by Barbara Gee
“He’s dancing with your Aunt Donna,” he said, just as shortly.
“What do you want?”
He paused. “I was hoping we could find a time to meet up while you’re here. I think we should talk.”
I barked out a laugh. “There’s nothing to say, JP.”
His eyes narrowed. “Oh, I have plenty to say, Myla.”
My courage was fading rapidly. It was impossible to be this close to him and not feel the same things I’d felt years ago. Back when I thought he was the man I’d grow old with. It was overwhelming and my body began to tremble with awareness.
“It’s been more than three years,” I said, folding my arms and trying to sound bored. “Closer to four. I think the time for talk passed a long time ago.”
“I might agree, had you ever given me a chance to talk at all. But you didn’t. You shut me out the moment you found out that I—” He broke off and I immediately moved in for the kill.
“The moment I found out you slept with another girl?” I ground out, my anger hiding the agony caused by saying those words out loud for the very first time.
His lips firmed into a hard line as I charged on.
“What would you have said if we’d talked, JP? That it was a mistake? That it didn’t mean anything? That it was partly my fault because I wouldn’t sleep with you myself?”
The last question put a shocked look on his face, and he opened his mouth to respond, but I was on a roll and didn’t give him a chance. “You cheated on me, JP. You cheated on me. I owe you nothing. Not then and not now. Not a chance to try to explain or to convince me we could get past it. You made the decision to have sex with Haley Knight in spite of the fact that you claimed to love me. That was enough—more than enough—to make me realize you weren’t the man I thought you were.”
“So you just left,” he said bitterly.
I jabbed a finger into his chest. “Yes, JP, I left. Because my feelings were real. I actually did love you. I would’ve never, ever, ever done that to you, and I never thought you’d do it to me. But you did, and you broke my heart. You shredded it, and every time I saw you it hurt worse. People probably thought I was a coward for leaving, but it was self-preservation, plain and simple. I did what I had to do, and I don’t regret it.”
He grabbed the finger I’d been poking him with and held on. “You don’t regret leaving Hidden Creek?” he bit out. “I don’t believe you.”
“I don’t regret leaving you,” I corrected him, wrenching my hand away. “Now are we done? Because my boyfriend is probably looking for me.” I whirled around and took a step back toward the tent, but his low voice stopped me.
“Myla, wait.”
I halted but didn’t turn back to face him. I was down to mere remnants of the courage I’d started with and I couldn’t bear to look into his eyes, not even for one more second.
He stepped up behind me. “Myla,” he said softly, “when you were talking to Whitney, I heard you say ‘in an ideal world.’ What were you referring to?”
“None of your business,” I said breathlessly.
He ignored that. “She said she was trying to get you to move back to Hidden Creek. Is that what you meant when you said that? That in an ideal world, you’d move back?”
“I said it’s none of your business.” My voice broke on the last word and I hated the weakness this man brought out in me. Hated that he still had that kind of hold.
He was silent for a long moment. When he spoke again, his voice was even softer. “If that is what you meant, you should know that I’m planning to move here to Mountain View. I’ve been working out of this office more often than the one in Hidden Creek, and Jude found a house near his that I really like. I know the towns are only thirty minutes apart, but it means you would rarely run into me. I just wanted you to know that, in case you really are thinking about coming back.”
When I didn’t respond, he added quietly, “I know I drove you away from the place you love and I’m sorry for that. I don’t want to be what keeps you away if you’re ready to come home.”
Tears burned. My throat ached. “Thanks for telling me,” I finally said, my voice sounding strangled.
“And Myla.” Once again his low, stirring voice stopped me from fleeing. “I wish you would’ve talked to me. I can’t change what I did, but I could’ve tried to explain it.”
