Just Watch the Fireworks

by Monica Alexander

  She stood up and faced me. With her in heels and me in flats, we were almost the same height.

  “When my best friend makes bad decisions, it’s my job to tell her and not let her sabotage the life of another friend of mine. Sorry.”

  She wasn’t going to back down. I narrowed my eyes at her.

  Never one to deal with confrontation head-on, she finally sighed and said, “Fine. So you want to be with Beckett?” I could hear the annoyance in her voice.

  I knew she didn’t believe me. I’d been wishy-washy about him all summer, so I could see her point of view, even if she was dead wrong. All I wanted was to be with Beckett, but instead of saying anything to Summer, I’d poured that emotion and energy into my book. I’d made good progress, and it made for good therapy, even if it wasn’t a cure-all.

  “Yes,” I said, knowing it was the truth.

  I’d thought about him constantly over the past two months and one thing remained constant. I missed him in my life. I missed him sitting next to me on the couch watching movies and laughing at the same parts. I missed the way he looked at me and how he called me to say goodnight. I missed that he quoted song lyrics and taught me about history. I missed the scar over his left eye and his freckles and his smile, especially when it was directed at me.

  I missed how I felt when I was with him and how he made me laugh. I missed his arms around me as we slept, his body fitting perfectly against mine. I missed how he could always make everything okay, even when I thought it was all going to shit. I’d realized that when my life really felt like it was going to shit, the one person who could pull me out of it was one person I’d driven away. It took losing him – really losing him – to realize how much I wanted him in my life.

  Summer nodded, as if saying ‘yeah, I get that, but it’s too late’. “He likes Kelsey,” she said, matter-of-factly. “He’s happy with her. You need to just leave it alone and move on.”

  My stomach dropped a few inches. I was not enjoying this tough-love version of my best friend.

  “Is he happier with her than he was with me?” I asked, feeling like I needed to know the full story. If I had any chance of moving on from him, I needed to know I no longer had a chance with him.

  She shook her head. “No, he’s not, but it’s new. You can’t compare what you guys had to what he has with Kelsey. It’s different. It’s probably best if you just give him some space like he asked. Let him see if he can be happier with her.”

  “Why?” I asked, not comprehending why he’d have to go out and find someone else to make him happy. “Why should I do that? Why can’t he just be happy with me?”

  “Because if you haven’t noticed, he pretty much hates you,” she said.

  She was being much tougher with me than I was used to, and I realized that she was now more protective of Beckett’s feelings than she was of mine. Not that I could blame her.

  “Hate is better than indifference,” I said, optimistically. “Hate means he still has feelings.”

  She shrugged, finally picking up the shirt I’d thrown at her. “Maybe he’s indifferent. I don’t know. You really haven’t come up lately.”

  Summer turned away from me, annoyed that I’d taken this subject as far as I had. Great. I’d successfully alienated my friend along with the guy I was in love with.

  I sighed and leaned back against a display table. “I should have taken him back when he asked – when he told me he loved me and he wanted to be with me. I fucking screwed up.”

  Summer ripped open the next box with vigor. I took a step back from her, afraid of being hit by cardboard shrapnel.

  “Exactly,” she said. “You fucked up. Kelsey’s good for him. She got him smiling again.”

  A huge lump formed in my throat. I fought back the urge to cry. I hadn’t done that much, but every once and a while the urge to cry would take over. That was usually when I picked up my laptop and wrote, but in that moment, my laptop wasn’t available to me, so I had to fight back the tears the old-fashioned way.

  “I thought you didn’t trust him?” Summer asked then, taking a pile of t-shirts from the box and laying them on the table in front of her. She started to refold each one, making them all symmetrical and crisp. I grabbed another shirt and started to steam it.

  “I’ve been thinking about that a lot, and I think I just have to give it a chance. My mom said some things around the time Ryan and I broke up that made me realize I can’t control everything. Part of life is taking risks, and I think I’m ready to do that.”

  Summer just shook her head, but I could see that she was slowly caving.

