Boogiepop and Others

by Kouhei Kadono

  “Because danger is upon us,” he said, gazing at me levelly.

  I flinched. His gaze held daggers.

  “I am automatic. When I detect adversity approaching, I float up out of Miyashita Touka. That's why I am Boogiepop -- phantasmal, like bubbles.”

  “Adversity? What kind of...?”

  “There is a devil nesting in this school.”

  I know that sounds absolutely nuts coming from me, but when he said it, the look in his eyes was unmistakable -- he was completely serious.

  The setting sun sent long shadows across the roof. Boogiepop's black clothes made him look half invisible and he virtually faded into the darkness.

  “It's hidden among you now, but it poses a very real threat. It has barely begun to stir, but once it does, it will mean the end of the world.”

  His words were the ravings of a lunatic, but if you actually looked at him and heard his voice, they were horribly convincing.

  “Are... aren't you the same thing?” I asked, resisting him with everything I had. For me, this man taking up residence in Touka's body was pretty much the same as the end of the world.

  Touka's other personality replied calmly, “I'm aware of that, which is why I never come out for long. This is also automatic. The rest of the time, I live peacefully as Miyashita Touka; gazing at you with ardor.”

  “Ardor? Hey... !”

  There was something antiquated about his manner of speaking. He even called me ’kimi,’ like a scholar from the Meiji era.

  “My time today will shortly end. There is little meaning in my keeping watch like this, once school is over. Everyone has already gone home.”

  “... So this dangerous being you've been going on about is one of the students?” I found myself asking.

  Boogiepop nodded, “Most likely.”

  “What is it, exactly?”

  “It is better if you don't know.”

  “Why?”

  “Because it is too dangerous. If you know more, something might happen to you. I would prefer to keep Miyashita Touka's lover out of harm's way.”

  I know I'm repeating myself, but he really does keep saying this with her face and her voice.

  “If it's that dangerous, I think I should know. That body doesn’t belong to you alone, you know.” Even as I spoke, part of me was arguing that I shouldn’t take this guy seriously. Clearly, this was all just a paranoid delusion, caused by some bizarre psychological disease, brought about by an instability in Touka's mind... yet the creature before me was Touka and not Touka at the same time. I couldn't think otherwise.

  Boogiepop sighed. “All right, but don't tell anyone else.”

  “Right,” I replied, swallowing hard. I steeled myself for anything.

  But his words were too simple, and caught me by surprise.

  “It's a man-eater.”

  ***

  After I called Touka’s house, I slumped dejectedly on my bed.

  My head was a mess.

  A split personality?

  The school... no, the entire world was in danger?

  What the hell?!

  As delusions went, it was pretty damn delusional. It was like one of those crazy school-bound RPGs.

  (But I don’t want to exactly go and drag Touka off to some psych ward... )

  Boogiepop had said Touka forgets everything. So, in a worst-case scenario, even if we went to a hospital and had a doctor look at her, Boogiepop might never even appear. That would make her seem like the sane one, while whoever took her would come off looking like a complete idiot.

  On the way home from school, I had bought a paperback called The Scream Inside -- Multiple Personality Disorder, so I decided to delve into it now. I'd just grabbed the easiest looking one, but to my surprise, there had been an entire section in the bookstore on psychological disorders. Surely, the world was crazy enough already without all these diseases, I thought.

  The writer wrote in a very conversational tone, so it was readable enough, but the sentences were filled with difficult words that left my head spinning. I did catch the phrase, “This disease is exceedingly rare -- if not almost unheard of -- in Japan.”

  As far as I could tell, multiple personality disorder generally arises when someone is trapped in an oppressive situation and unable to cope with reality, shifting their emotions onto another personality in an attempt to create a new life. “The human psyche is open to the possibilities of both good and evil. In my opinion, multiple personality disorder occurs when one of these possibilities, suppressed by societal pressures, declares independence and begins to fight to exist. Regardless of how diseased the result or how destructive it is on the host body and those around it, the possibility makes no distinction between good or evil.” There was a lot of stuff like this where I kind of understood what I was reading, but at the same time, I didn't. Apparently in Japan, the basis for this type of action usually didn't have a clear form, which meant that the vast majority of incidents would result in schizophrenia rather than multiple personality disorder. To me, it's like talking about the difference between ’God’ and ’The Universe.’

  The author's name was Kirima Seiichi. There wasn't an author's profile attached to the book, so I had no way of telling who he was or what his credentials were. But somehow, what I'd read just felt right.

  (Then what sort of possibility was Boogiepop? What had suppressed him?)

  I flopped back onto bed and stared at the ceiling.

  ‘Do you think to do nothing when you see a fellow human crying?!’

  Those words rang through my head again. For some reason, I just couldn't stop thinking about them.

  ***

  “... So that's what it said. What do you think?” I asked Boogiepop. It was the next day after school, and we were both on the roof again.

  “A suppressed possibility? Hmm... not a bad explanation, I suppose.”

  Miyashita had not been in class, so I'd swung by the roof on the off chance he was around. It seemed as though he took over the moment classes ended.

