffee table.

  While I put the watch on and Bear continued investigating the inside of the case, I said, “Elkor, this is one helluva drone you've sent me."

  "You once said you'd carry me around with you if I put on a cat suit, Ed, but I thought about what forms would be less conspicuous. Watch the case."

  Something was happening to the case. The handle and latches moved as it reshaped itself around Bear. When it was finished morphing, it was a large pet carrier, complete with a cage door like the one on Bear's plastic carrier, but it seemed to have a deeper bottom and compartments on top.

  Bear looked out and said something and the cage responded before I could reach for the door. The door opened, but Bear didn't seem inclined to leave the carrier. Instead, he curled up and gazed at me through the open door.

  "He seems to like it, Elkor."

  "I thought he might. What do you think of it?"

  "People will think it's a camera case when it isn't a cat carrier. It should do fine for taking you places. Good job."

  "The pad is still inside. It's now in the bottom compartment. It has occurred to me that if you resign you will likely have to return the items issued to you. This pad is a replica of one of the other types of commercially-available PDA's, but because you're also in the computer repair business, I've added a floppy disk drive and three ports for linking the pad to computers. The inkpen is a backup means of communicating with Stephanie and me if something should happen to the watch, the pad, or the case."