I shuddered at his words and my voice came out raw and still wounded. “No explanation could take away the images in my head, JP. Every time I saw you I pictured you with her. I pictured the ways it might have happened. Did all those high school feelings come flooding back as soon as you saw her at that class reunion and you realized you just had to have her? Did you take her to a back room as soon as you could and rip her clothes off? Or did you take it slow and spend the evening seducing her?” I was shaking and my entire body felt ice cold, but I couldn’t stop. “I pictured you touching her and her touching you. It must have been a relief to have someone willing to put out after dating a virgin who wanted to wait for marriage, huh? Probably the best sex you’d ever had.”
His hands came down on my shoulders and he turned me around, his eyes flashing with anger and hurt. “Stop it, Myla.”
“I can’t stop it,” I said, tears burning. “I can’t turn it off. Every time I think of you I see your hands on her—I imagine the pleasure she must have brought you, and I can’t handle it!”
He was shaking his head, his jaw clenched. “I don’t even remember it, Myla! Not a single second of it!”
His furious words brought me up short, and then I gave a disbelieving snort. “Haley’s account of the night didn’t include anything about you losing your memory.”
“Of course it didn’t,” he scoffed. “She was trying to cause trouble between us. That’s why she tracked you down and told you about it. Her version, at least.”
“She told me what you should have had the guts to tell me,” I replied, my voice shaking. “You had three days to do it before she showed up. But you didn’t say a word.”
He exhaled a long, frustrated breath and his hands fell away. “Yeah. I guess that’s one thing we can agree on,” he said softly.
I straightened my spine. “And on that note, good-bye, JP. So glad we could have this talk.”
He stiffened at my sarcastic tone and this time he didn’t try to stop me when I walked away.
I would’ve given my life’s savings not to have to go back inside that tent, but my steps didn’t falter. I wouldn’t allow it, not in front of him. I called on every ounce of strength I could summon, all the years of practice I’d had at convincing people I was fine when I wasn’t. I pushed the broken Myla aside and walked into that tent with a serene smile on my face—one that would fool everyone except my mother and Ava.
Thus I avoided them both. I danced with Derek and chatted with old friends and lit a sparkler and cheered when Ava and Jude made their getaway. I convinced Derek to leave soon after, claiming I could barely keep my eyes open. I got him settled in the guest bedroom at my parents’ house while I took my old room and crawled into bed as soon as I’d shed the fancy dress and washed my face.
Mom and Dad would be disappointed that I wasn’t waiting up, but they’d understand considering the long day I’d had.
I let my head settle deep into the pillow as I stared at the ceiling. I used to have stick-on glow-in-the-dark plastic stars up there, but Mom had peeled them off when I’d left for college, afraid they’d ruin the paint if they stayed up too long.
I missed them. Missed the carefree years they signified—years that were long gone. I was only twenty-six, but I felt so, so much older.
I yawned and closed my eyes—and there was JP, just like I’d known he would be. Thanks to tonight he was burned into my mind all over again. His perfect body in that tailored gray suit. The golden-tanned skin of his neck against the stark white of his shirt. His dark blue eyes stormy and hurt as he looked at me. His lips thin with anger, yet still the ones I most wanted to feel
against mine.
Would that ever change?
I feared not, and now that I’d seen him again I felt almost desperate to know more about how the last few years had gone for him. He was still working for Owens Construction, I knew that. I also knew he was a very talented structural engineer, and I’d be surprised if he hadn’t rapidly advanced at the company. What kinds of buildings did he work on? Had he found a way to indulge his love of design too? He’d always had sketches of buildings lying around his townhouse and I’d secretly wondered if he shouldn’t have become an architect instead of an engineer.
Tears made their way past my squeezed-shut lids and trickled down my temples into my hair. It was devastating to realize that JP’s hold on me was as strong as ever. He’d cheated on me with an old high school flame, crushed my heart irreparably, and yet I still loved him. Or rather, I loved the man I’d thought he was—before he threw it all away.
I’d give anything to have that man back. No one could ever compare to my beloved JP. That man would never cheat on me. He would’ve loved me to the end.