  “How long have they been together?” I asked after a few minutes of silence, having a hard time believing that Beckett was serious with a self-proclaimed party girl.

  I understood what Summer was saying about letting Beckett be happy. I got it, but I knew deep down that he would be happier with me. Kelsey wasn’t right for him. Besides, I knew he still he loved me.

  “They’ve been dating for about six weeks,” she said, turning around to face me.

  They’d been dating since Ryan and I had broken up. Six weeks wasn’t that long. My expression changed to one of hope, my eyebrows raising.

  “Courtney, no,” she said. “He’s happy – finally. Just let it go. Please.”

  “Sorry, Sum. I can’t. If Patrick was with someone else, and you knew he was still in love with you, what would you do?”

  She didn’t hesitate in answering. “I would go after him with everything in me,” she said, “but Court, I haven’t hurt Patrick – again and again. He’d have no reason to be upset with me. He’d have no reason not to trust my intentions.”

  Her words stung, and I felt like shit all over again. She was right. I’d hurt Beckett, and there was nothing I could do about that. All I could do was show him how wrong I was and how much I wanted to be with him. All I could do was hope it would be enough.

  “He said he got the shit kicked out of his heart and his face from being with you,” she said.

  Yup, that was pretty much right on target. Even though I hadn’t thrown the punches, I’d been the driving force behind them.

  “I have to make it right, Summer. I’ll do whatever it takes to get him back,” I said, eyes flashing. “Will you please help me?”

  I knew she was the only person who could get me close enough to him so I could have a chance at telling him how I felt.

  “No,” she said, conviction firm in her voice. “I won’t.”

  I cocked my head at her. “You owe me,” I said, and she raised her eyebrows at me wondering what on earth she could owe me. “I picked out your engagement ring with Patrick. He wanted something that – let’s just say it rivaled the bad ring that Carrie almost got from Aiden on Sex and the City. I talked him into what you’re wearing today.”

  She looked down at her left hand and back up at me. “Are you really that desperate?” she asked bitterly, but I could see the hint of a smile on her face. I’d broken through to her.

  “Yes,” I said, smiling and shaking my head. “I am completely and totally desperate.”

  She looked torn. “No, Court,” she said, putting her hands on her head and pulling her hair back. “I don’t want to get in the middle of this. He’s happy. Let. It. Go.”

  “Summer,” I said, pleading with her. “I’m serious. Please help me. I love him. I have loved him since the moment I laid eyes on him, and I know he still loves me. You know it too. Please.”

  “I don’t know, Court,” she said, but I knew from her tone that she had finally edged over to my side. “He could end up being royally pissed at me. He’s Patrick’s best man. That’ll make for a joyous wedding. I can imagine his toast now.”

  I could hear the sarcasm in her voice. I took a step closer to her. “He could also end up being eternally grateful to you. Come on, Sum, please.” I put my hands up like I was praying, whispering please over and over again.

  She rolled her eyes. “You think way too highly of your
self,” she said, and I looked at her with my most pleading eyes. “Okay, fine. I’ll help you.”

  I smiled widely. “Thank you,” I said, jumping up to hug her. “You’re the best.”

  “Yeah, yeah,” she said. “I’m not making any promises that any of this will work, but we’ll do what we can, okay?”

  “That’s all I can ask. Thank you!”

  Summer and I began to formulate a plan. Her engagement party was that weekend. Beckett would be there. I would be there. It was my chance to talk to him and to finally make things right.

  Thirty-Three

  That Saturday night, I was so nervous that I almost couldn’t breathe. Kate and I had been a Summer’s parents’ beach house for several hours making sure everything was set up for the big engagement party, but about an hour before Summer’s mother, Erica, had ordered us upstairs to get ready. She said she’d be able to handle anything that might come up, and we were to enjoy the party as we were Summer’s bridesmaids.

