The Crushes

by Pamela Wells

  She grinned. “That’s pretty close.”

  “Take as much time as you need to think about it. I want you to be sure.”

  Relief loosened the muscles in her shoulders. If it had been any other guy, he probably would have lost patience with her by now. She could always count on Ben understanding.

  He leaned over and kissed her quickly on the lips. “I have to go before Will leaves without me. I’ll call you later.”

  “Okay. Have fun.”

  He waved good-bye as he rounded the corner of the school for the back parking lot. Alexia sat on the cool grass beneath the sycamore tree, leaning her head against the bark.

  Why did sex have to be such a big deal? Why did the thought of making a final decision put her stomach in knots? She wished she could just do it and get it over with, but that wasn’t the right answer either. Sighing, she got up off the ground and went home.

  Alexia slammed the front door, shutting out the June heat. Thankfully, her house was air-conditioned to a comfortable sixty-five degrees. She felt like she was baking all the way home, the sun beating through the driver’s-side window of her car. It didn’t help that sex was on her brain.

  She found her older brother, Kyle, in the kitchen, making what appeared to be instant mashed potatoes but which had the consistency of melting snowballs. He either hadn’t dressed for the day or wasn’t planning to leave the house, since he was in a pair of Yale sweatpants and a white T-shirt. And Kyle wasn’t the type of person to go out in public wearing sweatpants.

  “Hey,” Alexia said as she took a seat at the kitchen island. “Mom and Dad here?”

  Kyle shook his head. “They’re scouting locations for a new office.”

  Despite the five-year difference between them, Alexia and Kyle got along well. He’d always been a good sounding board. He never pulled the parental role and talked down to Alexia. He was a good median between her best friends and her parents. They didn’t talk a lot when he was away at school, but she enjoyed having him around the house on his summers off from Yale. He’d just graduated last month with an undergraduate degree in anthropology. From the sound of it, he didn’t know what he was doing next.

  “Kyle?” Alexia said.

  “Yeah?”

  Kyle had always told Alexia that if she ever needed anything, she should come to him if she wasn’t comfortable talking to their mom and dad. Sex was one of those areas, but did she really want to talk to her brother about it?

  She knew she could take anything to her best friends and that they’d never make fun of her, but she felt like such an inexperienced prude talking about losing her virginity when her friends had already gone through it. Well, Raven and Sydney had anyway. Kelly was still a virgin, but she said she didn’t think sex was a big deal and that she was confident she’d know when to do it.

  “Um.” Alexia picked at a fingernail as she tried to think of a way to broach the subject.

  Kyle shut off the stove burner and started to scoop his instant mashed potatoes into a bowl. He didn’t seem to notice her stalling.

  “How old were you when you had sex for the first time?” she blurted out.

  Kyle froze mid-scoop. He looked across the kitchen island at her, unblinking. Finally, he set the pan down and pressed his hands into the counter as if to balance himself.

  “I was fourteen.”

  “Fourteen!”

  He ran his hand through his red hair and avoided looking Alexia in the eye.

  “Do Mom and Dad know?”

  “No! And don’t tell them. Mom would flip out. I mean, not that it’s a big deal now. It’d just break her heart.” He inhaled deeply. “Why are we talking about my sex life anyway?”

  Now it was Alexia’s turn to avoid eye contact. She didn’t say anything because she wasn’t sure what to say.

  At any rate, her silence clued her brother in.

  “Oh,” he said, drawing that one word out into five syllables. “You and your boyfriend are thinking about it?”

  More like she was thinking about it. Ben had already made up his mind. Of course, it didn’t help that he had already lost his virginity. For him, this was nothing.

  “Do you love him?” Kyle asked.

  “Yes. Or at least I think I do.”

  “Is he pressuring you into having sex?”

  Was he? Not really. It wasn’t as if he asked her every single day. He never pushed her when they started making out and things got heavy. He never made her feel bad for avoiding it.

  “No,” she decided.

  “Do you want to have sex?”

  “Yes and no.”

  “Do you trust him?”