Maybe that man had never existed outside of my imagination, but I’d had three blissful months of believing he did. I’d fallen hopelessly in love, and when his true colors were revealed it had destroyed me.
Obviously I still hadn’t recovered, and now I doubted I ever would. Not completely. My perfect man was flawed in a way I couldn’t accept, and yet the memory of the way it had been when we were together—it had ruined me. I knew how it felt to love with my whole heart and soul and to believe I was loved like that in return. Could I ever settle for less?
His face flashed before me. The way he’d looked when I’d lashed out at him and said those things about him being with Haley. My words had cut deep, I saw that in his eyes, but I hadn’t cared. I wanted to hurt him the way he’d hurt me. I wanted him to know he’d let me down in the worst way possible and I would never be with a man I couldn’t trust.
What I hadn’t said was that I feared I would also never stop loving him….no matter how hard I tried.
Chapter 4
Two months later……
“M
yla Garret, you have no idea how happy this makes me,” Ava raved, only her eyes visible over the top of the large box she was carrying. “There’s no one else I’d rather have living in Grandma’s house.”
I laughed. “Obviously, since you made me an offer I couldn’t refuse. You’re close to paying me to live here instead of the other way around.”
“Because I’m so happy to have a good tenant. It’s such a great little house. A little dated, but cozy and functional. Even though I love living in the woods with Jude, I kinda miss this place.”
“I’ll take good care of it,” I assured her. “It feels a little like home already. Probably because I spent half of my childhood summers here with you.”
Ava chuckled. “So many epic sleepovers. Summers in Hidden Creek with you and Grandma were the best times of my life.”
“Until you turned fifteen and chose summer volleyball over us,” I griped, maneuvering my own box through the hallway to the kitchen.
“Ugh, I know. I had so much pressure from my high school coach to do that. But I knew you and I would stay best friends, and now we’re only going to live thirty minutes apart! I can’t believe I have Jude and now you. I feel like it’s a dream.”
“Me too, only I’m afraid it’s going to turn into a nightmare.” I lowered my box onto the kitchen floor and gave her an apprehensive look. “Did I make a rash decision, Ava? I mean, I had a lot of opportunities with the army, and my unit was appalled when I told them I was giving it up to become a small-town teacher, especially considering I’ve never actually taught. What if I hate it? Or fail? I might be the worst teacher ever and Whitney will regret ever bringing it up.”
She set her box on top of mine. “Don’t be silly. You’re meant to be a teacher and you’re meant to be here. Back in your hometown, with your family and friends.”
“It’s going to be an adjustment. I’m not used to everyone knowing my business anymore.”
“You’re already the talk of the town, but in a good way. Everyone’s excited to have you back. Your Aunt Donna made an announcement at church last week, so get ready for people stopping by unannounced with food and welcome baskets.” She grimaced. “Just don’t let anyone set you up with Pastor Dan’s son, Devon. He’s a sleazeball of the highest order.”
I brushed some dust off my jeans. “I wish Aunt Donna hadn’t said anything. Now everyone will expect me to be in church on Sunday, and that’s not going to happen.”
Ava shrugged. “They’ll give you a pass until you get settled in.”
I cringed inside. A one-week pass wasn’t going to cut it. “Um, it’s been a long time since I’ve gone to church,” I blurted out, knowing Ava would be shocked to hear it.
She cocked her head and frowned. “Really? How long is long?”
I was ashamed to admit it. “Since I left here.”
Her jaw dropped. “Are you serious? You didn’t find a church out in Arizona?”
“I didn’t even look for one.”
“Why not? Wouldn’t that be the best way to meet people in a new place?”
I picked at the tape on the box she’d carried in and decided now was as good a time as any for some soul-baring. “I’ve gone through a lot, Ava. A lot you don’t know because I didn’t want to talk about it. With anyone.”
Ava folded her arms. “I might not know details, but I do know you had a hard time of it. Of course I do. That makes me even more surprised to hear you haven’t been going to church.”