  We did as we were told, and since Kate had finished getting ready first, she went back downstairs to make sure Erica didn’t need anything else while I stayed behind with Summer. I stood in front of the mirror in her room making sure I looked okay. I was wearing a short navy blue dress with long sleeves and an open back. I’d left my hair down. I thought I looked pretty good, even if I felt like I was going to throw up. The engagement party would be starting in fifteen minutes. Summer came up behind me and gave me a hug. I leaned my head against hers.

  “You look beautiful,” she said.

  “Thanks,” I told her, feeling more nervous than I had in years.

  “He’ll listen,” she said. “If you get him alone, he’ll listen.”

  I nodded, hoping she was right. I knew she didn’t have any intel on him, but I had to rely on her intuition. It was all I had at that point. Summer squeezed me once before releasing me and stepping back.

  “How do I look?” she asked, twirling around.

  I looked at her reflection in the mirror and gasped. She looked incredible in a long strapless a-line burnt orange dress she’d designed and made. It was made from a more casual fabric than her wedding dress, but if it had been white, she could have been a bride in it. She’d pulled her wavy dark hair back into a low ponytail, and it streamed down her back.

  “Sum,” I breathed. “You look amazing.”

  I thought I might cry. If she looked that beautiful then, I could only imagine her in her real wedding dress. For the first time in my life, I let myself imagine what it would be like to walk down the aisle at my own wedding. I surprised myself with that daydream, especially since I came out of it not with fear, but with longing. As long as it was Beckett standing at the altar waiting for me, there was no trepidation inside me. There was only comfort.

  “Thanks,” Summer said, as she smiled and sat down on the edge of her bed. “Do you think Patrick will like it?”

  I rolled my eyes. “He’d like you in a paper bag. That boy is so in love with you.”

  She giggled. “I know. I cannot wait to marry him.”

  I breathed out once, my nerves taking over. Summer saw that and walked over to stand next to me. “You are gorgeous,” she said. “It’s his loss if he doesn’t want to be with you.”

  I nodded, but I wasn’t convinced. If he didn’t want to be with me, I knew it would be my loss. Someone knocked on the door then, and Summer crossed the room to open it.

  “Hi, baby,” she said, so I knew it was Patrick. I saw her throw her arms around him as he picked her up.

  “You look incredible,” he said, kissing her. “Are you sure we can’t just get married tonight?”

  “No,” she chastised him. “We cannot. You’re just going to have to be patient.”

  “Yeah, please don’t take my roommate away yet,” I chimed in.

  He looked over at me, his arms encircling Summer’s waist as he did. “Hey Court.”

  “Hi Pat,” I said.

  He let Summer go and crossed the room to hug me. “Don’t worry, I won’t take her away yet, but next July, she’s all mine.”

  “Okay, fine,” I said, smiling at him. “You can have her then.”

  “I just came in to get you guys. People are starting to arrive, so we should probably go out there.”

  I was nervous as I made my way downstairs, following Summer and Patrick down the stairs to the front hall. Beckett was initially nowhere to be seen, but as soon as we reached the living room, there he was. He was standing across the room talking to his parents. My breath caught in my throat, but then I noticed Kelsey was on his arm. She was wearing a short, tight red dress, ironically reminiscent of Jenna’s dress from the start of the summer. I was staring at them when I felt someone tap my shoulder. I turned around to see Katie, Beckett’s older sister, standing there.

  “Katie!” I said, as she threw her arms around my neck.

  I’d forgotten how much Katie resembled her brother. They both had the same eyes, freckles and hair color. It was so strange to see his looks on her – strange and painful, as it had been weeks since I’d seen that smile from him.

  “Oh my God! I’ve missed you, Courtney,” she said, as she hugged me back.

  “How are you?” I asked, as she pulled away.

  “I’m good, but I’d be better if you and my brother could figure out how to just be together. I really wanted you to be my sister-in-law.”

  I didn’t know how to respond to that. I didn’t know how much she knew about me and Beckett, especially the more recent history we’d shared. Truthfully, I wanted to be her sister-in-law, too.

