His gaze drifted to the closed drawer that held Miranda’s letter. He should read it.
Maybe later.
It was hard, but he tried to bring up something positive about her. She hadn’t been a happy woman, even back then. After her first few days on the job, Miranda had rarely smiled, and her moods had been volatile. Looking back, the signs of depression were clear. If he’d only paid a bit more attention to her, he might have found the opportunity to do something, to have helped her. Changed the course of events that led to her dying far too young.
The phone in the outer office rang. “Good morning, Mr. Anderson’s office.”
It might be too late for him to do anything for Miranda, but it wasn’t too late for Nolan. Zack didn’t need to insert himself into Nolan’s life to help him. He could just keep providing what he already did: a stable job and the opportunity for Nolan to move through the organization when he was ready. Nolan was smart, talented, and could clearly handle himself. Hell, if he could stand up to Zack’s grouchiness, then he’d make a name for himself soon enough.
Nolan laughed, and the sound of his rich voice made Zack’s cock stiffen.
There were many things Zack could do for Nolan, but dragging him into a flirtation wasn’t one of them. Pushing down on his hard cock, he turned to his computer, determined to forget about troublesome assistants and get to work.
Nolan was neck-deep into reviewing a department budget when the office door opened. Nancy stood there, grinning like a fool, her hands behind her back.
“Good morning!” She stepped in close and placed a plate with a very large and decadent cupcake on his desk. “Congratulations.”
Without missing a beat, he swiped his finger through the icing. “Buttercream. Damn, that’s good.”
“It better be. I had them special make it. Black forest cheesecake base and cherries inside.”
Nolan forgot all about the report and dove into his treat. “What is this for? My birthday isn’t even close.”
Leaning forward so she could peek into Zack’s office, Nancy relaxed when she saw he wasn’t there. “You are the first assistant to Mr. Anderson who’s made it past the three-week milestone.”
It was absolutely mental that there was even a need to mark such a milestone. Not that he had any intention of giving back his cupcake. “Was there any doubt?”
“I probably shouldn’t tell you this, but there was a betting pool in HR as to how long you’d last.”
Nolan’s face heated. “How long did you give me?”
“Oh, I won the bet three days ago. No one thought you’d survive to this point. I have to say, I’m really happy you did. Complaints about Mr. Anderson have dropped by eleven percent. In three weeks. That’s huge!”
“How many complaints have there been about me?”
She grinned. “You’re up to three now, but they’re all serial bitchers, so it’s fine.”
It was hard to believe he’d been at Compass that short of a time. It certainly felt far longer, given how much he’d accomplished. He had fallen into a routine, one that gave him a sense of peace. Up early every morning, he would do his physiotherapy exercises before scarfing his breakfast and getting a coffee to go. He worked late more often than not, spending the last hour of each day with Zack in his office, reviewing reports and the next day’s schedule. Tina had complained that he’d become a very messy ghost inhabiting her apartment; she never saw him anymore.
Sure, he probably didn’t need to spend quite so much time at work. He might have eased up a bit if it weren’t for the fact that, although Tina had accepted her promotion, she’d put off the move. Despite her protests to the contrary, it was obvious she didn’t believe he would be able to handle living on his own. Her company would only let her stay in Toronto for so long before demanding that she relocate, and the last thing Nolan wanted was to be the reason for a big opportunity to fall through on her.
Nolan loved his family, especially his sister, more than anything. The two of them had always been close, and sharing an apartment had only brought them closer. But it was too easy to rely on someone all the time, to know that if things got even a bit challenging for him, he had a safety net in the form of his sister. He’d been grateful for Tina’s help after the accident—he couldn’t have made it without her support—but he wasn’t a child or an invalid. They’d reached a fork in the road and, for the first time since they were kids, they had to each take a different path.
Tina needed to move on.
So did he.
Nancy jerked him from his thoughts when she reached over and took her own swipe of frosting. “Damn, that is good. I’m going to have to go back and get some for myself.”
