TENTH GRADE ANGST

by Bruce Ingram

  My sisters chimed in and said they were happy for me, too. Then I looked over at Poppa and asked him what he thought, and he just mumbled something and looked angry—maybe he had had a bad day at work. I looked over at Mama, and she asked if I still had the top average in my tenth grade class, was I still on track to be valedictorian? I told her that Ms. Whitney had brought the subject up, and that she had told me that I still had the best average.

  I don’t like to ask Ms. Whitney about my being the valedictorian; it sounds arrogant and conceited to be talking about it to other people. If it happens, it happens. I’m not going to base my life around being a valedictorian; having the top average in my class is not going to define me. But after my announcement, that’s all Mama wanted to talk about. She said I maybe could get a full scholarship at some college because of my grades and teacher recommendations. That would mean that there would be more money for my sisters’ educations. When she put it that way, I understood why she is so obsessed with my grades. But I still don’t like to talk about being “the perfect student.”

  Poppa still hadn’t said anything the whole meal, so finally I said, “Poppa, is something the matter? Are you okay?”

  And he said that he had had an interesting discussion at work today with Camila’s father. He said he had asked him if Camila’s older brother—Miguel, he’s a senior—was dating anyone and was told that he wasn’t.

  “I then told him that you weren’t dating anyone and maybe our two children might like to go out together,” said Poppa. “That’s when he told me about how you and your ‘boyfriend Luke’ were kissing each other on his front stoop not long ago.”

  Last Week of School

  Chapter Fifty-Seven: Luke

  The last week of school, especially the last two days, nothing much goes on, and a lot of kids skip. The state tests are all over and what happens if a kid is actually sick and misses the last couple of days. Are that kid and teacher going to meet up the next week and make up work? I don’t think so. Everybody has either failed or passed by now, and there’s nothing anyone can do about it one way or the other. I bet the teachers are probably as worn out as the students.

  I’ve spent a lot of time recently talking to Granddaddy, Mia, and Mr. Miley, he’s the cross country coach, about this summer and next fall. Granddaddy and Mia want me to give up the lawn business next fall and concentrate on my grades and running cross country. They both say that I made a good start this year on making better grades and if I played a sport, like cross country, I would stand a better chance of getting a scholarship to some college. It would show that I was more “well-rounded.” I asked them both who was going to give me a scholarship with my low D averages every year in math?

  I swear, they must have been talking behind my back because both of them gave the same answer… that my losing my parents and coming from a home without much money would help me to qualify for financial aid. Both of them said, and it’s true, that my grades went up this year in spite of all that happened. I wouldn’t mind if they had been talking behind my back. Both of them want what’s best for me and I’m lucky to have Granddaddy and Mia around to help me. I know what would have happened to me without them. Living in a foster home, probably being bullied at a new school, and no Mia. I don’t know if I could have survived all that.

  I talked to Mr. Miley, and he said I had the speed and endurance to be a good cross country runner. The fact that I have been running for years on my own tells him plenty, he said, about what kind of effort I would make if I were on the team. I told him about what Granddaddy and Mia have been saying about my needing to participate in some extracurricular activities and he agreed with them. But before I committed to cross country, I had to talk one more time to Granddaddy about how we were going to afford for me to go to college, partial scholarship or not.

  Granddaddy said we had that inheritance money in the bank from my parents dying—all that money is for me. It’s not a lot, he said, but it would be enough to buy me a little land out in the country to live on one day. He knows how important that is to me. Granddaddy said then there’s my lawn business money and the little that he has saved up and we could sell our house and live in an apartment if we had to. I know that he would make that sacrifice for me, that’s one of many reasons why I love him so much. “One way or the other, we’ll have enough for you to go to college,” he said.

  So I definitely have committed to running cross country in the fall. Mia and I will work extra hard this summer on our business because she’s going to STEM this fall, and she doesn’t think she will have time to do anything after school except study. Mr. Miley has given me a summer running regimen, which I can do in the mornings when it’s still cool—that’s my favorite time to run year round anyway. Granddaddy said we also could “seriously look” for a little parcel of country land for us to buy this summer. “Land’s not going to get any cheaper, you know,” he said, and he’s right.

