If Zack were testing him, then there wasn’t much he could do about it. He’d earned this. All week he’d managed to keep from having a panic attack as he’d focused on his new job while learning what it meant to be an executive assistant. That was a feat unto itself. Tonight he didn’t have to be strong.
He ordered Chinese from their favorite take-out place and grabbed it on his way back to the apartment. By the time Tina got home from work, Nolan had the table set, the wine poured, and the music playing.
“Happy Friday!”
“You’re home early.” She dumped her things on the floor by the armchair and grabbed her glass of wine from him. “And I approve.”
“Boss wasn’t going to be coming back, so I got to leave. I wanted to give you a thank-you dinner.” They clinked their glasses together. “To your neurotic brother finally becoming gainfully employed.”
“Here, here.” She swallowed down a large gulp. “Now all I need to do is get my neurotic brother back out to the clubs so he can find a hot guy to bang.”
“No.” Nolan turned his back on her and marched into the kitchen. “I’ll get the food.”
She strode just as quickly after him. “Come on. You haven’t dated anyone seriously in years. You need to get back out into the world.”
“I’ve been in rehab and not really dating material. Not to mention the whole freaking-out-in-large-crowds thing.”
“So don’t go somewhere that there’s a large crowd.” She took the bag that held the food containers out of his hand and put it back down on the counter. “I wasn’t going to push you if the job didn’t go well, but it did. For the first time since your accident I’m seeing the old you. You’ve been happy to leave the apartment every day. You’re smiling, for God’s sake. If your boss didn’t sound like an asshole, I would tell you to go after him.”
“I don’t even think he’s gay, so that wouldn’t work.”
She waved her hand. “Doesn’t matter. What I’m saying is that you’re finally on the mend. Honestly and truly getting better emotionally and spiritually. You need someone in your life, someone who will love you for the awesome person that you are.”
It wasn’t like Tina to hound him about this sort of thing. “What’s going on?” Nolan put his wine down and gave her a hug. “Is everything okay?”
“Yeah.” She hugged him back hard. “Really good. When I saw that you’d bought dinner and wine, I thought for a moment you’d heard my news.”
Nolan pulled back, frowning. “News?”
She sighed. “Let’s get this to the table and sit. It’s good news. Mostly.”
It was hard to wait even the few minutes it took them to relocate the food and wine to the table. His sister had been such a help to him over the past two years, had put a significant part of her life on hold for him, she deserved to have something positive happen. Nolan even went so far as to fill her plate with all of her favorites before he broke down. “Spill it.”
“I don’t want to ruin—”
“Tina.”
“Okay, so I’m not sure if you remember the project I was on last year. The ad campaign for the new line of trucks?”
“I remember.” There had been talk of her team winning some sort of advertising award. She’d been disappointed when it didn’t happen.
“Well, it turns out that it wasn’t just our department that had been impressed with what we’d done. I’ve been approached by senior management to lead a new department. It’s a new position working mostly with a company in Japan, but it’s a major contract and a huge promotion for me.”
Nolan had always been a bit in awe of Tina’s job and her work in advertising. The way she’d combined her skills in graphic design and psychology, and successfully moved up her company’s ranks, had blown his mind. “Oh my God, sweetie. Congratulations! What’s the problem?”
Her smile faltered. “That’s because of the not-so-great news. If I accept the position, it means I have to move. The new team is at our Vancouver division.”
As the words soaked into him, the panic he was sure she was worried about began to churn. “And you don’t think your baby brother can handle life on his own? Pfft.”
“Please. I know you better than Mom and Dad. I know things have been hard on you. It broke my heart to see everything that you’d worked for taken away from you because of a fucking icy road.”
“It was more the tree in the ditch that I hit than the road.”
“Nolan!”
“Sorry.” Leaning back, he ran his thumb along the rim of his plate. “I owe you so much, Tina. You saved my ass in more ways than I can count. A place to live, food, not teasing me when I was at my lowest. I know it’s been hard on you, even if you haven’t said anything.”
As he spoke, Nolan knew there was only one thing he could do. Taking his glass in hand, he stood and held it out. “To my amazing sister. Let me be the first person to congratulate you on your promotion. I have no doubt that you’re going to get that new team whipped into shape the same way you got me back to normal.”
Tina’s blush covered her face before Nolan finished speaking. “You’re not normal.”
“As close as I’m likely to get.” He downed the remains of his glass. “When do you leave?”
“I told them I needed a weekend to think about accepting the position. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to take it.”
The fact that she’d been so worried about him, to the point where she was willing to turn down a promotion, annoyed Nolan. “You will.”
“Then I’ll have to give notice on this place.”
Nolan looked around at the place that he’d called home for the past year. “I can take over the lease.”
“What?”
“It makes sense. It’s close enough to transit that I can get to the office without any problems. I’ve already got my stuff here. I should be able to afford it on my salary.”
Tina’s frown made her look like their mother. “What if you get fired? You said yourself that your boss was an asshole and not easy to get along with.”