  That was an easy question to answer. “Yes.”

  “Then you’ll know when the time is right. It’s like riding a bike without training wheels. Eventually you’ll get to the point where you just do it because it feels right and then afterward you’re like, ‘Wow, that wasn’t so hard.’”

  Alexia furrowed her brow. “Did you just compare sex to riding a bike?”

  “Yes I did.”

  “And you went to Yale?”

  He puffed out his chest. “And graduated with honors.”

  Alexia scooted off the chair and pushed it back beneath the edge of the counter. “Thanks, Kyle, for…you know.”

  “I think if anyone would make the right decision about sex, it’s you. You’ve always had a good head on your shoulders.” He paused and curled his upper lip. “God, I just sounded like Dad, didn’t I?”

  Alexia laughed. “Yes you did.” She stuck a finger in his potatoes and licked her finger. She cringed. “And apparently you cook as bad as he does, too.”

  Kyle sighed. “Want to order pizza with me?”

  “I would love to,” she answered, “but I’m supposed to meet my friends at Bershetti’s for a late lunch.”

  Kyle tossed the potatoes in the garbage. “Well, it looks like I’m ordering pizza alone, then.”

  Alexia laughed. “Good idea.”

  THREE

  Kelly Waters got out of her car, looked to the Family Center Gym straight ahead and then to the McDonald’s off to her right. Stupid Big Macs. Why did they have to be so good? She locked her car and headed inside the gym, trying to ignore the scent of French fries enticing her to join the dark side.

  If the extra padding at her hips and beneath her biceps and on her thighs and—everywhere else on her body—was any indication, Kelly really, really didn’t need to ingest more junk food.

  It was time for a diet. Maybe if she hadn’t spent the last several months as a single woman eating too much ice cream and watching way too much TV, she wouldn’t have gained ten pounds.

  Thankfully, once she got inside the gym, the enclosed space and air-conditioning blocked out the divine scent of fast food. A woman in her late twenties with a pink ribbon in her hair greeted Kelly from behind the counter. “How can I help you today?”

  Kelly threw her car keys in her backpack. “I’m here for a kickboxing lesson. My brother won it in a radio station contest, and he told me I could use a couple of his lessons. I mean, if that’s okay with you guys.”

  “Sure.” The woman flipped through several files in a wire rack on her desk. She pulled out one marked CONTESTS and had Kelly sign a chart beneath several other names. “What was your brother’s name?” the woman asked. “I need to mark down that one of his lessons was used.”

  “Todd Waters.”

  The woman wrote down Todd’s name and the date. “You’re all set, then. You can go ahead into workout room one, and I’ll let Adam know you’re here.”

  “Thanks.” Kelly followed the plastic signs that said WORKOUT ROOMS down a hall and to the left. There she found several doors labeled one through six. The door on room one was open and she went inside.

  Her tennis shoes squeaked on freshly polished pine floors. The sun shone through tinted glass on the wall of windows across from her. In the far corner were two blue mats, probably for tumbling.

  Kelly s
et her bag in the corner and went to the windows.

  Someone cleared his throat behind Kelly. She whirled around.

  “You aren’t Todd,” the guy said.

  Kelly couldn’t even shake her head. When Todd offered the free kickboxing lessons, Kelly had assumed she’d get a thirty-something woman as an instructor with an intense attitude and muscles to match.

  She’d assumed wrong. This guy was very, very close to oh-my-god hot. Kelly couldn’t pull her eyes away from his extremely toned biceps or his extremely defined abs. It didn’t help that he was wearing one of those stretchy shirts that stuck to every crease of muscle on his upper torso.

  “So, where is Todd?” he said.

  “Um…well…” Her heart was beating rapidly in her head. She could hardly hear herself think. “I’m his brother.” She closed her eyes and rubbed her forehead. “I mean, he’s my brother. He asked me to come today in his place.”

  The guy shook his head. “So he doesn’t lose his free sessions. I get it.” He approached Kelly, giving her a better view of his face. He had one of those perfect, straight-arrow noses and marble green eyes. Even relaxed, his dark brow etched into a scowl. Dark brown hair fanned into a deliberate mess. The sunlight shining through the windows turned his chin stubble golden.

