Cowboy on My Mind

by R. C. Ryan

  “I never said…”

  “No. You were too polite. But the fact that you interviewed everyone I knew in Bozeman seems to imply that you believe that I deserve to be followed and shot at.”

  The detective’s voice remained deadly calm. “I’m really sorry if I’ve given you that impression, Miss Henderson. I’ve just been doing my job, while working diligently to remain nonjudgmental. You should understand that each interview offers us another piece of a puzzle. When all the pieces are in place, we’ll be able to solve not only the puzzle, but also the reasons behind it. I’ll say good night now.”

  Detective Godfrey turned toward the door, opened it, and stepped into the darkness, pulling the door closed behind him.

  Rebecca turned to Ben, who had remained absolutely silent throughout the entire interview.

  “I could feel you staring at me. I’m sure you found this…enlightening.”

  He shook his head, struggling to find the words of comfort she needed to hear. “I told Virgil I didn’t want to be here. That it would be awkward and painful for you to have such intimate details laid bare and calmly discussed like the weather. But the sheriff insisted that I act as his liaison in case you felt overwhelmed by the detective.”

  Her hands on her hips, she turned the full force of her embarrassment and anger on him. “And you always do the right thing, don’t you, Ben.”

  He got to his feet. “You know I haven’t always. But I’m trying.”

  “Do you believe that I’m responsible for bringing a gunman to Haller Creek?”

  He put a hand on her arm. “Of course I don’t, Becca. But…”

  Her eyes blazed. “But what?”

  He looked away. Swallowed.

  She finished for him. “You’re still thinking about the detective’s profile that suggests I have a problem. A problem with commitment.” She flung the words at him. “Do you have any idea how this hurts? Do you even care why I could never commit to Daryl?”

  Her voice broke. Her eyes filled and she turned away to hide the evidence of tears. She’d been so determined to remain calm and steady, and now she was about to blubber like a baby.

  “You don’t owe me any explanation, Becca. I just want you to know how sorry I am. I’m sorry that I was forced to be here, listening to intimate details of a relationship that was none of my business. I’m sorry for all you’ve had to go through. The shots fired. The disruption of your entire life. And none of it your fault. I hope you understand that. None of this is your fault. You didn’t cause it. You don’t deserve it.”

  He lay a big hand on her shoulder, but when he felt the tremors rippling through her, he turned away and beat a hasty retreat toward the front door, hoping to spare her any more humiliation.

  As he opened it, she cried, “Don’t you want to know why my relationship with Daryl failed? Why in the world I dumped him the minute he began to talk about a future with me?”

  He was shaking his head, his hand on the doorknob, when her words just came spilling out in a torrent of passion.

  “I tried. I really did. I thought I could put this town, this life, behind me and have a better future as far away from here as I could get. I was torn between trying to please my father and trying to be a strong, smart, independent woman. But as hard as I tried, it all fell apart because”—the words were torn from her lips before she could stop herself—“because all I really wanted was here in Haller Creek. All I wanted was a life with you, Ben!”

  Chapter Twenty-two

  He was halfway out the door when her plaintive cry rained over him, striking his heart like shrapnel.

  For several long moments there was a sudden, shocking silence as her words played through his mind.

  “…all I wanted was a life with you, Ben.”

  At first, they made no sense. And then, stunned as their meaning washed over him, he looked over to see she’d turned away from him to hide her tears. Her shoulders were shaking as great, gulping sobs broke from her lips.

  He was across the room in quick strides, standing as still as a statue for the space of several moments. Finally, tentatively, he touched a hand to her hair. His voice was little more than a whisper. “Are you saying…?”

  She shrank from him before looking up, eyes too wide, face tearstained, looking absolutely horrified at what she’d revealed. “I tried to block you from my mind and pretend that I could have a relationship with someone. Anyone. But all I wanted, all I’ve ever wanted, is you, Ben. And now I’ve ruined everything…”

  There would be time for words later. But now, in this moment, there was no need.