It was a risk, but it was Nolan’s turn to step up and help his sister. “Nancy in HR told me that even if Zack cuts me loose, she’d find me a position somewhere else. You never know, maybe I’ll get back into training again.”
Tina’s look told him all he needed to hear. No matter how much he might wish it, the chances of him getting back up in front of a room full of people would be slim to say the least. “That’s something anyway.”
“It’s stability for me. Which means you don’t need to worry about whether or not I’m going to fall apart, and you can call your boss and accept the promotion. You’ll leave as soon as you need to, and I’ll make sure everything is okay here.” There. He said it with enough genuine excitement that he hoped she would listen to him.
One moment she was sitting beside him and the next she’d wrapped him up in a giant hug. “Thank you.”
“For what?” He squeezed her tight.
“For understanding. For being one of the strongest people I know. For taking over my lease.”
They both laughed. “Are you kidding? I’m too lazy to move my shit again. I was going to try and convince you to let me stay somehow.”
“It’s a one-bedroom.”
“I would have totally shared a room with you. Because your couch is comfy and all, but lacking privacy.”
“Yeah right.”
Nolan lightly shoved her away. “Well, now I don’t have to. I get the room all to myself.”
“Now maybe you can find a guy and bring him back here for some sexy fun times.”
He groaned. “Are we back to this?”
“Yes, yes, we are.”
“I’m not going to have time to date, not with this job.”
“You need to make time. I can’t move to Vancouver if I think you’re going to be here all alone. You’re young and good-looking. There’s a perfect man for you out there somewhere.”
Sure, there was most likely the right m
an for Nolan out there, waiting for him to come along to sweep him off his feet. It wasn’t as though he wanted to be perpetually single, but he’d gone from school to work, then smack into a life-altering accident. Finding someone to make out with hadn’t been high on his priority list.
Nolan groaned. “I promise I’ll do something. I’ll try speed dating or sign up for a matchmaking site.”
“Or.” Tina’s grin was not promising.
“Or?”
“We can go out tonight! Let’s hit a bar, find some men, and have a good time.”
“No.”
“Come on. It’ll be fun.”
“It’ll be hell.” He shook his head, and Tina stuck her bottom lip out in a way he hadn’t seen since they were kids. “Seriously?”
“How many more times are we going to have the chance to do this? Your job is going to take more and more time, and I could be moving in a few weeks.” She took his hands in hers. “It’s always been you and me, and we won’t be like that much longer.” She batted her eyes for good measure. “Come on. Come ooonnn.”
There was a reason the two of them had always gotten into trouble together as kids. Tina had an adventurous streak a mile wide, and Nolan couldn’t say no to her.
“Okay. But I can’t promise I won’t have a panic attack and need to leave.”
Tina whooped. “That’s totally fine. You’re getting out there and trying. That’s all I can ask.”
Apparently he was going out tonight. Nolan poured himself another full glass of wine and prayed things wouldn’t end badly.
Nolan’s wine buzz had seeped through every inch of his body, so that by the time he and Tina fell out of the taxi and stumbled into line at Frantic, the last things on his mind were panic, anxiety, or even the pain that constantly lived in his leg. No, the only things he was aware of were the urge to giggle and the very nice ass of the man in front of him in line.
“Tina,” he said in a voice that he hoped was a whisper. “Tina.”
“What?”
He took her hand and gazed, wide-eyed and obvious, at the nice ass. “I need new jeans.”
She giggled. “You’re drunk.”
“I think I might be.” To prove the truth of the statement, he ignored Tina’s protests and tapped the man on the shoulder. “Excuse me.”
The man was shorter than Nolan, but far broader in the shoulders and chest. His brown eyes met Nolan’s, and for a moment they reminded him of Zack’s. Jesus, this isn’t any time to be thinking about your boss. The man’s lips curled into a soft smile. “Yeah?”
“I just wanted to let you know that you have a very nice ass.”
The man’s gaze raked down Nolan. He might be drunk, but he knew how he looked: tall, slight of build, his dress shirt a bit out of place at a club. When the other man’s eyes returned to his, he shrugged and turned back around to continue talking to his friends.
Well, okay, then.
Tina pulled his arm. “Fuck him. You’re hot and there will be lots of cute guys in there for you to flirt with.”
Sure, there was that.
Frantic was his gay bar of choice, had been since he’d turned nineteen and was finally able to spread his wings and start clubbing. Well, start clubbing legally. Tina had always loved coming with him. The music was awesome, and she didn’t have to worry about getting harassed by the guys. He hadn’t been here since before his accident, and the normal anxiety he’d feel was currently being shoved aside by curiosity. The closer they got to the door, the louder the bass thumped and the greater his excitement grew. It had been ages since he’d given himself permission to let loose, to have fun and not worry about all the problems that had controlled his life for ages.
Tina skipped her way through the door ahead of him once they were finally waved through by the bouncer. Nolan didn’t recognize him, but that wasn’t surprising. No doubt there would be a great number of changes since his last visit.
The first was the sheer number of patrons crammed inside. Frantic had always been busy, especially on a Friday night, but the crowd of people on the dance floor was a claustrophobic sight.