  Mia told me that she has definitely decided to become a pediatrician and go live where her family members live in either Texas or Mexico. I said I was happy for her, and I am. She would be great at being a doctor for little kids. Later, I thought about living out there with her and whether I would be happy or not. Sometimes, I think what it would be like to be married to her. Yeah, guys do think about those sorts of things, especially after we’ve been with a girl for a long time. I mean we’ve dated since the school year started, but we’ve been a couple for way over a year. I can’t imagine now what life would be like without having her to talk to every day and hang out together.

  Neither one of us has ever said we love each other because we’ve agreed that we’re too young to know and to not to use the word love “lightly” she says. She’s right. But I have all these deep feelings for her, and sometimes I really, really believe that if that’s not love, what is. We talk about what we’re going to do our junior year together and maybe taking a day trip together one Saturday and sometimes we even talk about how we possibly could go to the same college. Some days, I see her as being the one forever. But other days I realize that neither one of us has ever dated anybody else. I mean as beautiful and as smart and kind as she is can you imagine how the guys in a college would be after her.

  One night the last week of school I was lying in bed and thinking about all those things when Mia called me really late. She said her poppa had found out about us, and her parents were arguing really bad about us. She said her father was telling her mom and her that we had to break up, and her mother was saying that she really liked me and for her dad not to interfere and “let your daughter make her own decisions about boys.” The fear of maybe losing Mia sent chills down my spine.

  Chapter Fifty-Eight: Elly

  Caleb got really angry at me on the next to last day of school. I was sitting with Paige and Allen in the cafeteria, and Paige left to go to the restroom, so it was just Allen and me. Since Caleb and I started dating, he expects me to eat with him at the “football players” table as everybody calls it. It’s really awesome to sit where all the hot guys sit with their girlfriends. But earlier in the day, I had asked him if it would be all right if I came over later during lunch because Paige and I were going shopping after school for some summertime outfits, and we needed to plan out the stores we were going to hit and whether we should eat out or not. And Caleb had given me permission to do that for a while, then come sit with him and eat.

  But when Caleb came over and saw me sitting with just Allen, he just went nuts. He snapped at Allen and said, “What are you doing sitting alone with my girlfriend!”

  Alan tried to explain that the whole thing was innocent, that he was not horning in, that his girlfriend Paige had been there until just a second ago… those types of answers. Caleb was just furious, he was all red in the face. For a second, I was afraid that Caleb was going to hit Allen. About that time, Paige came back and that calmed Caleb down a little for a while. But then he got angry again and snapped at me to “Get up and come with me right now
!” And I did.

  I desperately don’t want to lose him as a boyfriend after waiting so long for him to finally notice me and ask me out. I apologized and apologized to him on the way to the football table, telling him that the whole thing was innocent. He knows that Allen and Paige have been going together since near the start of freshman year. I would never cheat on Caleb. I’ve promised him that I wouldn’t after he told me that he expected that out of all his girlfriends.

  Normally, I go to a lot of enrichment-type camps and seminars and workshops every summer, but I’ve already cancelled going to one on photojournalism because he has a big party planned that same weekend at his parents’ lake house. Ms. Hawk had told me about the photo thing and said that though I was a gifted photographer, this workshop would expose me to all kinds of new techniques. My cancelling that workshop alone should show Caleb how serious I am about our relationship. And his parents and my parents are going to share the same rental house at the beach for a week in July, which means we’ll be spending every day together then… and every night. How romantic is that going to be! A week with Caleb at the beach: moonlight walks along the beach, swimming in the surf, going out to dinner at night, tanning by the ocean together… how great is that going to be! Wow, how many girls at school would like to trade places with me?

  My parents are crazy wild about Caleb, saying how perfect he is for me, and his parents have told me that they are “thrilled” that we’re going together, that it “should have happened long ago.” Even my little brothers are happy about it. They keep asking me if Caleb can get them free football gear and tickets to NFL games when he is playing pro ball. I bet he can.

