My Heart is Home

by Barbara Gee

  As I walked farther inside I could see things he was still working on. There were tools by the fireplace where it looked like he was replacing the stone front, and only half the backsplash in the kitchen was up. The spot where a stove should be was still empty, awaiting the arrival of the Christmas gift from his mom. The pantry, which looked new, still needed a door, and there was an unfinished square of floor in front of the back door, which I assumed he was going to tile to match the front entryway. The rest of the floor was gleaming hardwood.

  Aside from those small projects, the great room was indeed great. Inviting leather couches, two recliners by the fireplace, a small dining table and chairs, and a desk in a nook off the kitchen.

  The kitchen was on the small side but had lots of storage space along the far wall and in that nice pantry. The countertops were a cream-colored solid surface, but there were measurements written on them with a sharpie, so I figured they were slated to be replaced.

  The house wasn’t huge by any means, but the space was so well laid out it seemed much larger than it was. It would be a little tight for a family, but JP had bought it as a bachelor—which I was immensely grateful for. If he would’ve found someone else, married someone else—oh man. I couldn’t even think about it.

  I went to the hallway off the living room and explored further. First was a full bath in the hall that looked like it had been completely redone, then a guest bedroom that needed paint and had the floor ripped up. Boxes of new hardwood were stacked against the wall, yet another project waiting for the busy JP.

  The door on the other side of the hall was open, revealing the electric-blue master suite. I walked in and looked around, laughing out loud at the thought of JP sleeping in there. But I had to admit, aside from the garish color, it was a nice, spacious room, with two large windows giving a lovely view of the surrounding woods. The floor was shiny new hardwood in a dark walnut color and there was a nice walk-in closet in the corner. But the walls…..the walls were so bad. It was completely beyond me why anyone would ever paint such a charming room such a horrible color.

  I walked into the bathroom, surprised by how nice and big it was. Two sinks and a separate tub and shower. This room had also been redone, with gorgeous new tile and a classy vanity with vessel sinks and a granite top. JP had been busy over the last few months, that was for sure.

  Back out in the bedroom, I knelt down to look at the paint cans. The sample dots on the lids showed a nice medium gray shade that would look perfect with the white trim and dark floor. The comforter on his bed was a good match too, with its geometric pattern in shades of charcoal, ocean blue, and white.

  I wondered if JP had had help with his decorating choices. If not, he had really good taste.

  As promised, the king-sized bed, two dressers, and a chair were already in the middle of the room. I took off my coat and laid it on the bed, then spread the drop cloth by the outside wall. JP had left plenty of painting gear, including a big roll of painters tape, brushes, rollers with pans, and a small step-ladder. I chuckled as I wondered how hard it must have been for him not to leave a note telling me exactly how to do things. After all, he was a perfectionist and he’d never seen me paint.

  Determined to leave him pleasantly surprised, I carefully taped the baseboard all the way around the room, then the window frames. I chose a two-inch brush to cut in the corners and discovered there was an edger I could use for the top of the walls. That should minimize any smudges on the ceiling.

  I opened the first can of paint and gave it a good stir. Half an hour later I had one wall done, and it looked fantastic if I did say so myself. It was definitely going to need two coats to cover the bright blue, but the gray color was even better than I’d first thought.

  By four o’clock I had the first coat on all the walls and I was confident JP would approve of the job I’d done so far. There were two places I’d gotten a tiny bit of paint on the ceiling, but it would be an easy fix. It was amazing how different the room looked with the jarring blue all covered up. It had a spa-like feel to it now. Calm and serene. I couldn’t wait for JP to see it.

  Rather than start the second coat so close to when he said he’d be home, I curled up on the couch and passed the time on Pinterest. Fifteen minutes later I heard the distinctive rumble of his truck. My pulse immediately went into overdrive and I stood up nervously, not sure how to greet him in his own home.

  The front door opened and I saw a large pizza box followed by a tall, beautiful man with windblown hair and a breathtaking smile. The smile told me he was happy to see me standing in his living room, and I relaxed.