  “But, in my case, I am not one of Miyashita Touka's other possibilities.”

  “Then what are you?”

  “Good question. This world's...?” he said quite naturally.

  For a moment, I couldn't grasp his meaning. It felt as though he hadn't finished his sentence, but, instead, had just let it trail off. 'This world's...?’This world's what?

  Ignoring my blank look, he forged on, “I have no autonomy. I have no idea what Miyashita Touka might be thinking. She may well have some possibility, some hidden desire that produced me. But that has nothing to do with me. I have no dreams. I have only my duty. I am here only to carry out my purpose.”

  “To save mankind?”

  “Yes.”

  “Why you?”

  “I do not know. I would like to,” Boogiepop sighed, staring up at the sky above his head.

  Not looking at me, he continued, “So you wish to ’cure’ me then?”

  I jumped. Of course, part of me did want to. Miyashita Touka was my girlfriend. But I also felt it wasn't something that I had to do.

  “Mm, no...1 dunno.”

  I wasn't making a guarded answer to keep an eye on his reaction; I was genuinely not sure any more. It didn't seem like his presence was hurting anyone. Touka herself remained blissfully unaware.

  (Only thing it actually interferes with is our dates.)

  “I admit it would be better if I did not exist. If only there were no need for me...”

  His profile was exactly like that of the girl I loved, and it looked somehow forlorn, so without thinking, I blurted out, “It must be hard for you...”

  Not exactly the way you react to the ravings of a delusional multiple personality, I admit.

  “Well, I'm hardly ever here, so...”

  I’d thought he might be angered by my awkward attempt at sympathy, but he responded quietly. Not crazy at all.

  The two of us looked up at the sky. It was cloudy. This time, there was
no beautiful sunset... only darkness. There was a chill in the air, and it seemed as though cold rain might start falling at any second. It was the kind of day that dampens your spirit.

  “Can I ask you something?”

  “What's that?”

  “The first time I saw you, what did you say to that homeless guy?”

  “Nothing important.”

  “How did you make him stop crying?”

  “I just gave him the encouragement he needed. Every person needs help when they're suffering.”

  “He needed help? How did you know?”

  “He was crying. You could tell he was suffering just by looking at him,” he said plainly, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

  “But... but... “ I sputtered, then sighed. “The rest of us ordinary people can't understand that way of thinking.” Even as I said it, I felt pathetic.

  “You're a good man,” Boogiepop suddenly said.

  “Huh?”

  “I think I know what Miyashita Touka sees in you.”

  “Please don’t say things like that with her face. When I meet her tomorrow, I won’t know what to do...” I said, realizing that this meant I had completely accepted Boogiepop as an independent existence.

  Boogiepop made a strange expression. Beneath the low brim of his hat, his left eye narrowed and the right side of his mouth twisted upwards. It was a very asymmetrical expression that Touka herself would never make.

  “Don't worry. I am me, and she is herself.”

  Later, I wondered if that expression was a strained sort of grin, but at the time, it baffled me. It was a sort of grin that seemed both sarcastic and somewhat diabolical at the same time.

  I never did see him smile, though.

  4.

  After that, it became routine to join Boogiepop on the roof every day as he ’kept watch.’

  “I'm not really part of my class anymore,” I complained to him.

  “You aren't taking exams?”

  “No, my father knows someone who owns a design firm, so I've been working there part time. He said that I had good sense and that I shouldn't bother with college. That I'd be better off just starting to work for him directly.”

  “The boss’ favorite craftsman, then.”

  Touka had once said, “Are you sure? Sounds risky to me... “ but Boogiepop sounded impressed.

  Happily, I enthused, “Exactly, a craftsman. That's what a designer is, really. We make what we've been asked to make.”

  “Seems like you've got both feet on the ground,” Boogiepop said, sounding almost jealous. He lived half in some unearthly realm that only he could see.

  “But Miyashita thinks it sounds dangerous.”

  “She would. I don't know her all that well, but there are far more girls who shun romantic men than there are those who are attracted to them.”

  “Really? I mean, romantic?” It was an embarrassing word.

  “I have no such hopes, but I believe humans need some sort of dream. Am I wrong?” Boogiepop always looked especially serious when he said things like this.

  “I dunno,” I muttered.

  “When you have no dream, when you can't imagine a future, that means something in this world is flawed. Unfortunately, it is not I who will battle that flaw, but you and Miyashita Touka,” the self-described defender of the world said, staring into the distance.

  Based only on his words, and on his outfit, it was impossible to think of him as anything but a clown. After all, he had a woman's face, but he talked like a man.

  But I thought if he was a clown, then I wanted to be a clown too.

  ***

  Being with him, talking with him, I could see no traces of Touka anywhere. What had happened to her to make him appear?

  “When did you first come out?” I asked, one day.

  “About five years ago. Miyashita's parents were fighting, considering divorce. Her uncertain feelings at the time may have produced a stubborn creature like me. But I, myself, was far too busy fighting a killer that was stalking the streets to really pay much attention.”