  After we got to our table and Caleb had calmed down a little, I told him why I had been sitting with Paige and our going shopping after school. I also told him that I was going shopping for summertime outfits and had planned to take some of them to the beach to wear for him. He told me he can hardly wait to see me in a bikini and how great I look in short skirts and what super legs I have. I thanked him and thanked him for his compliments and promised him that I “wouldn’t mess up again.” He then gave me permission to go shopping with Paige because usually I ride home with him, since we live so close together. Riding the big yellow cheese is for kids anyway.

  After school, I met up with Paige as we had planned and told her that Caleb and I had worked things out and I had apologized to him. “Apologized for what, him being a jerk?” she said.

  I told her not to talk that way about Caleb, and Paige interrupted me when I was explaining, which was really rude of her. “Have you lost your mind, Elly,” she said. “He’s the one that ought to be apologizing to you and to Allen. No guy should treat a girl like that!”

  Paige and Mia are my best friends, but I lost my temper when she said that about Caleb.

  “Don’t talk that way about him,” I said, then I blurted out that Caleb has told me that he loves me.

  “He says he loves you, after you two dating three weeks?” she said. “Get real, Elly, you have lost your mind. Do you even know the difference between lust and love?”

  The next thing I knew we were arguing so bad that one or both of us said that we weren’t going shopping together that afternoon and Paige turned away from me and stomped off. We’ve been best friends since fifth grade, and I don’t want to lose that friendship, but she never should have criticized Caleb… that was way out of line.

  That night I called Mia to ask her advice, but we hadn’t even talked a minute when she started crying about her dad telling her that she has to break up with Luke but that her mom is saying that she definitely does not have to—her parents have been arguing all week about it. I’m glad I don’t have that problem. My parents absolutely love my boyfriend.

  Chapter Fifty-Nine: Marcus

  The last day of school, I was sitting in Mrs. Roberts’ geometry class and listening to music and basically just chilling when Caleb walked over to me and sat down. We’ve barely talked since football season ended. I think those bad feelings left over from that fight during football practice…well, I think they’re still there. So I was glad when he walked over. When my concussion thing is over and my leg heals, Caleb and I are going to have to start communicating and talking about plays and stuff… assuming I’m going to play football this fall.

  Caleb’s first question was how I was feeling after all that I’ve gone through. Actually, the past few days have been the best I’ve felt since the injury. I’ve had only a few small headaches—and they didn’t last long—and Mom and Dad say they can tell I’m “more on top of things.” My leg feels much better, too. I’m walking around pretty normal. I’m not ready to do any running yet, but the school’s trainer, Ms. Martin, has been checking with me every week; she’s given me a series of exercises to strengthen my leg, and says I’m making very good progress. Every week she gives me stuff to do that’s just a little bit harder than the week before.

  I told Caleb all that, and he said “cool deal,” and then he mentioned that there was a “real burner” coming up from middle school, his name is Tito, and that he and I could form one “dynamic duo” for him to throw to. I’ve heard about this Tito dude. Jonathan is going to have some serious competition at the other receiver slot, that’s for sure. Caleb and I both agreed about that. “What I’d really like to do,” said Caleb, “ is run a three receiver offense with you, Jonathan, and Tito. The other teams would never figure out who the hot receiver was.”

  We both agreed that that type of offense would be pretty much unstoppable, but Coach Dell has such a conservative playbook that he’d never go for it. Then Caleb said he had one more thing to discuss.

  “You still have Tameka’s number?” he asked. “When we double dated several times last year…, you know, she’s pretty hot. You wouldn’t mind me calling her, would ya?”

  I said I hadn’t talked to or seen Tameka since we broke up, her going to another school and all, but I still had her number, so I gave it to him. You know, I think the real reason he came over to me was not to check on my condition or talk about football, but to get that number. He’s smooth alright. I was smooth, too, last year, but it didn’t bring me anything except misery with girls. You know, I don’t think Caleb has grown up one bit this year, he’s still operating like he and I did when we were freshmen. No wonder Joshua kept calling me insufferable last year.