  “I’d welcome you home, but since it’s your place, not mine, that would be kind of awkward,” I said as he crossed the room and set the pizza on the dining table.

  “I hope you made yourself at home though,” he said, walking toward me as he ran a hand through his hair. “What do you think of it?”

  “I love it,” I told him sincerely. “It’s very you. But I imagine you’re ready to be done with all the projects.”

  “You imagine right.” He shoved his hands in his back pockets and looked around. “I like the place fine, but I haven’t had much of a chance to just enjoy it. There’s always something to do.”

  “How’d your meeting with Jude go?”

  “Really well. We got a lot done. It pains me to admit it, but little bro has some good ideas.” He flashed me another smile. “I’m glad to be home, though. Did you start painting?”

  “I have the first coat on.”

  His brows shot up. “On the whole room?”

  I headed that direction. “Come see. I got two little smudges on the ceiling but otherwise I did pretty good. I’ll fix the smudges if you have some white paint.”

  “Don’t worry about it,” he said as we got to the bedroom doorway. He followed me inside and turned in a slow circle. “Wow.”

  “I love the color. Did you pick it out all by yourself?”

  “No, Janna’s my decorator.” He stopped admiring the walls and looked over at me with a mixture of surprise and approval. “You really can paint, Myla. This is great.”

  “Were you afraid I was going to screw it up?”

  “No.”

  He answered too quickly and I glared at him. “You did!”

  He gave a low chuckle. “I honestly didn’t know, but I figured I could always fix it later if it was a disaster. It’s just paint.”

  I rolled my eyes and lightly touched the first wall I’d painted. “By the time we finish eating, the whole room will be completely dry and ready for the second coat. Which means we can finish it all up tonight and you can scratch it off your to-do list.”

  “You even taped and used the drop cloths.” He reached over and tousled my hair. “A-plus, Myla. You’ve earned your pizza.”

  “Thank you, sir. I tried.”

  He put a hand on my back and we walked back out to the great room.

  “I only have paper plates,” he said apologetically. “When I moved to Central America I cleaned out my apartment and either junked or donated everything. So I’m starting from scratch and I haven’t done much shopping.”

  “I could help with that if you want,” I offered as he put ice and water in mismatched plastic cups. “You’d be doing me a favor by letting me, because I’m basically bored out of my mind. I’m not cut out for Christmas breaks and part-time work. It would be nice to have something fun to do.”

  JP set down the glasses and pulled his wallet from a back pocket. “In that case, you’re hired,” he said, slapping a credit card onto the counter. “You can go through my cupboards after we eat and figure out what to put in each one. Get whatever you want, because I don’t even know where to start.”

  I knew my eyes were sparkling as I grinned up at him. “That might be dangerous. I love, and I do mean love, shopping for home goods.”

  “Fine by me,” he said, undeterred. We carried the plates and cups over to the table where the pizza waited. “You can get stuf
f for the walls, too, and pillows and whatever to make the living area more homey.”

  “But what if you hate what I choose?”

  He shrugged. “Keep the receipts. I’m not too worried, though. You know me well enough to know what I like.”

  I smiled as I sat across from him. “Yeah. I think I do.”

  He said a quick prayer and we dug into the pizza. I asked him a lot of house questions while we ate so I’d have a better idea of what to buy for him. He’d already repainted the kitchen and great room, and the flooring was all new as well, so no more changes there. But he did have new countertops ordered for the kitchen, as I’d suspected. With Janna’s help, he’d chosen a black-toned quartz, which would look great with the gorgeous new backsplash he was putting up.

  When we got to the point where we couldn’t eat another bite, we got back to the painting. I was amazed at how fast JP could apply a flawless coat of paint. He was careful and precise, but I was literally only a quarter of the way along my wall when he finished with his.

  “You really didn’t need me,” I grumbled. “You could’ve finished this in one evening all on your own.”