“I might go too. My sister would love these.” Over Nancy’s shoulder, Nolan saw the elevator doors slide open. Zack emerged, chin lowered as he strode down the hall toward the office like a man possessed. “Oh no.”
Nancy straightened. “He’s coming, isn’t he?”
“And looking pissed.”
“Well it was nice knowing—”
Zack pushed the door open. “Nolan! My office.”
“Yes, sir.”
Nancy grimaced. “Well, I’ll let you get to it.” Without looking once at Zack, she scampered away.
Coward. “Do I need anything specific?”
Zack threw . . . something . . . his tie? And his blazer? “Asshole!”
Shit.
The muscles in Nolan’s chest started to tighten, making it difficult to take long, deep breaths. Still, he had a job to do. Ignoring the rising anxiety, he grabbed his tablet and entered the lion’s den.
Zack’s hair was sticking up in a very unnatural way. Nolan knew it would be the wrong move to run his hand through it, to smooth it down so Zack looked more like his normal, put-together self. Instead, he walked over to where Zack’s tie and blazer lay in a heap on the floor. The material was still warm from Zack’s body, and Nolan held it to his chest. “What can I help with?”
“I need to write an email. I’m fucking pissed.”
“I got that.”
Zack glared. “Don’t push.”
“Sorry.” Nolan coughed as he placed Zack’s clothing on the guest chair. “What do you need me to do?”
“You’re going to type. I’m going to dictate. Because if I write this myself, I’m going to get fucking fired.”
There was something about the tone of Zack’s voice that tightened Nolan’s chest even more. “Sure. At whom are we screaming?”
“Chopra.”
Nolan wanted to groan but managed to stop himself. Instead he moved around Zack’s desk and sat down in the chair. “I need you to unlock your computer.”
Zack came around behind him and leaned over his shoulder. “I need to give you my password so you can do this shit yourself.”
“I’m fairly certain the CTO has a policy against that.” Nolan forced his head straight, doing his best to keep some distance between them. “Thank you.”
When Zack finally pulled back, Nolan took a deep breath and mentally counted backward from ten. He cleared his throat again. “Email open. Let’s start.”
Zack started pacing. “Dear asshole.”
“Dear Mr. Chopra.”
“I told you the deal. What the fuck did you think would happen when you went over my head?”
“It was unfortunate how our last meeting progressed.”
“Did you think I wouldn’t find out? That Samantha dislikes me so much she’d ignore my concerns?”
“I’ve met with Ms. Rollins and we’ve reviewed your proposal. At this time, she shares my concerns regarding your plan.”
Zack stopped pacing and turned to face him. “You think this is a joke? This is your fault. You encouraged him. You let him think I was going to take this shit seriously. He’s trying to get his brother-in-law’s company in as an exclusive supplier, one that I’m fairly certain he’d be receiving kickbacks on. I’d pretty much shut him down until you gave him hope.”
Nolan’s hands hovered over the keyboard. He tried to remain calm and keep his mind focused as Zack lit into him. Sure, he wasn’t a business expert, but the documents that Mr. Chopra had forwarded to Nolan seemed legitimate enough. How was he to know there was a family member involved? Or that Chopra would go over Zack’s head? “I’m sorry. I didn’t—”
“Of course you didn’t know! Christ. You’re not even a real fucking assistant. I don’t know why I hired you.”
With each word that Zack spat, Nolan’s heartbeat increased. It pounded in his ears, drowning out the words. Not that he needed to hear them. All he needed to know was the look of unfiltered anger on Zack’s face. The way his eyes flashed, the red hue of his skin, the throbbing of blood pulsing beneath the surface of his skin.
He looked the same way Roberta’s husband had when he’d stormed into Nolan’s hospital room after the accident.
“This is your fucking fault! She’ll never walk again!”
“Sorry,” he managed to squeak out again.