  “Thanks, man,” Caleb said when I gave him Tameka’s number. “Maybe, she and I can double date with you and Kylee this summer.”

  “You’re pretty confident she’ll go out with you, aren’t ya,” I said.

  “Get real, Marcus, of course, she’ll go out with me, duh,” he said.

  Yep, that’s how I would acted last year if I had been in his shoes, all cocky that girls were just waiting around, hoping for me to text them. Doesn’t he realize that Kylee and Elly are friends and that for sure Kylee would tell Elly about Caleb cheating on her? I mean, how dumb can he be. He knows how girls are about that type of thing.

  So I told Caleb that Kylee and me wouldn’t be interested in double dating with him and Tameka, that we just liked doing stuff by ourselves. That I had a lot of stuff to do this summer with rehabbing and all that.

  “I feel you, I got you,” he said with this smirk and then he walked away. What a jerk. He was just using me, like he uses girls and everybody else. I do have a lot of things to do this summer, besides rehabbing. After talking to Mr. Wayne a lot, I decided to take his elective class, Conflicts in American History. He said that would help me prepare for being a history major in college. I finished reading For Whom the Bell Tolls already. It was fantastic. Like the book says “No man is an island,” and “Any man’s death diminishes me.” Most wars are stupid and pointless, especially for the soldiers out on the battlefield…they’re just like chess pawns. And all those things that happened in the 30s and 40s are still important today, because the “arc of history,” as Mr. Wayne says, is “still sorting things out.” I never knew before that this history
thing could be interesting, but it really is.

  I’ve got to read two books for English AP next year: I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings (finally a book by a black author) and Pride and Prejudice (I’ve heard that it’s pure “chick lit,” but I guess I can stand it). I’m going to read every bit of these books, too. I’ve learned my lesson about screwing around in school.

  This summer, I’m going to get my leg right, and my head right, and I’m going to get my reading done. And I’m going to spend as much time as I can with Kylee.

  Chapter Sixty: Mia

  I’ve never been so angry and upset in my whole life. Every day this week since Poppa found out about Luke and me, when Poppa and Mama have gotten home from work, he asks me if I’ve broken up with Luke yet. Then Mama interrupts him—which makes him mad—and says that “We have gone all over that, and I’ve told you that he’s a nice boy.” My parents spend much of dinner arguing and the house is just in an uproar. I hate seeing my parents fight over me and some time every evening, I go to my room and cry.

  It’s so unfair. Poppa is treating me like a kid. I work all the time, and I don’t think he appreciates it much. Every evening I either make dinner or help Mama cook when she gets home. I take care of the chickens, doing most all the work. I do a lot of the yard work. I babysit every Friday and Saturday night and sometimes on Sunday afternoons. I’m tired all the time from studying or working. Both my parents are constantly harping that I have to be valedictorian, and I keep telling them I can’t be any higher in the class rank than I already am. All this week, I’ve felt constant pressure, especially from papa.

  And all I am asking to do is spend a few hours on Saturdays being with Luke—that’s all I’m asking, and my father won’t even give me that much so I can have a little bit of a life. I’ve been the most “perfect American daughter” and it’s still not good enough for him. He keeps asking if Luke has shown disrespect for me, and I keep telling him that he hasn’t and then Poppa goes on and on about “how white boys like Luke are,” and I just hate it—that stereotyping of people. I get it that Poppa has put up with a lot of prejudice at his various jobs. I get it that lots of people show him disrespect because he’s a Mexican and he’s done nothing but manual labor his whole time in America. But that’s not Luke’s fault. It’s not Luke’s fault that he had a bad home life growing up. I tell Poppa that Luke now has a very stable life living with his grandfather, and that his grandfather has been very kind to me and likes me. I keep telling him that Luke is going to college and works really hard at our business. But nothing I say seems to matter to him.