  “Shhh.” His eyes were hot and fierce, his arms almost bruising as he dragged her against him. For long moments he simply held her as she wept. Then, without even realizing it, his mouth was on hers, and her sobs turned to moans.

  For every press of his mouth she responded with a hunger that matched his, returning his kisses with a ferocity that staggered him.

  With all barriers now shattered, they were practically crawling inside one another’s skin, hands and mouths eager, bodies straining.

  “I never knew.” His hands were in her hair as he rained kisses over her upturned face, seeking to calm, to soothe.

  To devour.

  Every touch, every kiss enflamed them more.

  “I thought you knew and just didn’t care. Why should you? You were the guy every girl in town wanted. And I was just…the daughter of a man who was openly hostile to you, no matter how hard you tried.” She swallowed hard. “Despite my father, it’s always been you, Ben.”

  He sucked in a breath, wondering that his poor heart could still beat. For a lifetime he’d wished for this. Only this. And now, his greatest hope, his fondest desire, which only minutes ago had seemed impossible, was being offered to him.

  “You never said.” He whispered soft, feathery kisses over her upturned face.

  “I didn’t know how to.” She framed his face with her hands and pressed wet, eager kisses to his mouth.

  Tasting the salt of her tears, he stared down into her eyes and felt his heart contract with such overwhelming passion that she could want him. Only him.

  And he wanted her. He knew in his heart he’d been wanting her for a lifetime.

  “Sweet heaven, Becca. Do you know how long I’ve dreamed of this?”

  “You, Ben? Really? Truly?”

  He saw her eyes go wide and could read in them her utter, complete joy.

  “Really. Truly.” He lingered over her lips, loving the sweet, fresh taste of her. He had to call on every bit of willpower to keep from taking her like a brute. “It’s always been you, Becca.”

  “Oh, Ben.” She wrapped her arms around his neck and offered her lips for more.

  He could feel his control slipping. There was a storm building inside him. A monstrous storm that, once released, would devour them both.

  He lowered his head, kissing her with an urgency that had her lifting herself on tiptoe to offer more. His mouth left hers to roam her throat and the tender flesh between her neck and shoulder, before moving lower to the soft swell of her breast.

  She moaned and arched her neck, giving him easier access. It was all the invitation he needed to feast.

  Greedy, his mouth closed around one erect nipple, and despite the barrier of her clothes, it hardened, shooting hot, burning sparks through them both.

  His blood turned to molten lava, raging through his veins.

  His big fingers fumbled as he tore her shirt from her, popping buttons as he did. Beneath it she wore a bit of lace that revealed more than it covered. With one quick tug it fell at their feet.

  For the space of a heartbeat he simply stared. “You’re so beautiful, Becca.”

  “So are you.” She’d unbuttoned his shirt and had to stand on tiptoe to slide it from his shoulders.

  He managed a soft chuckle. “Now there’s something I’ve never been called before.”

  “It’s true, Ben.” She ran her lips across his hair-r
oughened chest and felt his trembling response. “You’re the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen.”

  Frantic, they tore away the rest of their clothes, before his gaze moved slowly over her. “Do you know how long I’ve waited, Becca?”

  She gave a little laugh. “No more than I.”

  His mouth moved slowly over her upturned face, while his big, clever hands moved over her with exquisite care. In turn she sighed and moved in his arms, her fingers digging into the back of his head as she clung and offered him more.

  With each touch, each kiss, their breathing grew more shallow as the passion rose, taking them higher, deeper.

  Needs so carefully banked now blazed out of control and without warning had them by the throat.

  He struggled to slow down the tide that was carrying them along. “I don’t think I can hold back. Tell me you want this, Becca.”

  “I do, Ben. I do.”

  “Thank heaven.” Half crazed with desire he drove her back against the wall. His fingers found her and he watched her eyes widen before glazing over as he took her on a wild ride.

  He loved watching her, those big expressive eyes devouring him as he gave her no time to recover before taking her again.