  Kelly couldn’t tell how old he was—maybe eighteen or nineteen. Either way he seemed light years out of her league. He might even have been out of Raven’s league, and she was like an exotic model lost in East Coast suburbia.

  “I’m Adam,” he said.

  Kelly nodded in acknowledgment. Now she was beginning to fear her clumsiness. What if she fell on her butt in front of this guy? She’d feel like a total freak. There was still time to escape, wasn’t there?

  “Let’s get started, then.” Adam opened a closet and dragged out sparring gear. “These are boxing gloves,” he said, holding one out for Kelly to slip into. “Despite the fact that it’s called kickboxing, you’ll be using both your hands and your feet.”

  Once Kelly’s hands were in the gloves, Adam slipped round black pads onto his hands.

  “Ready?” He clapped the pads together and then squared his feet.

  “Yeah,” Kelly said when really, she was nowhere near ready.

  An hour later, Kelly was sweating more than she ever had in her life. Her legs were sore. Her arms were dead, but she felt great. Not only was Adam an awesome instructor, but he never once made her feel weak or dumb. Even when she stumbled on a kick and nearly fell over.

  “So,” Adam began as he put away the gear, “tell your brother to show up next time or I’m kicking his butt.”

  Kelly scooped up her bag and smiled. “I’d like to watch that, actually.”

  Adam laughed. “If you keep up with lessons, you might be able to kick his butt.”

  Kelly smiled. “That’s true.” She waved good-bye.

  By the time she hit the heat outdoors, she’d already come up with five excuses to get her brother out of kickboxing next week. He was so done at Family Center, and Kelly was a new, loyal member.

  FOUR

  Raven Valenti sat back in the driver’s seat of her car and closed her eyes, rubbing her hands over her face. She didn’t want to be here now, in the airport drop-off zone sending Horace to Detroit.

  “Do you really have to go?” she said, looking over at him now in the passenger seat.

  They’d been together just a few short months. Not to mention it was summer break! She wanted to hang out with him and make beautiful, sweet music.

  Okay, maybe that was a little cheesy, but it was the truth. Their band, October, was doing so well. Ever since they played open-mike night at Scrappe, they were busy most weekends playing gigs. Why stop now when they were so popular? Couldn’t Horace go to his dad’s later? Like next year?

  “It’s only a month,” Horace said, grabbing Raven’s hand. The worn leather cord wrapped around his wrist tickled her arm. “My dad would be bummed if I didn’t show up,” he finished.

  With her free hand, Raven tugged on the charm necklace hanging from her neck. Horace had given it to her just a few days ago. The charm was a sterling silver musical note. It was simple, but it meant a lot to her.

  Caleb, her ex-boyfriend, had never bought her something meaningful. It just proved that Horace was the sweetest guy Raven had ever had, which was exactly why she was so afraid of screwing something up.

  With him gone, she was doubly likely to screw something up. Horace kept her sane and grounded. If he was all the way in Detroit, how could he keep her from doing something stupid?

  She sighed and squeezed Horace’s hand.

  Please don’t let me screw this up, she thought.

  Horace leaned over and kissed her softly. Raven still got butterflies every time they locked lips. They hadn’t said “I love you” yet, but right now, she had the urge to pull away and whisper it. Probably Horace wouldn’t even flinch, probably he’d say it back, but Raven was afraid of exchanging sentiments.

  She wasn’t out of the danger zone just yet and saying “I love you” would only make it worse when she messed up.

  No, no, if I mess up. Because I’m going to do everything in my power not to mess up.

  “I have to go,” Horace said.

  Raven nodded and tugged again on her necklace. “I’ll miss you.”

  “I’ll miss you, too. I’ll text every day, okay?”

  “Okay.”

  He got out of the car and grabbed his bag from the trunk. Raven followed him to the doors of the airport. People rushed in and out. A taxi honked its horn behind Raven.

