Working It

by Christine d'Abo

  “I’m sorry.”

  “No, you’re not.” She got to her feet and gathered her things. “Since I’m not needed, I’ll go back to work.”

  “Tina—”

  “Just don’t. I need to go back to work. I left my team hanging, and they need me.” Like Zack had earlier, she walked out on him.

  Nolan was gutted. He knew he’d done the right thing, and that Tina would continue to put his needs before her own if he didn’t give her a push to back off. He loved her and would always want and need her advice, but not at her expense. She’d worked hard to earn her promotion and would thrive in Vancouver.

  What he needed to do was learn how to hold things together and get on with his life.

  If that was even a thing.

  What he wanted to do more than anything was to curl up in the fetal position on the couch, pull a blanket over his head, and sleep. Or, even easier, stop fighting this constant invisible battle, to let the fear and anger wash over him and simply cry. No. No, no, no, he had to fight it. Ignoring his full-body ache, he pushed himself to his feet and took a deep breath.

  Focus on the here and now.

  And breathe.

  It was strange being home alone so early in the day, but it gave him the opportunity to relax. Needing to feel normal, he got out of his suit and found his old track pants; the comfortable ones that were well-worn from years of use. They were baggy and soft against his skin, helping to calm his emotions. The gray T-shirt was loose as well, giving him freedom to move as he liked, to stretch and come back to the moment and take stock of his needs.

  Okay, he could do this now.

  First thing was first—food. Not only would it help cheer him up, he could use it as a peace offering when Tina eventually forgave him and came back. Searching through the list of take-out menus by the phone, he made an order at the Indian place down the street that they both loved. They delivered, so no having to go outside, and the curry was excellent. When the doorbell rang twenty minutes later, he didn’t even ask who it was and pressed the buzzer. “Come up.”

  He grabbed his debit card and jogged to the door when he heard the knock. “You were fast today.”

  When he opened the door, Nolan could only stand and stare, not entirely certain if he was having a mental breakdown, or if he was actually seeing who was waiting at his door. Not the delivery man he’d expected, but instead Zack, two take-out bags in his hands.

  “I ran into your guy downstairs as he buzzed your place and paid him. I figured I owed you that much.”

  Nolan took the bags from him because, really, what else could he do? “Why are you here?”

  “I wanted to make sure you were okay. And to apologize.” He nodded toward the doorway. “May I come in?”

  Nolan knew he should say no. Really, this shouldn’t even be a consideration in the realm of things that might happen in life. Nothing good could come of having Zack in his home looking crestfallen and a bit ragged. Was that Scotch he smelled? “Have you been drinking?”

  “I didn’t drive here if that’s what you’re worried about.”

  “I never thought you would.” He squeezed the plastic bag handles, the weight of the food starting to dig into his palms. Tina would be home sooner rather than later, and he didn’t want any reason for her to be more upset than she already was. Having Zack here would certainly get her prodding him about what had happed to Nolan earlier to set him off. That conversation wouldn’t end well.

  But when he looked into Zack’s eyes and saw that the normal flashing spark was gone, he couldn’t help but step aside. “I ordered enough for two.”

  “I won’t stay that long.” Zack closed the door and took off his shoes. “Is your sister home?”

  “No. She had to get back to work.” Because work is the cure-all for pissed-off sisters.

  “That’s a lot of food for one person.”

  “I was going to suck up to her with leftovers.”

  It was strange having Zack in his home. Normally Zack was larger than life, filling any space he entered so there was barely any room left for the air. But here in the apartment, Zack seemed smaller. No less potent, but more contained, as though he was holding himself back. “So you came to make sure I was okay. I’m here. I’m fine.”

  Zack nodded. “I’m glad.”

  Nolan set the food on the counter and waited while Zack searched for whatever he was trying to say. The silence stretched on too long and threatened to restart the tension in Nolan’s chest. Sucking in a breath, he shook his head. “Can I get you something? Water? Coffee?”