  I had a hunch which killer he was talking about. Five years ago, a serial killer had murdered five girls, and hung himself when it seemed they were about to catch him. It was a very well-known story, so it made sense for it to be incorporated into his delusion.

  “Miyashita's mother sounded like she knew about you...”

  “Mm, she's seen me a few times. We're talking back in Junior High, after all. Miyashita Touka was not exactly free to move around. She even caught me climbing out the window once.”

  “Must have been surprised.”

  “She was hysterical, which caused me no end of trouble. She locked me in the house, so I had to knock the woman out to make my escape. Danger was approaching, after all.”

  “Seriously?” No wonder her mother was freaked. It also explained why the Miyashita household didn't let her have a phone in her room.

  “After that, I suspect Miyashita Touka was dragged off to a psychologist, but I can only speculate. I never appeared.”

  “She didn't show any... unusual signs?”

  Since the condition was almost unheard of in Japan, the doctor probably didn't believe a word of it.

  “Probably not. I imagine they had their doubts about the mother, though. After all, they were having marital problems at the time. But apparently, the whole fuss caused her father to blame himself and make amends. Things settled down after that.”

  “Hmmmm... “ This reminded me of something from the book I'd read. Not a multiple personality case, but a manic-depressive girl. At school, she never spoke a word to anyone, but she was always bright and happy at home. Her parents and grandparents were apathetic and cold, and she desperately tried to brighten up the gloomy atmosphere. Unfortunately, the stress was too much for her, and its effects started to manifest externally. Her behavior grew stranger and stranger, until finally she was taken to a doctor and the truth came out. She was treated, her family repented, and the house became a much more peaceful place. This sort of “peace making” psychological disorder is apparently referred to as “the Trickster.”

  For some reason, it sounded a lot like Boogiepop to me.

  “So,” I said, and explained all this to him.

  He made that strange expression again. “Miyashita Touka may well see it that way.”

  “But you're still here, even though that situation is over. Why? You never come out at home any more, right?”

  “Right.”

  “Then why?”

  “I can't explain it. I simply have my duty to fulfil1.”

  “You’ll just disappear when this ’danger’ is over?”

  “Yes. I will be a little sad to go this time, though. I won't be able to see you again.”

  This surprised me.

  “You won't...?”

  “Right. Miyashita Touka will be here, of course. I imagine you prefer her,” his shoulders slumped a little.

  I couldn’t think of anything to say, so I remained silent.

  The two of us stared quietly up at the evening sky.

  Boogiepop began to whistle. The tune was fast and bright, his breathing skillfully alternating fast and slow, but it was a whistle, so it sounded rather sad somehow.

  I remembered that Touka couldn't whistle.

  (A suppressed possibility...?)

  Even as her boyfriend, I suppose I was suppressing some part of her.

  This thought weighed heavily on me.

  He finished whistling, and I applauded. “You're good. What song is that?”

  “Overture to the first act of ‘Die Meistersinger von Numberg.’”

  “Of what?”

  “The most flamboyant piece this noisily, romantic, old composer Wagner ever wrote.”

  “Classical? Huh. Thought it was rock...”

  “You'd have preferred “Atom Heart Mother"? I tend to like the old music,” he said, narrowing one eye.

  All of our twilight ramblings passed in
this fashion.

  5.

  One day, Kamikishiro was gone. She just stopped coming to school.

  I didn't know much, but it seemed that she had run away.

  “You're kidding?” I said as I heard the news.

  “Really! The teacher told us. She hasn't come home,” one of the girls in class said calmly.

  “Why? Why would she run away?”

  “I don't know. That girl hardly ever talked to us. I bet she thought her pretty face would let her get by in Tokyo or something,” the girl snorted.

  The girls in class were much less expressive than Kamikishiro, who was always laughing and joking.

  “B-but... she had good grades. She looked like she was ready to pass the entrance exam for the college that she wanted to go to, right?”

  “You sure know a lot about her.”

  “What, did you have a thing for her, Takeda-kun?”

  “It's not like that. Still... “ I started to say.

  The leader of the girls in class, Sasaki, said quietly, “I think I know how she felt. Ultimately, she just wanted to escape.”

  “Escape? From what?” I asked, surprised. Kamikishiro had two boyfriends, one a first year, one in second year. I wondered if she was escaping them.

  But Sasaki meant something else. “You wouldn’t understand, Takeda-kun.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because you don't have exams. How could you possibly understand the pressure?”

  I had no defense against that argument.

  “Right, you can't understand.”

  “Yeah, yeah.”

  The other girls joined in, almost accusatory.

  The other students weren’t watching us directly, but they weren't not watching, either. They just sort of sat around us, flipping through their vocabulary flashcards.

  “I'd run away if I could. But I can’t. We’re not as irresponsible as Kamikishiro,” Sasaki said very coldly.

  Everyone nodded.

  Not one of them appeared to be the least bit worried about her.

  “... When you see a fellow human crying, “ I heard Boogiepop's voice whisper in my ear.

  The teacher arrived. We stopped talking and went back to our seats.

  I could barely manage to sit through class.