  He glanced up at me as he poured paint into his tray, his expression serious. “Oh I do need you, Myla. Make no mistake about that.”

  He wasn’t talking about painting and I blushed and quickly turned back to my wall, trying to hide my smile.

  We finished the room in short order and it looked fantastic. I wanted to rip off the blue tape immediately to get the full effect, but JP said we should wait until the paint dried a little more just to make sure it didn’t smear.

  “I’ll make you coffee while we wait,” he said, heading to the kitchen. “A coffee maker is one thing I do have.”

  “How about mugs?” I teased.

  He opened a cupboard and triumphantly held up two mugs sporting the Owens Construction logo.

  I winced. “Did you steal those out of the break room at work?”

  “No, they were left over from a client appreciation lunch.”

  “Lucky you,” I drawled. “Do you have a notepad or something I can use to make a shopping list?”

  “Hang on a sec.” He started the coffee then went over to the desk and came back with a pad of graph paper. “Sorry, that’s the best I can do.”

  “That gives me an idea,” I said, handing it back to him. “Sketch out your kitchen cupboards and drawers and give me the basic measurements. It’ll help me fill them without wasting space.”

  It shouldn’t have come as a surprise that he was able to do that without even breaking out a measuring tape. JP’s brain was a real turn on, and I watched him the entire time as he drew and made notes. Even his hand holding the pen was fascinating to me. To say I had it bad for him was a vast, vast understatement.

  The finished product was an impressive rendering of the entire kitchen, complete with every measurement. I was pretty sure it was all drawn to scale, too.

  He slid it over in front of me. “How’s that?”

  I bent over and studied it more closely. “I can’t believe you did this in less than ten minutes, with no measuring tape. You’re kind of amazing, Jedidiah Patterson.”

  He chuckled. “Ditto.”

  I grinned. “We’ll see if you still feel that way after you see my purchases.” I ripped another page out of the pad and started making a list.

  “I can’t wait.” He put a mug of aromatic coffee in front of me. “You okay here for a bit? I need to give my dad a call.”

  “Mmm hmm. I’m fine. Oh, what about barstools? You’ve got a great space for some here.”

  “I told you, whatever you want to do. Don’t worry too much about the cost, either. I’ll just be glad to have it done.”

  “Gotcha,” I murmured, adding two stools to the list. Those would have to be ordered online because I wouldn’t be able to fit them in my smallish SUV with everything else I planned to buy. Luckily I knew a few places that offered free shipping.

  I could hear him talking to his dad over by the fireplace and I couldn’t help but smile contentedly. I liked being here with him, seeing him in his regular life. I hadn’t expected to feel comfortable so quickly, but then again, we did have a history. Even four years down the road, being with him felt natural.

  I heard him coming back over to me, still talking on the phone. He handed it to me, looking a little sheepish. “I had to call Jude too, and now Ava wants to talk to you.”

  I cocked my head questioningly and he shrugged. “Jude asked what I was doing and I told him. Then he told Ava.”

  I smiled and put the phone to my ear. “Hey, Ava.”

  “What in the world, Myla?” she practically shrieked. “You’re over at JP’s and you didn’t even tell me you were going?”

  I rolled my eyes, making JP chuckle. “I would’ve gotten around to it.”

  “So what’s going on with you two?” she asked eagerly. “Are you getting along? I mean, like, really getting along? As in getting back together getting along?”

  I pressed the phone closer to my ear, hoping JP hadn’t been able to hear that.

  “We painted a room,” I said, sliding my eyes over to where he waited. “Hey, can I call you later? We still have stuff to do here.”

  “Oh, duh, he’s probably standing right there. My bad, sorry! Call me when you get home.”

  “Kay. Bye, Ava.”

  I shook my head as I handed the phone back to JP. “She’s crazy. Worse than my mom when it comes to wanting to know my business.”

  “I’m glad you have a friend like her,” he said as I hunched back over my list, wondering if he’d heard her questions about us getting back together.