  “A second chance.”

  He froze. “Pardon?”

  For the first time since Zack had offered him the position, he looked as though he didn’t know what to say. “Last month I was tasked with the job of reducing the operating budget by fifteen percent. Funny enough, it was the same day I hired you. I need to find ways to cut technology costs, or else Compass will be left with no choice but to cut employees.”

  “Oh.”

  Zack nodded. “I’ve been trying to find a way to do just that. There isn’t a lot of fat to trim, but I refuse to give in, not when the livelihood of our staff is at stake. I ran into Chopra this morning after my meeting with Rollins. He demanded that I look at his proposal, that it would save the company millions. He was loud, obstinate, and drew attention. Samantha wanted to know why I hadn’t followed up with this, given what she’d mandated. This morning she told me that I have three weeks to come up with a plan or else she’s going to announce cuts at the next all-hands meeting.”

  Nolan would have been furious as well. “I’m the reason Chopra was so confident that you’d listen to him.”

  “You were, but that didn’t give me the right to take it out on you, especially when you didn’t know the full story. That said, I could use your help.” Zack ran his hand through his hair, making it stand up the way it had earlier that day. “I need an objective eye to review the information. If Chopra’s proposal is sound—and the kickback thing isn’t an issue—then I’ll bring it forward. If it isn’t workable, I need a plan B.”

  There was something about Zack, the way he held himself, that told Nolan more was wrong. If they’d had this conversation this morning—before Nancy and her cupcake, before being yelled at, before being kissed—then he might have been more inclined to reach out, to ask what was the matter. But so much had transpired in such a short time, Nolan knew he needed to hold back. To pace himself and not get into a situation he couldn’t handle.

  “I need you. I need you in the office.” Zack came closer but stopped before they were in kissing range. He cleared his throat; his gaze sliding from Nolan’s to roam his face, looking for who knew what. “Will you come back to work tomorrow? Will you help me?”

  “Yes.” Nolan was surprised his voice didn’t crack from the weight of sudden emotion he was forced to suppress.

  “Will you forgive me for earlier? For yelling?”

  “Yes.”

  Zack stepped near, so tantalizingly close Nolan could have swayed and been once more chest to chest with him. “Will you come out to supper with me?”

  Nolan blinked. “What?”

  “While this smells amazing, I promise you I can do better.” A smile tugged at Zack’s lips. “I know it’s only five, but we can get an early meal. Then, if I haven’t scared you off, I’d like to show you something.”

  Shit. This was too much for him. The wave of emotions was more than he could take. When he had to simply think of Zack as his hardheaded boss, it was easier to deal with the man. But this? It didn’t compute. “My sister will be home soon.” A lie, but one he needed to preserve his sanity.

  “Another time, then. I don’t think she’ll want to see the man who upset her brother.”

  Tina would probably tackle-hug Zack if she suspected he was starting to get to Nolan in a way no other man had before. “Good idea.”

  Neither of them moved. Nolan’s gaze dipped to Zack’s mouth, and the memories
of their brief kiss came racing back. He’d still been so overwhelmed from the anxiety that he hadn’t fully appreciated the gravity of what they’d shared. He’d kissed the dragon and he’d survived.

  Not only that, he’d enjoyed it.

  “I should go.” Zack’s voice barely reached above a whisper.

  “You don’t have to.” Nolan felt the blush cover his cheeks. “I think supper might be good.”

  Zack’s eyes flashed. “Your sister? Won’t she expect you to be here?”

  “Currently she’s pissed at me. I was exaggerating a bit before. I don’t expect to see her for hours.”

  Zack nodded. “Do you mind driving, or would you rather take transit?”

  “I don’t own a car.”

  “Taxi it is.” Zack shoved his hand into his pockets. “Let’s go, then.”