  “So, I heard you’re engaged. Do I get to meet this fiancé of yours?” she asked, taking my hands in hers. Maybe she didn’t know what had happened between me and her brother that summer.

  “Um, well, I’m actually not engaged anymore,” I said.

  She gave me a puzzled look. “Oh, Beck didn’t say anything. I’m sorry to hear that.”

  I looked down at my left hand, now adorned with a ring Beckett had given me years earlier. It was a Return to Tiffany ring, but on the inside he’d inscribed, Return to Beckett. I’d dug it out the night before and put it on in the hopes that it might help him see how much I wanted to be with him.

  “It’s fine,” I said. “He just wasn’t the right guy for me.”

  I inadvertently let my eyes drift to Beckett for a second before I realized what I was doing. Katie followed my gaze.

  She put her hand on my arm and stage whispered, “You still love Beck, don’t you?!”

  “Katie, shut up,” I hissed. She had said that very loudly. Katie had always had a knack for being extra exuberant. Sometimes she didn’t realize at how high a decibel she was speaking.

  “Sorry,” she said quickly. “Is it true?” Her eyes were locked on mine, waiting for my response.

  I nodded, feeling like an idiot, as Beckett stood across the room with another girl. Katie jumped up and down and clapped her hands together, as I shook my head.

  “The thing is, he’s moved on,” I said, nodding my head in the direction of her parents, Beckett and Kelsey.

  “Oh, I wouldn’t worry about her,” Katie said nonchalantly. “Her biggest goal in life is scoring free alcohol and finding someone to go home with. I talked to her earlier and was not impressed. Not to mention that awful dress.”

  I laughed and hugged Katie. “Thank you for that,” I said, “but they’ve been dating for over a month. I think Beckett’s pretty serious about her.”

  “Bullshit,” Katie said, garnering some stares from the people closest to us. Summer’s parents were fairly affluent in our community, so the crowd was definitely from the upper echelon of society, although they were still notches below Ryan’s elitist family.

  “He’s not all that sold on her. I know my brother, and I know when he’s trying to put on a good show. She’s fun, and I’m sure she’s quite adventurous when they’re naked, but she’s not a keeper.”

  “Katie!” I admonished, not believi
ng she’d referenced the fact that Beckett was sleeping with someone else. I knew it was true, but I didn’t want to think about it.

  “Sorry,” she said, dismissing her comment as if she could just wash away that image from my brain with a wave of her hand. “Bad reference. Either way, she’s not someone he’d get serious about. He’s just trying to forget you after everything that went down this summer.”

  “You know about that?” I asked, in slight awe, wondering why she was so adamant about helping me when she knew what I’d done to Beckett.

  She waved her hand in dismissal again. “Of course I know. Total error in judgment on your part, but if you cheated, the guy must not have been the one. Now, let’s see if we can get you together with the right guy. You let me handle it,” she said confidently. “Give me thirty minutes. I’ll get you guys alone.”

  I looked up at her in alarm. “Wait, what?! What are you talking about?” I wasn’t prepared to talk to Beckett yet. I needed to get a few more drinks in me. Summer and I had talked about finding a way to pull Kelsey away from him at the end of the night, not in the middle of the party. I was suddenly scared shitless to tell Beckett how I felt.

  “Do you want to be with him?” Katie asked, and I could hear the urgency in her voice.

  “Yes.”

  “Have you told him?”

  I shook my head. “No.”

  “Don’t you think you should?”

  “I’m not sure he’ll listen to me,” I insisted.

  She smiled. “He will, if you tell him the one thing he’s wanted to hear for three years,” she reasoned. “Trust me. I just need to get you guys in the same room, so you can actually tell him.”

  I really hoped she was right. “You would really do that for me?” I asked.

  “Court, I love you like a sister,” she said. “I would absolutely do this for you.”

  I smiled genuinely at her. “Thanks Katie. If this works out, I will really owe you.”

  “It will,” she said. “Trust me. I know how that boy’s mind works. He’s mad, but he’ll get over it. He loves you.”