  “Ben. Wait. I…”

  “Don’t tell me to stop.” His heart missed several beats. “I’d rather die than stop now.”

  “No. Please don’t stop. But…”

  He rested his forehead against hers as his poor heart began pumping furiously. “It’s too late to think. Not a minute longer. I’ve waited so long. Wanted you forever. If I don’t soon end this, I’ll explode. My body is on fire. I’m about to lose all control.”

  “You’re not the only one. Yes, Ben. Now. Please.” She indicated her room. “My bed…”

  “Too far…I’m not sure we can make it to the sofa.”

  “I don’t need it. I just need you, Ben.”

  On a grateful sigh he lifted her, wrapping her legs around him.

  Her hands were in his hair, her fingers digging into his head.

  He framed her face, staring into her eyes. “Look at me, Becca. I want to see you as I make love to you.”

  “Love. Do you, Ben? Love me?”

  “With all my heart.” His words were torn from a throat too clogged with needs to manage more, before driving himself into her.

  At her soft cry he tried to ease back. “You’re such a little thing. I’m so big and clumsy. I’m hurting you.”

  “No. Oh, no.” Frantic, she clutched him to her. “You’re…just right, Ben.”

  “You’re sure?”

  “I’m sure. You’re not hurting me. You could never hurt me.” Even as she said the words, she knew them to be a lie. She was opening herself to him. Giving him the perfect opportunity to hurt her if he chose to reject her.

  “Just love me, Ben. Love me.”

  And then were no words as they began to climb high, then higher, until, hearts pumping, breath hitching, bodies slick with sheen, they moved together, climbed together, to the very pinnacle of a mountain before they stepped free.

  And soared.

  Through a blinding mist of passion they reached a shuddering climax before their world slowly began to settle.

  It was the most amazing journey of their lives.

  Ben stood, holding her in his arms, her body still wrapped around him in the most intimate way.

  His lips brushed her cheek. “You all right?”

  She sighed and managed to lift a hand to his face. “Better than.”

  He smiled then. “Yeah. Me too. That was…”

  “Awesome.”

  “Mmmm.” He brushed soft kisses over her temple to the corner of her eye, where he again tasted the salt of her tears.

  Tears?

  “Oh, baby. Don’t cry.”

  “I’m not.” She gave a huff of breath. “Well, maybe I am, but these are happy tears.”

  “You’re sure?” He carried her across the room to the sofa and lowered her to the cushions before lying beside her and gathering her close.

  “I’m sure.” She looked up at him and smiled. “This evening was so unbearably painful and humiliating. It may have been the worst moments of my life. And now…” She touched a finger to his lips. “I can’t believe you were able to turn it into this incredible joy.”

  His lips curved into his trademark rebel smile. “My pleasure, ma’am. I have to say, you made my evening pretty amazing, too. I never saw this coming.”

  “You’ve been my secret love since I was a little girl.”

  “You sure do know how to keep a secret. I didn’t have a clue.”

  “How could I admit something so impossible? There you were, this tall, dark, mysterious stranger who walked into school and put all the other boys to shame, with that chip on your shoulder and that fearless swagger.”

  His smile grew. “That’s how you saw me?”

  “That’s how everybody saw you, Ben. You’ve always been larger than life.”

  “I don’t know about that. But I’ve always been grateful I was big enough to lift you out of the way of that runaway ATV. I figured you were a goner.”

  “And you kept asking me over and over if I was all right. And I was absolutely speechless, wondering what I could possibly say to bad boy Ben Monroe. I was tongue-tied and trembling.”

  “I was so afraid you’d been injured, my hands were shaking.”

  “And I was so in awe of you, I couldn’t think of a thing to say.”

  “You stuck your nose up in the air and backed away. And all the time I thought you hated me.”

  “How could I ever hate you, Ben? You just purely owned my heart.”

  “Dear God, Becca.” He lowered his head and kissed her with a kind of reverence that had her sighing with pleasure.

  She wrapped her arms around his neck and returned his kisses with a hunger that matched his.