  Zack knew it would have made no sense, but he should have insisted they take the bus instead. He hadn’t expected that being in such close proximity to Nolan would impact him the way it did. This was the second time Nolan had sat in a car with him, but the first time side by side. They’d come miles away from that Friday night at Frantic when he’d fallen apart, overwhelmed by his anxiety. With only the notable exception of earlier today, Nolan had been able to deal with his challenges amazingly well.

  Zack didn’t want to stare, but he found it hard to keep his eyes from the handsome man beside him. Given how nervous Nolan was in cars, Zack didn’t want to give him any further reason to be upset.

  “Are you okay?” Nolan turned in his seat to face him.

  “Yes. Why?”

  “You’re acting weird, and I don’t like it.”

  “Sorry to offend you, Mr. Carmichael.”

  “I’m not offended.” He shifted back, but Zack knew he was still watching him. It was uncanny how he was able to do that.

  “I really am fine. I was thinking.”

  “About what?”

  “You.” It was Zack’s turn to stare at his companion. Nolan squirmed in his seat, as he looked out the window. “I was thinking about how far you’ve come in such a short time with the company. With no experience as an assistant, you righted my office. I never did thank you for that.”

  “You’re welcome.” Nolan sniffed and rubbed his hand along the top of his left thigh.

  The red light was long, as was the line of cars in front of them. They should have walked, been outside in the cool evening air. It wouldn’t have lent to conversation, not as intimate at any rate. That might have been safer. Zack drummed his fingers on the seat between them. “I never did ask what you trained? Technology? HR sessions?”

  Nolan shifted forward once more, his eyes shining a bit brighter than they ought to in the night. “I worked with insurance brokers. Trained them on soft skills mostly. How to talk to clients, how to get to agreements in negotiations with difficult personalities. Conflict management, sensitivity training, that sort of thing.”

  “So you were training people how to deal with assholes. Like me.”

  “Pretty much.”

  The light turned green and traffic began to move. “Do you miss it?”

  “The assholes? No, I have you.”

  Zack glared at him. “Training?”

  “Yeah. I do. Every day, actually.”

  He could have pressed further, but he didn’t want to hurt Nolan any more than he already had. “The restaurant is just up ahead.”

  The Pear Tree was packed, groups of people hovering around the hostess area. Zack had a standing reservation, and thankfully didn’t have to wait. He recognized the hostess who was working that night, and she smiled as he came in with Nolan a few paces behind him.

  “Hello, Mr. Anderson. We’re glad you were able to make it tonight. Just the two of you this evening?”

  “Yes, May. Thank you.”

  “This way, please.”

  A guitar duo played softly on a small stage in the corner of the restaurant, the light melody underscoring the relaxed atmosphere. May led them to his normal spot, a small table in the corner opposite the musicians. It was far enough away from the kitchen that there wasn’t an endless parade of people passing by, but close enough to the bar for him to get quick refills.

  “Here you go, gentlemen. Carlo will be by shortly to take your orders.”

  Nolan hadn’t said anything since their arrival, an unusually long silence for him. Zack waited until May finished filling their water glasses and sauntered away before he turned to his date.

  No. No, not date.

  His friend. His valued employee.

  “The menu is standard fare. Since Compass is paying the bill, I’d suggest getting the braised short ribs as an appetizer and the Kobe burger with chorizo sausage. Excellent.”

  Nolan was looking around, a frown marring his face. “Why are we here?”

  “I thought we’d established that back at your place. This was a chance for me to apologize for being a jerk.” It didn’t matter that the opportunity to spend time with him outside the office was more appealing than it should be. “If you’d rather go someplace else, I’m fine with that.”

  “You had a reservation?”

  “I have a standing reservation here. Well, three nights a week. It’s close to home for me, the food is good, and I like the company, even if I don’t talk to anyone.”

  Nolan cocked his head to the side, his lips parted as though he might ask something. Of course that was the moment the waiter arrived to relay the daily specials. Zack did his best to hide his annoyance. It wasn’t Carlo’s fault that he’d interrupted a chance for Nolan to get to know Zack, to ask him questions that had nothing to do with appointments or proposals.