  He leaned a hip against the counter beside me and I felt him lift a section of my hair and wind it gently around his fingers. I’d always loved his hands in my hair and I suddenly started wanting a whole lot of things I shouldn’t. I tried to keep my focus on the list but it was impossible. I wanted to turn to him, press up against his body, and feel his powerful arms close around me. I wanted to kiss him for days and tell him I’d never wanted anyone but him.

  Then came the sobering realization that if JP knew about the terrible choices I’d made, he might not even want to kiss me. Much as I hated to admit it, I wasn’t the girl he thought I was, and eventually I’d have to tell him.

  Ironically, it was completely true that I’d only ever wanted JP Keller. I’d felt nothing for any of the other men I’d been with—they’d all been casual, usually drunken hookups with no feelings involved. Far from excusing my actions though, that made what I’d done all the more disgusting.

  I flushed with shame, glad my hair was hanging down and partially hiding my face from him. JP had no idea I was no longer the girl who’d felt so strongly about waiting for marriage that I’d been able to resist the temptation of him, the man I’d loved with my whole heart and soul. When I’d lost the dream of our wedding night, of him being my first and only, I’d had no qualms about ending that dream for good. I’d even thought it would be better that way. Like it might keep me from ever again wanting anyone that much.

  I’d been so foolish. Even though I’d straightened up and changed my ways, I couldn’t change what I’d done that first horrible year. I needed to tell JP—and I would, but not tonight. I didn’t want to ruin a perfect evening with that kind of revelation.

  “So what are you going to tell Ava when you call her later?” he asked, bringing his other hand up to gather more hair, letting it sift through his fingers before he moved closer and dropped his elbows to the countertop beside me.

  Our shoulders were touching and I loved the closeness. “That your bedroom looks fantastic.”

  “And?” he prompted.

  “That I have a huge shopping list of things I’m going to buy for you.”

  “And?”

  I turned my head to look at him, our faces only inches apart.

  “That I had a really fun evening and I’ll see her tomorrow night at the New Year’s Ev
e party.”

  His eyes crinkled when he smiled. “That makes two fun evenings in a row. We’re on a roll.”

  I chuckled. “We’ll see if we can string three of them together. Where’s the party, by the way? Shall I meet you somewhere?”

  “Nah, I’ll pick you up. It’s between Hidden Creek and Newport. Seven-thirty okay?”

  “Yeah. I’ll be ready.”

  He straightened up and went to refill his mug. When he came back I pushed my list across the counter to him.

  “Want to look it over? It’s a lot of stuff, and I’ll probably come up with more when I’m actually at the stores.”

  He slid it back without looking. “Get whatever you want. I trust you.”

  “I do have awfully good taste,” I joked. “And after I take care of everything on this list, we’ll discuss window treatments.”

  “I’m good with that.”

  I carefully tore his drawing out of the pad and put both sheets on top of my purse so I wouldn’t forget them. “Can we take off the tape in the bedroom now? Then I’d better get going.”

  Fifteen minutes later, after declaring the bedroom a masterpiece, I was on my way. We’d said goodnight at the door, no touching—which was a little disappointing—but all in all, the evening had been exactly what I’d needed it to be.

  As I was getting ready for bed, I was overcome with gratitude for this second chance with JP. Even though I couldn’t claim to be free of fear as we began the road back to togetherness, I was willing to risk it one more time. Because all I’d ever wanted was to be with him for the rest of my life, and if there was even a slight chance of that I had to take it.

  Instead of crawling under the blankets, I dropped to my knees beside my bed and buried my face in my arms on the smooth cotton comforter. I was finally, finally, ready to have a long talk with God.

  Predictably, once I started I couldn’t stop. I cried out the deep, soul-eating sorrow I felt for the poor decisions I’d made and I asked—begged—for the strength to tell JP everything. I thanked God for His precious gift of grace and at long last I felt ready to trade in my burdens for that promise. Because there was no longer any reason to hang on to the bitterness and hate.