Zack said something else, but Nolan could no longer make out the words. The pounding in his head was deafening as he fought to pull air into his lungs.
Time stopping as the car slid across the ice.
Screams and blood and pain.
A flash of lights as he tried to open his eyes, a glimpse of faces in medical masks.
Roberta silent, Xi panicked.
Metal from the door jammed into Nolan’s leg.
“Your fault . . . your fucking fault . . .”
Impact.
His vision blurred, and for a moment he thought the world was going to bottom out. He was only vaguely aware of a touch on his shoulder and the office chair being moved. Hands at his throat, not choking, but pressing down toward his shoulders, removing the tightness.
“Breathe.”
Nolan complied, gasping and praying that the air would make it to its destination.
“Again. Breathe.”
He closed his eyes and did as he was told. With no concept of time, he focused on the little things. The weight of Zack’s hands on his shoulders. The commanding tone of Zack’s voice as he continued to tell Nolan what to do, guiding him through the blindness of his panic.
Finally, Nolan’s sight returned, and he blinked rapidly when he realized that Zack’s face was off to the side mere inches from his. “I’m fine.”
“Bullshit. You’re pale and sweating.”
“That’ll go away.” He tried to stand, but Zack held him still.
“I’ll get you some water. Just stay there.”
He missed Zack’s warmth as he stood and moved back, but appreciated the space. “Thank you.”
The screen saver danced on Zack’s monitor. Streaks of light zipped across the blackness, helping Nolan focus on something other than his embarrassment. Now, not only would Zack be angry at him, he’d realize that the anxiety was far worse than not being able to handle a crowd. That when he’d asked for honesty, Nolan hadn’t given him a realistic picture. How could Nolan hope to give Tina the peace of mind to move if he couldn’t handle a stern piece of criticism from his boss?
Assuming Zack didn’t fire his ass.
Zack marched back into the office, holding Nolan’s coffee mug. “Drink this.” He held it out for him, but kept his distance.
The water held a hint of coffee as he swallowed it down. Thankfully, it helped, and finally he knew things had settled. Zack continued standing, his gaze locked on him, and Nolan felt compelled to respond. “I’m not going to die on you. Don’t worry.”
“I am. Worried.”
“Don’t be. And don’t feel as though you can’t fire me. If I screwed up, and it sounds like I did, then you need to let me go.”
“We can discuss your screw up later.”
“No.” Nolan got to his feet, stumbling briefly before his muscles decided to cooperate. “I can’t work like that. You’re a control freak with some of the biggest anger issues I’ve ever seen. You yell at the world and expect it to do your bidding. I’ve done my best to work with you, and up until a short time ago, I thought I’d been doing a pretty good job.” The anger helped, gave his surplus of adrenaline a new focus. The surge pushed Nolan past his anxiety, giving him a temporary burst of energy.
Zack continued to stand still. His lips were parted, moist where he’d licked them. His eyes fixed on Nolan as he moved closer.
“Did you know that HR had a bet going about how long I’d last? They didn’t even give me three weeks. I might not have experience as an assistant, but that bet had nothing to do with my abilities and everything to do with you being an asshole. You’d heard me dealing with Mr. Chopra, and if you didn’t like the way I handled him, or expected me to know things about that situation that weren’t in the file, you had every opportunity to tell me. But you didn’t. There’s apparently no pleasing you, and in the long run you were bound to find some reason I wasn’t cutting it, no matter how hard I worked or how well I did. So if you’re going to fire me, do it now, so I can get on with my life.”
Nolan had moved within inches of Zack. Their faces were so close that their breaths mixed between them. Nolan’s anger might have given him fuel for a brief time, but he knew it wouldn’t be long before exhaustion took over. He wanted this handled before that happened, so he could leave with his head held high.
“I’m not going to fire you.”
His body relaxed. “I’m sorry if I made things difficult for you with Ms. Rollins. I’ll even send the email to Mr. Chopra so you don’t need to deal with him.”