Even his wine-soaked brain shouted a warning that this was A Bad Idea. He’d had many of those over the years, and really needed to learn to listen to that little voice.
Starting tonight.
“Tina, I think—”
“I love this song!”
Nolan stumbled forward as she jerked him out onto the dance floor and into the throng of people.
Okay, so this was happening. He was at a club with a shit-ton of people dancing to a cranked-up beat.
He had a choice: leave or dance. Bodies pressed against him, grinding to the rhythm of the song. He forced his feet to move and got to the outside edge of the dancers. Heat rolled off their bodies in waves as they writhed in front of him, silently encouraging him to join them. The wine buzz he’d been rocking made it difficult to get his brain working properly. His mouth grew dry and his breathing increased into shallow pants.
The acrid smell of sweat, the echo of voices around him, rattled his brain. A scream, a shout, an accidental shove that sent him stumbling startled him, and along with his balance he lost his hold on the present moment; memories flooded in while his guard was down. The cheers of the partiers morphed into the screams of Roberta, Simon, and Xi as his car spun out of control two years ago.
“Hey. Look out, you made me spill my drink . . .”
“Nolan! Look out!”
Somebody gasped, then all was quiet, the car silent as a ghost as it flew over the ice.
“Careful, buddy.” A dancer pushed Nolan away. He hadn’t realized that he’d moved.
The muscles in his chest tightened, and his vision started to go spotty. Air. He needed to get some fresh air, get away from people.
His leg throbbed, his head ached, a memory flashed through his mind of Roberta’s body flying from the backseat of the car to smash into the windshield.
“Shit, Nolan! I think she’s dead! Help us!”
Someone in the club puked, the smell unfortunately reinforcing his memories: Simon had panicked and fled the car, heaving his guts out as he went. Xi had helped Nolan with Roberta, who was severely injured but somehow, miraculously, had survived.
God, there’d been so much blood. Roberta’s and his.
And the screams.
His vision darkened, and he lost his footing, swaying into a couple beside him.
“Sorry.”
He needed to get out of here. Unable to focus properly on his surroundings, he pushed his way through the crowd and somehow found his way to the bar. “I need . . . ice water, please.”
The bartender filled one and slid it over. “Are you okay?”
“No. Panic attack.”
“Need me to get someone? Do you have a boyfriend here? A date?”
Nolan’s fingers curled around the bar, helping to stabilize him. It should be easy enough to speak, to say no, to somehow squeak out Tina’s name at the very least. But nothing could escape the tightening of his throat or the rising nausea.
When he heard the rumbling laughter that managed to cut through the chatter of voices and thumping bass, it didn’t immediately register in his brain. Looking slowly over toward the sound, his body was shocked back to life when he saw Zack standing there. And he was smiling.
No, that couldn’t be his boss. Not the man who, in the whole first week that Nolan had worked for him, had barely said a kind word. That man wouldn’t be capable of grinning and carrying on with someone. Nolan blinked quickly, trying to clear the obvious mirage from his eyes. Nope, Zack was still there.
“Buddy?” The bartender patted his hand. “Dude, are you going to pass out on me?”
Nolan sucked in a deep breath and managed to tear his gaze from his couldn’t-possibly-be boss. “I’m . . . Washroom?”
“Down the hall to the left.”
He pushed away from the bar and followed the directions, staring at his feet to avoid being overwhel
med by the lights, colors, and flailing bodies. He needed distance from the crowds, find a quiet place to catch his breath and then get his head straight. Yeah right. It would be fine. No it won’t. He’d get himself under control enough that he could get the bartender or one of the bouncers to find Tina. You’re fucking broken. Barring that, he’d take a cab home and apologize to Tina when she got home. Dead on the side of the road.
The line to get into the bathroom was bordering on impressive and rivaled the line to get into the club in the first place. Too many people. He closed his eyes. Shit, this wasn’t going to work.
His chest tightened as a cold sweat rolled across his body. He blindly felt for the wall, but missed and found nothing but empty air. Really he should open his eyes, but the lights were causing his head to throb on top of everything else. He tried again, this time coming in contact with a warm body. “Sorry.”
“Nolan?” God, he was really far gone if he was conjuring up such a realistic version of Zack’s voice. “It is you. The bartender asked me to come after you. Said you looked like you recognized me.”
Help me.
Don’t look at me.
Save me.
He wanted to say something, but it was getting harder for him to breathe. All he managed was to force his eyes open a crack, just enough to confirm that yes, it really was his boss who was witnessing his freak-out.
Wonderful.
Zack was talking to someone else, but Nolan couldn’t register who that was. No doubt a date who’d had their evening ruined by Nolan’s panic.
A strong arm slipped around his waist and started to move him. “Come with me.”
He didn’t have much of a choice, given how badly he needed Zack’s physical support. With each step they took, the sounds lessened and Nolan was able to hear himself think again. Zack pushed a door open and maneuvered him to a leather chair. “Put your head down between your knees. Try and breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth.”
Working It Page 5