  It was an opportunity for them to connect as people. Two men, a bit lonely, a bit broken, who’d had some success in life but still yearned for something more.

  “Do you want the usual, Mr. Anderson?”

  “Please. And I’ll have water to drink.”

  “Make that two. And I’ll have the Ultimate burger. Well-done. Thanks.” Nolan pulled his loosened tie free from around his neck and stuffed it into his pocket.

  Fuck.

  Nolan looked around the restaurant, his eyes wide. “This doesn’t really seem like the sort of place I’d expect you to come. Especially to eat alone.”

  “Why’s that?” The Pear Tree was a mix of modern and traditional. Wood, metal, and good music playing every night. And while it was busy most nights, the noise never rose to uncomfortable levels.

  “It’s almost . . . casual. Relaxed.” Nolan thumbed the sweating water glass in front of him. “Not words I’d associate with you.”

  It shouldn’t have upset him, hearing what Nolan thought of him. It wasn’t anything he hadn’t heard from others before. Still, annoyance rose up to tighten his chest. “No. I guess not.”

  Nolan cringed. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to offend—”

  “No.” Zack closed his eyes and took a few calming breaths. “You’re right. I guess the truth of the matter is I like coming here sometimes instead of eating at home because I get to absorb some of that relaxation. I’ve gotten better at dealing with my anger issues over the years, but there’s always room for improvement.”

  The waiter came back with their waters, forcing Zack to bite back words he probably shouldn’t say. He liked the restaurant, but he’d be lying if he said he liked coming to the Pear Tree alone all the time. He hated seeing the pity in the eyes of the staff every time he confirmed it would be “just one” for dinner. Again. He hated that he couldn’t seem to get past this emotional block that prevented him from developing any sort of meaningful relationship.

  Instead of an ill-timed confession, he drank.

  Nolan followed suit, and the silence that fell over them was underscored by the buzz of chatter from the other patrons. Zack didn’t want to start the conversation again, didn’t have a clue what to say that didn’t involve work or peppering Nolan with questions about his accident. They might have shared a heated, ill-advised kis
s, but that didn’t give him the right to delve into Nolan’s obviously painful past.

  “So how did you find this place? There are a lot of restaurants around here. This is on a side street. It wouldn’t be someplace you’d just stumble on. Unless you spent a lot of time searching for hip joints.”

  Zack snorted. “You sounded like my dad right then.”

  “Well, the silence thing was getting awkward. All of my practiced small talk revolves around training humor, which believe me you don’t want me to lead with.” Nolan shrugged. “So, how did you find this place?”

  The answer would require Zack to reveal a part of his life no one else at work knew anything about. Not even Samantha. While it wasn’t anything that would damage his reputation, it inevitably changed how others saw him. Keeping quiet about it for so long had also made it feel like a secret, and it was hard to overcome the habit of avoiding the topic completely.

  Nolan held his gaze, his expression growing more curious and amused the longer the silence stretched on.

  Clearing his throat, Zack swallowed down some beer to boost his courage. “I go to a gym around the corner. I found this place when I was walking from there back to work late one night. Heard the music, didn’t really want to do anything at the office, and decided to wander in here instead.”

  The wrinkles around Nolan’s eyes as he frowned made him look even cuter than normal. “There’s a gym around here?”

  Zack forced his hands to relax; he knew once he went down this road there was only one logical conclusion. “It’s a boxing gym.”

  “I had no idea. Mind you, I tend to stick to my own little part of Toronto most days. Is it a busy spot? And wait, you box?”

  “I learned how to take a punch when I was a kid.” It was strange, the way Zack’s heart pounded at the thought of telling Nolan. Shit, even his hands were sweating. He was given a small reprieve when their food arrived, Nolan’s burger and his steak.

  Nolan was apparently starving, the way he dug immediately into the food. The sounds of pleasure coming from him were obscene, and eventually Zack couldn’t resist a dig. “Should I leave the two of you alone?”