  She wrapped her arms around Horace’s neck, tears biting at her eyes. She’d promised herself she wouldn’t cry, but sending Horace off like this was more painful than she’d imagined.

  Horace leaned his forehead against hers, his reddish-blond hair tangling with her own dark hair to form a curtain between them and the busy airport traffic. “I love you, Ray,” he breathed.

  Raven’s stomach knotted into a million double knots. She felt ill and exhilarated all at the same time. She should have known this was coming. It was the perfect moment and Horace was good at spotting them.

  She did love Horace, she loved him more than she’d ever loved any of her boyfriends. Saying “I love you” wasn’t a big deal. It was the responsibility of the trust that went with it. That’s what scared her.

  She kissed him quickly on the lips and whispered, “I love you, too.”

  Horace was only going to be gone for a month. How much could really happen in that short a time?

  Raven went into her mother’s workroom. Mrs. Valenti sat at her desk flipping through pages and pages of stickers. Raven’s little sister, Jordan, sat on the couch chatting on her cell phone.

  “Hi,” Raven said, plopping down next to Jordan. Jordan whispered, “Hey,” before turning back to her phone conversation.

  “What are you up to today?” Mrs. Valenti asked.

  “I’m meeting my friends at Bershetti’s for a late lunch. After that, I’m not sure.”

  Jordan got off the phone. “Speaking of Bershetti’s, I applied there today.”

  “I still don’t know why you won’t work at Scrappe,” Mrs. Valenti said.

  Scrappe was her coffee shop/scrapbooking store. Raven worked there about twenty hours a week with Horace. She liked it, despite the fact that her mother was her boss. Jordan said she’d rather clean public bathrooms with her toothbrush than work at Scrappe.

  Her reasoning? “I get enough of Mom bossing me around at home. I would totally go bonkers if she bossed me around at work, too.”

  “If you won’t work at Scrappe, though, Bershetti’s would be nice,” Mrs. Valenti said. “They have a good Italian atmosphere there. You’d fit in nicely.”

  Raven and Jordan were half Italian, and their mother never let them forget it. Jordan looked just like their mother. Raven looked more like their father, who was African American, though she did have the Italian Valenti hair.

  �
��There’s a totally cute boy that works at Bershetti’s, too,” Jordan said. “Have you seen him?”

  Raven shook her head. “I haven’t been in there in a while. What’s his name?”

  “Nicholas. Nicholas Bershetti.” Jordan nearly went starry-eyed. “He goes to the private school on the upper north side.”

  “Chisholm Academy?”

  “Yeah.” She grinned. “Private school makes him so much hotter.”

  Raven rolled her eyes. “Most private school boys are snots.”

  “Well, Nick isn’t.” Color touched Jordan’s cheeks. There was a permanent smile on her face. She was practically glowing.

  Part of Raven was envious. She missed that feeling that came with having a crush. Excitement, trepidation, optimism. As if anything could happen.

  But Raven had someone now. Someone extremely good to her.

  Probably that was better than the crushin’ feeling. Yeah, definitely better.

  Raven threw the bag of trash in the big trash can and closed the lid to wheel it out to the street. She hated this chore. She’d tried getting out of it by hurrying out of the house to meet her friends, but her mother caught her at the back door.

  “Before you leave,” Mrs. Valenti said, “make sure you take out the trash.”

  Raven grabbed hold of the handle, tipped the can back on the two wheels, and lugged the thing out from behind the garage. She rounded the back corner of the house and heard a scraping noise coming from the street. It was like metal scraping against wood.

  Someone rode a skateboard down the street toward a homemade railing about knee height. He jumped and slid the skateboard down the railing.

  Raven watched as he made a perfect landing and then kicked the board up with a foot.

  It wasn’t until he looked over at her that she realized she’d stopped in the middle of the driveway to gawk.

  “Hey,” he said, tipping his head.

  “Hi.” Raven tried to kick-start her brain into thinking again and dragged the trash can the rest of the way down the drive. She set it along the curb and was about to hurry inside, when the boy skated over to her.