Zack reached out and cupped Nolan’s elbow. “Tomorrow.”
“I can get it done—”
“Tomorrow. I’ll drive you home.”
“That’s not necessary—”
Zack placed his other hand on Nolan’s other arm. “I just sent you into a full-blown panic attack because I lost my head. I was an asshole. The least I can do is see that you make it home safe.”
Oh, it was so tempting to take him up on that. To let himself be taken care of once again, to not have to worry about going it alone. Tempting, but not something he should be doing. “I’ll call a cab.”
The muscle in Zack’s jaw jumped. “You’re stubborn.”
“No worse than you.”
“You’re not well.” Zack tightened his grip on Nolan’s shoulder.
“Well enough to get home.” He licked his lips as his gaze drifted to Zack’s mouth.
When it came, the kiss was explosive. Nolan’s eyes slammed shut at the press of Zack’s mouth against his. Hot tongue invaded, dancing with Nolan’s as their chests pressed against one another. His head spun and his body shook at the abrupt change of mood; his emotions bounced from anger to desire to confusion. What the hell was going on?
As abruptly as the kiss began, Zack pulled back. “Damn it.” He looked at Nolan, eyes wide and clearly shocked. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.”
“It’s fine.”
“No. It really isn’t.” Zack moved, snatching his blazer and tie from where Nolan had set them down. “You’re fine to get home alone?”
Don’t go! “I’m good.”
Zack nodded, hesitating only for a moment before leaving. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Nolan stood alone in the office, shaken and confused. What the hell had happened? What was it about Zack that threw him into utter turmoil? He knew that despite what he’d said, there was no way he’d be able to get himself home. He pulled his phone from his pocket, and dialed Tina.
“Hey. I need you to come get me.”
“Are you okay? You don’t sound good.”
Not even a little. “Just come get me.”
Zack carried the taste of Nolan on his lips all the way to the car. The scent of him had taken up residence in Zack’s brain and there was nothing he could do to free himself. Going home to his condo would leave him with his thoughts and feelings. Given what had just happened, that was not a good thing. He needed to lose himself, to dist
ance himself from his actions.
What he needed was a drink.
It didn’t take long for him to detour to Frantic. While the idea of going to a dance club wasn’t at the top of his list of things he wanted to do at three in the afternoon, Max would be there. If nothing else, he’d be able to hide in Max’s office with a bottle from the top shelf and not have to worry about sitting at a bar drinking alone.
The cleaning staff were just arriving at Frantic, and Zack followed them inside, earning him more than a few odd looks. House music echoed uncomfortably in the empty space that would normally be filled with half-naked bodies. He could picture Nolan here, dancing along with the crowd. The way his too long hair would fly around his face as his hips swayed to the heavy beat. The red flush that would cover his cheeks.
The same flush Nolan had when the anxiety took him over today.
Zack cursed as he walked past the bar and made his way to Max’s office. His friend was typing something at his computer when Zack barged in unannounced. “I need a drink.”
Max raised an eyebrow and pushed away from his desk. “Hello to you too.”
“I’m an asshole.”
“And have been as long as I’ve known you. Any specific reason for your revelation this afternoon?”
He fell into the chair opposite Max and waited for the emergence of the Scotch and two glasses that he knew were in the bottom drawer. “I sent my assistant into a full-blown anxiety attack.”
“Worse than the one he had here a few weeks ago?”
“I thought I was going to have to take him to the hospital.”
“Jesus.” Max filled Zack’s glass to the point where if he drank it all he knew he wouldn’t be driving himself anywhere. “Is he okay? Did you get him home?”
“He wouldn’t let me.” The Scotch burned as he drank it down. Zack knew the sting wasn’t much of a punishment for what he’d done, but it was all he could manage.
“Can’t say that I blame him.” Max leaned back in his chair. “What did you do?”
“I lost my temper.”
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