I shrugged. “Trying to get involved in a new church where I didn’t know a single soul felt way too daunting with everything else I had going on. So I just never did.”
“I’m sorry to hear that. I wish you’d had a support group of some kind,” Ava said sadly.
I grunted. “I seriously doubt any church would’ve had the kind of support group I needed.”
“And what kind of group was that?”
She asked the question hesitantly and I understood why. In all these years, I’d never told her what had happened with JP. In fact, I’d gotten mad whenever she asked. Eventually she stopped bringing it up and we’d gone on as before, but I knew my refusal to talk about it, to confide in her, had hurt. It was time to rectify that.
I met her gaze. “I needed a group for women who were cheated on by the man they thought they’d be with forever.”
Ava’s shoulders slumped and tears immediately filled her eyes. “Oh, Myla. I was afraid of that. I couldn’t think of anything else that would hurt you so deeply. I’m so sorry.”
“Yeah. It was life-changing in the worst way,” I said. “I had to leave after that because seeing him ripped my heart out every time.”
“I get it. I would’ve done the same if Jude had cheated on me. In a heartbeat.”
I nodded. “I don’t regret leaving, and I wouldn’t have come back if JP hadn’t moved to Mountain View. I know I should be over it by now, but I don’t think I ever will be. Is that pitiful or what?”
She shook her head slowly. “It’s not pitiful. I—” She broke off and shuddered. “I’m imagining that happening with Jude, and trust me, I wouldn’t get over it either.” She teared up again and circled the boxes to hug me. “I’m so sorry. I can’t stand knowing how much he hurt you.”
“I survived,” I said, hugging her back. “I’m still surviving.”
After a moment she pulled away and wiped her eyes. “I have to admit I was hoping I was wrong. I’ve gotten to know JP really well, and cheating—I just can’t see him doing something like that.”
I gave an unladylike snort. “Yeah, well, he had me fooled too.” I finally got a good hold on the tape and ripped it off the box, then started unwrapping plates. “But at least he’s truthful when confronted with his sins. If you ask him, he’ll admit it.”
“So there’s no chance it was a misunderstanding? You’re o
ne-hundred-percent sure he cheated?”
“Ask him,” I repeated. “He won’t deny it. It happened at his ten-year high school reunion with a girl he dated his junior year.”
Ava gave a heavy sigh and leaned back against the counter, her hands gripping the edge. “I’m not doubting you, it’s just—that’s not the JP I know,” she said softly.
I looked at her and raised my brows. “Are you seriously going to tell me he’s a changed man?” I asked sarcastically.
“Um, maybe?” She gave me an apologetic look. “I’m not defending what he did, but I’ve often suspected he’s a man with a lot of regrets. I’ve seen that in him even though I didn’t know the cause. Now that I do, it all makes sense.”
“I don’t buy it,” I scoffed. “Like I said, he’s really good at pretending to be someone he’s not.”
“He does try to pretend about certain things,” Ava said, surprising me, “but I wouldn’t say he’s good at it.”
I felt slightly vindicated. “Well, I’m glad you can see through him.”
She folded her arms and gave me a stern look. “He tries to pretend he’s not still in love with you. But Jude and I aren’t buying it.”
I looked up from my plates and stared at her, completely shocked, then let my head fall back as I laughed. “Good one, Ava. I didn’t remember you being so delusional.”
“Oh trust me, I’m totally serious, Myla. You and JP need to talk. There’s a lot of unfinished business there, on both sides.”
I shook my head firmly. “We talked at your wedding. It didn’t help. The only good thing to come out of it was him informing me he was moving to Mountain View, which cleared the way for me to come back here.”
“You’re right, that was a very good thing. But did you really talk? Did he explain why he did what he did?”
“I’m not interested in hearing his excuses.” I held out a stack of wrapped bowls and scowled at her. “If we’re going to have this conversation, at least make yourself useful.”
She obliged and began tearing off bubble wrap. “Have you ever given him a chance to apologize?” she asked.