  And then there were no words as they took each other again, ever so slowly, as if to make up for the explosion of their first time. Gently, as if they had all the time in the world, they showed each other in the only way they knew how, all the things they’d kept locked in their hearts for all these long, lonely years.

  “Where are you going?” Rebecca felt the mattress sag as Ben moved away from her.

  Sometime during the night he’d carried her to her bedroom, where they had snuggled and whispered and loved until they were sated.

  “I thought I’d see what’s in your refrigerator.”

  “You’re hungry?” She started to scramble up. “I’ll fix…”

  “You stay here.” Gently he lay a hand on her shoulder, pressing her back against the pillows. “I can find my way around a kitchen. I’ll fix something for both of us.”

  “Okay.” She lay back, watching as he pulled on his jeans, leaving them unsnapped at the waist before sauntering from the room.

  This felt like a dream. A wonderful, joyous dream that she hoped would never end.

  Ben Monroe here. In her house. In her bed. Loving her.

  She tucked her hands behind her head and smiled. Her dreams had never been as wonderful as this. Last evening, with its humiliating visit from the police detective, had felt like her worst nightmare. And then suddenly Ben was beside her, turning it all upside down.

  What sort of magic did he possess that he could turn her worst day into her best night ever?

  During their lovemaking he’d whispered love words that had her, even now, blushing like a schoolgirl.

  She sat up, letting the bed linens slip away, unconcerned about her nakedness. Ben Monroe loved her. It had been her heart’s secret yearning since she was a girl. And now, he was here with her.

  Ben walked into the room carrying a tray.

  Seeing her, his smile grew. “I thought I was hungry, but seeing what I’m seeing, I realize it isn’t food I’m craving.”

  She glanced down at herself before bursting into laughter and pulling the covers up to her chin. “Sorry, cowboy. First you have t
o feed me. Then we’ll deal with what you’re craving.”

  “You’ve got a mean streak in you, Becca Henderson.” He set the tray on a night table before shucking his jeans and climbing into bed beside her.

  He broke open a banana-nut muffin and offered her a bite. “These look home-baked.”

  “They are.” She swallowed. “My mother is the baker in the family.”

  “Tell me about her.”

  Rebecca smiled. “She’s a really private person. She and Dad are the perfect team. Fussy, almost to a fault. They don’t like anything that disrupts their quiet lifestyle. I learned early in life to go along or face their disappointment.”

  “Did they punish you?”

  She shook her head. “Not the way you’d think. They never raised a hand against me. But I could always tell, by the looks on their faces, that they weren’t happy with something I’d done. And having them disappointed was the worst sort of punishment.” She leaned back, remembering. “I was hardly ever defiant the way my friends were. I didn’t like breaking the rules. But there were things I yearned for, and I didn’t feel free to confide in my parents, because I knew instinctively they wouldn’t understand.”

  “Like what?”

  She laughed. “A puppy. I was fixated on getting a pet, and my parents were just as adamant that they were never allowing an animal into their well-ordered life. Mom said they mess on the rugs. Dad said they have to be walked, even in bad weather. I remember begging, pleading, saying I’d do all the work, but in the end, they won.”

  “Not having a pet isn’t the worst thing in the world.”

  Rebecca nodded. “I know. That’s what I told myself. But they always won. Maybe because I just wasn’t willing to fight hard enough for what I wanted.”

  “How about now?”

  She shrugged. “After my years in Bozeman, I thought I’d developed a little backbone. I learned a lot about myself while I was away.”

  “Like what?”

  She pursed her lips, thinking. “I learned that I was stronger than I thought. I could step away from the protection my parents always gave me, along with their strict control, and not only survive but also thrive. I studied hard and worked. I discovered that I like retail, not because of my father, but for myself. When I came home, I decided that my own business would be my first step toward independence. And so far, my parents are going along with it, though to be honest, I think they’re just humoring me. I suspect they hope I’ll lose interest and they can get back to the way things were.”